Monday, May 22, 2006


i have been awake since sometime between 4:00 and 5:00 this morning... i'm not sure when exactly i woke up, all i know is that my head started hurting saturday afternoon, hurt all day yesterday, and woke me up early this morning hurting.... i was in tears when i woke up... it felt like my brain was pressing against my skull... the pressure was so horrible, it hasn't hurt that bad in a long time.... man did it hurt!! i tried ice packs, pills- prescription and not... everything!! nothing helped!! it took me about twice as long to get ready this morning because of my head.... it's feeling better now but it's still hurting... i'm glad not as bad though... i hope it quits hurting so i will feel like weighing in tonight.... i was debating there for a little while about waking r up to have him take me to the emergency room.... but to me, the emergency room is the last resort... i mean, you have to be in some serious pain.... like, you're not able to take it anymore.... and there for a little bit i thought that might have been my case... i go see my pain management dr. thursday morning.... i thought about calling to see if there is anything that they can do in-office to help relieve the pain and pressure... we've talked about cortizone shots at the base of the skull.... i don't know if they can do those in office or not.... (do i really hope they can!?!?!? yes and no) the steriods helped with the pain though.... guess they shrunk my inflamed greater optical nerves... something needs to give though!!
it occurred to me yesterday afternoon that this is going to be a busy week for me.... i'm not sure about at work yet but i have a ton of stuff that i need to do outside of work... and most of it involves places that close at 4:45 or 5:00.... i'm also hoping that this will be our last "full" week of work this month... hopefully we will have monday off... that would be so nice!! i got myself stressed out yesterday when i started to realize everything that i had to do this week.... some of it is stuff that has to be done this week too... like, getting my drivers license renewed.... it took me a little while to realize that i had gotten myself worked up over some pretty "unimportant" stuff.... i mean, this stuff has to get done but why am i stressing over it... it's not like i've never gotten what i need to get done taken care of.... no need to stress it... this morning on the way to work i was still thinking about my errands and realized that i wasn't really stressed about them... i'll get them taken care of... kinda like the bedroom.... r and i got the curtains hung yesterday.... i was going to hang a few pictures but i didn't realize we were out of wall hangers... we had bought some at the store a while back but didn't have as many left as i thought we did.... that's ok though, i need to go back to the store... we're totally out of laundry and dishwasher detergent... :) i'm trying not to stress though... my horoscope this morning that really made me think.... when i read my horoscope i don't put a lot of stock into what they say.... some days they seem to relate more to my life than others do.... anyways, today was one of the days when it seemed to pertain to me....
Time For What Matters
You may find that you are feeling a greater sense of responsibility today. You could also find that you are feeling more practical about your life decisions. Since you may be more aware than usual of your commitments today, you may also experience a greater sense of accountability for your choices. Perhaps this would be a good time to slow down and evaluate the responsibilities you have. You may want to try organizing your commitments in your life in a way that honors your priorities and life purpose. Allow yourself to make room for what matters to you. You might find that putting things in order today will help create a sense of harmony in your life.When you take the time to prioritize your commitments, you are learning how to work in a calm and conscientious way. Working consciously means that you focus on what needs to be done with awareness. So often in life we can feel that there are too many obligations and too little time to accomplish everything. As you make the effort to decide what needs to be done right away and put first things first, you leave room for the things in life that may not always get proper attention. Being practical with your time creates space for the important aspects of your life—family, friends, health, reflection, and meditation. Setting your priorities today can give you the means to expand the areas of your life which most need attention and create room for greater serenity.

what really made me think were these two sentences: You may want to try organizing your commitments in your life in a way that honors your priorities and life purpose. Allow yourself to make room for what matters to you. i need to make time in my life for what is important to me... lately exercising has been important to me.... spending time with r (and the kitties) is very important to me.... spending time with family and friends is also a high priority... i need to really think about and prioritize what is important to me in my life.... not what i think should be important or what others might think is important... i think organizing my priorities will help me out in so many different ways, it will help me come closer to achieving my 4 goals.... this weekend i was talking to k and i was griping about this and that and then i stopped and said, wait, every time i have a negative thought i'm supposed to change it into a positive thought or affirmation.... so i changed my thoughts and amazingly enough i forgot what it was i was griping about... i don't even remember now....
on a different note, i got on the scale this morning and it showed that i was about where i was at last week when i weighed in... i'm not sure how accurate my scale is now.... (it might be but since it was so "off" last week....) i'm not worried though.... my goal is to maintain this last week and this next week... a friend's 30th birthday was this weekend (i don't think i did that bad! and then memorial day is this weekend).... i might have gained, but if i did i'm ok with that because i think it might be muscle.... really.... i've been walking (and walking with 5lb. hand weights) and doing exercises.... my legs feel more muscular (as opposed to jiggly....)... i didn't say body-builder muscles, just more muscular... i feel so stupid saying that but it's true.... i'm ok with whatever happens though... to be honest, i'm really liking walking.... this dvd sure makes it easy... and adding the hand weights makes the 1 mile a challenge.... i know, 1 mile with 5lb. weights... you gotta start somewhere though.... saturday i was getting ready to go run some errands and thought, just for kicks i'm going to try on some shorts that i've been using as a "goal" since i started weight watchers.... i haven't been able to wear these shorts since i worked at comet... that was at the end of high school and the beginning of college (my 10 year high school is this year, october)... OMG! they fit, comfortably!!! i was so shocked and surprised!!! and too excited!! i think that made my weekend!! and motivated the hell out of me!!! hopefully my head will quit pounding so i will feel like weighing in tonight!!

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