Nipped Out

i never cease to amaze myself... i think, man, i'm on vacation, i have all this time to blog, and never do!! oh well, what can you do... anyways, Christmas was good although i am always glad when it's over...
an interesting note, Murphy has figured out how to open doors... i always thought he was kinda a slow kitty, now i know better... he just acts slow... but yes, he can open doors!!! and bless his heart, he's been on weight control food (and i've been feeding him the amount to lose weight) and he's still gaining... poor guy!!! i have decided i'm going to get him a leash and harness and take him out back for walks... i bought him a harness but it doesn't fit... he's a happy cat though!!!
the kitties got a catnip bouquet from Dirt... Dirt is my brother and his wife's cat... (he is so cute, he looks cross-eyed)... here are some pics of the kitties and their bouquet... (more like nipped out of their minds!!)
from our furry family to yours, Mazzy, Murphy, R, and I wish everyone a Happy New Years!!!

Merry Christmas

Santa Paws

Dirty

when r and i bought our house we discovered that the ice maker wasn't working... r read thru the manual to see what the problem was... the fridge won't let the ice maker work if the water filter is clogged... long story short, we decided to order a new filter... i was looking online (at work of course so the manual was at home) and was kinda having a hard time figuring out which one to buy... there wasn't a black one... there was a white one that looked like the black one but it was white... so this was the dilemma i found myself in... so i chanced it and bought two!! they arrived in the mail today and guess what!!! it is the right one AND i think at some time ours was white too!!! but here's my thought... the fridge is less than one year old, so it's only had tap water running thru it for less than one year... i have been drinking tap water my whole life... up until the last year or two... this is just dirty!!! (i apologize for the crappy photos... i'm blaming it on the camera until we get a new camera!)

Kitty Condo

i'm always talking about getting a kitty condo for the kitties... while our house was on the market and we were packing, we always had a ton of boxes at the house... (well, we still do, just at another house now).... one night R built a kitty condo for Mazzy and Murphy... it was a ghetto kitty condo but still a condo at least... the good thing is that it could be easily expanded, remodeled, or changed in just a minute...

(this is the scaled down version of the kitty condo, it didn't even occur to me to take a picture of it before!)... it was so cute though, the kitties loved it!!!

Puzzled

I am puzzled… and have been for several days now… especially after a conversation that R and I had last night… yesterday T, my boss, asked if he gave me a raise if I would still get the mail in the morning on the way to work… I was going to get it until I heard otherwise but I said sure, no problem!! The move has decreased R’s driving time and his stress significantly… my drive time and stress has increased though… I’m pretty sure that the stress increase is just from the move, still not having everything unpacked & in it’s place, and lastly from being so unorganized!!! I am so ocd, obsessive compulsive, and anal that it’s not even funny… having the house in such a crazy state is taking its toll on me… yesterday I left for work without my purse… and didn’t even realize it until I went to get some chapstick and my purse wasn’t there… so I had to turn around (almost halfway back to town) to go get my purse… it might not have been so much of a problem had my wallet, drivers license, and the post office box key not been in there… anyways, needless to say, my mind has been very distracted lately… back to my confusion though… when R and I were first talking about moving I knew that my commute (I use the term loosely because it only takes me about 20 minutes to get to town) would get longer… no biggie… I’m not sure if this even crossed R’s mind or not… now that we’ve moved I have the privilege of getting up earlier and leaving the house earlier so that I can get the mail and still be at work by 8:30… not a problem… back to the beginning of the story, last night I told R that T gave me a raise and he was like, excellent, that’s great!! I agreed… then he said, so, do you get to be at work at 9:00 now since we’ve moved? I said, no… it’s still 8:30… his reply was, well, you still have to stop and get the mail… um, yeah, I do… but he gave me a raise to supplement the extra driving I do… I don’t/didn’t expect T to tell me that just because R and I chose to move I could come into work later… going into the move I knew this would be a “sacrifice” on my part… it’s not a big deal though… now R is all, I’m sorry that you’re having to drive more and get up earlier… my reply was, I knew that was going to happen… so now he keeps apologizing for me having to get up earlier and drive more… it’s really no big deal… I had been wanting to move for several years… now was a logical time (for the most part) because of the restaurant… if he’s less stressed because he’s closer to the restaurant then that works for me… my work stress is pretty much just at work stress… sometimes I’ll bring my stress home with me (usually always due to a co-worker, think rrll, not because of my job) but it’s not like I own WMP… I don’t have “that” stress of owning the business…
So the reason I think I’m so puzzled is because R and I are business owners… my perspective on a lot of things has changed since we opened the restaurant… and for him to not really understand why I still have to be at work at the same time even though we moved is beyond me…

On a completely different note though, the kitties were looking outside this morning and they spotted a fluffy black and white kitty walking across the street… I think they thought we had moved them into a kitty-free town!! They went buck wild!!! They are so adorable!! I’m so happy that they are adjusting well!!!

The Move

It seems like it’s been about forever since I really had a chance to do anything besides pack, move, and unpack… and of course, all of the oh-so-fun stuff that comes with moving… the move wasn’t actually all that bad… we closed on both houses on Thursday… that went smooth… the movers got all our stuff moved with no problems… the only “odd” thing was when we got to the new house they were asking me where I wanted everything… um… I had no idea… so we just started randomly putting stuff in various rooms… the double garage was packed full to the brim… so anyways, the movers get all our stuff moved in (now the house looks like a tornado hit) and R and I are kinda like, where do we start… I decided that I was going to wash the sheets that came off the bed (they were in the dirty clothes basket) so that we could make the bed… I started the washer and the next thing I know I hear momma holler SH!T!!! and if you know momma you know that she never cusses (unless something pretty “major” is happening)… she had good reason to holler though… water was flooding the dining room floor and the garage was in the process of flooding… (and like I mentioned earlier, the garage was packed full- mostly of cardboard boxes)… we stopped the washer and realized that the washer drain pipe was clogged up… good thing km just lives around the corner… she saved me!!! she came by, picked up my totally water soaked sheets along with a new set of sheets, took them home, and washed and dried them for me… Friday I discovered that the garbage disposal and the light above the sink didn’t work… and Saturday I discovered that the ice maker wasn’t working… but, never fear, the plumber came on Saturday and fixed the washer drain… R figured out that the water filter in the fridge was all clogged up and that was what was wrong with the ice maker… here’s what’s been on my mind since then though… the ice maker automatically shuts itself off when the filter gets so dirty… the water line running to the fridge is just regular ‘ol tap water… R went to try to clean the filter and it was black… when he was holding it under the faucet to try to clean it out the water running out of it was black… it was so disgusting… that’s what we drink?!?!?! The filter needs to be replaced every six to nine months and I’m not sure how long that one had been in there but yuck!!! if the water is doing that to the filter is it really safe to drink? Up until a year or two ago, I’d always drank tap water but then I started buying bottled water…
The poor kitties… I felt so bad for them when we started moving… they’ve known that something’s been going on for a while now since we rearranged the furniture and had been packing… strange people coming in and out all the time when we were showing the house… then the movers came and they got crazy!!! Luckily we put them out on the screened in back porch while the movers were there… momma said Mazzy kept trying to open the door… she kept butting her head against it trying inside and finally gave up and hid under the steps… R took them to Iowa Park and when he got to the new house we put them in one of the spare bedrooms… Mazzy & Murphy both hid in the closet until I finally picked Mazzy up later that night and started carrying her around… she was purring but she had her claws imbedded in my shoulder… she proceeded to hide under the bed for the most part of Friday… she started coming out a bit on Saturday, until the Dish guy got there… then it was back under the bed… Murphy is a bit more social and not quite such a scaredy-cat… they are settling in and getting more comfortable with the new house though… (even though we had the house and carpets cleaned you can still kinda smell dog in there and I think that might have been part of the problem too…) poor kids!!
Anyways, we are working on getting everything put back together and trying to find a place for everything else… it’s starting to look more and more like a home… it’s coming along nice though… only nine more working days and then I’ll be on vacation so hopefully I can get a lot done then…
Things have been really crazy at home and at work… at home because of the move and all… and at work because like I said, we only have 9 days left until vacation!! I’m ready for things to slow down a bit… soon enough though, soon enough! Bonus- I just looked at my calendar and I have a massage on Friday night!!! YAY!!! An hour of me time to relax and de-stress!!!!

