Saturday, September 30, 2006

Perfect Power Couple

the perfect power couple... jay-z and beyonce... i mean, he is a mogul and she is a diva... she isn't a golddigger, she had her own before him... they are both absolutely amazing people.. i think the article below says it all... damn!!

Jay-Z and Beyonce: music's dynamic duo silent about romance but roars as performers

On the surface, they might be considered an unlikely pair.
In one corner is Jay-Z, one of Brooklyn's finest. The hustler-turned-rapper who will forever be etched in music history as one of the greatest rappers of all time. In the other corner is Beyonce, the sweet Southern belle from Texas. She is the undisputed reigning princess of pop and R&B music.
Sometimes silence can be so loud. The twosome have never publicly said one word about their relationship. Still the they emanate when they are together is deafening.
For two years they have been a romantic item. He's had her back and she's had his. They've been seen courtside at basketball games in New York, yachting in St. Tropez, partying at Jay-Z's 40/40 Club in Manhattan and performing together for Prince Charles in London.
During this time, they have stood their ground by keeping their personal life private.

Music has been their language of choice when conveying their relationship. Their first collaborative effort was for Jay-Z's '03 Bonnie & Clyde, with his dropping lyrics and with her cooing silky vocals:
"Mami's a rida and I'm a rolla/ Put us together/How they gon' stop both us? What ever she lacks, I'm right over her shoulder/When I'm off track mami is keepin' me focused," raps Jay-Z.
That collaboration was followed with Beyonce's Crazy in Love, where they set airwaves and concert stages ablaze for a second time. They also perform together on her song That's How You Like It, featured on her Dangerously In Love CD.
London is still talking about their recent performance at Earl's Court in west London during the Prince's Trust Urban Music Festival, a charity event organized by British royal Prince Charles.
Beyonce was the headliner, but the highlight of the evening was when Jay-Z walked onstage to do his part for Crazy In Love. The audience of more than 30,000 strong screamed itself into an excited frenzy.
Later that night the couple celebrated by throwing a lavish party, reportedly costing more than $1 million, at London's The Collection.
Shawn Corey Carter and Beyonce Giselle Knowles are a power couple when standing together and supreme when standing alone.
Jay-Z is synonymous with rap music. He is one of the best artists in the history of hip hop.
His career dates back to the mid-'80s. His mellow rap flow earned him the name Jazzy. So as not to be confused with DJ Jazzy Jeff, the name was shortened to Jay-Z. Decades later, he has answered to the names Jay, Hova, Hov, Jigga and Jiggaman.
He always hits his fans with hot songs. He has recorded 10 albums and has sold more than 17 million. his biggest songs include Change Clothes, Encore, Dirt Off Your Shoulder, 99 Problems, Excuse Me Miss, Izzo (H.O.V.A), Girls, Girls, Girls, Big Pimpin'. Jigga What, Jigga Who, Hard Knock Life (The Ghetto Anthem), Ain't No, I Just Wanna Love U (Give It To Me), Change The Game and Can I Get ...
What some might not know is that his intensity for reading and his early days of hustling laid the groundwork for his rap genius. Reading helped him to absorb everything that he examined and hustling forced him to memorize things without the use of a pen and paper.
In the course of his illustrious career, Jay-Z is noted for heading to the studio without having anything written down. He memorizes his verses, holding up to nine in his head. It is nothing for Hov to hit the studio with three completed rap songs-empty-handed.
He plans to mark his retirement with his current CD. The Black Album. He also has penned his memoirs, The Black Book.
Leaving out on top is his only option. In 2001, Jay-Z boycotted the Grammy Awards ceremony because of the lack of respect that urban music was getting during the show's telecast, but he still won two music's highest honors. His 1999 Hard Knock Life tour earned $18 million and was the most successful hip-hop tour to date, selling out in 52 cities with no incidents of violence. For his farewell performances, he co-headlined Last summer's hottest tour, Rock The Mic, with 50 Cent.
If you aren't listening to his music, you are undoubtedly moving to the beats of an artist on his Roc-A-Fella Records label like Kanye West, Young Gunz, Memphis Bleek, or State Property, to name a few. Twista recently was added to the Roc.
Music hasn't been the only thing to solidify the Jiggaman as a serious businessman. His Rocawear clothing line, established in 1999, is among the most established celebrity-owned fashion companies in the world. Last year he made history as the first non-athlete to have a signature shoe by Reebok, the S. Carter Collection. It was the fastest-selling, highest-grossing tennis shoe through the company. Another shoe is already in the works.
His business ventures have expanded into other areas as well. Roc-A-Fella Films released the projects Streets Is Watching, Backstage and State Property. Last year he opened an upscale sports bar in downtown Manhattan called the 40/40 Club. He Also has a premium two-grain, triple-distilled Scottish vodka, Armadale.

Possibly one of his biggest ventures to date is when he joined the investment team that laid out $300 million to bring the NBA's New Jersey Nets to his beloved Brooklyn. The borough has not had a major professional sports team since the Dodgers left for the West Coast in 1957.
Beyonce is a survivor with more than just a pretty face and hourglass figure.
A founding member of Destiny's Child, one of the biggest-selling female acts of all time, Beyonce was the group's lead singer and wrote most of its top hits like Survivor, Say My Name, Bootylicious and Independent Women. The group has sold more than 33 million records worldwide.
In 2001 she won the ASCAP Pop Songwriter of the Year Award, making her the first Black woman and the second woman to ever receive the honor.
She survived some of Destiny's Child's darkest moments, the constant change of group members, and accusations that she was the "diva" behind the dissension. But, B came out on top.

