I’m not really sure where all of this “being so emotional” is coming from… or even why it’s here… I don’t know the answers to those questions but I do know that it’s driving me up the wall… I have been so emotional… extremely emotional…. Way too emotional…. I can’t even read some blog posts because I just bust into tears… I’m taking everything so personally…. And probably taking everything the way wrong way too… if there is any possible chance that something could be taken negatively, I will take it that way… I’m not like this all the time but I have been lately and like I said, it’s driving me crazy!!!! (Yes, my “visitor” is still here and has been for the better part of the past month… I’m pretty sure that my hormones are all crazy and that’s not helping me emotionally but I just can’t seem to make myself call the doctor. I suppose it’s just easier to gripe about it than actually do something about it.)
The holidays are usually a pretty emotional time for me but this year I am excited about them. I’m really excited about spending them with dc, who loves the holidays like I do, instead of with someone who doesn’t really care about them. For instance, this Thanksgiving was better than my past 8 have been. I wasn’t being pressured with “are you ready to go?”, “ can we leave now?”, “how long do we have to stay?”??? It was really nice to be able to relax and enjoy the time with my family.
That doesn’t help me with the way I’m feeling now though. I honestly feel like I can completely out of control, regarding my emotions anyways. Saturday dc and I were working and we had the radio on, it seems that every stupid song that came on brought tears to my eyes, and it was like all the songs were depressing too!!!! He told me last night that he’s leaving Monday and isn’t sure when he’s coming back… either Friday or Monday… of course we all know that my vote is for Friday… he said it depends on when his roommate is coming back… if he’s staying thru the weekend then dc will stay and they will work… if he’s coming back that weekend then dc will come back Friday… this really pisses me off end because his roommate is the one “helping” him to decide… I know, I know… selfish… it is very selfish of me but that’s the way I feel and I can’t help it… I really am working on and trying to be ok with all of this… with him “living” down there for about two weeks at a time but damn, he’s just killing me… getting used to him being here for a month at a time, then leaving again, just drains me… every time he leaves I feel like we’ve broken up because my life is the same as it was when he was here except he’s gone… I don’t get to go somewhere else and change up my routine…. once again, I’m being extremely selfish… I apologize for the majority of my posts being so negative and “all about dc” being gone and me being sad… I’m just really having a hard time with it and I feel bad talking about it because I know everyone gets tired of hearing it… so instead I just blog about it… it gets it out anyways…
I promise I really am trying to be positive and to stay positive but these damn emotions keep taking over and the negative just keeps on coming…
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I'm Trying, I Really Am
Momma wrote me a letter once and in it she said something along the lines of, those that we are closest too will hurt us the most. It took me a long time to really and fully understand what she meant by that. Things have been a little on the “rough” side lately. With Thanksgiving tomorrow I’m really trying hard to focus on the good things in my life. I have so many things to be thankful for, I just need to get rid of the negative mindset and work on the positive mindset. That in itself is a challenge and right now I’m so tired and worn out. I’ve been sick since Sunday and on top of that haven’t been sleeping good at all, like 3 maybe 4 hours a night. I would so much rather be happy than sad, I just need to get there.
Ironically, after I published that I got an email which was very much needed…
Ironically, after I published that I got an email which was very much needed…
For me, this picture embodies what I feel thankfulness is. Presence, Recognition, Honor and Gentleness
Thankfulness comes from awareness gained by being completely Presence in the moment.
This presence leads to a deep Recognition of what we have and how precious it all is.
The realization of the precious nature of what we have leads to Honoring it.
Honoring it leads to being Gentle with what we have.
Being Thankful can be like walking a razor’s edge sometimes. I know I fail at times to be Present, to Recognize, to Honor and/or to be Gentle. We all have varying issues that cloud our ability to be thankful for any given thing from a job to a relationship. Sometimes, it takes effort to be thankful! It is fighting yourself, your inner demons, to choose and have happiness. The Spiritual Warrior doesn’t fight the world. The Spiritual Warrior fights those things within him or herself that prevent health and happiness.
Wishing you all a grand GivingThanks day. May you have fewer inner and outer battles this GivingThanks day!
Thankfulness comes from awareness gained by being completely Presence in the moment.
This presence leads to a deep Recognition of what we have and how precious it all is.
The realization of the precious nature of what we have leads to Honoring it.
Honoring it leads to being Gentle with what we have.
