Another Week

It seems like I’ve been going a million miles an hour and from the way things look I can’t see life slowing down any right now… Saturday after Thanksgiving was a friend’s 30th birthday party… I suppose I should mention they had 3 kegs… it was really fun… I had a great time… it’s times like this when I think, going out isn’t all that bad… (or it could have been the fact that we had all been drinking for about 4 hours… oops!)
This week has been crazy… I’ve been working and packing… and packing… and packing… trying to get all the calls made for the utilities and all that fun stuff… lining up the carpet cleaner and the lady that’s going to clean the house… tomorrow we get the keys and it’s ours… we’re leasing the house until we close on the 6th… that way we can paint and get it cleaned up… R is going to move stuff this weekend that the movers won’t move… I’ll be painting… I think we’ve got a good plan of action though… I hope so because I certainly am stressed… I’m hoping that once R gets “his” stuff moved out I won’t be so overwhelmed with the packing… packing stinks!!!
I finally found someone that offers high speed internet across the highway… I called at&t because they said they offered it but like I said, wrong side of the highway …you can get dsl from at&t if you live on the other side of the highway… on our side, nope… that doesn’t really make sense to me but no biggie… we can still get high speed internet… when the at&t lady told me that she could offer us dial up I was like, no!! not dial up!!! then I started picturing my life at the house with no internet and it really made me sad… and of course thinking about that made all sorts of other kinds of crazy thoughts pop into my head… I feel better now though…
Anyways, I’m clock watching now… waiting on 5:00 so I can tackle my million mile long to-do list… I’ll be back as soon as humanly possible!!

Thankful

it seems that most of the time the holidays are a stressful time for me... seeing family that i only see a few times a year stresses me out... i always felt like i was meeting new people (and tht really stresses me out)...what i finally realized is that they're my family... and seeing them a few times a year shouldn't stress me out... yesterday was such a good day... thanksgiving was amazing!!! i can honestly say it was one of the best thanksgiving's that i've had... we weren't sure if daddy was going to be here but he got home right around noon... YAY!! we had a new addition to the family in july so precious baby bailey was there... she is too cute!!! and she's so good!!! (to be honest bailey had me stressed though i have no idea why)... and it's always so good to see my brother and his wife... i'm so glad they moved back to texas!!
last night we had a few people over and it was fun!!! normally this too would stress me out but it didn't... r's brother was here... as well as a friend that we've both known forever and then another friend of r's he's known forever and his wife... we drank beer and just hung out (well, mike and i drank red draws, i love a good red draw!!!)... it's good to catch up with people you don't see all the time...
r and i were talking and we both agreed this one of the best and least stressful thanksgivings we've had... i have so much to be thankful for and i need to "know" that... and i think i finally do... it's almost like i finally understand... my life is filled with good things and good people... i realize how lucky i am to have such great things in my life... and i need to continue to realize that... not just one day either, every day...

Happy Thanksgiving

Back to Good

Today things are all back to good… I guess I was just tired or something yesterday… after work I went to jw’s and hung out… I’ve been going over there on Friday’s after work… I like it… so I went over there and then came home… today I went to see Mary… I love her… she is the best massage therapist… I made another appointment to go see her the Friday after Thanksgiving… she does such wonders for my stress knots!! So that was awesome… It’s only Saturday night, not even 7:00, and I’ve got all the laundry done as well as payroll and have paid the restaurant bills… YAY!!! I’ve got the rest of the weekend free!!! Tomorrow is the last race this year… Carl can’t win the Cup Championship but that’s ok, he won the Busch Championship!! Go Carl Go!!!
I think yesterday was just a kinda down day… just feeling a bit under the weather… but today I’m feeling so much better!!!

