- both momma and daddy called me today and asked me to call my grandma... not momma's mom but daddy's mom... i blogged about her occasionally and it was probably not ever anythng very nice... anyways, i know that she's in the hospital, and has been in the hospital, and doesn't seem to be doing very good so they called my brother and i both to see if we would call her... to those who don't know how i feel about my grandma this is probably going to sound pretty harsh but for them both to call both of us, i think/wonder if she's about to die... i think i have blogged about something along these lines recently, dunno for sure though, i can't remember, which ties in quite nice with this next little blurp...
- my back hurting so bad has led to my physical addiction to my morphine patches and pain pills... my tolerance is growing and for me to feel "good"/"normal" enough or to have enough energy to do anything i have to take the pills and wear the patches... slowly increasing the number of pills because of my tolerance rising... otherwise, the withdrawals start to set in and life sucks... right now i'm sitting here sweating my ass off (among other things) because i'm trying to cut down on the pill consumption... this is a double whammy though because not only am i sweating my ass off, i'm in pain because i'm not taking as many pills... what do you do though?!?! i was supposed to have an appointment on may 29th to see how things were going (and so i could talk about getting a referral down to the back institute) but he had to cancel his appointments that day and he scheduled injections all day long... so now i don't get in until june 28th!!! nice!!! one more note on this, all the opiods i'm taking make me extremely irritable... which brings me to my next blurp....
- r and i... things have been not so good for/between us lately.... ok, fine, pretty really not-so-good is more like it... we can't even hold a conversation.... he is so defensive... (this couldn't be partly because of me being a mega-bitch from the note above)... but in my defense i can say that people have been asking me about him for about the past three weeks if he's ok... because he's been acting "different" and has had an attitude, not like normal though... on my side, i can't seem to do anything right.... anything... this whole situation frustrates me because we can't even hold a conversation of any length without him instantly getting defensive and mad... kinda hard to "talk things out"...
- things had been going good at my work, for once!, and then with the onset of all the not-so-good things that have been happening lately my positive attitude has gone to hell in a handbasket and that has greatly affected my attitude, at work too... also, this could be because of the patches and pills too... i'm telling you, i get extremely irritable which usually leads to me getting extremely pissed, and it seems like there is no being nice to my idiotic co-worker....
re-eading this, i am so amazed at how my attitude at one point in time affects my thoughts, emotions, actions, basically my life... and actually writing this out made me think, you know, a good attitude really is important, otherwise i'll continue to go thru life the way i have been, pissed off, angry, and mad at the world... and i don't want to be like dad's mom....
