Monday (Again!)

It’s Monday, once again… not that it being Monday is a bad thing, I just wish it was about 2 Mondays from now…. Or at least one… vacation is coming up, the last day I’ll work will be june 30th… and then we’ll come back on july 10th…. I am so ready and looking forward to it… r is taking off that whole week too so we can just hang out and do whatever… I’m so excited that he’s going to be off too… the only downfall, I know that when Monday the 10th rolls around and it’s time to come back to work it’s going to be really hard… it was hard to come to work today… we had another exceptional weekend and I am just really missing him… and the kitties, even though they acted crazy all weekend long!! I know I’ve said it before but I don’t know how I could feel anymore love for him or how I could feel any closer to him but it keeps happening… I am so absolutely in love with him…. We just keep having these amazing times and talks… it’s amazing because I feel so comfortable with him and can tell him and talk to him about anything…. This is unconditional love and I am so lucky to feel this and to have someone feel this way about me…
This past week I didn’t write down/track anything I ate all week long…. In a way I feel guilty but then I keep asking myself, why should I feel guilty? I don’t know if it’s because my parents instilled in me a drive to never quit or because of what other people think…. Or maybe a combination of both… this past week I told myself, and r, repeatedly that I was going to weigh in and stay for the meeting tonight…. this morning I found myself not wanting to do anything… not wanting to go to work, to go weigh in tonight, or go to the meeting… I know that I will feel better after the meeting, I always do, it’s just the getting there that is a problem…. Maybe I should say, it’s making myself go that’s the problem!! This morning the scale said I lost, I’m not too worried about that though… if I can maintain and not gain I’ll be really happy!! i’m going to try to go tonight… I know people say that there is no such thing as trying… you either do or don’t…
Work called 3 times Friday night after I left… man, I feel guilty about that too… very guilty…. The first 2 times were because of my mistake…. Well, the 3rd one could be classified as my mistake too but…. I don’t know… that might have been one reason I was so dreading work this morning…. I didn’t notice that one of our guys didn’t get paid… well, he got a check, it just went to our other location, which is over 4 hours away… if I would have been paying attention I would have noticed that he didn’t get a check but I wasn’t… it’s really not that big of a deal, I just feel so bad…. Messing up people’s money really bothers me… I know that a lot of our guys live from paycheck to paycheck and they need what they are counting on…. my boss loaned him some money so like I said, it’s not really that big of a deal, but it’s still his money that I didn’t get here…
I didn’t realize until yesterday how many pills I’ve been taking lately… the pain pills I’m on because my body is physically addicted to them so I’m just going to wait until vacation and then get off of them… the other pills I take because of the pain pills… they help calm me down… yesterday though I was looking and realized that I need to cut back on the pill usage… I was going so good until my back started hurting me again…. my back is still hurting but to avoid being classified as a hypochondriac, I’ll blog it but not speak of it… I know, excuses excuses… I’m feeling super guilty today, like I have done something horribly wrong and I can’t think of anything that I have done to make me feel this way… I think pms is playing a big part in the way I feel today…. It’s either that or depression creeping back in…. I think I’m going to go with pms…. Well, the boss is here, more later…