Monday, May 08, 2006

What the....

once again, it is monday... am i excited it's monday... nope, not in the least... i don't even know where to begin... r and i had a very productive weekend... i got the bedroom painted and faux finished... we pulled up the carpet, pad, staples, and tack strips, and decided to get carpet... no hardwood floors... i really don't want to have to maintenance them anyways... we're going to look at carpet this afternoon.... lately my mood has just been bad... it will be ok for a day or 2 but then it just seems to go back to nastiness.... i was on r's ass all weekend long... he could not do anything right... and it wasn't him though, it was me... he said, i just want you to have fun working on the bedroom... well it would have been much more fun had someone helped me... ok, i had help moving the furniture and taking the carpet and pad out but that was about it... saturday he made several comments to me and i was like, how do you expect me to have fun when i know that this is stressing you out and i'm stressed, plus not to mention all the other stresses besides the bedroom? (he is not a fan of home improvement projects at all...)... one of his comments made me feel so unappreciated though... it had nothing at all to do with the bedroom either... it was about his stupid cell phone... i go see dr. b, the psychiatrist, on friday... i'm kinda glad but kinda not... when i was really down he always upset me because he wanted to know what was bugging me... the last time i went to see him i had a really good visit... i have a sneaky feeling this friday won't be like the last appointment with him.... what to do though... the only decision i've been able to come too is to quit taking my pain meds... i can barely tolerate them... they put me in such a foul mood.... i think that's what's been wrong with me the past couple of weeks.... i feel the same way on these that i did on the ones before... so irritable and if you don't do whatever it is my way and now, well, i'm going to be pissed... i'll probably find a reason to be pissed anyways to be perfectly honest... i have been so pissed lately and it kinda scares me how quick i can go from being in an ok mood to just extreme anger.... that's how it's been going lately... pissed at everyone too.... i want to just go and stay home with my furbabies... i know that's not healthy but, whatever... oh yeah, speaking of healthy.... i watched my points like a hawk this week... i didn't even get into my flex points until sunday! this morning the scale showed i gained like 1-2lbs... what?? i walked tuesday and wednesday, thursday night started kilzing the blue walls in the bedroom and then worked friday after work and all weekend long... basically from the time i woke up saturday and sunday until i went to bed i worked on the bedroom... all weekend long, all by myself... it doesn't matter now, it's over and done with though... i'm keeping my fingers crossed that they can put the carpet in soon!!! if not, i don't know what we're going to do.... but yeah, back to the weigh in tonight.... i watched my points all week long, tried to eat healthier, and exercised!! if i go tonight and gained i'm going to cry... i have no idea what to do then... we'll just have to wait and see... no more pills though, i've got to get myself back under control.... damn the circles i keep going in!

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