Being Thankful can be like walking a razor’s edge sometimes. I know I fail at times to be Present, to Recognize, to Honor and/or to be Gentle. We all have varying issues that cloud our ability to be thankful for any given thing from a job to a relationship. Sometimes, it takes effort to be thankful! It is fighting yourself, your inner demons, to choose and have happiness. The Spiritual Warrior doesn’t fight the world. The Spiritual Warrior fights those things within him or herself that prevent health and happiness.
Wishing you all a grand GivingThanks day. May you have fewer inner and outer battles this GivingThanks day!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Exactly What You Need to Hear
So I emailed momma this morning and was pity- partying about dc leaving… he was supposed to go back on Monday, it was switched to Tuesday, now it’s Friday… every day it gets one day later- I’m not complaining though, just like, you’re prolonging the inevitable… and it never fails the day before I get so sad it’s his “last night here” only to find out he’s staying another day… now he’s waiting on more product to come in… like I said, I’m not complaining, it’s just killing me- slowly… lol… anyways, I was pity- partying to momma and she said exactly what I needed to hear… exactly!!!
When dc first started talking about moving I was ok with it… I mean, not ok with it like I’m really ok with you moving 8 hours away but I’m ok with it because I understand that this is something that you’ve wanted to do for a long time and I don’t want you to end up resenting me because you didn’t go. It hurt (a lot) and I cried (a lot) and somehow seemed to lose sight of that perspective.
Momma’s reply to me was: I know you hate to see dc leave but you said he'd wanted to leave here for a long time. If he doesn't do it now and see if that's what he wants, he may never be happy. The new may wear off in a short time and he may move back but he'll always wonder if he doesn't take the chance now. He'll be back for a visit soon and who knows how long he'll decide to stay there at all. Maybe you can find something to get involved in to help pass the time.
After I cried, yes, I know, cried, I emailed her back and told her thank you; that was exactly what I needed to hear. She’s so right and now thinking back I’m disappointed in myself for losing sight of this but at the same time I’m grateful that she was able to help me shift my mindset and get me back to there. I have absolutely no idea where I would be right now without my family and my friends. I only hope they know how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate and love them.
When dc first started talking about moving I was ok with it… I mean, not ok with it like I’m really ok with you moving 8 hours away but I’m ok with it because I understand that this is something that you’ve wanted to do for a long time and I don’t want you to end up resenting me because you didn’t go. It hurt (a lot) and I cried (a lot) and somehow seemed to lose sight of that perspective.
Momma’s reply to me was: I know you hate to see dc leave but you said he'd wanted to leave here for a long time. If he doesn't do it now and see if that's what he wants, he may never be happy. The new may wear off in a short time and he may move back but he'll always wonder if he doesn't take the chance now. He'll be back for a visit soon and who knows how long he'll decide to stay there at all. Maybe you can find something to get involved in to help pass the time.
After I cried, yes, I know, cried, I emailed her back and told her thank you; that was exactly what I needed to hear. She’s so right and now thinking back I’m disappointed in myself for losing sight of this but at the same time I’m grateful that she was able to help me shift my mindset and get me back to there. I have absolutely no idea where I would be right now without my family and my friends. I only hope they know how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate and love them.
Monday, September 15, 2008
My "Confessions"
I’ve spent most of my morning reading True Confessions- Body, Mom, & Office. Here are a few of my confessions for today:
- I know others have it worse than I do but I just can’t seem to shake the funk right now.
- I haven’t been thinking about dc leaving and going back “home” but now that he’s leaving Wednesday I am getting so depressed. The tears have already started. I don’t know why he had to move.
- I have quit taking all my prescription meds- except my birth control. I’ve been so moody and emotional lately it’s driving me crazy, ironic isn’t it? I read that it can take up to a month for your body to get back to “normal” after you quit taking meds... it hasn’t been a month yet but I’m still waiting.
- I’m letting the “little stuff” get to me. I think this has to do with quitting the meds and dc leaving too. I can’t read, watch, or hear anything even semi-emotional without tearing up.
I want to write a book. I love to read and my whole life I’ve always wanted to write a book. I don’t know how or where to begin.
Happiness and suffering come from your own mind, not from outside. Your own mind is the cause of happiness; your own mind is the cause of suffering. To obtain happiness and pacify suffering, you have to work within your own mind.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Happiness
I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and thinking… working on trying to figure out what makes me happy. This isn’t really a “coherent” post, more just like a collection of things I’ve found in random places that I think are appropriate and that fit here. Lessons I’m trying to learn, values to instill in myself, random things. I’m working on changing to be a better and happier person.