Blah

I am constantly amazed at how fast my moods can change… this week was a really good week… I hadn’t even thought about having a not-so-good day until today…. last night right before R got home I got really tired… like couldn’t even hold my eyes open tired… I got the daily sheet for the restaurant done and crashed on the couch… I vaguely remember waking up sometime later and stumbling to bed… I slept hard all night long but it wasn’t a good sleep… I was restless and kept having really bad night sweats… when I woke up this morning I realized I even forgot to turn my alarm clock on (that never happens)… when I woke up this morning I was tired… I’m still tired… like dead tired… dragging… I have no energy… and I’m freezing… I’m not in a bad mood, I’m just not in a good mood… I’m just here and blah… I don’t know if I’m trying to catch something or what… I just keep closing my eyes and almost drifting off to sleep… at least it’s Friday though!! and I just keep trying to remind myself that tomorrow I get to go see Mary (massage therapist)… she said she will only do my head, neck, and shoulders… that she’s stopping at my bra line because she doesn’t want to mess anything up regarding my back surgery… I go back to the doctor the Tuesday after Thanksgiving so hopefully he’ll release me for massages… that would be nice… anyways, it will be nice to have her work on my neck, shoulders, and head… I have lots of nice stress knots that I grew just for her to work on… I hate to wish time away but I’m ready for 5:00!!

Very True

Still Smiling

i got off work early today to go meet our realtor and the inspector... i had to stop by the house before i went out to i.p. (my capris had a blow out- i'm blaming it on the washer/dryer; they didn't have a hole in them when i wore them last, at least not that i noticed)... sorry, i'm getting way off topic here... ok, where were we... oh yeah, the blow out... so i came home and changed into some shorts (it was 86 here today, it was 68 this morning when i woke up- we've had the windows open forever it seems like)... ok, so i get home and there's a box on the porch... and it's not just any cardboard box, it's a pretty cardboard box... it has pears and confetti on it... my first thought was, i wonder if ups dropped this off at the wrong house... but no, my name was on it... so now my curiosity is killing me!!! i go inside, acknowledge the kitties but they aren't lavished with attention like normal... so now their curiosity is up... we all go into the kitchen and i finally found the scissors that i so cleverly hid for the open house... inside is the most beautiful gift basket from harry and david!!! it has pears, nuts, cheese, and moose munch (chocolate!!) in it!! Gina and Kim, my blog sisters, thank you so much!!! you two are so incredibly sweet!!! i absolutely love it!!! i've been smiling all afternoon because of it!! this means so much to me!!! sorry about the butchered pictures, they don't do the basket any justice!!

p.s... the kitties can't get enough of it either... the handle is kinda ridgy and it's like their own personal head & ear scratcher... they say thank you too!!!

More Good Things

It was a good weekend… it was so nice not to have anything to do… well, there’s always stuff to do but nothing pressing that we had to get done… so we didn’t do much… Saturday night I went out to eat with jw and some girls I used to work with at cingular (now at&t)… I might not have had a whole weekend away but dinner with the girls was really good… I got to see a couple of friends I haven’t seen in years!
The inspection on our “old” house was Friday and we haven’t heard anything back about anything he wants (or needs) to get fixed… I’m taking that as a good sign… today is the inspection on the house in i.p… I’m leaving work early today to go meet with the inspector at the end of the inspection to see what he says… I’ve got my fingers crossed it’s good news!!! If all goes well I’m going to maybe go to the store tonight on my way home and look at paint chips… I love to paint!! I’ve got my camera with me too so hopefully I can remember to take some pics… there are some on the realtor’s website but I was going to take some more…
The restaurant seems to be doing better and that’s always good…
On a totally different note, I got on the scale this morning and woah… I mean!! I knew I had gained some weight back but I had no idea how much… I have so got to start watching what I eat!!! And walking… to be honest I haven’t been walking at all… I know that would help with my back and with my weight… I’m just not really feeling the desire to do it though…
My back is good… I have some discomfort when I sneeze and cough (and lately that’s been all the time- the weather is crazy here!!) but I think that’s only because it’s so forceful… R told me, don’t sneeze so hard… I have no idea how to do that… if I try to hold back it hurts too… so I would say that I am pain free!!! No more back pain!!! And that is amazing!!! I go back to the dr on the 27th… we’ll see what he has to say… hopefully I’m getting to the end of wearing the back brace!!!
Life is good… I just need to stay positive!!!