Her solo career came at a time when some argued that R&B was starting to take a backseat to hip hop. In addition to R. Kelly, Beyonce, also a gifted producer, is credited with bringing R&B back to the forefront.
Dangerously In Love, her debut solo CD, has gone triple platinum. Hits from the project include Crazy In Love, Baby Boy, Me, Myself and I and Naughty Girl. The album earned her five Grammy wins. Two were for Crazy In Love, two were for Dangerously In Love and another was for her duet with soul legend Luther Vandross for their remake of The Closer I Get To You.
A DVD, Beyonce: Live At Wembley, was just released. It was recorded last year during her first international tour and features behind-the-scenes footage and a bonus CD with three new songs, including a remake of the Rose Royce classic Wishing On A Star.
She recently headlined and wrapped up the Ladies First Tour with Alicia Keys, Missy Elliott and Tamia.
And people can't seem to forget her opening performance with Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Prince when they did a medley of his classics at the Grammy Awards ceremony this year. Ironically, in the Jay-Z collaboration '03 Bonnie & Clyde, she recites lyrics from Prince's 1987 song If I Was Your Girlfriend.
She has come into her own as an actress as well. She made her acting debut in the 2001 MTV movie Carmen: A Hip Hopera and made her silver screen debut in 2002's Austin Powers in Goldmember. Last year she starred opposite Oscar winner Cuba Gooding Jr. in The Fighting Temptations.
Currently, she's working on the film Pink Panther, a prequel to the 1963 Peter Sellers classic. As the female lead, she will portray Xania, thief of the gem.
Music's dynamic duo may be quiet about their romance, but when Bonnie and Clyde do their thing as a couple or as solo artists, it is evident that Hov and B are unstoppable. Oh, and dangerously, crazy in love.

Hurting and Healing

As I’ve blogged about recently there have been some things that I’ve been not well, dealing with but, maybe going thru?! I’m not sure how to say it… tonight was about hurting and healing for me… all thru r… the other day I was blogging about feeling unappreciated and un-needed… tonight r was like, what is wrong with you? He then tried to tell me that I was the one that had attitude… I was like, um, no… I think you’re confused… but, when I did tell him what I had been feeling I didn’t say, you are doing blah, blah… I said, you are making me feel blah, blah… you know, un-needed and unappreciated… like everything that I do is wrong or not good enough… like I said though, I know he’s been stressed and well, the first couple of days this week I was too… I know what the reason is behind that though… the blues… oh yes… how can something be so good and bad at the same time?!?! And remember this is all coming from my perception…
Anyways, let me explain the hurting tonight… r said that there was something that he had been debating to tell me about all day long… the girl who took sneakers (the kitten that lived up at the restaurant that I wanted to adopt and love) home told r that sneakers is dead… she’s not sure what happened… her husband found him, supposedly… they have a rotweiller (sp?) and her dad was in the restaurant today saying that the dog ate him up… the story her husband told her is that he just found him dead, just looking dead, not all chewed up… either way damn it, we could have taken sneakers and given him a damn good home… we would have given him the attention and love that he was looking for… not killed him… this news really upset me… it hurts me way down inside… bless his little heart… he lived under the shed for over 4 months we know for sure… 4 months!! She hadn’t even had him 1 week!!! Come on now!! Oh, the really crummy thing, r had taken pictures of sneakers on his phone but remember I washed his phone Saturday night, so we lost the pictures of sneakers too…. Ok, enough ranting and raving… I am upset but I need to remember something that I blogged sometime ago but I’m not sure where… I’m going to go back when I’m done here and look… something along the lines of, love and appreciate what it is in your life at the present moment, it may not be there forever, and when it is gone, you can grieve but you just need to accept the fact that it’s gone… it was the time and everything happens for a reason… yes, it sucks and makes me sad but there is nothing that I can do about it… only remember sneakers… like I just said though, everything happens for a reason… for some reason sneakers was not meant to come with us… as crappy as that is and as much as I don’t like it, I can accept that…
Back to r and the healing… so we talked about what I told him that I was feeling and he apologized, which, I wasn’t asking for… in fact, I feel selfish telling him all that because I know he’s been so stressed… he told me though that he had been stressed because things had been weird between us… it all comes together now… I’m really glad that he brought it up because at first I didn’t want to talk about it… everything is all good now… it’s times like these when I feel closer to him than before… it makes us stronger… we snuggled tonight until he fell asleep… it was really nice having him hold me… I’ve missed it…

