Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Time Out

today was a rough day at work... i woke up this morning with a huge sinus headache any my back was hurting... i took a pain pill and some sinus medicine and it might have helped a little bit, not much though... i have noticed lately that my pain pills make me really edgy and very quick to get mad... i was fuming mad all day long today... over stupid stuff... i got so mad and so upset that i asked if i could leave early... i left about 2:45.... i guess today i realized what kind of an impact these pills really have on me... i don't care who you were today while i was at work, you could do nothing right... one little irritation turned into another and another and they just kept building... talk about high blood pressure... so my pain pills make me really edgy and nervous... kinda like speed... um, don't really like it... i feel like i always need to go, go, go... be doing something... but my back is still hurting, the pills help with the pain but they don't take it away, and i really don't feel like doing anything.... when i get home i take a xanax to help calm me down... it's like going from one extreme to another... now i know why when i was working at cingular and first at wichita metal that i was so easily irritated... the pills... it is all starting to make sense.... i hate the way i am/feel when i take my pain pills but without them, the pain is so bad... if the pain was bearable i wouldn't be messing with the pain pills... so now since i'm taking my pain pills i take xanax to help calm me down when i get home because i am wound up.... my patience level is way down!! that explains the road rage, the irritation in the stores, driving, screaming kids... things like that that drive me crazy.... and i've found that since i quit taking my pills i am not so easy to anger and it's easier for me to just let stuff roll off my back... i'm going to talk to the doctor next week about maybe trying something that might not affect me the way these are.... i really don't like me on the pills.... man, hindsight is well, in this case it's a learning tool.... i've discovered that me on pills and me off are two totally different people.... but i think i was on all those pills for so long i didn't realize that... that's crazy the way they completely changed me... but at least i finally figured it out... i talked to mom for over an hour this afternoon.... she can relate to where i'm coming from because of her chronic hip pain that she can't get under control.... i feel for her... on the bright side though, i feel much better now and am looking forward to going to the doctor next tuesday to see what we can do to make this whole situation better... more later though...

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