The single biggest hurdle that prevents people from trying things that they would really love to try..... is fear of failure. Successful people embrace risk instead of run from it. Successful people also fail many times along the way..... sometimes one time right after another.
"Failing forward" is learning how..... when things don't go your way.... to just take a breath, regroup, and bounce back higher and harder.
With the words "failing forward" imprinted in your mind, when those inevitable failures happen (and they will.... the more and more chances you take), you'll always be reminded that you're not taking a step backwards when you fail... you're taking a step forward, towards your goal.
It's okay to fall down five times...just as long as you get back up at least six times. And every time you get up, you'll be stronger, wiser, and better suited to take on the next challenge.

Good Things

Good news!! R and I are in contract officially as of Tuesday night on our “old” house… the guy from the showing made an offer, we countered, and he accepted… his inspection is tomorrow morning at 8:30 so let’s hope all goes well!! we’re waiting on our guy to sign the new contract on the house in I.P. and then we’ll be in contract and we’ll set up our inspection… technically we were/are in contract on the one in I.P. but since there were so many changes on the old contract they drew up a new one… so, tentatively our closing date on both houses is December 6th!! YEAH!!! if all goes well we could be in our new house by Christmas!!!
Which brings me to my next thought… the holidays… Thanksgiving is two weeks away from today… I can’t believe it!! I talked to my brother today and him and his wife will be here for Thanksgiving! I’m really excited because they weren’t here last year!! It will be so nice to have everyone here together… and then comes Christmas… now I’m back to the age old question what to do for Christmas gifts?!?! Money is tight this year (no surprise there) so I’m really trying to be creative… any ideas?!?! Momma and Daddy loved the mugs that I had made with pics of Mazzy and Murphy on them last year… I must say they are pretty cute!! ideas anyone??
The trip to Port Aransas is not happening… I’m so ok with this though… long story short, km wasn’t going because of a death of a close friend… her sister didn’t really want to go and we all know I sure didn’t want to go… but after we found out Tuesday night that our counter offer on our house was accepted I wouldn’t have gone anyways… simply because I’m going to need some time off work to deal with all the house stuff… if I hadn’t had 7 paid weeks off in August and September I wouldn’t mind asking… but since I had all that time off I feel really bad asking for more… all in all though, I’m glad we’re not going… to be honest, I think it would have been more stressful than fun…
My mood is much better and I just need to remember to stay positive… good things are happening!!! I hope (think) this means that things are taking a turn for the better!!

This describes exactly how I feel about Mondays…
R and I had a good weekend… Saturday we packed, cleaned, and he moved furniture… we worked and worked and worked… the house looks so much different… I just hope something happens soon… the new furniture arrangement in the living room isn’t near as comfortable as the old arrangement was… but now we have a better “flow” thru the living room… the open house was a success… our realtor said we had 4 different groups of people show up and each group had at least 3 or more people in it… so that’s always good!! One guy wanted to make an offer but he hadn’t been pre-approved at the bank yet so our realtor took him a loan app from the bank… I’ve got my fingers crossed… at least R and I know that we have done all we can and we did the best we could… we de-cluttered, moved furniture, and cleaned up… maybe something will happen soon…
Daylight savings time… I love it when we “fall back” an hour… it’s much easier for me to get out of bed when the sun’s up… and I love it getting dark earlier… especially when it’s really cold… but man, when the time first changes it takes me a while to get used to it… the kitties too… now I’m hungry at the “wrong times”… my sleep pattern is all crazy… and the kitties, besides them always being crazy, they’re crazier and now their meal times have changed… which only adds to the craziness!!! But we’ll get it all worked out!!
Yesterday was the race at TMS- Texas Motor Speedway… km, her husband, her sister and her husband, and others all go down and camp out… that has to be awesome!!! But the stands hold right around 200,000 people and that’s a whole lot of people!!! They said yesterday that you could fit 52 Texas Stadiums (where the Cowboys play) inside just the infield of the track!!!! Woah!!! That is huge and that is a lot of people… anyways, Carl sucked it up… bad… he had a problem from almost the beginning of the race and they didn’t get it fixed until it was too late for him to recover… there are only 2 races left and it doesn’t really look good for Carl winning the Cup Championship… although he did clench the Busch series Championship this weekend… very nice!!! Way to go Carl!!!
I’m starting to have second thoughts about going to Port Aransas this weekend… things have been pretty good between R and I lately… we had a really good weekend… and as corny as this sounds, I already miss him and I’m not even gone… the only time we’ve spent nights apart (since we met) was the night of our bachelor/ette parties and then when I was in Plano for my back surgery… plus I’ll miss the kitties like crazy!!! I’m not a big being-away-from-home person… I’m very much a homebody (read: more like a socio-phobe)… anyways, right now I’m really not wanting to go… I know it would be really good for me to go and get away but we’ll see what happens… plus, I feel bad leaving R here by himself… I know, I know… what is wrong with me?!?!
The price increase at the restaurant really seems to have helped, so far anyways… now it seems like our main problem is finding a waitress to work from 11-4… I thought that would be one of the easiest slots to fill… apparently I was wrong… last week we didn’t have an 11-4 waitress and right now we’re not sure if we’re going to have one today or what… it seems like it’s always something…
I suppose we’ll just have to see what happens and what this week brings… (hopefully this week is better than last)…