23 Hours

23 hours... that's how long i spent working on the house this weekend... momma, daddy, and i painted the study, kitchen, living room, and hall... we got almost everything finished... we need to paint the molding in the living room and then one small bottom part of a wall... not too bad... r got for the most part everything moved that the movers weren't going to move and then some... now i need to pack the rest of it up... yuck, packing sucks... the carpet cleaners are coming at 9 in the morning... r is going to meet them there too, even better!! i plan on finishing up the molding tuesday night... wednesday afternoon the lady is coming to clean the house... then thursday the movers come and we close on both houses... moving is not one of my most favorite things to do... it'll be over before we know it though...

Another Week

It seems like I’ve been going a million miles an hour and from the way things look I can’t see life slowing down any right now… Saturday after Thanksgiving was a friend’s 30th birthday party… I suppose I should mention they had 3 kegs… it was really fun… I had a great time… it’s times like this when I think, going out isn’t all that bad… (or it could have been the fact that we had all been drinking for about 4 hours… oops!)
This week has been crazy… I’ve been working and packing… and packing… and packing… trying to get all the calls made for the utilities and all that fun stuff… lining up the carpet cleaner and the lady that’s going to clean the house… tomorrow we get the keys and it’s ours… we’re leasing the house until we close on the 6th… that way we can paint and get it cleaned up… R is going to move stuff this weekend that the movers won’t move… I’ll be painting… I think we’ve got a good plan of action though… I hope so because I certainly am stressed… I’m hoping that once R gets “his” stuff moved out I won’t be so overwhelmed with the packing… packing stinks!!!
I finally found someone that offers high speed internet across the highway… I called at&t because they said they offered it but like I said, wrong side of the highway …you can get dsl from at&t if you live on the other side of the highway… on our side, nope… that doesn’t really make sense to me but no biggie… we can still get high speed internet… when the at&t lady told me that she could offer us dial up I was like, no!! not dial up!!! then I started picturing my life at the house with no internet and it really made me sad… and of course thinking about that made all sorts of other kinds of crazy thoughts pop into my head… I feel better now though…
Anyways, I’m clock watching now… waiting on 5:00 so I can tackle my million mile long to-do list… I’ll be back as soon as humanly possible!!

Thankful

it seems that most of the time the holidays are a stressful time for me... seeing family that i only see a few times a year stresses me out... i always felt like i was meeting new people (and tht really stresses me out)...what i finally realized is that they're my family... and seeing them a few times a year shouldn't stress me out... yesterday was such a good day... thanksgiving was amazing!!! i can honestly say it was one of the best thanksgiving's that i've had... we weren't sure if daddy was going to be here but he got home right around noon... YAY!! we had a new addition to the family in july so precious baby bailey was there... she is too cute!!! and she's so good!!! (to be honest bailey had me stressed though i have no idea why)... and it's always so good to see my brother and his wife... i'm so glad they moved back to texas!!
last night we had a few people over and it was fun!!! normally this too would stress me out but it didn't... r's brother was here... as well as a friend that we've both known forever and then another friend of r's he's known forever and his wife... we drank beer and just hung out (well, mike and i drank red draws, i love a good red draw!!!)... it's good to catch up with people you don't see all the time...
r and i were talking and we both agreed this one of the best and least stressful thanksgivings we've had... i have so much to be thankful for and i need to "know" that... and i think i finally do... it's almost like i finally understand... my life is filled with good things and good people... i realize how lucky i am to have such great things in my life... and i need to continue to realize that... not just one day either, every day...

Happy Thanksgiving

Back to Good

Today things are all back to good… I guess I was just tired or something yesterday… after work I went to jw’s and hung out… I’ve been going over there on Friday’s after work… I like it… so I went over there and then came home… today I went to see Mary… I love her… she is the best massage therapist… I made another appointment to go see her the Friday after Thanksgiving… she does such wonders for my stress knots!! So that was awesome… It’s only Saturday night, not even 7:00, and I’ve got all the laundry done as well as payroll and have paid the restaurant bills… YAY!!! I’ve got the rest of the weekend free!!! Tomorrow is the last race this year… Carl can’t win the Cup Championship but that’s ok, he won the Busch Championship!! Go Carl Go!!!
I think yesterday was just a kinda down day… just feeling a bit under the weather… but today I’m feeling so much better!!!

Blah

I am constantly amazed at how fast my moods can change… this week was a really good week… I hadn’t even thought about having a not-so-good day until today…. last night right before R got home I got really tired… like couldn’t even hold my eyes open tired… I got the daily sheet for the restaurant done and crashed on the couch… I vaguely remember waking up sometime later and stumbling to bed… I slept hard all night long but it wasn’t a good sleep… I was restless and kept having really bad night sweats… when I woke up this morning I realized I even forgot to turn my alarm clock on (that never happens)… when I woke up this morning I was tired… I’m still tired… like dead tired… dragging… I have no energy… and I’m freezing… I’m not in a bad mood, I’m just not in a good mood… I’m just here and blah… I don’t know if I’m trying to catch something or what… I just keep closing my eyes and almost drifting off to sleep… at least it’s Friday though!! and I just keep trying to remind myself that tomorrow I get to go see Mary (massage therapist)… she said she will only do my head, neck, and shoulders… that she’s stopping at my bra line because she doesn’t want to mess anything up regarding my back surgery… I go back to the doctor the Tuesday after Thanksgiving so hopefully he’ll release me for massages… that would be nice… anyways, it will be nice to have her work on my neck, shoulders, and head… I have lots of nice stress knots that I grew just for her to work on… I hate to wish time away but I’m ready for 5:00!!

Very True

Still Smiling

i got off work early today to go meet our realtor and the inspector... i had to stop by the house before i went out to i.p. (my capris had a blow out- i'm blaming it on the washer/dryer; they didn't have a hole in them when i wore them last, at least not that i noticed)... sorry, i'm getting way off topic here... ok, where were we... oh yeah, the blow out... so i came home and changed into some shorts (it was 86 here today, it was 68 this morning when i woke up- we've had the windows open forever it seems like)... ok, so i get home and there's a box on the porch... and it's not just any cardboard box, it's a pretty cardboard box... it has pears and confetti on it... my first thought was, i wonder if ups dropped this off at the wrong house... but no, my name was on it... so now my curiosity is killing me!!! i go inside, acknowledge the kitties but they aren't lavished with attention like normal... so now their curiosity is up... we all go into the kitchen and i finally found the scissors that i so cleverly hid for the open house... inside is the most beautiful gift basket from harry and david!!! it has pears, nuts, cheese, and moose munch (chocolate!!) in it!! Gina and Kim, my blog sisters, thank you so much!!! you two are so incredibly sweet!!! i absolutely love it!!! i've been smiling all afternoon because of it!! this means so much to me!!! sorry about the butchered pictures, they don't do the basket any justice!!

p.s... the kitties can't get enough of it either... the handle is kinda ridgy and it's like their own personal head & ear scratcher... they say thank you too!!!

More Good Things

It was a good weekend… it was so nice not to have anything to do… well, there’s always stuff to do but nothing pressing that we had to get done… so we didn’t do much… Saturday night I went out to eat with jw and some girls I used to work with at cingular (now at&t)… I might not have had a whole weekend away but dinner with the girls was really good… I got to see a couple of friends I haven’t seen in years!
The inspection on our “old” house was Friday and we haven’t heard anything back about anything he wants (or needs) to get fixed… I’m taking that as a good sign… today is the inspection on the house in i.p… I’m leaving work early today to go meet with the inspector at the end of the inspection to see what he says… I’ve got my fingers crossed it’s good news!!! If all goes well I’m going to maybe go to the store tonight on my way home and look at paint chips… I love to paint!! I’ve got my camera with me too so hopefully I can remember to take some pics… there are some on the realtor’s website but I was going to take some more…
The restaurant seems to be doing better and that’s always good…
On a totally different note, I got on the scale this morning and woah… I mean!! I knew I had gained some weight back but I had no idea how much… I have so got to start watching what I eat!!! And walking… to be honest I haven’t been walking at all… I know that would help with my back and with my weight… I’m just not really feeling the desire to do it though…
My back is good… I have some discomfort when I sneeze and cough (and lately that’s been all the time- the weather is crazy here!!) but I think that’s only because it’s so forceful… R told me, don’t sneeze so hard… I have no idea how to do that… if I try to hold back it hurts too… so I would say that I am pain free!!! No more back pain!!! And that is amazing!!! I go back to the dr on the 27th… we’ll see what he has to say… hopefully I’m getting to the end of wearing the back brace!!!
Life is good… I just need to stay positive!!!