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


Sorry, this is another long one… I’ve been pretty good at writing novels lately… I just had to get this off my chest though…
Today started off as a pretty good day… that was my thinking anyways… I was really hoping that I could maintain my positive attitude all day long… I can say that as of right now my positive attitude has gone into hiding… I am sad and hurt right now… basically, in a nutshell, I feel unappreciated, un-needed, and disrespected… some of this is work based and some of this is my personal life… at work, ever since t’s (the boss) grandson j started, my co-worker (rrll- he was basically the only one I had) has been being so rude to me… I blogged about this the other day… he’s making rude comments, not talking to me, showing j all the stuff that he does on a daily basis, and pretty much just ignoring me… this is more about being disrespected… for example, this morning, rrll was on the phone with our accountant talking to her and our boss calls… my boss is asking me to figure out how much we need to raise an employees hourly rate so that he makes about $150 more a week…. He was getting frustrated with me because I kept using the wrong number in my calculations and finally realized it… during the time we’re on the phone, the 3rd line starts ringing… I guess j doesn’t have to answer the phone, maybe he’s “too good” for that… maybe rrll told him not too, that it was the “secretary’s job”… rrll is really big on what is his job and what is your job, he will not do anything other than his job (he even quit taking out the trash on the weekend because we have a cleaning lady now.. Monday morning the office smelled rank!!! He’s trying to save $$ by not using too many trashbags!)… which is why I have to get up on my lunch break to answer the phone sometimes… I think he must think that his hold button on his phone doesn’t work… so this morning I’m on the phone with our boss and the phone rings like 10 times… if I don’t answer by 2 rings I’m not going to get it because I’m taking care of something very important… normally though (99% of the time- unless it’s our boss), I put the person on hold & answer the other line… rrll didn’t even have enough respect for me to put our accountant on hold… he just sat there talking and let it ring… he had a salesman in his office yesterday when I went to lunch and the phone started ringing… he just sat there talking to the salesman so I had to get the phone… he constantly is looking over my shoulder as if I’m incompetent… I understand the reason that he does this is because he’s incompetent but it still irritates me… he constantly points out my mistakes and makes a big deal out of them… I never point out any of his mistakes (even though there are a ton) and basically just let them go… honestly, I feel like he is in the beginning stages of alzheimers, his mom has it bad & it’s genetic, and he said something to me one day that kinda confirmed that… sometimes i feel like an overpaid babysitter, i just walk behind him and clean up his messes and mistakes... I feel bad for him and really don’t want to call him out on his mistakes because it is alzheimers but all I can do is try to hold my tongue… no promises… I can only take as much as I can take… he feels that he can call me out on things and I hate to say this but turn around is fair play… my hits would probably be below the belt but I’m pretty sure his comments towards me would cease… I don’t want to take this road though, I really am trying to take the high road… I basically feel like he so disrespects me and that really makes me mad, more upset I guess… I don’t like to feel disrespected… I started treating him like he was treating me today and he was like, are you ok? Not feeling well? I said, nope, I’m fine and went back to what I was doing…
On the personal level… remember, this is all my perception and I’m sure what’s going on at work is affecting my perception of my personal life too… I hate to admit this and talk about this but this is what my blog is for… lately I’ve been feeling unappreciated and un-needed by r… it’s like, when he gets home from work he sits down on the couch and watches tv… I feel like when I try to talk to him he doesn’t even listen to me… it just goes in one ear and out the other…like what I say isn’t important and doesn’t matter to him… it’s like, he only talks to me or whatever when he needs something… I figure this has to do with my calmness and peace of mind lately (with the exception of the past few days)… like I said before, it’s like we switched attitudes… he is angry and irritable and I’m calm and collected… I know that all this is because of the restaurant and he has so many things on his mind… I also know, without a doubt, that if I said something to him about it the issue would be resolved… I just haven’t had the energy lately to talk to him about it…
One more thing before I go…I guess this is where the unappreciated and un-needed feelings kind of come into play regarding work… a while back, in the spring, I asked my boss’s wife if j (remember grandson of the boss) was coming to work here to take rrll’s place or the boss’s place… his wife said the boss’s… to me though, it’s looking like he’s here to take rrll’s place.. if this is the case it’s really going to hurt my feelings… rrll (and sometimes the boss) refer to me as the secretary (and rrll has made some snide remarks about, oh, that’s just the secretary) and nothing more… even though my job entails much more than just being a secretary… I do payroll, HR, take care of the insurance & benefits, A/P, A/R, basically everything except purchasing… that’s rrll’s job… which lately he has been passing more responsibility on to me, well, until j got here anyways… I was under the impression when I got this job that one day when rrll retired (he’s old enough) I would get his job… from some of the comments that rrll and the boss have made though, I get the impression that I’m a woman/”female” and that women are supposed to be at home taking care of the kids… old school type mentality… I’m not all women’s lib but it really irks me when someone assumes that I can’t do something because I am a woman and not a man… it seems to me like my boss and co-worker are just, oh, she’s a girl, she can just stay the secretary, she won’t mind… but you know, I have been looking for a job where I can advance, move up… nothing I can do about it but wait and see what comes of it… I would really like to ask my boss who’s place j is taking just so I’ll know… i think i'll go home and watch the kitties, my simple delights... that's an excellent way to end a crummy day....

p.s... i think i've been talking things very hard lately because i've been dealing with my issues by eating... oh yeah, so of my 49.5lbs that i had lost i've now gained 8lbs back... 8lbs might not sound like much but the more weight you lose the more you notice when you start putting the pounds back on... that has me discouraged... every day when i wake up i say, i'm going to walk or do yoga tonight... do i though, nope. i really would like to do yoga and meditate tonight, i think that one of those or both of them would really do wonders for my attitude... i'm hoping anyways... we'll see if i actually follow thru...

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


Earlier today I was talking about seeing beauty in everything… well, that only lasted so long today… it disappoints me too because I haven’t let my co-worker get to me in a while… for the most part, I’ve been calm, cool, and collected (in all situations, not just work)… even regarding situations that I might have previously considered stressful… well, I’m sure I would have let them stress me out… r was even stressing me out today… he isn’t anymore, my co-worker isn’t either, but I did have to go to my happy place to get out of the mess… I’m not in a great mood but I’m not in near as bad of a mood as I was in… I managed to let him crawl all over my nerves!! Now I’m not only disappointed with myself, I’m just amazed at how he acts… before I started really working on changing my attitude and myself, when I would be so “mean” to my co-worker, I was basically really short with him… that was it… no nasty comments or snide remarks… no being absolutely hateful to him… I just made it clear that I didn’t want to carry on a conversation with him (even though that didn’t stop him)… I really am trying to be the better person in this situation and not play his stupid little games… though I must say, he has started acting a lot nicer since he knows that he pissed me off… it’s like he was trying everything under the sun to make me mad and he wasn’t going to be happy until he did… that’s ok though… there’s no use in beating myself up because I let him get to me, I’m sure that’s what he wants me to do! Anyways, I just wanted to vent a little bit… get it out of my system that I was pissed but I’m ok with it now… I’m not sure if it’s possible to be happy 100% of the time or not… my plan though is to be happy as close to 100% of the time as I can be… I know that as I practice and learn to live my life this way it will get easier and better… each moment is a new moment and an opportunity to change something if you need or want too….

A Helping Hand

This morning I was sitting at my desk and this guy came in… I smiled like I always do and asked what I could do for him… he said that him and his wife were hitchhiking to Longview and he was looking for some work to make a few bucks to get his wife something to eat (he had work gloves in his back pocket, said at one time he had tools too but he had to sell them for money)… he said that they had slept outside last night and would do any kind of work that we had… something about this man affected me… not in a bad way or anything just in a well, I really felt like he was being honest… my co-worker, the one who is such a Christian, or so he claims, was basically so rude to the poor guy… after the guy left my co-worker was talking trash about people like that and how they’re just panhandlers and blah, blah… I didn’t even think about it until after he left but I looked in my wallet and all I had was $5… I keep looking out the door hoping that the guy will walk back by so I can give him the $5… I’m not concerned with what he spends it on, I will just know that I did my part to help someone out who needed it… that’s what matters… like I said, I don’t give money to everyone who asks but I will try to help someone out if I can… I’m not saying that I can always tell who really needs the money and who doesn’t but sometimes you just get a feeling… I know, feelings can be wrong but if it’s my feeling then that’s what I should do… it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks… it’s what I think and what I feel…. I was just thinking, he obviously needs the money more than I do… he has no job, he’s trying to feed his wife, they have no car, no house… and these are things that I take for granted each and everyday… I need to learn to be conscious, mindful, and thankful for all that I have…
I just drove down to the store where I thought he might be and I didn’t see him… at least I know that I tried and did all I could do…
Last night I was driving home from the restaurant and had my sunroof open… the road that I take back and forth to i.p. is kinda dark… there aren’t many, if any, street lights out there… I happened to look up and see the stars… the night sky was so beautiful… I had forgotten how pretty it was when it was so clear and you could see everything in the sky… I am really trying to see the beauty in everything… I’m getting better at it and I’m better today than I was yesterday…

