Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas!

May this Christmas season fill your home with joy, your heart with love, and your life with laughter.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Up... Again

Ok, so today’s a good day… this up and down emotionally is really getting to me… wearing me out… oh well, I suppose I just take the good with the bad… maybe I should say the good with the not-so-good…
Last night I went to the Y and participated in an “upbeat” water aerobics class… basically dare I say a “hip hop” class… I was worried about this for several reasons- 1) it’s been forever since I have swam, 2) um, I am so uncoordinated and I have absolutely no rhythm, 3) I had to wear a swimsuit (I ended up wearing a t-shirt over it- but hello, it was a white t-shirt and my top was black- not so smart!), 4) it was in a not-so-good part of town, and 5) I was going by myself and had absolutely no idea what to expect. Needless to say, I was all kinds of worried and stressed for no reason… there were only 4 other people there besides myself and they were all really nice… that was good… so now I am going to start going to the class on a regular basis… Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6… the guy teaching the class was really nice and said that they never have anything going on down there and I am welcome to use the indoor pool anytime, just call him and let him know and he’ll turn the heater on for me… YAY!!! So I’m thinking that while dc is gone I’ll just go swim… I can’t even begin to tell you how much I miss swimming, I love being in the water… it’s such good exercise and for me it’s very enjoyable!!! I guess you could say it’s like exercising without hating it, or exercising without really exercising, doing something fun!!! I’ve been looking for that type of exercise for a while!!!
So here’s to hoping that today will be a good day and dc and I will have another amazing weekend (since, once again, it’s his last weekend here)!!! Happy Weekend Wishes to all of you too!!!

Thursday, December 11, 2008


I’m not really sure where all of this “being so emotional” is coming from… or even why it’s here… I don’t know the answers to those questions but I do know that it’s driving me up the wall… I have been so emotional… extremely emotional…. Way too emotional…. I can’t even read some blog posts because I just bust into tears… I’m taking everything so personally…. And probably taking everything the way wrong way too… if there is any possible chance that something could be taken negatively, I will take it that way… I’m not like this all the time but I have been lately and like I said, it’s driving me crazy!!!! (Yes, my “visitor” is still here and has been for the better part of the past month… I’m pretty sure that my hormones are all crazy and that’s not helping me emotionally but I just can’t seem to make myself call the doctor. I suppose it’s just easier to gripe about it than actually do something about it.)
The holidays are usually a pretty emotional time for me but this year I am excited about them. I’m really excited about spending them with dc, who loves the holidays like I do, instead of with someone who doesn’t really care about them. For instance, this Thanksgiving was better than my past 8 have been. I wasn’t being pressured with “are you ready to go?”, “ can we leave now?”, “how long do we have to stay?”??? It was really nice to be able to relax and enjoy the time with my family.
That doesn’t help me with the way I’m feeling now though. I honestly feel like I can completely out of control, regarding my emotions anyways. Saturday dc and I were working and we had the radio on, it seems that every stupid song that came on brought tears to my eyes, and it was like all the songs were depressing too!!!! He told me last night that he’s leaving Monday and isn’t sure when he’s coming back… either Friday or Monday… of course we all know that my vote is for Friday… he said it depends on when his roommate is coming back… if he’s staying thru the weekend then dc will stay and they will work… if he’s coming back that weekend then dc will come back Friday… this really pisses me off end because his roommate is the one “helping” him to decide… I know, I know… selfish… it is very selfish of me but that’s the way I feel and I can’t help it… I really am working on and trying to be ok with all of this… with him “living” down there for about two weeks at a time but damn, he’s just killing me… getting used to him being here for a month at a time, then leaving again, just drains me… every time he leaves I feel like we’ve broken up because my life is the same as it was when he was here except he’s gone… I don’t get to go somewhere else and change up my routine…. once again, I’m being extremely selfish… I apologize for the majority of my posts being so negative and “all about dc” being gone and me being sad… I’m just really having a hard time with it and I feel bad talking about it because I know everyone gets tired of hearing it… so instead I just blog about it… it gets it out anyways…
I promise I really am trying to be positive and to stay positive but these damn emotions keep taking over and the negative just keeps on coming…

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

And More...

So it seems that the number of things that I am grateful for in my life just keeps growing and growing… and I’m excited and happy about this… I went and weighed today for the first Holiday Trimmings weigh in and since last Wednesday I lost 3.8lbs! This makes for a total of 15.5lbs that I’ve lost total!!! The weight loss was going much better until Thanksgiving rolled around and it took me a little while to get back on the wagon so to speak but I’m not complaining. Working out at the Y is helping and seeing the loss on the scale is also motivating!!! Tomorrow night I’m going to a different Y and going to a water aerobics and swim class!! I am so excited, I love to swim!!!! (dc is going to be out of town until about 8 so that will give me a chance to go check out another Y and see what this swim class is all about!!!)
dc announced last night that he’s not going back until Monday now… he said that he had been thinking about it and decided that he wouldn’t leave on Friday, he’d stay til Monday. very nice!!! I’m glad he’s going to be here for the weekend, the weather is supposed to be beautiful, in the 70’s, and we’re going to go golf!!! Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad he’s going to be here for the weekend, I hate weekends without him, but in a way he’s just prolonging the inevitable. Except he did say, you never know, I may just keep delaying going back and just not go back… don’t toy with my emotions like that!!! but, he knows how I feel and I can’t be the one to make that decision, he has to be. It will all work out though, this I know.
So there are three (weight loss, swimming, and dc staying longer) more things for me to be grateful for!!!