The single biggest hurdle that prevents people from trying things that they would really love to try..... is fear of failure. Successful people embrace risk instead of run from it. Successful people also fail many times along the way..... sometimes one time right after another.
"Failing forward" is learning how..... when things don't go your way.... to just take a breath, regroup, and bounce back higher and harder.
With the words "failing forward" imprinted in your mind, when those inevitable failures happen (and they will.... the more and more chances you take), you'll always be reminded that you're not taking a step backwards when you fail... you're taking a step forward, towards your goal.
It's okay to fall down five times...just as long as you get back up at least six times. And every time you get up, you'll be stronger, wiser, and better suited to take on the next challenge.

Good Things

Good news!! R and I are in contract officially as of Tuesday night on our “old” house… the guy from the showing made an offer, we countered, and he accepted… his inspection is tomorrow morning at 8:30 so let’s hope all goes well!! we’re waiting on our guy to sign the new contract on the house in I.P. and then we’ll be in contract and we’ll set up our inspection… technically we were/are in contract on the one in I.P. but since there were so many changes on the old contract they drew up a new one… so, tentatively our closing date on both houses is December 6th!! YEAH!!! if all goes well we could be in our new house by Christmas!!!
Which brings me to my next thought… the holidays… Thanksgiving is two weeks away from today… I can’t believe it!! I talked to my brother today and him and his wife will be here for Thanksgiving! I’m really excited because they weren’t here last year!! It will be so nice to have everyone here together… and then comes Christmas… now I’m back to the age old question what to do for Christmas gifts?!?! Money is tight this year (no surprise there) so I’m really trying to be creative… any ideas?!?! Momma and Daddy loved the mugs that I had made with pics of Mazzy and Murphy on them last year… I must say they are pretty cute!! ideas anyone??
The trip to Port Aransas is not happening… I’m so ok with this though… long story short, km wasn’t going because of a death of a close friend… her sister didn’t really want to go and we all know I sure didn’t want to go… but after we found out Tuesday night that our counter offer on our house was accepted I wouldn’t have gone anyways… simply because I’m going to need some time off work to deal with all the house stuff… if I hadn’t had 7 paid weeks off in August and September I wouldn’t mind asking… but since I had all that time off I feel really bad asking for more… all in all though, I’m glad we’re not going… to be honest, I think it would have been more stressful than fun…
My mood is much better and I just need to remember to stay positive… good things are happening!!! I hope (think) this means that things are taking a turn for the better!!

This describes exactly how I feel about Mondays…
R and I had a good weekend… Saturday we packed, cleaned, and he moved furniture… we worked and worked and worked… the house looks so much different… I just hope something happens soon… the new furniture arrangement in the living room isn’t near as comfortable as the old arrangement was… but now we have a better “flow” thru the living room… the open house was a success… our realtor said we had 4 different groups of people show up and each group had at least 3 or more people in it… so that’s always good!! One guy wanted to make an offer but he hadn’t been pre-approved at the bank yet so our realtor took him a loan app from the bank… I’ve got my fingers crossed… at least R and I know that we have done all we can and we did the best we could… we de-cluttered, moved furniture, and cleaned up… maybe something will happen soon…
Daylight savings time… I love it when we “fall back” an hour… it’s much easier for me to get out of bed when the sun’s up… and I love it getting dark earlier… especially when it’s really cold… but man, when the time first changes it takes me a while to get used to it… the kitties too… now I’m hungry at the “wrong times”… my sleep pattern is all crazy… and the kitties, besides them always being crazy, they’re crazier and now their meal times have changed… which only adds to the craziness!!! But we’ll get it all worked out!!
Yesterday was the race at TMS- Texas Motor Speedway… km, her husband, her sister and her husband, and others all go down and camp out… that has to be awesome!!! But the stands hold right around 200,000 people and that’s a whole lot of people!!! They said yesterday that you could fit 52 Texas Stadiums (where the Cowboys play) inside just the infield of the track!!!! Woah!!! That is huge and that is a lot of people… anyways, Carl sucked it up… bad… he had a problem from almost the beginning of the race and they didn’t get it fixed until it was too late for him to recover… there are only 2 races left and it doesn’t really look good for Carl winning the Cup Championship… although he did clench the Busch series Championship this weekend… very nice!!! Way to go Carl!!!
I’m starting to have second thoughts about going to Port Aransas this weekend… things have been pretty good between R and I lately… we had a really good weekend… and as corny as this sounds, I already miss him and I’m not even gone… the only time we’ve spent nights apart (since we met) was the night of our bachelor/ette parties and then when I was in Plano for my back surgery… plus I’ll miss the kitties like crazy!!! I’m not a big being-away-from-home person… I’m very much a homebody (read: more like a socio-phobe)… anyways, right now I’m really not wanting to go… I know it would be really good for me to go and get away but we’ll see what happens… plus, I feel bad leaving R here by himself… I know, I know… what is wrong with me?!?!
The price increase at the restaurant really seems to have helped, so far anyways… now it seems like our main problem is finding a waitress to work from 11-4… I thought that would be one of the easiest slots to fill… apparently I was wrong… last week we didn’t have an 11-4 waitress and right now we’re not sure if we’re going to have one today or what… it seems like it’s always something…
I suppose we’ll just have to see what happens and what this week brings… (hopefully this week is better than last)…

i love this... it is too cute... this was me in the middle of the week...

i am feeling better today... i'm hoping things are on the upswing now!! i just need to work on staying positive and looking at all the good things in my life...

the yard work is done thanks to momma and daddy... my back "instructions" say no yard work for a couple of months... (on the 6th it will have been 3 months!) but they said they had it, lets not take any chances... i have no idea what i would do without them... they are such good parents... so i was packing some more stuff up (i would say de-cluttering but there's so much junk!!)... in between loads of laundry... i've got plans to clean the house today like it's nobody's business!! there are just a few more things i can pack up before i need r's help... so i think i'm off to eat a turkey sandwich and get back to work... i'm kinda getting excited about the open house... i just hope someone makes an offer!!

Stopping By

i'm still here... things are going, some days better than others... the middle of the week was better than monday and better than friday has been so far... i'm not sure if it's my bipolar-ness acting up or if it's just because i'm letting myself get so stressed... but then i wonder, does everyone feel this way or is it just me? do i just not have good coping skills? (well, i know i do need help in that area)... how do other people stay so calm? or at least come across as being calm?
the open house is sunday... r and i have been packing up some of the clutter at the house... he's been moving some furniture around to make the rooms look bigger... tomorrow i'm cleaning the house like there's no tomorrow... the restaurant seems to be doing better since the price increase... things between r and i seem to be getting better for the most part... we still have our days but at least we're working on it...
my back is still doing great!! no pain!!! it's been 3 months since my surgery and my back couldn't be better!!! it was a total success!! and i have realized that it is worth every penny to be pain free!!!
on a better note though, november 9th thru 12th i'll be in port aransas with the girls... there are 6 of us going total... let's just say that there is the potential for drama there... i'm excited though, it'll be really good to get out of town and get away for a few days... and it will give r and i some time and space... which i think we need... i don't consider me going to plano time away really... so i've got my fingers crossed that the open house will go good and that next week will fly by... keep your fingers crossed too...

...