Monday, September 25, 2006

Simple Delights

Right now, I am sitting outside on my back porch enjoying the weather… I called k just a minute ago and said, I think I’m sad… not even sad, just not happy… just kinda here… I came outside to get the kitties in so that I could go out to i.p. and decorate the one last wall in the restaurant… somehow I started watching them… mazzy was rolling around and flopping like a fish out of water on the warm concrete.. murph was sitting on top of the cooler just chillin… I can look out the screen door and see the little baby outside kitties eating… they are so precious… the big white “daddy” cat is out here too (he has the most beautiful blue eyes!!)… he sits by the tree and watches to make sure all the little kitties get to eat before he does… anyways, I look at my kitties and I realize how precious and dear they are to me… honestly, they are like my children… think, my adopted children… I only say adopted because I did not give birth to them… I love them that much… I’ve always known how much I loved them but that was just (and still is) one of those moments that you get… it’s like, looking at r at one certain moment and I just get this feeling of overwhelming love and peace in my body… like, at this moment, I cannot believe how much I love you… how perfect things are just in this moment… I know that it should be like that all of the time, maybe not that intense but just having a sense of peace that yes, this is where you’re supposed to be, you are on the right path, and all is right with the world… at least your perception of it… I love this feeling…
ah, quickly things to be thankful for: the weather, the restaurant, the outside kitties, the beautiful leaves that have already started falling (I know, probably the heat causing that), everything that I have that I take for granted (and shouldn’t, but I do, they get overlooked, but I’m working on it)… this is how I felt after just being outside, watching nature and the kitties, and just relaxing, taking time out…. Feeling way so much better than before…

p.s… I did meditate tonight (and my chakra meditation bracelet came in- all my masculine (lower) chakras are out of balance…

What Goes Around Comes Around

What goes around comes around…. I am so amazed that my co-worker (in all his Christian-ness) can be such an ass!!! And make such rude comments!! When I was not being very nice to him I never made rude comments, never!! The owner’s grandson is in the office now, he is going to be taking his place when he learns everything, and my co-worker walked by and said, blah blah yeah, after Courtney disappeared!! Um, I usually go to lunch between 12:45 and 1:00, after him… it was 1:15, he was outside, and I was hungry so I went back to the break room and heated up my lunch… (he made his comment after I got done eating!)…. I got thru eating and came back to my desk… it’s now 2:00 and he is just now eating lunch… I knew when he came back in from outside that he had 2 phone calls to return and then UPS was going to be calling back to talk to him so I decided to eat… now he’s walking around making rude comments about me!!! like I said, I might have been short with him but I never walked around making rude comments… even though there were plenty to be made… I so want to start making comments and showing him all his mistakes, like he does to me, but I know that’s not going to solve anything… maybe he’s just trying to get a rise out of me… I’m not going to show him that his comments bother me… I’m not going to give him that satisfaction… it’s like, he just can’t stand it that he doesn’t get to me anymore… his attitude has been so bad since mine has started changing… shoulders down, not up by my ears and breathe deeply… relax… there is no reason he should affect me…

The Weekend

It’s Monday and I’m having a small case of the Monday blues but not too bad… my attitude has actually improved since I’ve been at work!! I decided this morning that I’m going to start with the not-so-positive things and then blog about the positive things… that way I’ll end on a positive note and hopefully that will help me keep a positive attitude all day!! Once again, I know that all this is based on my perception… if I can change the way I look at things, the things I look at change….
So, the not-so-positive… I guess you could say it started Saturday night… I washed r’s phone… ok, not so much a big deal… I checked his cargo pockets, that’s where he always keeps it, and it wasn’t in there… checking pockets is a habit of mine from working at a cleaners… I didn’t check his regular pockets though because he usually only keeps his wallet in there and it comes out as soon as he gets home…
Yesterday I called us cellular to put his old phone back on his number until today so I could go get him a new phone… I could have gone yesterday but they didn’t open until 1 and I really didn’t feel like getting ready (hair, makeup)… so when I was on the phone with us cellular I couldn’t get the back of his phone off to give them the old esn so I asked him to do it… ok, I got griped out… I couldn’t tell if he was pushing the button down and pushing or not… he got ugly with me… I mean, ugly… I’m so glad the rep had put me on hold so he didn’t hear it… I would have been so embarrassed!! I was still on the phone with the rep and he apologized… what was my reaction, after I got off the phone? I totally defused the situation… he was making us turkey sandwiches for lunch and I went into the kitchen and told him, it was ok, I accept his apology, it’s no big deal… he was frustrated with the phone and took it out on me (how many times have I done that?) I changed the subject and all was fine… the rest of the day was really good!!
This morning… before I even leave the house for work he calls me and gripes me out… we pay our employees on Monday… (this happened yesterday) he tells me that he doesn’t know how much our new waitress is going to make, they haven’t discussed it yet… I told him not a problem… when he gets there in the morning, discuss her pay and just pay her out of the register… once again, no biggie… I assumed he heard me but assume = ass out of u and me… back to this morning, he calls me when I’m still at home asking, where’s p’s check? I reminded him of our conversation yesterday and he got all mad… fine, I guess I’ll just have to deal with this when I get to work… I don’t know how much to pay her, I’m going to have to do the math (we have a calculator up there), and blah blah… ok, whatever… how am I supposed to pay her when I have no idea how much? That’s part of “his” job, to let me know how much to pay the employees…
He calls again once I get to work… ok, we’re going to pay her what our ex-head waitress was making… I give him the total then he starts griping at me for having to pay her out of the register and having to pay uni-first… how he hopes there is enough money in the register for all this s**t…. whatever…
The positives… It’s so weird… I have noticed lately that it seems our attitudes have switched... instead of me being angry, irritated, and stressed it’s him… I’m the one who’s trying to stay level-headed and calm… he did comment on that yesterday… later that afternoon he said, I noticed how you didn’t get mad about what happened when you were on the phone earlier… that was really nice of him to notice! I know he’s got a ton on his plate right now and I’m really not worried about it… I can’t tell you for how many years I was acting like he is now… with my change in attitude though his attitude really isn’t bothering me… in fact, I feel really bad for him… I can relate to where he’s at and what he’s going thru… (the one not-so-positive thing about this situation, once again, my perception, he sometimes makes me feel that I can do nothing right… it makes me kinda doubt myself) … I just have to learn (and am doing good) not to take it personally… I kinda take it personally at first but I am learning to talk myself thru it…
I am extremely lucky and thankful to have my health (even with my herniated disc!), my family, friends, a job that allows me to spend the first however long of my day blogging and surfing around the internet, r, the kitties, and my new attitude… I have so much to be thankful for and have been realizing that more and more lately… it’s getting easier to see the positive side of things rather than the negative… I’ve rambled on long enough… more soon!