Monday, December 08, 2008

More Good Things

I was hoping that dc and I would have a good weekend and we did. We had a really awesome weekend!!! Saturday I cleaned and then went over to help dc work a little. We worked until a little after 5 and then went home… Saturday night we played Scrabble- too late to cook dinner- and built a fire!! I love fires!!! We’ve been talking about going camping but it has been really cold so we decided that since we haven’t been able to go camping we would camp in the living room. He had brought his sleeping bag so we set that up in front of the fire and camped out. I honestly haven’t had that much fun in a long time!!! Sunday we got up and he made cinnamon vanilla pancakes and omelets for breakfast!!! Lunch, during the Cowboys game, was brots with sauerkraut, and dinner was salmon, rice, and broccoli… the salmon was supposed to be dinner Saturday night but like I said, Scrabble got way good!!!
The kitties absolutely love boxes, especially the boxes that bottles of water come in… they are constantly playing or sleeping in them… Murphy loves being pulled around in a box so dc got the good idea to make them a sled out of a water box and some phone chargers that didn’t work. He cracks me up!!! So, here are the kitties in their sled… I suppose I should add that the sled has been repaired multiple times already… Mazzy likes to bite the charger cords…. She has an “old” one to play with that can chew up that won’t break anything but we apparently like to bite the one that is the handle to the sled…

And… as an added bonus, next week is my last full week to work this year!!! I only have 11 working days left this year after today!!! But it’s a good thing I’m not excited and I’m not counting down!!!!
I was invited to December’s wine night on Monday the 15th but I’m not sure if I’m going or not. dc and I joined the Y (YMCA) and are participating in the Holiday Trimmings special they are doing. It’s basically 6 weeks for $6 and you can use any of the three Y’s in town and take advantage of all the programs that they offer. They have a grand prize winner for the most weight lost and then first thru third place winners for men and women. You have to weigh in all 6 weeks to be eligible for the prizes (so I know for sure dc won’t be since he won’t be here next week to weigh) and I’m not sure if I will be either. The only day I don’t know if I’ll be able to weigh will be the 30th- it all depends on if we go skiing or what over my Christmas break. I’m excited though, we’ve been working out and playing racquetball. They also have an indoor pool that I’m going to take advantage of when he leaves. I know wine night is only one night but I really think that if I don’t continue to go after work on a regular basis I’ll end up “one nighting” myself to death and never go to the Y and work out.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Maybe It's Not So Bad

As an update to yesterday’s post, things are better today… something else occurred to me though… I’ve had my “visitor” basically for the past 3 weeks… yes, I’m on the pill but it doesn’t really seem to be working as far as regulating goes… so my hormones could be (and probably are) completely out of whack…
dc and I went and looked at Christmas lights last night. That is probably one of my most favorite things to do. I love looking at Christmas lights. We used to go look at lights together, years ago. I honestly don’t remember the last time I went to look at lights though. anyways, back to the point… the Christmas lights were disappointing this year… I don’t know if they have been the past few years but as of last night there were only a few people that had lights up (I say a few- a few compared to what I remember). We were talking and we don’t know if the economy is the reason or if people are just being Scroogey… the ex brought all my holiday decorations over about a month ago and they’re all sitting in the 2nd bedroom… the only problem is, I have no place to put anything… I’m debating on trying to put out a little bit of stuff or just not doing it… last year I didn’t have anything out either due to the move… I love decorating for Christmas though… so, decisions, decisions…
dc’s working and I just finished cleaning… I thought I’d stop by and blog for a minute before I go get in the shower… here’s to hoping his last weekend here is a good one!!

Friday, December 05, 2008

Enough Already

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, when I was in such a not-so-good mood, and was trying desperately to get out of the funk, I decided to finally make a gratitude list. I haven’t shared my list with anyone because for some reason I am embarrassed about it… because of what I put on there I guess? I don’t really know… my list made me realize that I do have an abundance of things to be thankful for but somehow when I go re-read my list, I get sad. Really sad. I don’t know why this happens. It bothers me though.
I don’t know if me getting so sad has something to do with the fact that dc’s leaving next Friday, the 12th, to go back to Corpus for about a week or what. (He’s mentioned several times in my gratitude list). And I know I have no reason to be sad about him leaving but ever since I found out earlier this week that he was leaving next Friday I have just obsessed over that. It’s driving me crazy. I’m driving myself crazy. He is still here for a week but I’m already thinking about him leaving (and yes, he’ll only be gone about a week) and I know that the week will fly by and it will all be ok but it seems that every time he leaves it gets harder and harder to say bye. Devastating is the word that comes to mind. I absolutely hate it when he’s gone. I just want to ask him, do you really have to go? Why can’t you just stay? I know I should be grateful for the time he’s here (because he’s here more than he is there) but damn it if I can’t be. We’ve been hanging out/dating for almost 8 months and I still feel like I did when our relationship was new. The whole, I can’t quit thinking about him all the time, I constantly want to be with him, how good he makes me feel, how I think I can’t possibly care about him anymore than I already do but somehow I manage to find myself caring more and more. Feeling all of these emotions makes me feel like a sad sap of a person. Is this normal or is there something just “wrong with me?” I would give anything for him to just move back. Bring everything back with him when he comes back for Christmas… even better would be him not leaving and over Christmas vacation going down there and packing all his stuff up and bringing it back. Like I keep saying, I know I can’t make this decision for him, he has to do it, but damn it, I hope he knows how much it hurts when he leaves. He did say that he was shooting for the first of the year as far as moving back goes because it’s really hard trying to work from Corpus and here. We’ll see. I don’t want to get my hopes up and get excited until I know for sure.
I just want out of this funk. After writing all of this, I’m thinking that my sadness could be caused by a multitude of different things right now, mainly the holidays and dc’s leaving though. I’m really having second thoughts about posting all of this… like I said, I just feel like such a sad sap because I guess it’s almost like I feel that my happiness is directly related to if dc is here or not... and I know that’s not the case, I’m just so much happier when he is here.