The depression has crept back in (pretty bad)… it’s been back for a while which somewhat explains my absence from here… I’m just so tired of being down and being sad (well, if I’m not sad I’m extremely happy- the perks of being bipolar)… it seems that there’s a lot going on right now and most of it makes me sad… it seems the good things are few and far between… the restaurant isn’t making any money, it’s not even paying for itself… we’re still having to borrow money to keep the restaurant open… and we can’t keep borrowing money much longer…we are about tapped out… but we did have another price increase over the weekend which should help… R and I have talked about the restaurant and that we can’t keep borrowing money so I kinda feel like this might be our last big push or effort to keep the restaurant going… I hate to even say this… it makes me feel like a failure… and I know R would feel that way… I just keep thinking, what were we thinking? Before we opened the restaurant things were so good… we were almost debt free (except for our house) and now we’ve gone right back to where we were in the beginning with all our debt… he’s really trying hard to make the restaurant work since we’ve had our talks and it breaks my heart because I’m so scared it’s not going to work… on the good side though, not owning our own business would be so much more stress free… I wouldn’t have to work all weekend long… R wouldn’t be as stressed as he is now… and he would be bringing home a paycheck which means we wouldn’t just be living on mine… I miss him, the old him, I miss doing stuff on the weekends, not being so tired and stressed all the time, I miss the way things were…
Which leads me to moving… I would really like to move to iowa park but I’m not sure if that’s going to happen… right now we’re still waiting on an offer on our house… we’re in contract on one in iowa park but it’s contingent with us selling our house… I’ve read that home sells slow way down before Thanksgiving and don’t usually pick back up again until closer to Spring… I’m stressing that… our realtor is having an open house on Sunday so maybe that will generate some interest… I’m stressing that because there is so much stuff that we want to do to the house before the open house but I feel like we have no time… and a lot of it is stuff that I can’t do… moving furniture and stuff like that… I am going to try to get some stuff packed up in boxes so maybe that will help…
As you’ve probably picked up from earlier, our finances are super tight… living on just my income is extremely hard… to be honest, I have no idea how we’ve made it as long as we have… last week I opened the mail up and discovered that even though my back surgery was in network apparently some of the doctors in the operating room were out of network (which I didn’t know, I assumed that since the hospital and my dr. were in network everything/everyone else would be) and now I owe the back institute a little over $8,000 on top of the other medical bills I’m trying to get paid off… I’ve got a little over $11,000 to pay off, just for my back… and I am stressed!!!
And to top it all off, R and I aren’t getting along so good… ok, things have actually been really stressful and we haven’t been getting along good at all… Sometimes things will be ok but for the most part it’s been hectic… we’ve talked… he’s not happy, I’m not happy and I’m not sure what we need to do to make us happy… I said I just want things to go back to the way they were before and he said that he doesn’t think that’s possible… so I have no idea where that leaves us or what to do…
All I know is that lately I feel like a failure, like I can do nothing right and my whole life is crumbling down around me… I know it’s not and that things can always be worse but right now I’m having a hard time really embracing that… so here’s all my “dirty laundry”… keeping it in wasn’t helping so maybe getting it out will help…

Here and There

things have been very busy lately but that’s ok, everything is starting to calm down… the 2nd tax deadline is over Monday, the 15th… so there’s not too much more of that left then it will just be keeping books for km…
yesterday was Kris’s funeral… it was good but sad… I liked what the Pastor had to say and the way he said it… it was very fitting and comforting…
our house is still showing… this is a good thing… we just need a buyer now!!
Last night I looked out the back door and there were 2 BYK’s laying on the concrete… it still breaks my heart… I just try not to look at them…
The first Saturday in October there’s always a Knights of Columbus dinner that T invites everyone up here too… km and her husband met r and I there… they have door prizes and then 4 “big” drawings… the grand prize drawing was a $750 gift certificate to united supermarkets and a $750 gift certificate to walmart and guess what?!?! I won it!!! on top of winning 2 door prizes, a $25 gift certificate to olive garden and then another $25 gift certificate to on the border!!! Km and the hub won 2 door prizes too!!! I am so dang excited about winning the grand prize… that’s like someone giving us $1500!! I can buy groceries at united and then when we move I can buy paint and anything else that we might need at walmart! Now how perfect did that work out?!?!
Last Wednesday I went to the dr. for a bacterial infection and am still not feeling better… she gave me a steroid shot to help kick out the infection along with antibiotics but I’m not feeling any better… in fact, I’m feeling worse… I’m going to stick it out as long as I can, see what happens… she did blood work and her nurse called me on Friday to ask me some questions… one of her questions was if I was taking a water pill… I’m not even sure what a water pill is… she asked how much water I drank a day and I told her between 100 and 120 oz. at work plus whatever I drink when I get home which is almost always unsweet decaf tea… she told me that I didn’t need to drink so much water… it’s not good for you… apparently I was flushing out my electrolytes and all the “good things” that my body needs and of course an electrolyte imbalance weakens your immune system… so did my surgery… so now I have been instructed to drink Gatorade each day… my only thing, I’m not working out and I’ve heard that if you’re not working out and you drink Gatorade it can make you gain weight… I’m not sure if that’s true or not but that’s just what I heard… then I found out that you can actually die from drinking too much water! What is that all about?!?! Anyways, I’m just doing what I’m told…
And I have got to start walking again… since I’ve been back at work I haven’t been walking… I’ve had a lot of stuff going on but after the way my back has felt lately and the 3 hours of sleep I got last night I have decided that come hell or highwater the walking is going to start again… last night I couldn’t even move without waking up in excruciating pain and I could not get comfortable… It reminded me of Charlie horses but all of my belly/mid-section and my legs... bad!… the kitties normally walk all over us during the night but last night mazzy put her paw on my leg and I came up out of the bed so fast it was scary… it’s a different kind of pain than what I had before… I can tell this is from not walking… so tonight I am walking!!! I need some sleep and some good sleep on top of that!!
I suppose I should actually do some work now… not that I’m really wanting too but I suppose I should… maybe I can get everything done then try to reconcile the restaurant’s checking account… nothing but fun!!!

Ups and Downs

Lately my mood has vacillated between happy and sad… I don’t know if it’s because there’s such a “variety” of things going on or what… so, the list of goings on:
• The BYK’s (back yard kitties) are gone… a decision was made to stop feeding them since we’re trying to sell the house so I quit feeding the kitties… I saw two of them out there last night waiting for me and it broke my heart! Tonight when I was coming home there was a kitty in the street… (not alive)… just laying there… and that really upset me…
• I’m in the process of getting over (read: taking antibiotics) for a bacterial infection… sinuses? I don’t know, I don’t know what that means and for once I’m too lazy to actually look it up… normally that’s the first thing I do… she said I have a lot of fluid on my ears… makes sense since I haven’t been able to hear!!
• I haven’t been walking because I’ve been so busy and haven’t been feeling good… I started feeling really bad Sunday and since then my walking has pretty much been non-existent… and I can tell too… my back is stiff!! I mean!!! I’ve had my walking shorts and shoes with me this week in case I got a chance to go walk around the lake but didn’t get the chance…
• It’s already the beginning of October and we’re still in the 90’s… last night at 10:00 it was still 78 outside… that’s just nuts, but that’s our weather for you! I am ready for fall though!! Ready for cooler temperatures!!!
• I’ve been helping out with Round 2 of tax season… if you filed an extension then your tax return is due October 15th… so that’s what we’re working on now… I’ve started keeping books for km but right now it’s tax time… it’s just really nice to get to work over there with them… it’s like working with family… everything is so relaxed and comfortable…
• We came to an agreement on the house we like in I.P. We made an offer, he countered, then we countered and now they’re making the changes to the contract so it will all be “legal and binding”… we came up $4000 from our original offer and he came down $3900 from his original price… exactly where I wanted to be!! Now all we have to do is sell our house!
• Our house has been showing like crazy… I would say it averages one showing a day… and considering the housing market right now that’s pretty good… no offers yet but when the right person comes along it will all fall into place..
• Here’s the main thing that’s been on my brain this week though…