Friday, September 22, 2006


i have a huge love for pandas... they are so incredibly cute!! this happened a few days ago but i keep rereading it so i thought i would share it... if you want the link, it's:

here's the story:
Panda Bites Man, Man Bites Him Back
BEIJING (AP) - A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal's back, state media said Wednesday.
Zhang Xinyan, from the central province of Henan, drank four jugs of beer at a restaurant near the zoo before visiting Gu Gu the panda on Tuesday, the Beijing Morning Post said.
"He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand," and jumped into the enclosure, the newspaper said.
The panda, who was asleep, was startled and bit Zhang, 35, on the right leg, it said. Zhang got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg. A tussle ensued, the paper said.
"I bit the fellow in the back," Zhang was quoted as saying in the newspaper. "Its skin was quite thick."
Other tourists yelled for a zookeeper, who got the panda under control by spraying it with water, reports said. Zhang was hospitalized.
Newspaper photographs showed Zhang lying on a hospital bed with blood-soaked bandages and a seam of stitches running down his leg.
The Beijing Youth Daily quoted Zhang as saying that he had seen pandas on television and "they seemed to get along well with people."
"No one ever said they would bite people," Zhang said. "I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much."
Ye Mingxia, a spokeswoman for the Beijing Zoo, confirmed the incident happened but would not give any details. She said Gu Gu was "healthy."
"We're not considering punishing him now," Ye said in a telephone interview. "He's suffered quite a bit of shock."


I am so glad it’s Friday!!! We don’t have any plans for this weekend…just relax and hang out… well, I think that r and I are going to try to get the window unit changed out at the restaurant this weekend… I have a few things on my to-do list that I’m maybe going to work on getting accomplished but nothing major that has to be done, well, besides payroll and paying bills… last night our final number was good! That was the highest number we’ve run in about a month… and it wasn’t even our busy night… I feel so much better and reassured just seeing our numbers for the past 2 days… r said that he hasn’t been having to buy as many cokes, bread, or food… we think that our ex-head waitress was “borrowing” food, drinks, pretty much whatever she needed… much more convenient than having to drive somewhere and actually buy it… she could just walk across the parking lot and “borrow” it… that’s good because it’s cutting down on our food cost! This whole issue has ended up working out for the better… there’s always something positive in every situation (even though it might be a little hard to see) and I see the positive in this situation now… the only person that we’re really worried about keeping happy and content is our morning cook, e… her and r have a good relationship though… I must say that things are going well… I’m already very excited about the turn around in the business!!

I didn’t end up going to my class last night… I got home, was talking to k on the phone, laying on the couch, and I got so sleepy… I took a nap… then overslept this morning… no biggie though, I still made it to work on time, actually a few minutes earlier than I normally get here… ah, I’m getting a massage tonight… she’s going to work on my neck some more… it is bound up!! I’ve been doing my neck exercises too…

After my nap last night I tried meditating for a little bit… I found some guided meditations online and listened to them…. Even though I haven’t tried meditated that much, I’m still a newbie, I found myself getting really relaxed last night… the way they were describing that you would feel, that’s how I was feeling… I felt much more calm after I got done… the kitties even left me alone while I was meditating… needless to say, after I was done they went crazy!!

Thursday, September 21, 2006


When we forgive, we are also forgiven. If we love, we will be loved. If we feel peace within, we will attract more peace to feel within.... just as if you hate, you will be hated. Everyone's own freedom is in inner forgiveness, love, peace, approval and allowing.

Naming our emotions allows us to see that since they vary constantly, we do not have to get wrapped up in them. The times when we are moody occur because we pay attention to our mood swings and let them direct how we feel. Seeing that every second our thoughts and emotions incessantly change, however, enables us to release the hold they have on us. Realizing that our thoughts do not have to define our moods helps us feel more secure, grounded, and at ease with them. By detaching from your emotions, you will discover that true comfort rests in letting go.

This is long but you’ve been warned…
As much as I hate to admit it, I’m glad that r and I found out that our head waitress and her friends that we had working there (yes, there have been 3 so far) were stealing… I honestly thought that I was doing something wrong and that’s why we had no money in the bank… I couldn’t figure out where I was going wrong either… about the end of august, r said to me (and kept saying to me) that he thought we should be making more money… I thought that he was just comparing the numbers we run to the ones he ran at his old job… I really didn’t think too much about it… I have to say though, he was right… several people have been coming up to him and telling him that he must be making money hand over fist because the restaurant is always so busy… not the case though, we were barely getting by… (I can admit this and talk about it now)… yesterday confirmed his suspicions though.. he said that breakfast and lunch were dead…. Normally during our lunch special we are out of the special early… yesterday he ran the special during dinner too because that’s how dead our lunch was… when he pulled the tape at the end of the night our final numbers were what they have been for about the past month… r says, there have been days where we’ve been so busy that the restaurant is packed but at the end of the night we would run about what we ran yesterday… yeah, something was going on… on average we figure that the waitress got away with about $2000…. That’s a conservative estimate too… an average of about $100 a day, $500 a week… we’ve been open for 8 weeks now… like I said, that’s a conservative estimate… now I understand where all our money was going.. into their pockets… their stealing really put us in a bind… the past month I’ve been thinking, are we going to make it? it’s only the second month and we have no money… now I understand… so as bad as it sounds, I’m glad to know that they were stealing… that is over now… I think we are on the right track getting people in there that we can trust… I feel such a sense of relief though from knowing where our money was going… we will and can recover, it will just take a little bit…. It will all work out… like I’ve said before, when r and I were talking about buying the restaurant I was so at peace with the idea… I had no reservations about it at all… now, all my reservations are gone again… everything happens for a reason and they did get away with money but now we know what was going on…. our numbers should look much better and things will get easier…
As far as sneakers is concerned… man, I would so love to have him… I know that the adjustment for mazzy and murphy would be difficult, more so for mazzy… but, if sneakers is meant to come and live with us he will!!! My class last night was very interesting.. I’m learning how to muscle test… I’m learning a lot of things that I can take and apply to my life…
Oh yeah, this is so odd, to me anyways… just another sign that I’m on the right track… there is this show I listen too on xm radio… broadminded… it’s 3 “broads” who have been best friends for years and they pretty much say what they want and talk about all kinds of different things… last night I had to run to walmart before my meeting and I was listening to the broads… they were talking about manifesting their own destiny…. They had a lady on the show and she was telling them everything that I have been reading about for over the past year!! Unbelievable!!! That really inspired me more and gave me more confidence that I am headed in the right direction… like I’ve said before, change is hard… changing your thoughts and beliefs… I’ve been this way for 28 years but I know I can change and manifest the life for r and I that we want!!!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