i love this... it is too cute... this was me in the middle of the week...

i am feeling better today... i'm hoping things are on the upswing now!! i just need to work on staying positive and looking at all the good things in my life...

the yard work is done thanks to momma and daddy... my back "instructions" say no yard work for a couple of months... (on the 6th it will have been 3 months!) but they said they had it, lets not take any chances... i have no idea what i would do without them... they are such good parents... so i was packing some more stuff up (i would say de-cluttering but there's so much junk!!)... in between loads of laundry... i've got plans to clean the house today like it's nobody's business!! there are just a few more things i can pack up before i need r's help... so i think i'm off to eat a turkey sandwich and get back to work... i'm kinda getting excited about the open house... i just hope someone makes an offer!!

Stopping By

i'm still here... things are going, some days better than others... the middle of the week was better than monday and better than friday has been so far... i'm not sure if it's my bipolar-ness acting up or if it's just because i'm letting myself get so stressed... but then i wonder, does everyone feel this way or is it just me? do i just not have good coping skills? (well, i know i do need help in that area)... how do other people stay so calm? or at least come across as being calm?
the open house is sunday... r and i have been packing up some of the clutter at the house... he's been moving some furniture around to make the rooms look bigger... tomorrow i'm cleaning the house like there's no tomorrow... the restaurant seems to be doing better since the price increase... things between r and i seem to be getting better for the most part... we still have our days but at least we're working on it...
my back is still doing great!! no pain!!! it's been 3 months since my surgery and my back couldn't be better!!! it was a total success!! and i have realized that it is worth every penny to be pain free!!!
on a better note though, november 9th thru 12th i'll be in port aransas with the girls... there are 6 of us going total... let's just say that there is the potential for drama there... i'm excited though, it'll be really good to get out of town and get away for a few days... and it will give r and i some time and space... which i think we need... i don't consider me going to plano time away really... so i've got my fingers crossed that the open house will go good and that next week will fly by... keep your fingers crossed too...

...