ABILENE -- The Abilene Police Department has requested assistance from Texas Rangers for the investigation of the death of a 27-year old man who was brought into police custody after 5 p.m. Monday on a public intoxication charge. Abilene Police arrested Kris Rupe after they were called about a disturbance in the Quail Hollow Family Housing. Police say Rupe was aggressive and throwing bricks and they had to use pepper spray to restrain him. Police also say that Rupe had to have his feet restrained in the patrol unit because he was still combative. During booking at the Taylor County Jail, the suspect began having breathing difficulty. An ambulance took him to the hospital, where he died. Rupe’s body has been taken to the Tarrant County Medical Examiner’s Office for an autopsy. Police would not say whether Rupe's death was drug-related.
"At this point, that is just speculation," said Sgt. Joe Tauer, APD's public information officer. "But there is suspicion as to whether he was under the influence of some kind of intoxicants."
According to his driver's license, Rupe's address was in Wichita Falls. Abilene police said they did not know if Rupe had moved to Abilene, if he was in the U.S. Air Force, or if he was staying with a friend at the apartment complex. The Dyess media relations office did not immediately return a telephone message Tuesday afternoon.
Assistant Chief Mark Moore said investigators with the Texas Rangers, a division of the Texas Department of Public Safety, often investigate deaths of people who die in police custody. Ranger Juan Lozano will lead the investigation. Abilene Police and the Taylor County Sheriff’s Office are cooperating with the Texas Rangers investigation

According to news archives, the APD's last in-custody death occurred in October 2006, when Jeffrey Trotter, 27, died after police found him rambling and in possession of methamphetamine. **very odd**very similar situation**

GIRL!’s (aka kb’s) husband and r had known kris for years... they were the friends you still keep in contact with, maybe just on occasion but sometimes not… hindsight is 20/20 and I guess looking back you could see from about age 12 that he wasn’t going to have a “normal” life… there is so much history there… in this one person… the number of people he affected in both so many good and bad ways… I honestly had no idea that his death would really make me stop to think about a lot of things… we always joked about how something crazy would happen to him… but that’s the way it would happen because that’s the way he lived… he was cracked out, literally... But, I honestly believe he was a “good” guy… there was good in him… wasn't there??

I was “talking” to one of my friends about this and this was our conversation:
Me: I guess it makes me think about all the friends I have that could be in that situation…
S: You just have to remember that 90% of people in situations like that put themselves there through the choices that they’ve made.
Me: You are exactly right (not a big surprise) but it still makes me sad for them… and then the people they’ve “left”… too soft-hearted huh?
S: No, not too soft hearted. You never stop caring for them, you just realize that you can’t always save them.

That's exactly what I needed to hear. Now, that's what I just need to know and understand, you can't always save them.

Work, "Concrete" Carl, & the House

Things are good… things have been good… (I think I just didn’t realize that because I was stressing myself out!) believe it or not, I am excited to be back at work… work is good… people missed me… I was welcomed back with nothing but nice things being said and lots of hugs… I realized today that I do like working… more like, I like what I do… is it what I would like to do for the rest of my life? I’m not sure but I am confident that if a change is supposed to be made it will happen…
Concrete Carl… that’s Carl’s nickname because he’s been kicking a$$ on the concrete tracks this year!! He won Sunday’s race but I just found out that he was penalized 25 points for his car failing post-race inspection… these 25 points could be a big deal because I think there are only 28 points difference between first place and sixth place… Carl was in 3rd place (overall in the chase) and since he was penalized he’s dropped to sixth… that’s ok though… he’s sweeping the Busch series and I’m hoping he will win the Cup series too… he’ll be the only driver (so far) to have swept both in the same year!! So… Go Carl Go!!! There are seven races left for him to take it all!!
The house is going good… we had two showings the day it listed, another showing yesterday, and then one tonight… the couple that looked yesterday is the same couple that looked on the first day so that is excellent news!!! I’m still looking for a house… nothing new seems to be popping up on the market but that’s ok, I’m still looking… and like I said earlier, it will happen when it’s supposed too…
Also, I’m reading a new Wayne Dyer book… Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life… it’s his “translation and application” of the Tao and putting it to work in your life… I am a big fan of Dyer’s… all of his books that I’ve read have been excellent… anyways, I’m working on “increasing the peace” inside myself… today is the first day I’ve actually had a chance to dive into the book but so far so good… I’ll keep you posted…

here's a link to ReMax's website with our house on it... i figure if anyone is crazy enough to "stalk" me they'll be in for a real treat when they realize how nuts i am... hehe
http://remaxwf.com/details.asp?mlsnumber=101776

On the Market

so, the house is on the market, officially, as of yesterday... AND we had two showings yesterday... one of the agents works at remax too and he said that his couple were probably going to put in an offer... we got positive feedback from both showings... i am so excited!!! that makes me feel so much better!! and, another added bonus, i really like our realtor, she's new but her mom is a top-notch realtor and is working with her... i so did not want to get stuck with someone i didn't like or didn't feel comfortable with... i really like our whole situation right now... i keep checking remax's website to see if our house has been listed yet; it's on realtor.com but they only have one pic on there right now... remax's website will have multiple pics... we went and looked at houses the other night... there's one out of the four that we like... the rooms are huge!!! the kitchen was just re-done with stainless steel appliances... but of course there are a few dis-likes... we need to get an appraisal done to see if there are any major problems... but, we're still looking... i must say though, this is going much better than i thought it would... i'm not near as scared now as i was before our realtor came on monday!!

Dr. Check-up

so yesterday was my 6 week post-op surgery appt... everything looks good... he told me to keep walking and to increase my walking... dang!! he said i could go back to work on monday (yuck!) but just be careful and not to overdo it... i talked to t last night and he is all about doing whatever i need to make my job more comfortable.... he is so sweet!! i know i keep saying this but it is so nice to have a boss who cares instead of just considering you a number to increase the bottom line... the dr. visit was short and sweet, like all of them... he said that i could start yoga again but i need to wear the back brace... i can go see mary (massage therapist) again just tell her to be careful of the L5 area... and i have to wear my back brace for 3 to 6 months (depending on how fast my vertebrae fuse)... i'm way ok with that though... wearing the brace is so worth no pain!!! so, i'm all cleared for work....

I'm Back

see, what did i tell you, i'm already back...
everyone has a core support group of people in their life... mine are both friends and family... people that you know will be there for you even when no one else is... i've always been a daddy's girl but at the same time, momma was always the one there... i don't know if that makes any sense or not but just go with it... anyways, km and momma are my top two... momma is just momma, she's always there... she loves me even though she hates my tattoo and all my piercings... unconditionally would be the word... km has been my best friend for over 15 years... she knows everything about me and yet she too is always there for me... she always has been and i hope like hell she always is...
now in "my" world (reality) i'm not so big on the truth if it's not sugar-coated... (fine, i'm overly sensitive and take everything very personally)... so in my mind, my core support group of people should know this and take this into account... but i know you shouldn't just expect people to know something if you haven't told them... but yet i still get my feelings hurt and get bent out of shape when this happens... i also have the tendency to take things the wrong way...
so, what to do... how to work on remedy-ing this situation? now that's what's on my mind...

Going & Going & Going

my mind will not shut off!!! morning, noon, or night, it doesn't matter what time it is my mind is racing... it really drives me crazy, especially at night... when i'm trying to go to sleep and i can't... i just keep thinking... yuck!!! i actually think it might be that i'm not as stressed and my body is like, um, ok, what is the problem, something is missing, oh, lots of stress!! let's see if we can add that back in, we're not "normal" without it...
i called a realtor this morning... she's coming by at 3 today to "get a feel" for the house and then she said she would be able to give us an idea of what we should ask for the house... i'm so super nervous about this... R and I got the bushes trimmed and the yard edged but not mowed or blown off... so right now, in my opinion, it looks kinda, um, not as good as it could look... normally, i would have no problem mowing and blowing the driveway and sidewalk off but since the surgery i'm off yard duty for 2 months... it's so close to being 2 months but i so don't want to take a chance on messing anything up... the realtor and i talked for a little this morning and she understands, her mom is trying to figure out how to get her back fixed (same disc as mine)... another reason i'm so nervous, i'm so scared they'll be like, um, no one is going to buy this house... it's not bad though... we've lived here for 5 years and have had our fair share of problems but nothing out of the ordinary... ok, except for the house getting struck by lightening but i really don't know if that was (all) our fault... i mean, if i'm such a bad person that my house is going to get struck by lightening, i should have much bigger worries than our house not selling... other "bad" news, R and I have talked and have decided that we should quit feeding the BYK's (back yard kitties) since there are only about a million of them, that way when they do show the house there aren't a million kitties all over the back yard... dang, that is going to be super hard for me... they're so cute and we have a new batch of kitties... but we are going to be moving and we can't take them with us so this is probably the best plan... earlier, when I said we decided to quit feeding the BYK's it was really R that came up with that and I couldn't disagree with him... I wanted too but as the song says, sometimes the right thing and the hardest thing are the same...
tomorrow is my 6 week dr. appt after my surgery and i have a feeling that he will release me to go back to work... that makes me nervous too... I've gotten in the habit of not working and am really dreading going back... BAD.... I know I need too and I have too but man, I mean... i am not a big fan of change at all... ironically, change is the only constant...
anyways, enough griping... everything will work out for the best, just like it always does... i have a feeling that the more stressed i get the more i'll blog... (read: i'll be here a lot!)