Follow your heart, and be courageous. Life will never ask more of you than you can handle, and great joy can be found right outside your comfort zone.
Christopher Robin said to Pooh: “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time, often just one baby-step at a time and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. Stop waiting..... There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
You can learn to accept change with equanimity, absorbing each phase in stride and learning from each new experience. Instead of running for the hills each time a change arises, deal with change in three distinct stages: Loosen your grip, separate your feelings, and tap into wisdom. Learning to make peace with life's calamities—lost jobs, romances, dreams—does not mean you have to be passive.
"No matter where the problem is, how acute it may be, or how difficult the person may be, there is in the final analysis no one to change but yourself." - - Joseph Murphy
I kept looking for ways to fix the outside world so that I would enjoy it more. The problem is - the outside world is very resistant to being "fixed", especially the people in it. They seem to resent it if you try. What I know now is that none of those problems were outside me at all. As Joseph Murphy says, there was never anyone to change but me. And when I finally got miserable enough, I became willing to start work on myself. Here's the interesting part - as soon as I stopped blaming God and everyone else for my problems and took full responsibility for what I had created, my life began to change. I didn't see it at first, but I can sure see it now as I look back to that point 15 years ago. It reminds me of a little saying that I saw years ago - "My, how you've changed, since I changed." All that stuff I fought about in the outside world seemed to take care of itself when I started taking care of myself. So why am I telling you this story? Well, if there's any person, place or thing in your life that you think needs to be changed, why not think of it as a sign that there is something in you that needs work? Then ask that guiding Spirit within you what needs to be done, in you.
That doesn't mean that there is never any action to be taken in the outside world. It just means that you accept full responsibility for the situation being in your life, and you take corrective action without blame. You act in love, for yourself and others.
Follow your heart, and be courageous. Life will never ask more of you than you can handle, and great joy can be found right outside your comfort zone.
Christopher Robin said to Pooh: “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time, often just one baby-step at a time and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. Stop waiting..... There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
You can learn to accept change with equanimity, absorbing each phase in stride and learning from each new experience. Instead of running for the hills each time a change arises, deal with change in three distinct stages: Loosen your grip, separate your feelings, and tap into wisdom. Learning to make peace with life's calamities—lost jobs, romances, dreams—does not mean you have to be passive.
"No matter where the problem is, how acute it may be, or how difficult the person may be, there is in the final analysis no one to change but yourself." - - Joseph Murphy
I kept looking for ways to fix the outside world so that I would enjoy it more. The problem is - the outside world is very resistant to being "fixed", especially the people in it. They seem to resent it if you try. What I know now is that none of those problems were outside me at all. As Joseph Murphy says, there was never anyone to change but me. And when I finally got miserable enough, I became willing to start work on myself. Here's the interesting part - as soon as I stopped blaming God and everyone else for my problems and took full responsibility for what I had created, my life began to change. I didn't see it at first, but I can sure see it now as I look back to that point 15 years ago. It reminds me of a little saying that I saw years ago - "My, how you've changed, since I changed." All that stuff I fought about in the outside world seemed to take care of itself when I started taking care of myself. So why am I telling you this story? Well, if there's any person, place or thing in your life that you think needs to be changed, why not think of it as a sign that there is something in you that needs work? Then ask that guiding Spirit within you what needs to be done, in you.
That doesn't mean that there is never any action to be taken in the outside world. It just means that you accept full responsibility for the situation being in your life, and you take corrective action without blame. You act in love, for yourself and others.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Ups and Downs
Lately my mood has vacillated between happy and sad… I don’t know if it’s because there’s such a “variety” of things going on or what… so, the list of goings on:
• The BYK’s (back yard kitties) are gone… a decision was made to stop feeding them since we’re trying to sell the house so I quit feeding the kitties… I saw two of them out there last night waiting for me and it broke my heart! Tonight when I was coming home there was a kitty in the street… (not alive)… just laying there… and that really upset me…
• I’m in the process of getting over (read: taking antibiotics) for a bacterial infection… sinuses? I don’t know, I don’t know what that means and for once I’m too lazy to actually look it up… normally that’s the first thing I do… she said I have a lot of fluid on my ears… makes sense since I haven’t been able to hear!!
• I haven’t been walking because I’ve been so busy and haven’t been feeling good… I started feeling really bad Sunday and since then my walking has pretty much been non-existent… and I can tell too… my back is stiff!! I mean!!! I’ve had my walking shorts and shoes with me this week in case I got a chance to go walk around the lake but didn’t get the chance…
• It’s already the beginning of October and we’re still in the 90’s… last night at 10:00 it was still 78 outside… that’s just nuts, but that’s our weather for you! I am ready for fall though!! Ready for cooler temperatures!!!