The depression has crept back in (pretty bad)… it’s been back for a while which somewhat explains my absence from here… I’m just so tired of being down and being sad (well, if I’m not sad I’m extremely happy- the perks of being bipolar)… it seems that there’s a lot going on right now and most of it makes me sad… it seems the good things are few and far between… the restaurant isn’t making any money, it’s not even paying for itself… we’re still having to borrow money to keep the restaurant open… and we can’t keep borrowing money much longer…we are about tapped out… but we did have another price increase over the weekend which should help… R and I have talked about the restaurant and that we can’t keep borrowing money so I kinda feel like this might be our last big push or effort to keep the restaurant going… I hate to even say this… it makes me feel like a failure… and I know R would feel that way… I just keep thinking, what were we thinking? Before we opened the restaurant things were so good… we were almost debt free (except for our house) and now we’ve gone right back to where we were in the beginning with all our debt… he’s really trying hard to make the restaurant work since we’ve had our talks and it breaks my heart because I’m so scared it’s not going to work… on the good side though, not owning our own business would be so much more stress free… I wouldn’t have to work all weekend long… R wouldn’t be as stressed as he is now… and he would be bringing home a paycheck which means we wouldn’t just be living on mine… I miss him, the old him, I miss doing stuff on the weekends, not being so tired and stressed all the time, I miss the way things were…
Which leads me to moving… I would really like to move to iowa park but I’m not sure if that’s going to happen… right now we’re still waiting on an offer on our house… we’re in contract on one in iowa park but it’s contingent with us selling our house… I’ve read that home sells slow way down before Thanksgiving and don’t usually pick back up again until closer to Spring… I’m stressing that… our realtor is having an open house on Sunday so maybe that will generate some interest… I’m stressing that because there is so much stuff that we want to do to the house before the open house but I feel like we have no time… and a lot of it is stuff that I can’t do… moving furniture and stuff like that… I am going to try to get some stuff packed up in boxes so maybe that will help…
As you’ve probably picked up from earlier, our finances are super tight… living on just my income is extremely hard… to be honest, I have no idea how we’ve made it as long as we have… last week I opened the mail up and discovered that even though my back surgery was in network apparently some of the doctors in the operating room were out of network (which I didn’t know, I assumed that since the hospital and my dr. were in network everything/everyone else would be) and now I owe the back institute a little over $8,000 on top of the other medical bills I’m trying to get paid off… I’ve got a little over $11,000 to pay off, just for my back… and I am stressed!!!
And to top it all off, R and I aren’t getting along so good… ok, things have actually been really stressful and we haven’t been getting along good at all… Sometimes things will be ok but for the most part it’s been hectic… we’ve talked… he’s not happy, I’m not happy and I’m not sure what we need to do to make us happy… I said I just want things to go back to the way they were before and he said that he doesn’t think that’s possible… so I have no idea where that leaves us or what to do…
All I know is that lately I feel like a failure, like I can do nothing right and my whole life is crumbling down around me… I know it’s not and that things can always be worse but right now I’m having a hard time really embracing that… so here’s all my “dirty laundry”… keeping it in wasn’t helping so maybe getting it out will help…

Here and There

things have been very busy lately but that’s ok, everything is starting to calm down… the 2nd tax deadline is over Monday, the 15th… so there’s not too much more of that left then it will just be keeping books for km…
yesterday was Kris’s funeral… it was good but sad… I liked what the Pastor had to say and the way he said it… it was very fitting and comforting…
our house is still showing… this is a good thing… we just need a buyer now!!
Last night I looked out the back door and there were 2 BYK’s laying on the concrete… it still breaks my heart… I just try not to look at them…
The first Saturday in October there’s always a Knights of Columbus dinner that T invites everyone up here too… km and her husband met r and I there… they have door prizes and then 4 “big” drawings… the grand prize drawing was a $750 gift certificate to united supermarkets and a $750 gift certificate to walmart and guess what?!?! I won it!!! on top of winning 2 door prizes, a $25 gift certificate to olive garden and then another $25 gift certificate to on the border!!! Km and the hub won 2 door prizes too!!! I am so dang excited about winning the grand prize… that’s like someone giving us $1500!! I can buy groceries at united and then when we move I can buy paint and anything else that we might need at walmart! Now how perfect did that work out?!?!
Last Wednesday I went to the dr. for a bacterial infection and am still not feeling better… she gave me a steroid shot to help kick out the infection along with antibiotics but I’m not feeling any better… in fact, I’m feeling worse… I’m going to stick it out as long as I can, see what happens… she did blood work and her nurse called me on Friday to ask me some questions… one of her questions was if I was taking a water pill… I’m not even sure what a water pill is… she asked how much water I drank a day and I told her between 100 and 120 oz. at work plus whatever I drink when I get home which is almost always unsweet decaf tea… she told me that I didn’t need to drink so much water… it’s not good for you… apparently I was flushing out my electrolytes and all the “good things” that my body needs and of course an electrolyte imbalance weakens your immune system… so did my surgery… so now I have been instructed to drink Gatorade each day… my only thing, I’m not working out and I’ve heard that if you’re not working out and you drink Gatorade it can make you gain weight… I’m not sure if that’s true or not but that’s just what I heard… then I found out that you can actually die from drinking too much water! What is that all about?!?! Anyways, I’m just doing what I’m told…
And I have got to start walking again… since I’ve been back at work I haven’t been walking… I’ve had a lot of stuff going on but after the way my back has felt lately and the 3 hours of sleep I got last night I have decided that come hell or highwater the walking is going to start again… last night I couldn’t even move without waking up in excruciating pain and I could not get comfortable… It reminded me of Charlie horses but all of my belly/mid-section and my legs... bad!… the kitties normally walk all over us during the night but last night mazzy put her paw on my leg and I came up out of the bed so fast it was scary… it’s a different kind of pain than what I had before… I can tell this is from not walking… so tonight I am walking!!! I need some sleep and some good sleep on top of that!!
I suppose I should actually do some work now… not that I’m really wanting too but I suppose I should… maybe I can get everything done then try to reconcile the restaurant’s checking account… nothing but fun!!!