it seems that things keep popping up where we (or r or i) have to make a decision... where to begin... r and i had figured out that our head waitress, the one who's been with us since we opened, was stealing but we didn't really know this until recently... we had no idea how much until today... we don't have an exact number but we're now sure that she was stealing... so he fired her... all she seemed concerned about was her reputation around town... personally in my opinion, she's done enough on her own to damage her reputation without our help... crackhead! (sorry, i know that's not nice i'm just really frustrated and irritated)...
the other dilemma... sneakers... he's the kitten from the cedar tree.... he's been living up there since we opened up... i feel so sorry for him... he is one of the cutest little kitties in the world!!! he is so sweet too!!! and lovey!!! all he wants is a home and some love and attention... r has been feeding him and giving him fresh water everyday... sneakers let's r pet him... now he's following r to his truck and following him around outside... it's making r feel so bad... we both decided that if someone hasn't taken sneakers home (we've had several people say they are going to take him home) by friday then we'll take him... we've given it a lot of thought... contemplated having another kitty... how will mazzy and murphy act? mazzy wasn't too happy when murphy came along but she got over him so she can get over sneakers... i think that murphy would love to have sneakers as a brother/sister.. plus, murphy would have a play partner so maybe mazzy would like that, maybe she would get left alone... is three kitties too many? r is the one who made the two kitty rule but he is the one who brought bringing sneakers home to live with us up.... i should know that if it's meant to happen it will.... if not, it won't... i just can't get over how sad sneakers makes me though... people call me the crazy cat lady and that's ok with me... right now i really don't want to have any children, maybe one day, maybe not... we'll just have to see how that goes... to me, my kitties are my children... there was this bumper sticker that i saw once, cats, not kids... um, yeah!! i personally don't think that three kitties is too many and i shouldn't really care what others think... all i know is that sneakers has to be rescued... all he wants is to be loved and a home... he's not asking for too much... i know we could give him that!! and we will if no one else does!!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Various Tidbits

here are some various tidbits of information that i have picked up over the past few days... pieces of things that came in an email, something i read... things like that...

My emotional pain is never about the other person. It’s not about my spouse, my parents, my friends, or the stranger in the store. It’s always and only about me. Whatever anyone else is thinking or doing is never about me; it’s always about them. They live in their own interpretation of the world.

If the generally accepted concept were to obtain what we really need and then be content, society would be completely different. We would not always be tortured by fear and anxiety. We could just relax and be happy. Developing a sense of contentment is a precious gift.

"Anxiety is mostly caused by two emotions: anger and sadness." "People get anxious about not being able to control their anger or about not knowing how to deal with situations that make them sad. And that is what fear is—the inability to solve the problem that is making you angry or sad."

"The breath and mind go together." "If the breath is calm, steady, and even, so are we. If the breath is shallow, agitated, and arrhythmic, the mind won't be able to concentrate."

I am mightier than any negative circumstances that I might face today, tomorrow, or ever.
I am rising up, out, and away from old limiting thoughts, habits, and concepts about myself.... and practicing daily positive self-talk is greatly helping me do this.
I am pure potential..... and my potential is unlimited.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Monday, Monday

well, it's monday.... i'm not a big fan of mondays... it's not that i hate them, they just happen to be one of my least favorite days of the week... here's why (i know, it's probably a cheesy reason but it's the truth)... i get to spend the whole weekend with r (or most of it anyways) and saturday and sunday we had such a good time... it was so nice just to be able to relax and not have to worry about doing anything... come monday though when it's time to get up and get ready for work, i start dreading the day ahead (i know, i need to work on my attitude towards mondays)... i miss r and the kitties so much on mondays... spending time with them makes me appreciate and love them so much (but monday makes me miss them)... i know that absence makes the heart grow fonder but kinda like mondays, i'm not a big fan of absence.... as the week goes on i am more ok with it... then the weekend rolls around... but, at least i have family to miss!! i can be thankful for that!! and i have a job to go too... i'm really working on changing my thinking (or figuring out how to change my thinking) regarding mondays and missing the family.... it kinda makes me sad for r that he has been working so hard lately and is going to have to keep working this hard for a while... he's gone from 7:40 in the morning to about 9 at night... i know he's busting his butt though... that makes me feel bad because i don't feel that i'm doing enough or as much as he is... that i should be doing more.... anyways, i just wanted to get some of the sadness out, hoping that will make me feel better and that i can think positively!!

Sunday, September 17, 2006


since i'm big on sharing emails i wanted to share this... it kinda describes where i am at, where i've been, and where i'm trying to go... it's like, i know i'm on the right track but sometimes i get nervous and doubt myself because i really am working on changing and change can be and is kinda scary... i am leaving the safety of the known (even if the known is maybe not as good for me) and stepping into the unknown... i would have to say that for the most now, now anyways, i am becoming more comfortable with what is going on in my life and am really working on changing...

