Thursday, December 11, 2008

Again?!?!

I’m not really sure where all of this “being so emotional” is coming from… or even why it’s here… I don’t know the answers to those questions but I do know that it’s driving me up the wall… I have been so emotional… extremely emotional…. Way too emotional…. I can’t even read some blog posts because I just bust into tears… I’m taking everything so personally…. And probably taking everything the way wrong way too… if there is any possible chance that something could be taken negatively, I will take it that way… I’m not like this all the time but I have been lately and like I said, it’s driving me crazy!!!! (Yes, my “visitor” is still here and has been for the better part of the past month… I’m pretty sure that my hormones are all crazy and that’s not helping me emotionally but I just can’t seem to make myself call the doctor. I suppose it’s just easier to gripe about it than actually do something about it.)
The holidays are usually a pretty emotional time for me but this year I am excited about them. I’m really excited about spending them with dc, who loves the holidays like I do, instead of with someone who doesn’t really care about them. For instance, this Thanksgiving was better than my past 8 have been. I wasn’t being pressured with “are you ready to go?”, “ can we leave now?”, “how long do we have to stay?”??? It was really nice to be able to relax and enjoy the time with my family.
That doesn’t help me with the way I’m feeling now though. I honestly feel like I can completely out of control, regarding my emotions anyways. Saturday dc and I were working and we had the radio on, it seems that every stupid song that came on brought tears to my eyes, and it was like all the songs were depressing too!!!! He told me last night that he’s leaving Monday and isn’t sure when he’s coming back… either Friday or Monday… of course we all know that my vote is for Friday… he said it depends on when his roommate is coming back… if he’s staying thru the weekend then dc will stay and they will work… if he’s coming back that weekend then dc will come back Friday… this really pisses me off end because his roommate is the one “helping” him to decide… I know, I know… selfish… it is very selfish of me but that’s the way I feel and I can’t help it… I really am working on and trying to be ok with all of this… with him “living” down there for about two weeks at a time but damn, he’s just killing me… getting used to him being here for a month at a time, then leaving again, just drains me… every time he leaves I feel like we’ve broken up because my life is the same as it was when he was here except he’s gone… I don’t get to go somewhere else and change up my routine…. once again, I’m being extremely selfish… I apologize for the majority of my posts being so negative and “all about dc” being gone and me being sad… I’m just really having a hard time with it and I feel bad talking about it because I know everyone gets tired of hearing it… so instead I just blog about it… it gets it out anyways…
I promise I really am trying to be positive and to stay positive but these damn emotions keep taking over and the negative just keeps on coming…

2 comments:

kilax said...

Don't apologize for negative posts. Just focus on finding out what will make you feel better. It's normal to be sad when he is gone. Maybe you can find a distraction or hobby though :)

courtneyl said...

thank you for making me feel better about (all of) the negative posts!!! i'm hoping that swimming will be a good distraction!!!