Ups and Downs

Lately my mood has vacillated between happy and sad… I don’t know if it’s because there’s such a “variety” of things going on or what… so, the list of goings on:
• The BYK’s (back yard kitties) are gone… a decision was made to stop feeding them since we’re trying to sell the house so I quit feeding the kitties… I saw two of them out there last night waiting for me and it broke my heart! Tonight when I was coming home there was a kitty in the street… (not alive)… just laying there… and that really upset me…
• I’m in the process of getting over (read: taking antibiotics) for a bacterial infection… sinuses? I don’t know, I don’t know what that means and for once I’m too lazy to actually look it up… normally that’s the first thing I do… she said I have a lot of fluid on my ears… makes sense since I haven’t been able to hear!!
• I haven’t been walking because I’ve been so busy and haven’t been feeling good… I started feeling really bad Sunday and since then my walking has pretty much been non-existent… and I can tell too… my back is stiff!! I mean!!! I’ve had my walking shorts and shoes with me this week in case I got a chance to go walk around the lake but didn’t get the chance…
• It’s already the beginning of October and we’re still in the 90’s… last night at 10:00 it was still 78 outside… that’s just nuts, but that’s our weather for you! I am ready for fall though!! Ready for cooler temperatures!!!
• I’ve been helping out with Round 2 of tax season… if you filed an extension then your tax return is due October 15th… so that’s what we’re working on now… I’ve started keeping books for km but right now it’s tax time… it’s just really nice to get to work over there with them… it’s like working with family… everything is so relaxed and comfortable…
• We came to an agreement on the house we like in I.P. We made an offer, he countered, then we countered and now they’re making the changes to the contract so it will all be “legal and binding”… we came up $4000 from our original offer and he came down $3900 from his original price… exactly where I wanted to be!! Now all we have to do is sell our house!
• Our house has been showing like crazy… I would say it averages one showing a day… and considering the housing market right now that’s pretty good… no offers yet but when the right person comes along it will all fall into place..
• Here’s the main thing that’s been on my brain this week though…

ABILENE -- The Abilene Police Department has requested assistance from Texas Rangers for the investigation of the death of a 27-year old man who was brought into police custody after 5 p.m. Monday on a public intoxication charge. Abilene Police arrested Kris Rupe after they were called about a disturbance in the Quail Hollow Family Housing. Police say Rupe was aggressive and throwing bricks and they had to use pepper spray to restrain him. Police also say that Rupe had to have his feet restrained in the patrol unit because he was still combative. During booking at the Taylor County Jail, the suspect began having breathing difficulty. An ambulance took him to the hospital, where he died. Rupe’s body has been taken to the Tarrant County Medical Examiner’s Office for an autopsy. Police would not say whether Rupe's death was drug-related.
"At this point, that is just speculation," said Sgt. Joe Tauer, APD's public information officer. "But there is suspicion as to whether he was under the influence of some kind of intoxicants."
According to his driver's license, Rupe's address was in Wichita Falls. Abilene police said they did not know if Rupe had moved to Abilene, if he was in the U.S. Air Force, or if he was staying with a friend at the apartment complex. The Dyess media relations office did not immediately return a telephone message Tuesday afternoon.
Assistant Chief Mark Moore said investigators with the Texas Rangers, a division of the Texas Department of Public Safety, often investigate deaths of people who die in police custody. Ranger Juan Lozano will lead the investigation. Abilene Police and the Taylor County Sheriff’s Office are cooperating with the Texas Rangers investigation