Selling Season

i've been very disappointed in my blogging efforts lately... but to be honest, there hasn't been much going on... pretty much the same routine as the last 4 weeks have been.... not doing too much... trying to be lazy and enjoy it instead of stressing myself about what i should be doing... we did get to visit with kb and her husband the saturday before labor day... R and I hadn't seen them since before the end of tax season... it was a nice surprise that they were in town that day and we got to hang out with them!!! it's always SO good to see them!!!
i've been looking online for a house in iowa park... i found two that i want to go look at so this weekend r and i are going to try (once again) to get the house cleaned up so we can put it on the market... last sunday we were supposed to do the same thing too but that didn't happen... since my surgery, there is only so much i can do... the rest falls on R's shoulders... as if he didn't have enough going on.... anyways, he seems hell-bent on getting out of our house and moving closer to the restaurant... which i don't blame him at all... the amount of money we'll save in gas for his truck will be half of our house payment... so hopefully this weekend we'll really get it in gear and get our house ready to put on the market... i've got my fingers crossed!!! hopefully selling season will be here soon!!!

Carl Crazy!!

so, Carl is locked into the Chase for the Cup!!! YEAH!!! the next/last ten races will determine the Champion!! anyways, with the exception of this last week (engine failure, not his fault) he has been running great!! there are times when i wished in a big city, just because big special events come there! (manny, you are so lucky!!!) get this:



NASCAR's twelve Chase drivers in 2007 will appear at the ESPN Zone in Times Square, 1472 Broadway, Corner of 42nd and Broadway in Times Square, NYC, NY on Thursday, Sept. 13, from 12:00 - 2:30pm/et to take part in an interactive Q&A with fans and kick off the 2007 Chase for the Nextel Cup. The Chase, with the first race on September 16 at New Hampshire International Speedway in Loudon, is NASCAR's post-season playoff where the top-twelve drivers in the points standings after the first 26 races shoot it out over the last ten races for the honor of being the 2007 Nextel Cup Series Champion.

AND then they go back to ny for the championship ceremony!!! with their race cars!!! i mean, could it get any better, that would be the ultimate!!! anyways, with Carl being in the Chase i'm all over this!! and yes, he is very handsome!!! :)

this video clip is kinda long (i haven't watched anything past the first two minutes or so)... i'm just so impressed with Carl and I love his backflips when he wins!!! that's what I want to share!!!

Oh Yeah!!

oh yeah, how could i forget this!!! man, where has my brain been at lately?!?! i think it's from not using it for so long... it feels like a long time anyways!!

Carl won last week's race and in doing so secured his spot in the Chase for the Cup!!! YEAH!!! GO CARL GO!!!

**NASCARL GIRL!!**

this is Carl's quote from victory lane... how can you not like a guy like this? he's so sincere, nice, and humble even though he's a "public figure"...
“Man, this is the biggest win of my career. I can’t thank Bob Osborne enough and all my guys. My pit crew was awesome and I want to thank my fans for sticking behind us. It means a lot. Office Depot for sure. Dwight Laxton, Howard Hall, Mike Mittler – all those who helped me coming up. To win here at Bristol, I think, is everybody’s dream. I’m gonna be in Columbia tomorrow for Sam Russell, my good buddy who is injured. We’re gonna have a bicycle ride. I don’t know if this is gonna sink in. This is the night race at Bristol – 500 laps and we won it.” YOU’RE LOCKED IN THE CHASE? “Unbelievable. I am living the dream thanks to Jack Roush, Roush Fenway, Office Depot. Anybody out there who has a dream just follow it. I don’t know what to think. It was emotional to win this race. Like I said, I’ve watched this a lot. I think every short track racer out there dreams about this. My little brother is racing tonight and I know he’s watching. Mom, dad, Kenny, I love you guys and to win this race is cool. We’re back.”

Stopping By

i just thought i'd stop by and say hi... check in... there hasn't been much of anything going on... i thought since i was off work i'd probably be a blogging fool... not so much... all i've been doing is walking and working a little... km brought over an accounting program and i'm going to start helping them keep books... i'm excited about that... plus, added bonus, the accounting program will make my life so much easier keeping everything for the restaurant... this will be the last week i actually have to "do" payroll the old way... which is awesome!! (read: i won't be stressed all weekend long until i have payroll done!).... YES!!
my first post-op appt went great... he told me everything was looking good... i go back on the 18th for my 2nd post-op appt... he told me to walk 3-5 miles a day... woah!! that's a lot of miles in one day!! needless to say, i've been working on getting to the 3 mile mark... i was using my gazelle (yes, tony little's gazelle)... today i started using my walk away the pounds dvd... this i like... i can handle this... in less than 20 minutes i can walk a mile in my house... 30 minutes you can walk 2 miles and in 45 minutes you can walk 3 miles... since it's considering "aerobic" walking i started with 1 mile.. i can always walk 1 mile more than once... so, my goal is to work up to 3 miles... i knew after the surgery walking would become an everyday part of my life... i'm just still trying to get used to that... ugh, exercise... i've been stretching too... it's amazing how much flexibility i've lost... before the surgery i could put my hands on the floor without bending my knees, pretty much fold in half... i've just come to the point where i can actually put lotion on my feet if i'm sitting down... oh well, all i've got is time... and that's what it's going to take... being pain free though is worth it!! i just need to keep remembering where i "came from"...
i've started being more conscious of what i'm eating (most of the time)... i've been thinking about joining weight watchers again... i lost 49.5 lbs from january to the end of june at the beginning of 2006... i think i've done a damn good job keeping it off too (especially since we bought a restaurant!)... and i wasn't really doing much exercise when i lost all that weight either... so i was thinking, if i started watching what i eat and keep walking maybe i will lose more weight!! i did like weight watchers though... at least for the accountability...
on the kitty front, mazzy has managed to clean herself up... she's just discolored now... poor dirty kitty... she keeps wanting to go back out in the garage though... um, no!!
the restaurant is rocking along nicely... R is going to have to fire some dead weight tomorrow so that should be interesting... we already know it's not going to go well... whatdaya do though?
i'm not going to complain that there hasn't been much going on though... i will take not much over stressed out anyday!!! i just need to keep that in mind too... things are good though...
today's positive thought is: HANG IN THERE..... YOU CAN DO IT.

Million Dollar Question

yesterday Mazzy managed to get into something out in the garage... R and I let them go out on the back porch (screened in) or out into the garage as a treat... as of yesterday, the garage is now off limits... as I was saying, Mazzy managed to get into something out there and is now running around looking all dirty... (she is a dirty kitty though)... it's like some sort of oil or grease something or other... and here's my confusion, Mazzy & Murphy have been going out in the garage forever!! Mazzy was going out there before we even had Murph.... and this has never been an issue before... so we tried making a kitty burrito and then pulling out the paw so i could wash it off but that didn't work.. the water hit her paw and she was out... i have been "slashed" across my belly (thankfully not by the incision area!)... she is a dirty kitty though!!! she is all dirty!! her fur is all sticky and matted... and I have no idea what to do!! so, this is the million dollar question... what do we do? do we try to give her a bath? and if so, how?!?! i would need a full body suit of armor, including some sort of goggles... (maybe I could just let her lick a xanax and then we could give her a bath... j/k!!)