Life has its ups and downs. While it may be tempting to wallow in our misery during the downs, or quickly move past the source of our despair, that isn't always the healthiest way to deal with a crisis.
It's human nature to avoid the emotional roadblocks that pepper the path to spiritual maturity, to seek instead the slow and steady pace of the ordinary traveler. Yet reaching higher spiritual ground requires an extraordinary traveler. It demands the kind of change that comes from facing challenges-emotional, spiritual, or physical—and growing as a result.
A spiritual initiation—an exceptionally difficult life passage that shakes your foundations and makes you question your purpose—is just this sort of change. Disguised as a loss, it's actually an opportunity to strengthen the thread of awareness that connects your outer inner selves, a chance to travel deeper into the soul.


this weekend was a really good weekend.... our good friends, b&k, came into town and we got to hang out with them... it was really good!! they helped us get so much done this weekend at the restaurant (i only hope they know how much we appreciate their help!! it probably would have been a disaster if r and i had done it ourselves!! k had so many good ideas on the decorations, things that i wouldn't have thought or would have thought of too late)... r and b got the tv's hung and k and i got the decorations up... it looks great in there!! having the tv's up and something on the walls really does a lot for the place... saturday night we watched lucky number slevin... it was a little confusing until the end, not a bad movie overall, i think i was just kinda restless.... (last saturday i watched friends with money, i really liked that movie, it was what i needed to see at the right time, i'll have to blog about it later)
today has been a really good day... i had a couple of loads of laundry to do, payroll, and pay some bills.... we've had the windows open all day, it has been so nice outside... i love fall and spring... fall is good because we're moving towards the winter and it's all cold and you can bundle up, cuddle up, and snuggle up... the spring is good too... i like the warmness of summer after the cold winter (at first anyways, until it gets way hot!)... i am really looking forward to fall though... i'm not sure how "warm" it got today... the last time i looked it was 63... like i said, we had the windows open all day, it rained most of the morning and part of the afternoon.... i love days like today when i'm off work and don't have much of anything to do... so nice, relaxing, calm, cool... i figure it'll probably get warmer before it starts to get and stay cool but that's ok... i know that fall isn't totally here yet but it's on its way.... i love being able to leave the windows open... that is one of my most favorite things...
things are looking good and going good... for the most part i was in a good mood this weekend... i got a little hectic friday, it started when i left work and went to walmart, but other than that, my mood stayed good!! i was really proud of myself for not getting mad at my co-worker all week long... yes, he did start to irritate me but i talked myself out of getting mad... i have a class to go too on wednesday night to go over the 5 elements that we talked about in the last class that i went too... we're going to go over it some more since a few of us (me included) didn't understand part of it... there's a class thursday night about buddhism that i want to go too... like i said before, i'm not changing or converting religions, just learning about new ones that way i can take different things from all of them... buddhism sounds really interesting from what i've read... anyways, that's what's on my agenda this week.... i'm looking forward to my classes... it'll be another good week at work... i think i am irritating my co-worker by being so nice and in such a good mood... it seems his mood and attitude have gone downhill since i've started being so nice... it's like i'm pissing him off.... kill 'em with kindness though, right? i'll blog more soon... as far as i can tell i don't have much going on at work this week... same 'ol stuff... maybe helping extend payroll prices but that only takes me about one full day... no biggie... until later...
peace, not pieces...

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


i'm really hoping to have time to blog twice today... this first one is a combination of emails that were in my inbox this morning (the second will be about issues/perceptions that i really would like to change).... i truly believe that the universe gives you what you need when you need it... this morning's emails seemed to be about changes... i used to not like change (i am working on that)... prefering to stay in the comfort of what i know... i am now realizing that life is always changing and the only constant is change... some of the emails kinda repeat themselves but i feel that is the universe's way of really "driving a point home" to me... making me realize that this is important... so, below is a hodgepodge of what i received this morning....

one little note, i'm not "converting" religions so to speak, i'm just taking different things from all different religions to manifest my own destiny... how to live life with love, how to be more positive, finding peace, self-love, and respect, that God isn't a judgemental "person"... things like that...

"If I'm not intolerant of my shortcomings, how can I ever expect to change them?" The truth is, real change only happens when you're kind to yourself.

Accept everything that arises. Accept your feelings, even the ones you wish you did not have. Accept your experiences, even the ones you hate. Don’t condemn yourself for having human flaws and failings. Learn to see all the phenomena in the mind as being perfectly natural and understandable. Try to exercise a disinterested acceptance at all times with respect to everything you experience.
Part of yogic philosophy is the idea of detachment. This means that, instead of hanging on desperately to people, activities, or objects, we should learn how to flow with the current of life and recognize that change is the only constant.
As Buddha said, “impermanence is the nature of the human condition. This is a truth we know in our minds but tend to resist in our hearts. Change happens all around us, all the time, yet we long for the predictable, the consistent. We want the reassurance that comes from things remaining the same. We find ourselves shocked when people die, even though death is the most predictable part of life."
the next time you notice that you are grasping onto something in your life, ask yourself what it would feel like to appreciate that thing fully while at the same time being prepared, when the time comes, to let it go.
these feelings of irritability could be reflection of your inner feelings about the constant changes that happen in your life. It might seem that everything around you is in a state of flux and that even when you are at home you sense the changes that are happening. Learning to be present with change and recognizing the impermanence of things could help you overcome your mood swings. Should you notice that you feel ill at ease, you can remind yourself that everything changes and even though you do not feel comfortable, your feelings will soon pass. Keeping this in mind might help you recognize that both pleasant and unpleasant feelings undulate. Acknowledging that change is the only thing constant in our lives lets us remain with our uncomfortable feelings without becoming attached to them. When we feel unsettled about things, it is easy for us to attach ourselves to our moods. Realizing that nothing stays the same, however, allows us to let go of our frustrations when things don’t seem to go right. We become relieved with the knowledge that nothing is permanent for we recognize that our unease is often simply the result of wanting to keep things constant. By becoming aware of the impermanence of your thoughts and feelings, you will become better able to control them and feel a greater sense of peace.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Daily Saying

here is today's daily Buddhist Inspiration saying (very fitting and appropriate):
Happiness and suffering come from your own mind, not from outside. Your own mind is the cause of happiness; your own mind is the cause of suffering. To obtain happiness and pacify suffering, you have to work within your own mind.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Up and Down

