Monday, February 25, 2008


I wore my Carl Edwards shirt to work today to support him since the race was rained out yesterday... the only gripe I have is not being able to see him so his flip since I was working... he won though!!! way to start the season off!!!!
Go Carl Go!!!!

Edwards outduels reigning Cup champ in Calif.


I wish I had the guts to do what I wanted to do for a living… first I need to find out what it is I want to do…

Change your mind ... and EVERYTHING changes.

You know it is bad when you wake up depressed!

I notice more and more days where I'm filled with a nearly uncontrollable rage.

Sometimes I think my life is so shitty, but I know on the outside, to others it looks pretty good. I don't know which one I should believe.

Right when I think you could not be more of an asshole you kick it up a notch.

Beloved one, may you always know that "the force is with you."
May you experience moment after moment of grace, presence, and awareness of the good in yourself and in the world around you.
You are precious, valuable, worthy, capable, and loved.

These are just some of the thoughts (and bits and pieces I've borrowed from all the True Confession websites) that have been running thru my head for several weeks now… my emotions have been a roller coaster… up and down… I thought it was just pms now I’m not sure what it is… I’ve been taking my meds, even though I was thinking about quitting them before my emotions took over and started on the roller coaster… I do have a dr. appt with my psychiatrist Monday… this morning when I was leaving for work the kitties looked so sad to see me go (probably because I’m never home anymore- I’m always working- and when I am home I’m still working)… I was ok until I got to work and then I just wanted to cry…
R and I have been busy… work, work, and more work… I’ve been working at my “regular” 8- 5 job then working after work either over at the office on tax returns or at the house on bookkeeping… yesterday I worked from the time I got up until 8:30… R and I were in bed and asleep by 9… (on the good side, I am almost thru gathering up all the information for our taxes)…
I have a dr. appt at the back institute tomorrow that I am really looking forward too (a day off from work)…
Last Tuesday km found out that she’s having a baby… her first dr. appt is tomorrow… hopefully she’ll find out how far along she is… I am so excited for her but yet I have mixed feelings inside me… and I know where these feelings are coming from… I just don’t know what to do about them…
Back in December I blogged about something that I’d been doing some heavy thinking about but never published it… I just saved it as a draft because I was scared to publish it… R has been bringing up babies for several months now… I have a suspicion that he’s ready to have one… I mentioned it to a co-worker’s wife and her friend that were up here on day but never said anything to anyone else… I suppose I was scared… scared of what people might say or think… I know that sounds stupid but it’s the truth…
I was waiting until my dr. appt tomorrow but the back dr. to talk to him about having a baby and see what he said… do I need to wait a certain amount of time? I’m not about to do something that might mess up my back… then I have an appt with my psychiatrist Monday and then on the 11th I go to the ob/gyn… I had planned to talk to them all and see what their thoughts were on me having a baby… now I feel that if I do that everyone will think R and I are just copying whatever km and her husband do… you know what I mean, like, oh, km and hubby are having a baby so we should too… and that’s so not it… I realize that my feeling like this is really silly but I’m not sure what to do… I have been debating on whether or not to blog about this… I send her a link to my blog when I first started it but I don’t know if she reads it or not… I’m not sure if she even has time right now… I just needed to get it out though… to vent…I suppose we’ll just see where we go from here…
I’m working really hard on staying positive (even though some times it is so much more challenging than other times)… I have finished making my manifestation board… I want to post some pictures of it but I have to find time to do that… I also need to put some pictures up on my manifestation board… I don’t think my manifestation board will work too well if there’s nothing on it for me to manifest…
I’m grateful that I finished creating my manifestation board…

Friday, February 15, 2008

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day

4 Things

Four things about me that you may or may not have known in no particular order.

4 jobs I have had in my life
1. McDonald's
2. Quantum Mortgage
3. Wells Fargo
4. Comet Cleaners

4 movies I've watched more than once:
1. Steel Magnolias
2. Grease
3. Casino
4. Pretty Woman

4 places where I have lived:
1. Sleepy Hollow (W.F.)
2. Fillmore (W.F.)
3. Featherston (W.F.)
4. Douglas (I.P.)

4 TV Shows that I watch:
1. Intervention
2. Miami/LA Ink
3. Rescue Me
4. Rob & Big

4 places I have been:
1. Cancun, Mexico
2. Negril, Jamaica
3. Zuni, New Mexico
4. Corpus Christi, Texas

4 people who e-mail me regularly:
1. Momma
2. Keli
3. Jennifer
4. Kelly (Girl!!)

