Emotions

Where to start… I didn’t go to my meeting last night, I didn’t even go weigh in…. I feel so guilty about that too but I was thinking… why am I feeling guilty for not going? I don’t know… I’m not quitting, I’m just not trying so hard…. Is this ok? Is this why I feel guilty? I don’t know…. Monday turned out to be a good day though…. well, with the exception of me feeling guilty because I didn’t go to my meeting… and getting worked up right before I left work… I got all worked up because of r’s co-worker… I got home from work and it was so hot, I was so tired, and just really didn’t feel like going anywhere…. so I didn’t… this bothers me too… that I’m trying to justify this to myself… not going to the meeting… I don’t have to answer to anyone…
Tomorrow is our 3 year anniversary…. We don’t really have any plans, just hang out together… maybe go out to eat… we’ll just see how it turns out… we can always do something this weekend…
I just got off myspace and I am in a pretty foul mood… I’ve been talking about dealing with my emotions and being on myspace brings those emotions that I don’t want to deal with forward… ok, so identifying emotions… sad/hurt and angry…. Ok, let me rephrase that… sad/hurt makes me angry… now I realize that I’m angry because I’m feeling sad and hurt… this is what gets me though… these emotions have been repressed for about 12 years…. Maybe even longer… I think that if I would just deal with these emotions they wouldn’t bother my anymore… I don’t know how to go about dealing with them though… I’m not sure where to start…. I know the source of the pain… I just don’t know how to let it all go and not have it bother me anymore… DAMN!! What is my problem?!?!? I have no idea why/how I let myself get so worked up over what should be water under the bridge…. I have no idea if I’ve posted this or not… it’s been in my inbox for a while… I think this would be an excellent idea for me to try… I think it would be an excellent idea to try but it scares the hell out of me… I so do not want to go there at all…. There are so many things buried that I just want to leave buried and not have to deal with… I just want them to go away…. As r says, if you ignore whatever it is it’s not going to go away….

Throughout our lives, we may experience emotions that disturb or distress us. Often, our first reaction is to push our feelings away. We may say, "I don't want to think about that right now, I'll think about it later" and we bury our emotions, deny the validity of our feelings, or distract ourselves with other concerns. But the diverse emotions you experience are neither good nor bad-they are simply a part being human. Choosing not to experience pain, anger, or other intense feelings could cause those feelings to become buried deep into your physical body. There, they may linger unresolved and unable to emerge, even as they affect the way you experience the world. Allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions rather than push the more painful ones away can help you come to terms with your feelings so you can experience them and then move on. It is possible to bring forth the old feelings you have pushed aside and experience them in a safe and enriching way. It may sound silly to set aside time to feel your old wounds that you haven't dealt with, but this can be a very beneficial healing experience. Find a safe place and pick a time when you can be alone. Make sure that you feel secure and comfortable in your surroundings. Bring to mind the circumstances that originally triggered the emotions you've been pushing away. You may need to revisit these circumstances by reading relevant entries in your journal or using visualization to relive your past. Once you have triggered your long-denied emotions, let yourself feel your feelings, and try not to judge your reactions. Cry or sound your emotions if you need to, and don't block the flow of your feelings. Allow any thoughts that are connected to your emotions to surface. As you release the feelings you have pushed inside of you, you will find yourself healing from the experience associated with these emotions. When you deal with your feelings directly, they can move through you rather than staying stopped up in your body as emotional blocks that can sometimes turn into disease. Acknowledging your emotions, instead of pushing them away, allows you to stay emotionally healthy and in touch with your feelings.