i can't believe it's been 10 days since i blogged.... that's just crazy!!! but, i have been really busy and haven't really had the time... i feel like there has been a lot going on.... most of it good... some of it hard or challenging... (i don't want to use the word bad; i am trying to get away from labeling things as bad)... my attitude was really good up until this weekend... then i seemed to kind of get in a funk... i'm not sure what happened, especially since it was the weekend... r and i had a good weekend though... we didn't do much of anything... it was nice just to relax though... i did go to another class on sunday... a meridian and the 5 elements class.... i didn't seem to take as much information away as i did the first class that i went too.... i think it might have been my attitude though.... it wasn't negative it just wasn't very positive... i was just kinda there... i did learn that i have a lot of conscious and subconscious fears/worries that i need to address and learned several techniques to address that.... i need to start working on addressing those issues though... what you put out into the universe is what you're going to get back... garbage out, garbage in... positive out, positive in.... i have really been trying to think of all the things that i have to be thankful for instead of all the negative and what i think i'm lacking... (because i'm not very positive this morning i'm going to list a few things that i am thankful for)....
i am thankful for:
my wonderful husband r, i can't imagine my life without him... i think there would be an empty void in my life...
my wonderful "kids"/kitties... i love them like they are my children... they act like my children too...
my supportive friends and family... they are always there and knowing that they are there reassures me....
my job & my boss... it really is a great job, no matter how much i gripe about it... i've learned a lot here that i can apply to other areas in my life...
my house, my health, eye sight, hearing, the fact that i have another day to live (i can't take that for granted), good teeth, and the fact that i am really working on changing myself so that i can manifest my own destiny and create the life that i want, filled with happiness ...
just listing those few things that i am thankful for really did make a difference in my attitude... i am now looking at life with a smile on my face.... i have so much to be thankful for and i need to be conscious of that at all times... i need to live my life with love, not anger or fear... here is my positive thought for the day:
You have two basic choices in life; love or fear. Choose love. At the basis of all anger is fear. Fear not. You cannot live with both emotions. Your emotions will either be love based or fear based, the two cannot exist at the same time.
for the time being i am going to work on keeping my thoughts positive, live my life with love, and remove the worry from my life... live in the present... the past has happened and there is no need to punish yourself (repeately) for the choices that you made... the future is not here yet and there is no need to worry about it since you can manifest it and make it anything that you want it to be... i need to live in this moment...
peace, not pieces...

Friday, September 01, 2006

More Rambling...

sorry guys, another long one... i know, i've been very long-winded lately...
I’m calming down… I got myself all stressed out for no reason… well, because I think that something’s wrong if I’m not stressed… all this stuff I have to do, not a problem… I’ll get it done, and if not, oh well…. The important things I will take care of though… I did get the house cleaned and some laundry done last night… I’ve gone as far as I can on payroll without anyone’s hours… that won’t be bad at all… mom is making the curtains and she took the old pictures of i.p. to see if someone can “fix” them… I really appreciate that, she is taking a lot of stress off me!!
I was laying in bed this morning thinking… when I say morning I mean about 3am… the past 2 nights I’ve gone to bed and then woken up about 3 or 3:30 and have been unable to go back to sleep… so, I’m laying there thinking… the kitties sure have been lovey lately… and wanting attention! For murph this isn’t unusual... but for mazzy, well, it’s really unusual… she loves it when I pick her up, carry her around, and pet her… she loves the foot love too (and if your feet are stinky that’s even better, I know, yuck!)… but yeah, the past week or so, she’s been very affectionate and lovey… makes me wonder what those 2 are up too… hehe… maybe it’s the new petmate water “fountain” that I bought them… it’s one of those water dispensers that cycles and filters the water so that they’re always drinking clean purified water… murph is so cute… he loves to drink it off the “slide” part… not out of the reservoir… mazzy wasn’t real impressed with it at first but I’ve caught her using it… one more think I love about the kitties, their “satellite” ears… the way they can make them go any direction or lay down flat…. It’s so cute!! I love their little ears!! I know, stupid but it makes me happy!!
Lately I’ve been talking about everything happening for a reason and at the right time… well, we had sold r’s old suburban to some friends and they were paying us out… she called at the beginning of the week and told me that she was going to pay it off today… she came up to my work and paid us off… that’s so awesome because I was fixing to have to “pay” r for his work at the cedar tree… so far I haven’t had to pay him yet, we’ve been living off of what we had in checking… when I say pay I mean, put money in our checking account for bills.. so yeah, this week I was going to have to pay him but not now!! I need to go to the bank and deposit the money AND I even have $100 (or more!!) left to spend on decorations!! Yeah!!! Everything happens for a reason and at the right time!! It’s amazing!! I am so excited about this!!! it just makes my day and mood even better!!
I got done blogging yesterday and checked my email.. guess what was in there?!?! It’s amazing how this happens… Something that I needed to hear/read (a little cheesy but still good!!)… here it is…

What do you think you have to do today?
Do the things on your list sound like fun? Are they clearly moving you in the direction of what you really want in your life?
Are there duties on your list that seem necessary but not any fun at all? Things that seem necessary but aren't fun and don't even head you in a positive direction?
Does the sheer volume of what there is to do crowd all the fun out of everything?
I woke up this morning with the same headache I had yesterday.
It was no secret where it came from. I had WAY too much on my plate and had myself all stressed out about handling it.
It isn't just about those big dreams we have that are out there on the horizon. It's about daily life.
I laughed when I realized it was my own thoughts that were stressing me out. Good grief! How quickly I forget everything!
Do you want to feel some relief from your own stress? Want to feel more confident about reaching your goals and getting what you want?
Does it feel like you can't ever make progress?
You CAN. But how?
The definition of overwhelm: thinking you are responsible for things that you believe you lack the time, knowledge, ability, and/or resources to handle, and that you must handle them according to a standard you believe you can't meet.
What if all that was required to get the important things done was faith in the outcome, loving yourself enough to believe that what you want is worthwhile, willingness to do your small part, and acceptance that the universe handles the large part?
Something to think about.
Just allow yourself to accept that what you CAN do is enough. Hang on and joyfully go with the flow, instead of jumping out with your worry and self-judgement about why you're not there yet
Next time you're proud of yourself for accomplishing something, be proud! You did your part!
And a big part of what you did is to be willing to allow the energy of the universe to work through you.
You breathed.
You imagined.
You gave yourself permission to try.
You let yourself think you could.
You gave yourself a reason.
You challenged your stressful, scary, and self-defeating thoughts.
You believed you were worthy of your goal.
You believed your goal was worthy of you.
You believed that somehow what you needed would show up.
Next time you think you can't, check your willingness to do these things.
You CAN.