• I’ve been helping out with Round 2 of tax season… if you filed an extension then your tax return is due October 15th… so that’s what we’re working on now… I’ve started keeping books for km but right now it’s tax time… it’s just really nice to get to work over there with them… it’s like working with family… everything is so relaxed and comfortable…
• We came to an agreement on the house we like in I.P. We made an offer, he countered, then we countered and now they’re making the changes to the contract so it will all be “legal and binding”… we came up $4000 from our original offer and he came down $3900 from his original price… exactly where I wanted to be!! Now all we have to do is sell our house!
• Our house has been showing like crazy… I would say it averages one showing a day… and considering the housing market right now that’s pretty good… no offers yet but when the right person comes along it will all fall into place..
• Here’s the main thing that’s been on my brain this week though…
ABILENE -- The Abilene Police Department has requested assistance from Texas Rangers for the investigation of the death of a 27-year old man who was brought into police custody after 5 p.m. Monday on a public intoxication charge. Abilene Police arrested Kris Rupe after they were called about a disturbance in the Quail Hollow Family Housing. Police say Rupe was aggressive and throwing bricks and they had to use pepper spray to restrain him. Police also say that Rupe had to have his feet restrained in the patrol unit because he was still combative. During booking at the Taylor County Jail, the suspect began having breathing difficulty. An ambulance took him to the hospital, where he died. Rupe’s body has been taken to the Tarrant County Medical Examiner’s Office for an autopsy. Police would not say whether Rupe's death was drug-related.
"At this point, that is just speculation," said Sgt. Joe Tauer, APD's public information officer. "But there is suspicion as to whether he was under the influence of some kind of intoxicants."
According to his driver's license, Rupe's address was in Wichita Falls. Abilene police said they did not know if Rupe had moved to Abilene, if he was in the U.S. Air Force, or if he was staying with a friend at the apartment complex. The Dyess media relations office did not immediately return a telephone message Tuesday afternoon.
Assistant Chief Mark Moore said investigators with the Texas Rangers, a division of the Texas Department of Public Safety, often investigate deaths of people who die in police custody. Ranger Juan Lozano will lead the investigation. Abilene Police and the Taylor County Sheriff’s Office are cooperating with the Texas Rangers investigation
According to news archives, the APD's last in-custody death occurred in October 2006, when Jeffrey Trotter, 27, died after police found him rambling and in possession of methamphetamine. **very odd**very similar situation**
GIRL!’s (aka kb’s) husband and r had known kris for years... they were the friends you still keep in contact with, maybe just on occasion but sometimes not… hindsight is 20/20 and I guess looking back you could see from about age 12 that he wasn’t going to have a “normal” life… there is so much history there… in this one person… the number of people he affected in both so many good and bad ways… I honestly had no idea that his death would really make me stop to think about a lot of things… we always joked about how something crazy would happen to him… but that’s the way it would happen because that’s the way he lived… he was cracked out, literally... But, I honestly believe he was a “good” guy… there was good in him… wasn't there??
I was “talking” to one of my friends about this and this was our conversation:
Me: I guess it makes me think about all the friends I have that could be in that situation…
S: You just have to remember that 90% of people in situations like that put themselves there through the choices that they’ve made.
Me: You are exactly right (not a big surprise) but it still makes me sad for them… and then the people they’ve “left”… too soft-hearted huh?
S: No, not too soft hearted. You never stop caring for them, you just realize that you can’t always save them.
That's exactly what I needed to hear. Now, that's what I just need to know and understand, you can't always save them.
• The BYK’s (back yard kitties) are gone… a decision was made to stop feeding them since we’re trying to sell the house so I quit feeding the kitties… I saw two of them out there last night waiting for me and it broke my heart! Tonight when I was coming home there was a kitty in the street… (not alive)… just laying there… and that really upset me…
• I’m in the process of getting over (read: taking antibiotics) for a bacterial infection… sinuses? I don’t know, I don’t know what that means and for once I’m too lazy to actually look it up… normally that’s the first thing I do… she said I have a lot of fluid on my ears… makes sense since I haven’t been able to hear!!
