Deep in Thought

So I just thought I’d update on my last blog… km took me out to eat last night at the olive garden for my birthday… dinner was really nice… it’s been a long time since km and I have just gotten to hang out and talk… after dinner I went home and when I walked in the front door I thought, silly r, why did he turn the lights off? Then I realized that the electricity was off… we had some storms yesterday but nothing that “severe” I thought… so I got to hang out on the back porch with the kitties… we watched the BYK’s (back-yard kitties) for a while… I would let Ewok in on the back porch for a bit off and on…. I was sitting there thinking, this sure is a waste of my time, when it suddenly occurred to me, you know, instead of looking at it like I’m wasting time I should look at it like, I get to spend QT time with the kitties… with hardly any distractions! My cell phone was down to half of my last bar so I couldn’t call anyone to chat… the house was a little on the warm side all closed up so I felt bad leaving the kitties in there so I could go to mom’s or something… it was nice outside though!! the electricity came back on a little before 9 though…. I don’t really want the electricity to go back out but I will make a big effort to spend more QT with the kitties…
Last night at dinner, km and I talked… we talked a lot about r- his attitude and what is going on with him… he’s been acting “crazy” for about a month… km listened and let me vent and then we worked on coming up with a “solution”… when r got home last night, and after he showered, we kinda started talking… I say kinda because it was a hesitant talk… like he didn’t really want to talk but he could tell that I wasn’t going to drop it… anyways, thanks to km, I have a few ideas that I’m going to put out there for r… so he doesn’t sit there and think about “how stressful tomorrow’s going to be” or “how shitty my life is”…. And I’m not blaming him by any means…. Right now he is going thru a stressful time, and he seems to deal with being overly stressed like I do… not very well… and this could be a “learning experience” for me… thinking back about the past month and r’s attitude, well, it reminds me of myself (not all the time though)… but the way he’s acting reminds me of the way I act… maybe this is an attempt for the universe to show me how he feels when I act like this… so that I can understand where he’s coming from and how he feels… I don’t think he developed bi-polar disorder over-night (but I could be wrong)…. I understand his whole, I hate the world/I am angry at the world attitude…. And it’s so easy to fall into the negative rut and not get out… getting out of the negative hole is much harder than getting into it….
One more thing… so I was blogging about my pills and patches…. That I need them right now to basically function… they both help keep the pain away (at least a little bit) and for sure keep the withdrawals away…. Which, right now, I’m not even sure that the pills and patches are working for me but from experience, I do not want to go thru withdrawals at work… no way, no how… but thanks to my punk-ass doctor that looks like what’s going to happen!! I am very upset about this, very upset… it’s probably very hard for some to understand unless you’ve been an addict before or have experienced withdrawals with someone close… depending on what you’re addicted too kinda depends on how severe and long the withdrawals will be… I’ve been on the pain pills for oh, only almost 4 years (so that shouldn’t be bad- HA!!) and the patches I haven’t been on that long but I can already tell that my body is physically addicted to the patches... I ordered a refill on my pills online Monday morning so that I could pick them up after work yesterday… I called the pharmacy to see if my prescription was ready, they said yes (they even sent me an email telling me my prescription was ready!)… excellent!! R went by after work to pick up my meds and he was told that they couldn’t be released until the 25th… which leaves me in a sticky situation…. I have no pills… absolutely none…. And I took my last one before I left work yesterday thinking I was getting more… the withdrawals have already started… maybe I should just say funk it and take the patch off, not get them filled, and just go cold turkey everything… I’m going to be sick… for the rest of the week… oh boy!! My only hope is that I can “borrow” some off a friend and then I can pay them back on Friday…
Anyways, you probably can’t tell but I really am working on trying to stay positive… to see the positive in things (like sitting outside with the kitties) and different life situations… Ironically, here is my horoscope today:
Build up the strengths in your life rather than tearing yourself down. It's easy to get caught up in the negative, but it's not inevitable. Focus on your strengths rather than your perceived weaknesses.