4 of my favorite foods:
1. Cheeseburger
2. Frisco Burger
3. Hot Fudge Sundae
4. Pancakes

4 places I'd rather be right now:
1. With R
2. On vacation somewhere
3. In bed asleep
4. On Mary's table (getting a massage)

4 things I am looking forward to this year:
1. My 5th Wedding Anniversary
2. Working on our "new" house
3. Vacation
4. April 16th

Monday, February 11, 2008


So R and I went to the cardiologist today... that was about the biggest waste of time... when we got there we couldn’t find a seat… luckily a couple got called back right as we were done checking in… so we sat there for almost 2 hours and then we finally get called back... the nurse comes in and does her thing and then the dr comes in.... he listens to R's chest in the front and the back, says, there's nothing wrong with your heart, but we'll do some tests to make sure... but we can't do the tests today so we'll have to schedule another appt to come back and do the damn tests!!! so he goes back on march 4th for another ekg and a stress test… after the tests we can make another appt to come back and discuss the results... huh?!?! Did I miss something??? Did we really just sit out there for almost 2 hours?!?! For this?!?! and of course all of this is really helping R's stress level out... (sarcasm noted) one more thing, R is now sick... he has the stuff that everyone else has... it's the flu, stomach virus, mess that i had recently....
Update on momma… this morning she called her orthopedic surgeon (o.s.) and family dr to see if they could get her in… the o.s. was booked but she finally got some cooperation from her family dr… they told her to come in at 3 and they’d work her in… meanwhile, the dr she saw on Friday night called to let her know that a radiologist had looked at her x-rays and said she broke her elbow and needs to be in a “long cast”… she told the dr about her “appt” this afternoon and the dr said she’d call her right back… they told momma to come get her x-rays and take them by a different o.s. and not to worry about going to see her family dr… she couldn’t put a cast on anyways… it has to be an o.s… her x-rays have been sitting on the surgeon's desk since before lunch today... she kept calling today and they finally said, “he’s been really busy, hopefully he'll get a chance to review them tomorrow"...her family dr said that if she still hasn't heard from the o.s. tomorrow afternoon to call her back... hello, this happened on Friday and no one has done anything (or can do anything) about it...
So my question is this… what kind of healthcare is this? We pay damn good money for our insurance and this is the best we get?!?! These are the best Doctors? Hospitals? Clinics? I jacked around with my old back dr for 4 years before I finally gave up and went down to the Plano… personally I think this is a sad sad situation… (Canada is looking better all the time!!!)
Ironically, Saturday night before the Bud Shoot Out several of us were having a discussion about tax deductions (I know, exciting!!! I know you wanna come hang with us!!!) and how screwed up it is that our government allows you to deduct 100% of your mortgage interest but only 2% of your medical expenses… hhhmmm… there is the possibility that even though I had back surgery this year and will probably be paying these damn people the rest of my life (even though I have insurance), our mortgage interest deduction amount will probably be larger than our medical deduction amount… and in my opinion this is completely backwards!!! Ok, let me step down off my soapbox… here’s hoping that the rest of the week gets better than today!!! I mean, it has too doesn’t it???

grateful for... health insurance


It’s been forever and a day since I’ve had a chance to blog… tax season is here and I’m helping km and her sister and mom out (all 3 are cpa’s)… plus bookkeeping for them as well as my “regular” 8 – 5 job and the restaurant stuff… then, to top if off I have all my “household duties”…
R had a dr. appt on 1/30 and she referred him to a cardiologist… we have an appt today at 3:45… he had been having chest pains the week before and wanted to go in for a check up… he has high blood pressure and cholesterol and his family history of heart problems and stuff is horrible…the ekg they did in the office came back “abnormal”… not sure what that means and she didn’t really get into it… hopefully today the cardiologist can tell us more… I know R is really stressed and worried about this and I am too but I’m really trying not to show it because I know that will only stress him out more…

The 1st Saturday in February was our last Saturday off until tax season is over… luckily Kelly had planned Boo’s 30th birthday party for that weekend and we were able to make the trip down there for that!! It was so nice to get away and go visit them!! We had a good time and I’m so glad we were able to make it for Boo’s 30th birthday!!!

Wednesday night I went to a class at the HACC. I’ll get more into that later… I’m really excited about what I learned and about my manifestation board I’m going to make… the things I learned fell right into place with everything else I’ve been learning… I love it when that happens!!!
Friday momma was walking and fell… long story short, she landed face first on the concrete… cut her eyebrow, her nose where her glasses sit, and her upper lip under her nose was all cut… she fell on her right arm… she ended up going out to the clinic that night (I met her and grandma out there after my massage- I tried to tell her I’d take her & cancel with Mary but she wasn’t having it!!!) they wanted to put stitches in her eyebrow but she wasn’t having it… she just wanted her arm checked… the dr. out at the clinic just called and said it looks like she broke her elbow and needs a long cast… poor momma… we don’t know why she fell (that scares me) and I was so scared just seeing her like that… the situation has always been reversed… she has been taking care of me… I’m not saying I mind taking care of her, it’s just scary when it first happens because I’ve never been in that situation before…

Saturday our new windows were installed!!! YAY!!! They look so good!!! It is unbelievable the difference that they make too!!! you have to listen for the highway noise now… it’s not drafty anymore… and the windows don’t rattle anymore!!!

BUD SHOOT OUT!!!! The Bud Shoot out was Saturday night… I consider this the “pre-race” before the Daytona 500!!! Racing season is back!!!! WooHoo!!! I am so excited!!!!

I’m going to actually try to do some real work for a little bit… at least until I have to leave to go with R to the dr… I’ll be back asap to get into more details on some things and update on other things… until then, peace, not pieces…