Mazzy

i had completely forgotten until this morning... Mazzy loves to "ride" on R's turntables (record players)... R dj'd for a long time and he still has all his vinyl... i love vinyl, the cracks, hisses, & pops... it's not near as "clean" sounding as cd music but i still love me some vinyl!! anyways, years ago R was playing records and while I was on the computer in the back room... Mazzy jumped on the computer desk and then onto the table that R's turntables are on... then she proceeded to jump onto one of his turntables... R, being the character that he is, turns it on.. at first Mazzy jumped off but as you think about the relationship between curiosity and a cat, she jumped right back up for another look... so now, she likes to "ride the turntables"... she's too cute... Murphy isn't quite sure what to think of the turntables yet but if you look really close in the first pic on the left hand side you can see a tiny bit of his face and whiskers...

Catching Up

so what else has been going on in courtney's world besides all the back stuff... i know that's all i've blogged about in forever...

the kitties: are doing most excellent... they are still adorable and have been doing a good job keeping me company (read: sometimes driving me crazy) while i've been home...

R: i must give him props for his helping me out (read: doing everything around the house) and putting up with me... he hasn't even been griping about it... and that's very unusual... i keep apologizing to him for him having to do everything and he keeps saying, it's ok, i don't mind, don't worry about it, it's no big deal... he has been wonderful the past few weeks....

work: when i left on the 3rd it was all good... they've called to ask a few questions and to check in on me... it's really nice to have a boss that cares about you as a person and doesn't just think you're a number...

the Cedar Tree: is going good... we changed up the menus... we had just been using a copy of the menu that was there when we bought it.. we changed it up a little bit but basically it was the one that "came with" the restaurant... i know i mentioned it but our one year anniversary was july 31st! YEAH for us!!

me (besides the back): about 2 weeks before the surgery i started getting really nervous... and when i get really nervous i get really bitchy and irritable and my tummy and i were not getting along... i would put something, anything in it and it would just spit it right back out... i ended up calling my head shrinker and asking him if there was anything we could do so i could survive the next week (and actually be a semi-productive person)... anyways, now that the surgery is over with, i feel so much better! i'm so happy!! i've been irritable because of the pain meds but i really think that's the only reason... i am still so amazed that i am pain-free!!! (when i say pain-free i mean not 100% but damn near close- oh what, 99% pain free- coincidence? that carl's number! :) ) i can say one thing though, my appetite is back and i think i'm trying to make up for all the lost food... i have been eating like it's no one's business!! dang!! i've been out of the house once since i came home on the 8th and that was last thursday to go to walmart with momma... my first post-op is tomorrow... we'll see what he has to say...

anything else: i've just been reading... learning, growing... looking for the calm in the midst of it all... which brings me to this... so, i've been learning/growing for several years now... i am working on blogging about, a summation maybe?

i suppose that's about it... the back has been the "big" thing going on... now that all of that is on the upswing it seems that right now life is pretty drama free... and i will take that!!

Stopping By

You would think with me being off work I would have blogged more than I have… every little thing makes me tired but I’m working on getting my energy and strength back… and each day I have felt better and better!!! Momma and I went to walmart the other day, my first outing since she brought me home, and I had to wear my back brace but you know what, I don’t care… I was walking around PAIN FREE!!!!
Tuesday is my first post-op appointment… I’m not sure what he’ll tell me but I’m excited… looking back, I understand why I was scared, but I’m so glad I went ahead with it… it is so amazing to be pain free!! Absolutely amazing!! Anyways, I’ll be back soon… I just wanted to let you know that I’m absolutely wonderful!!! Better than I have been in years!!!

Much Better

i am feeling so much better... i woke up this morning and felt pretty good... that's a first for me in a while... i'm really excited about feeling better though, i am going to try to shower today by myself (R will be here if i do need some help).... and then i'm going to go "walking and reading"... i've blogged a little over the past week but have not had the energy or the comfort to read any blogs... now that things are on the upswing though it's time to play a little catch-up... not just with the blogs either, restaurant stuff, pay bills, fun stuff like that.... but you know what, it'll get done though and right now i don't think i'll even mind doing it!!

p.s.. as far as i can tell, the only pain in my back is still around the L5/S1 area where the fusion was done... no pain like before though!!!

Back Home

yeah, i'm back home!!! momma and i got home about 7 last night... the stay wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be... i was doing some physical therapy and walking while i was there... re-learning things that i've done my whole life... everything was going really good until tuesday night... about 3 i started throwing up... (and i had no idea that things such as couching, laughing, trying to the go the bathroom, and throwing up would be so difficult and painful... actually it never occurred to me how much i use my abs)... they told me on wednesday that i could go home if i could stop getting sick... i think most of it was my nerves, leaving the hospital, and the 2.5 hour drive home... we made it though!! i actually slept most of the way home (and momma was laughing at me because i talk in my sleep)... i could not imagine not having momma there... man, she was (and still is) a lifesaver!! everytime i got up she was there, in the the middle of the night, while i was throwing up, helping me get to the bathroom..poor momma, she had to help me shower too... she came over this morning and brought some groceries and then helped me shower, and then changed the dressing over my incision... she is so wonderful!!
the incision is looking good!! and this is the best part, i still have no pain in my back and legs!!! the L5/S1 area is super sensitive but that's to be expected and the belly pain from the incision will heal too!! i'm off to do some walking (and then rest some) but no worries, it's all going even better than i was hoping it would!!

In the Hospital

i'm in the hospital but the nurses are calling me the miracle child... i've been up & down out of bed today... the first time i had to get up was bad... i thought what did i get myself into ??? it is getting much easier to get in & out of bed though... when the physical therapist came in we walked down the hall and i was in shock, i had no back pain or leg pain, only pain from the incision... i've been doing my breathing treatments & p.t. exercises... to be honest, i feel much better than i thought i would.... i just wanted to check in because i am so excited!!

Getting Ready

my to-do list is complete, with the exception of packing, and i suppose you could say i'm getting ready to go... i am nervous as hell... no lie, scared out of my mind... but i know it will all be ok after monday morning... right now that seems like so long away... yesterday jw and i went to get a pedicure and manicure- no polish on the fingers, just buffed... km and her sister took me out to eat to help me get my mind off of everything... i think we're leaving about 5:30 (after the race is over!)... i'm up at 5 in the morning to get ready so we can be at the hospital at 6.... surgery is at 7... i'm not sure when i'll be able to get on here again, hopefully soon! the hospital has wireless thruout it and i think momma is taking their laptop... here is the link to the hospital if you're interested... the amentities sound good!!
http://www.ppcds.com/

A Funny

Flour and Water
How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue?
and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake?
Where did the glue go ?
NEED AN ANSWER?
You know damn well where it went! That's what makes the cake stick to your BUTT!!

Once Again

lately i've been doing a lot of thinking about everything that's been going on, what i've been trying to "learn" over the past three years or so, and of course, am i making the right decisions? what i've been learning and working on embracing is that the universe will give you what you need when you need it... the universe will take care of you... i have been trying to figure out how to just "accept" and "know" this...

here is my horoscope for today:
When it comes to making decisions about your life circumstances you may feel less than confident, and this hesitation could affect the ways in which you approach things today. It might be that your indecision is due to a fear of making a mistake that could have an undesirable impact on your life. If you can remind yourself that first the universe will take care of you and that everything you do is a learning experience and can only be a resource for greater understanding of your life, you could find that whatever action you take will lead you further along your path. Being able to let go of the fear you may have and opening up to the knowledge you can gain could make you feel much more positive about the choices you face today. No matter what we do, we always have something to gain from our actions. It can be scary to make a firm choice about things, but if we put things into perspective, we will see that the choices that face us are usually not nearly as urgent as we might make them. Learning to let go of this sense of urgency and uncertainty today will help you recognize that since you can never be certain of an outcome, everything you do is an unknown and you can gain knowledge about yourself and the world as a whole from any choice you make.

Hhhhmmm.....