According to news archives, the APD's last in-custody death occurred in October 2006, when Jeffrey Trotter, 27, died after police found him rambling and in possession of methamphetamine. **very odd**very similar situation**

GIRL!’s (aka kb’s) husband and r had known kris for years... they were the friends you still keep in contact with, maybe just on occasion but sometimes not… hindsight is 20/20 and I guess looking back you could see from about age 12 that he wasn’t going to have a “normal” life… there is so much history there… in this one person… the number of people he affected in both so many good and bad ways… I honestly had no idea that his death would really make me stop to think about a lot of things… we always joked about how something crazy would happen to him… but that’s the way it would happen because that’s the way he lived… he was cracked out, literally... But, I honestly believe he was a “good” guy… there was good in him… wasn't there??

I was “talking” to one of my friends about this and this was our conversation:
Me: I guess it makes me think about all the friends I have that could be in that situation…
S: You just have to remember that 90% of people in situations like that put themselves there through the choices that they’ve made.
Me: You are exactly right (not a big surprise) but it still makes me sad for them… and then the people they’ve “left”… too soft-hearted huh?
S: No, not too soft hearted. You never stop caring for them, you just realize that you can’t always save them.

That's exactly what I needed to hear. Now, that's what I just need to know and understand, you can't always save them.

Work, "Concrete" Carl, & the House

Things are good… things have been good… (I think I just didn’t realize that because I was stressing myself out!) believe it or not, I am excited to be back at work… work is good… people missed me… I was welcomed back with nothing but nice things being said and lots of hugs… I realized today that I do like working… more like, I like what I do… is it what I would like to do for the rest of my life? I’m not sure but I am confident that if a change is supposed to be made it will happen…
Concrete Carl… that’s Carl’s nickname because he’s been kicking a$$ on the concrete tracks this year!! He won Sunday’s race but I just found out that he was penalized 25 points for his car failing post-race inspection… these 25 points could be a big deal because I think there are only 28 points difference between first place and sixth place… Carl was in 3rd place (overall in the chase) and since he was penalized he’s dropped to sixth… that’s ok though… he’s sweeping the Busch series and I’m hoping he will win the Cup series too… he’ll be the only driver (so far) to have swept both in the same year!! So… Go Carl Go!!! There are seven races left for him to take it all!!
The house is going good… we had two showings the day it listed, another showing yesterday, and then one tonight… the couple that looked yesterday is the same couple that looked on the first day so that is excellent news!!! I’m still looking for a house… nothing new seems to be popping up on the market but that’s ok, I’m still looking… and like I said earlier, it will happen when it’s supposed too…
Also, I’m reading a new Wayne Dyer book… Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life… it’s his “translation and application” of the Tao and putting it to work in your life… I am a big fan of Dyer’s… all of his books that I’ve read have been excellent… anyways, I’m working on “increasing the peace” inside myself… today is the first day I’ve actually had a chance to dive into the book but so far so good… I’ll keep you posted…

here's a link to ReMax's website with our house on it... i figure if anyone is crazy enough to "stalk" me they'll be in for a real treat when they realize how nuts i am... hehe
http://remaxwf.com/details.asp?mlsnumber=101776

On the Market

so, the house is on the market, officially, as of yesterday... AND we had two showings yesterday... one of the agents works at remax too and he said that his couple were probably going to put in an offer... we got positive feedback from both showings... i am so excited!!! that makes me feel so much better!! and, another added bonus, i really like our realtor, she's new but her mom is a top-notch realtor and is working with her... i so did not want to get stuck with someone i didn't like or didn't feel comfortable with... i really like our whole situation right now... i keep checking remax's website to see if our house has been listed yet; it's on realtor.com but they only have one pic on there right now... remax's website will have multiple pics... we went and looked at houses the other night... there's one out of the four that we like... the rooms are huge!!! the kitchen was just re-done with stainless steel appliances... but of course there are a few dis-likes... we need to get an appraisal done to see if there are any major problems... but, we're still looking... i must say though, this is going much better than i thought it would... i'm not near as scared now as i was before our realtor came on monday!!