• I haven’t been walking because I’ve been so busy and haven’t been feeling good… I started feeling really bad Sunday and since then my walking has pretty much been non-existent… and I can tell too… my back is stiff!! I mean!!! I’ve had my walking shorts and shoes with me this week in case I got a chance to go walk around the lake but didn’t get the chance…
• It’s already the beginning of October and we’re still in the 90’s… last night at 10:00 it was still 78 outside… that’s just nuts, but that’s our weather for you! I am ready for fall though!! Ready for cooler temperatures!!!
• I’ve been helping out with Round 2 of tax season… if you filed an extension then your tax return is due October 15th… so that’s what we’re working on now… I’ve started keeping books for km but right now it’s tax time… it’s just really nice to get to work over there with them… it’s like working with family… everything is so relaxed and comfortable…
• We came to an agreement on the house we like in I.P. We made an offer, he countered, then we countered and now they’re making the changes to the contract so it will all be “legal and binding”… we came up $4000 from our original offer and he came down $3900 from his original price… exactly where I wanted to be!! Now all we have to do is sell our house!
• Our house has been showing like crazy… I would say it averages one showing a day… and considering the housing market right now that’s pretty good… no offers yet but when the right person comes along it will all fall into place..
• Here’s the main thing that’s been on my brain this week though…
ABILENE -- The Abilene Police Department has requested assistance from Texas Rangers for the investigation of the death of a 27-year old man who was brought into police custody after 5 p.m. Monday on a public intoxication charge. Abilene Police arrested Kris Rupe after they were called about a disturbance in the Quail Hollow Family Housing. Police say Rupe was aggressive and throwing bricks and they had to use pepper spray to restrain him. Police also say that Rupe had to have his feet restrained in the patrol unit because he was still combative. During booking at the Taylor County Jail, the suspect began having breathing difficulty. An ambulance took him to the hospital, where he died. Rupe’s body has been taken to the Tarrant County Medical Examiner’s Office for an autopsy. Police would not say whether Rupe's death was drug-related.
"At this point, that is just speculation," said Sgt. Joe Tauer, APD's public information officer. "But there is suspicion as to whether he was under the influence of some kind of intoxicants."
According to his driver's license, Rupe's address was in Wichita Falls. Abilene police said they did not know if Rupe had moved to Abilene, if he was in the U.S. Air Force, or if he was staying with a friend at the apartment complex. The Dyess media relations office did not immediately return a telephone message Tuesday afternoon.
Assistant Chief Mark Moore said investigators with the Texas Rangers, a division of the Texas Department of Public Safety, often investigate deaths of people who die in police custody. Ranger Juan Lozano will lead the investigation. Abilene Police and the Taylor County Sheriff’s Office are cooperating with the Texas Rangers investigation
According to news archives, the APD's last in-custody death occurred in October 2006, when Jeffrey Trotter, 27, died after police found him rambling and in possession of methamphetamine. **very odd**very similar situation**
GIRL!’s (aka kb’s) husband and r had known kris for years... they were the friends you still keep in contact with, maybe just on occasion but sometimes not… hindsight is 20/20 and I guess looking back you could see from about age 12 that he wasn’t going to have a “normal” life… there is so much history there… in this one person… the number of people he affected in both so many good and bad ways… I honestly had no idea that his death would really make me stop to think about a lot of things… we always joked about how something crazy would happen to him… but that’s the way it would happen because that’s the way he lived… he was cracked out, literally... But, I honestly believe he was a “good” guy… there was good in him… wasn't there??
I was “talking” to one of my friends about this and this was our conversation:
Me: I guess it makes me think about all the friends I have that could be in that situation…
S: You just have to remember that 90% of people in situations like that put themselves there through the choices that they’ve made.
Me: You are exactly right (not a big surprise) but it still makes me sad for them… and then the people they’ve “left”… too soft-hearted huh?
S: No, not too soft hearted. You never stop caring for them, you just realize that you can’t always save them.