Drats!!! I had a really good blog going until I hit some random combo of keys and it deleted it all!!! And oh-so-smart me hasn’t figured out how to “recover” a lost blog, if that’s even possible… so now I’m starting over…
I seems like it’s been forever since I’ve blogged about anything other than my back… my back has pretty much been consuming the majority of my thoughts… I just keep thinking, am I really doing the right thing? It’s hard for me to not question myself when so many people say things along the lines of, you’re having BACK surgery??? I don’t think I could ever do that… I have no response for that… I’m just thinking, you know, I don’t think I would ever say something like that to someone who is having the procedure done, or is at least seriously considering it… (right now that would be like me saying, you want to have KIDS??? to someone who’s already pregnant… right now my motto is: cats not kids)… I’m already scared to death and nervous as hell about it… Mom and I go down to Plano again on Monday for our “teach and learn” on the surgery, to get fitted for my back brace, and then to have all my pre-op tests done… I’m going to have the surgery done though… considering my only other choice is to live with it… having the surgery is the best choice I have…
On other lines though… I only have 4 days of work left… I’ve been training J since he’s going to be me while I’m out… I’ve been working on a “list” of everything I do and it seems like I’ll think of one more thing to add which then just leads to four more things… I just hope I’m doing a good job training him… I’m worried about that but it’s not like he can’t just call me… I just don’t want T thinking I did a horrible job training him…

A Positive Note: Tuesday, July 31st is our 1 Year Anniversary (of being open) at the Cedar Tree!!!! I think something like 90% of most businesses don’t survive the first year, YEAH!!! We made it!!! Granted, we still have a long way to go but that’s ok!! We are changing prices today though… our prices now are way old… we’re not going up on everything though… one of our competitors had a price increase this last week but it was a major increase and we were slammed this week… it was insane!! But like I said, we’re not raising prices much…

I suppose I should go shower now so that I can start laundry as well as my ten mile long list of things to-do this weekend… in addition to the normal stuff, I have the menu changes to do as well as two tax reports to get together and get ready to mail Tuesday… if I was working Monday I’d just do them then but I’m not and I’m not sure what Monday’s going to bring so I figure doing them this weekend is probably the safest bet… so I’m off to get this party started…

Stuck

so today i was lucky enough to get to make another trip to plano (please note the heavy sarcasm!)... ok, so r takes me to my appt today (and he was surprisingly supportive!)... i wasn't sure how it was going to go only because it was going to be his "first day away from the restaurant"... don't get me wrong, i was nervous too but i knew they could handle it... (by the way, everything went fine)... he "warned" me last night he might be a little high strung because he'd probably be thinking about the restaurant and what's going on since he's not there... so that was another thing i was nervous about... (if he was worried he didn't show it) we had a good time despite the fact that my back hurt so bad and we were going to a dr. appt... it hurts to laugh and he had me rolling... omg... so not only was the car ride rough on the back so was the laughter... but the laughter was such a good thing, i haven't laughed that hard in a long time!!
anyways, when i talked to the back institute yesterday the nurse said that dr. h would probably want to look at my back since it was still hurting extremely bad from the discogram... (i have been in tears every day since last tuesday because of my back, i can't even tell you... i'm trying not to think about it honestly)... i also thought i made an appt to "learn" about the surgery... (that's what they say, they "teach" you...) so, that's what i thought r and i were going to do... um, no, apparently i was wrong... (i should have known when the receptionist didn't really know what was going on)... BUT, we did find out that it is my last disc that is "broken"... i asked him what was wrong with it, like herniated or bulging, and all he said was that it is a bad disc that is causing me pain... um, ok... but, he did write this, yes it is long but it is very interesting... (lately backs and such have been interesting but i need to know and learn what is going on with me)
Our History


so, i have chosen to have a spinal fusion done by Stephen H. Hochschuler, M.D. .. right now thinking about it makes me want to throw up... oh wow, what fun it sounds like... here's excellent information if you're interested... btw, the back institute uses and supports this website it gives me a pretty good idea of what to expect... http://www.spine-health.com/topics/surg/mlsf/mlsf01.html i am having the anterior lumbar fusion which means that he is going in thru my belly!!! why you ask?!?! ah, so they can just "move your abs and organs out of the way" and it "reduces healing time and blood loss?" ok..
plus, i really don't want to have to see the incision(s) and stitches or whatever holds me together... (my tummy is just rolling)... screws, rods, and bone grafts are all part of it as well... (excuse me while i get sick)... i'm really confident in dr. h's abilities and his competency though... it's not "his" part that worries me... it's "my" part... but this is my only option besides just living with it... whadda ya do? i just need to "grow a spine" and do it... hehehe... so as of now, the schedule is:
monday, july 30th- 11:00- teaching time (i think it's a 60 minute video and then you ask questions); 1:00- back brace fitting (omg!!! i have to wear a back brace!!! i think i should pull out some headgear and oooohhhh LA Gear... H-O-T!! ok, i know, it's not forever but i still feel nerdy, once again, i should have known!); 2:00- pre-op blood work across the street
monday, august 6th- surgery... i have no idea what time but i imagine it will be across the street where the bloodwork is at... (and it seems they have a ton of presbyterian hospitals in the metroplex... is it like that in all big cities??)

i asked about how long i'd be off work and was told today 4 to 6 weeks... i am not looking forward to telling t that... but i know we can get it all worked out... j and rrll can do my stuff while i'm gone...
i will know more in a few days, they are mailing me some info and then on the 30th when i go down there i'll know "everything".... i'm not "locked in" but i am scared as hell... you always hear horror stories about back surgeries... but after reading everything on the back institutes website about a million times i'm becoming more ok with everything...

Flood Pics

i have been trying to get pics of WF flooded... i was reading the newspaper online and came across three different links to flood pics... check them out... this was my city at the end of june/beginning of july... it was crazy!!! (as much as i hate to admit it, i guess the city had good reason to cancel the firworks...)

aerial pics:
http://web.timesrecordnews.com/xml_slideshow/flood/aerial/damage.html

more pics:
http://web.timesrecordnews.com/xml_slideshow/flood/damage.html

and these are the pics that the newspaper took:
http://web.timesrecordnews.com/xml_slideshow/flood/Flood_Web_Slideshow/

Another Trip to Plano

so i had to go back down to plano today to have another test done on my back... i had a discogram done... the only good thing about this test is that you will know immediately if your back pain is being caused by a disc... mine is... long procedure short: the dr. sticks three needles into three discs in your back (specified by your dr.) and then injects dye into each of them one at a time, looking for 3 specific things... if the disc is "good" you won't feel anything... if the disc is "bad" you will feel pain... my first two discs are good... the third disc was bad... but, before you go in to have the procedure done the assistant tells you, this test is meant to cause pain, that is it, that is the only reason for the test... we are purposely irritating the disc and you will hurt/be really sore for a few days... nice, because that's something you always want to hear right before you're about to have the test done... i have never ever ever experienced pain like that and i hope with everything inside me that i never have to again!! like i said though, at least we learned (and confirmed) where the pain is coming from...
i did get to see my back dr. about the results of my discogram today though... that was a good thing, it saved us another trip to the back institute... and to the best of my memory, this is all that dr. h said after he asked me where/if the discogram hurt me... basically you have two options... option 1: do nothing and learn to deal with the pain or option 2: surgery...
under option 2: surgery there are two more options... sub-option 1: a spinal fusion (http://www.texasback.com/spin_fus.htm) or sub-option 2: an artificial disc replacement...
then he said, we'll get you more information on these options and then you can make a decision... apparently when he said we'll get you more information he didn't mean today... that was it... that was all he said, besides recommending the fusion over the artificial disc... then momma and i discovered that ah ha, we'll have to make another appt to come back so that we can watch an hour long video and then what?? 5 hours of driving... ok, i am starting to veer off into the way negative... (deep breaths, deep breaths)
so today i found out that it is a disc causing my pain and now i know what my options are... this is where i'm at and this is all i know... i'm going to do some searching online to see what i can find... after i get my ice pack though...
(yeah, it sucks but everything happens for a reason right?!?! we can always take something positive from every situation yes?!?! i'm trying though, i really am!!!)

Two More

i know, i know, the helmet is still there in the first pic!! i had no idea how many pics there were of him with his helmet on!! but you can still see how blue his eyes are!! :o)

I LOVE NASCARL!!

No one is perfect but 99 is close enough!!

i know, horribly horribly cheesy... could it get any worse? probably but we'll save that for another day!