Dr. Check-up

so yesterday was my 6 week post-op surgery appt... everything looks good... he told me to keep walking and to increase my walking... dang!! he said i could go back to work on monday (yuck!) but just be careful and not to overdo it... i talked to t last night and he is all about doing whatever i need to make my job more comfortable.... he is so sweet!! i know i keep saying this but it is so nice to have a boss who cares instead of just considering you a number to increase the bottom line... the dr. visit was short and sweet, like all of them... he said that i could start yoga again but i need to wear the back brace... i can go see mary (massage therapist) again just tell her to be careful of the L5 area... and i have to wear my back brace for 3 to 6 months (depending on how fast my vertebrae fuse)... i'm way ok with that though... wearing the brace is so worth no pain!!! so, i'm all cleared for work....

I'm Back

see, what did i tell you, i'm already back...
everyone has a core support group of people in their life... mine are both friends and family... people that you know will be there for you even when no one else is... i've always been a daddy's girl but at the same time, momma was always the one there... i don't know if that makes any sense or not but just go with it... anyways, km and momma are my top two... momma is just momma, she's always there... she loves me even though she hates my tattoo and all my piercings... unconditionally would be the word... km has been my best friend for over 15 years... she knows everything about me and yet she too is always there for me... she always has been and i hope like hell she always is...
now in "my" world (reality) i'm not so big on the truth if it's not sugar-coated... (fine, i'm overly sensitive and take everything very personally)... so in my mind, my core support group of people should know this and take this into account... but i know you shouldn't just expect people to know something if you haven't told them... but yet i still get my feelings hurt and get bent out of shape when this happens... i also have the tendency to take things the wrong way...
so, what to do... how to work on remedy-ing this situation? now that's what's on my mind...

Going & Going & Going

my mind will not shut off!!! morning, noon, or night, it doesn't matter what time it is my mind is racing... it really drives me crazy, especially at night... when i'm trying to go to sleep and i can't... i just keep thinking... yuck!!! i actually think it might be that i'm not as stressed and my body is like, um, ok, what is the problem, something is missing, oh, lots of stress!! let's see if we can add that back in, we're not "normal" without it...
i called a realtor this morning... she's coming by at 3 today to "get a feel" for the house and then she said she would be able to give us an idea of what we should ask for the house... i'm so super nervous about this... R and I got the bushes trimmed and the yard edged but not mowed or blown off... so right now, in my opinion, it looks kinda, um, not as good as it could look... normally, i would have no problem mowing and blowing the driveway and sidewalk off but since the surgery i'm off yard duty for 2 months... it's so close to being 2 months but i so don't want to take a chance on messing anything up... the realtor and i talked for a little this morning and she understands, her mom is trying to figure out how to get her back fixed (same disc as mine)... another reason i'm so nervous, i'm so scared they'll be like, um, no one is going to buy this house... it's not bad though... we've lived here for 5 years and have had our fair share of problems but nothing out of the ordinary... ok, except for the house getting struck by lightening but i really don't know if that was (all) our fault... i mean, if i'm such a bad person that my house is going to get struck by lightening, i should have much bigger worries than our house not selling... other "bad" news, R and I have talked and have decided that we should quit feeding the BYK's (back yard kitties) since there are only about a million of them, that way when they do show the house there aren't a million kitties all over the back yard... dang, that is going to be super hard for me... they're so cute and we have a new batch of kitties... but we are going to be moving and we can't take them with us so this is probably the best plan... earlier, when I said we decided to quit feeding the BYK's it was really R that came up with that and I couldn't disagree with him... I wanted too but as the song says, sometimes the right thing and the hardest thing are the same...
tomorrow is my 6 week dr. appt after my surgery and i have a feeling that he will release me to go back to work... that makes me nervous too... I've gotten in the habit of not working and am really dreading going back... BAD.... I know I need too and I have too but man, I mean... i am not a big fan of change at all... ironically, change is the only constant...
anyways, enough griping... everything will work out for the best, just like it always does... i have a feeling that the more stressed i get the more i'll blog... (read: i'll be here a lot!)