Update

it’s Monday and I haven’t blogged in a while… well, blogged anything of any “importance”…. I’m not too glad it’s Monday but that’s ok though…. after today only 14 more working days until vacation! I am so ready for vacation…. Time to get away from work and just relax…. Not do much, just hang out… r and I were talking this weekend about him taking off work that week too… we were also talking about maybe trying to redo the front bathroom but, we’ll see on that one… it would be nice just to have time off to not have to do anything…. R and I had a really good weekend… I left work about 45 minutes early Friday because my stomach was hurting… it had been hurting since Thursday night and hurt all day long… Friday night we watched the end of season 3 of the sopranos and then watched running scared… I love the sopranos! Running scared was ok, it was long though…. Saturday I was very productive…. The kitties woke me up at what seemed like the crack of dawn so I got up, went to the grocery store, came home, cleaned up my car, and swept off the back porch… the amount of dust and kitty fur on the back porch was absolutely amazing… needless to say, my sinuses and allergies have been bothering me since… that’s ok though…. the back porch looks much better!! (I put my pedometer on Saturday morning when I got up and took it off when r got home, I walked 3.68 miles… and my legs are so sore from cleaning my car!! The wheels were a killer!!) after that though I didn’t do anything the rest of the weekend… just hung out and chilled… it was really good to just spend time with r… nice, quiet, and relaxing… I hated it though that Monday had to come… when we have a good weekend or I’m just really feeling close to him and/or the kitties I hate going to work… I don’t want the good times/feelings to end and I hate to leave them…. I know that probably sounds corny but it’s the truth…. Not that the good times/feelings have ended I just would love to be back at the house with the three of them, even though r is at work….
One of our really good friends hurt my feelings Friday though I didn’t hear about it until last night… he’s made comments before but the comments before never really bothered me… I guess it’s just because I feel that, with the exception of lately, I’ve been trying really hard to “clean up” my life… get rid of all the negativity and things that I don’t need in my life… (I’m talking about my pills and my attitude)…. And going back to the blog about me feeling like a hypochondriac… “it’s always something with me”… that’s how I feel… (even though today I’m great… I don’t feel bad, there isn’t anything wrong, I’m tired but I think that’s the danged ‘ol heat!! How I love the Texas heat…. Ok, not so much…) maybe I should just start keeping everything to myself… when I feel bad, down, or whatever… just not say anything to anyone… I don’t know if this is the right attitude to have or not… I just know that I feel I have been working really hard to try to get my life right and to get control of it (and myself) and by him making that comment I feel that everything has just been nullified… I know that I shouldn’t be concerned by what others think but when it’s a close friend it stings a little…. Ok, hurts a lot….
Tonight is my weigh in and meeting… I really need to stay for the meeting because I’ve gotten really off track not writing anything down… this weekend I didn’t write down anything… I’m not worried about the weigh in though…. Friday I ate breakfast and a little dinner but not much because my tummy was so upset…. Saturday I had 2 pieces of toast and an apple… the scale this morning said I was down about 5lbs… we’ll just have to wait and see what their scales say tonight… all I need to lose is ½ lb to get another 5lb. star!! Then I’ll have lost 40lbs!!! that is awesome!!! I know I need to stay for the meeting to get motivated!! I really enjoy the meetings and I really would like to stay!! It’s hard though, knowing what you should do versus what you really want to do…. The main reason I haven’t been staying is because I’ve been so dang hungry!! I’m like, if I stay I’ll have to wait about 45 minutes to eat dinner (meanwhile my tummy is growling!) I really don’t want to eat before I go weigh either… maybe I should snack while I’m still at work… ok, here’s the reason I don’t snack… I don’t want to go over my points… and if I snack at work on a Monday then I won’t have enough points for taco bell… (that’s our Monday night dinner)… in a way it’s a reward for me but lately it seems I’ve been rewarding myself way too much…
I’ve been having so many crazy thoughts and emotions running thru my head/heart today that it seemed appropriate that I got this email and thought I would post it… I think getting myself under control emotionally has been much more of a challenge for me than even losing weight has been…. Lately I realized I’m repressing a lot of things that I need to deal with (and have repressed things that I should have already dealt with) but man, it’s just so much easier to repress them…. I need to get in the habit of dealing with my emotions when things occur, not repressing them so that I can still be troubled by them like 10 years later…. All in all though, today is going to be a good day!! I will make it a good day!!

The complexity of your feelings could make you feel frustrated today. It may seem like your thoughts are at odds with each other and that understanding them may be overwhelming, if not impossible. Perhaps today you can focus on being at ease with and accepting everything that arises. As a feeling occurs, take a moment to verbally name it—simply acknowledge it. Tell yourself if you are feeling sad, irritated, happy, or confused. Once you name your emotion, take time to be with it. Allow yourself to care about what is happening without any struggle to erase it. If you are present with each emotion that arises, you may notice that even though your feelings seem convoluted at first, once you identify them, they are actually straightforward. They arise and pass one at a time. When we label our emotions we find that their intricacy unravels to reveal only one feeling or thought. Our minds tend to race faster than we can imagine. It can seem like we are thinking hundreds of conflicting notions at a time. In fact, our racing minds are just reflecting the speed with which our brain processes our emotions. Slowing down and naming our thoughts allows us to see our emotions as they occur one by one. Being in the moment in this way can also alleviate some of the irritation we feel when our thoughts gallop through our heads. As you watch your feelings today, you will notice that the many layers of your thoughts will become less complicated.