That's exactly what I needed to hear. Now, that's what I just need to know and understand, you can't always save them.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Once Again
lately i've been doing a lot of thinking about everything that's been going on, what i've been trying to "learn" over the past three years or so, and of course, am i making the right decisions? what i've been learning and working on embracing is that the universe will give you what you need when you need it... the universe will take care of you... i have been trying to figure out how to just "accept" and "know" this...
here is my horoscope for today:
When it comes to making decisions about your life circumstances you may feel less than confident, and this hesitation could affect the ways in which you approach things today. It might be that your indecision is due to a fear of making a mistake that could have an undesirable impact on your life. If you can remind yourself that first the universe will take care of you and that everything you do is a learning experience and can only be a resource for greater understanding of your life, you could find that whatever action you take will lead you further along your path. Being able to let go of the fear you may have and opening up to the knowledge you can gain could make you feel much more positive about the choices you face today. No matter what we do, we always have something to gain from our actions. It can be scary to make a firm choice about things, but if we put things into perspective, we will see that the choices that face us are usually not nearly as urgent as we might make them. Learning to let go of this sense of urgency and uncertainty today will help you recognize that since you can never be certain of an outcome, everything you do is an unknown and you can gain knowledge about yourself and the world as a whole from any choice you make.
here is my horoscope for today:
When it comes to making decisions about your life circumstances you may feel less than confident, and this hesitation could affect the ways in which you approach things today. It might be that your indecision is due to a fear of making a mistake that could have an undesirable impact on your life. If you can remind yourself that first the universe will take care of you and that everything you do is a learning experience and can only be a resource for greater understanding of your life, you could find that whatever action you take will lead you further along your path. Being able to let go of the fear you may have and opening up to the knowledge you can gain could make you feel much more positive about the choices you face today. No matter what we do, we always have something to gain from our actions. It can be scary to make a firm choice about things, but if we put things into perspective, we will see that the choices that face us are usually not nearly as urgent as we might make them. Learning to let go of this sense of urgency and uncertainty today will help you recognize that since you can never be certain of an outcome, everything you do is an unknown and you can gain knowledge about yourself and the world as a whole from any choice you make.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
I Like This
If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything, If you look at what you have in life, you have everything. -Unknown
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Deep In Thought
day 2 of vacation!! i get to go see my psychiatrist today... i've been "preparing" for that... it probably sounds stupid but it's like i try to prepare what i'm going to say to him... it never works that way, but i usually try... anyways, i was checking my mail and came across this:
There are thousands of happy uplifting moments in our lives that we miss because we are so busy with the business of being unhappy.
very nice and so true! i need to keep that in the front of my mind!!
anyways, i created a whole new to-do list last night so after my dr. appt i am going to start working on that!!
There are thousands of happy uplifting moments in our lives that we miss because we are so busy with the business of being unhappy.
very nice and so true! i need to keep that in the front of my mind!!
anyways, i created a whole new to-do list last night so after my dr. appt i am going to start working on that!!
Monday, February 26, 2007
Taking Time Out
i was busy this weekend.... i worked at km's office on saturday and got home about 5:30... r and i ate dinner.... my computer needed to be updated so before i started on payroll r decided to update and scan my computer for me... i appreciate that he did it but it took almost 3 hours!! by the time he was done it was almost 10:00 and i was tired.... i've been working really hard at my work and then i worked hard on saturday... my back has really been hurting me too so that makes a world of difference in how hard my "work day affects me"... i get so tired!! at least march is almost here, i'm only glad because of my dr.'s appt... my back hurting has been taking it all out of me.... then i think because i'm so tired and hurting so bad that everything that i feel i have to do is insurmountable.... like i can't do anymore... i can't go anymore.... i am so tired, my whole back and both legs are in constant pain, and it's just like, i'm out of steam.... at the same time, i can't be... there is so much to do and so much to get done!! km asked me on saturday if i'd be willing to work on wednesdays after work... that's ok though, i really enjoy working up there with km, her sister, and her mom... they're like my family... luckily, km is the one person who 99.99% of the time never irritates me even if everyone else is... it takes a lot for that to happen!! so that's been nice change of working environment... despite all of the griping that i've done i'm in a fairly good mood... don't get me wrong, i was irritated (ok, pissed) today at work at rrll (of course!).... but i got over that after work... r and i had a good weekend... sunday i ended up working on restaurant stuff all day long.... get this, i had the race on but didn't even pay attention to it.... i didn't even know where carl finished when the race was over!! woah!! i got a lot done though!! this "craziness" won't last forever though!! only 6ish more weeks!! :) i know that if my back wasn't hurting the rest of this wouldn't even be an issue... like i said though, my mood and attitude have been pretty good... r and i are just kinda rocking along right now... 2007 hasn't been a bad year so far but it's definitely had it's challenges!! :) i'm off to grate some cheese for my chicken and rice casserole... if it's good i'll share the recipe! i so didn't mean for this to blog to sound the way it sounded... like a total bitchfest and please pity me for my pain... that's not what i was trying to say.... i just finally took a few minutes to get my crazy thoughts off my chest...
Monday, January 08, 2007
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