Tuesday

i'm all mixed up inside.... up until last night i had been in a really good mood... i was even in a good mood at work yesterday!! r and i had a really good productive weekend!! i finished with payroll on saturday and we watched the departed... i think that's it anyways... it was a good movie.... sunday after i blogged i ended up going back to bed for about an hour to take a nap... i was tired! r and i watched the busch race... i think carl finished 4th! good job!! then r mowed and i cleaned the house... the house looks really good right now!! then we watched stranger than fiction.... i made it thru about 30 minutes of the movie and fell asleep... i am horrible about falling asleep during movies... i kept waking up and trying to stay awake but that just wasn't working.... r said that the movie was good though it made him think a lot.... he's kinda worrying me because he's going thru a funk right now and can't seem to shake it...
work was very productive yesterday.... i got a lot done!!! i even had some time to work on some restaurant stuff!! it was also grandma's (mom's mom) birthday so mom, grandma, and i went out to the restaurant to eat dinner.... when i got home from work ewok was on the front porch just sitting there, looking SO cute!! (ewok is one of the backyard kitties- the only one who will let me pick him up or pet him... i've blogged about him before- the one who just wants a home and to be loved) he was on the porch all night long!! from the time i got home to the time i got up this morning... he'll sit on the window sill outside and make his "bbbbrrrrrrrrrttttttt" noise that reminds me of an ewok... i love the noise he makes.... anyways, r and i got to talking again last night about ewok and bringing him in... this is where some of my mixed up emotions are coming from....
last night when ewok was sitting on the window sill mazzy would go up to her stool in front of the window and just hiss at ewok and then run away.... she always acts like she wants to go outside and play with the other kitties but then hisses at everyone.... r and i don't know how well mazzy would take to us bringing a third kitty inside... murph would end up loving having ewok inside... mazzy though, she's a totally different story... but to me it's like the "kid dilemma"... people insist on telling you how many children you should have... like it's any of their business anyways.... and people keep telling me that 3 inside kitties is way too many.... two is enough.... how would these people feel if i told them that about their kids?!? and as far as mazzy, it's not like the child has a say about having another baby or not... the "existing" child just has to learn to deal with it... so on one hand, mazzy could just have to learn to deal with ewok... on the other hand, do we really need a third cat inside? can i/we handle that?!? is that too many?!?! i question that (along with many other things) myself.... r and i have thought about putting him on the back porch or in the garage but then he won't have a way to get outside to play with his brothers and sisters, he would basically be trapped inside the porch or the garage living by himself... am i making too much out of this, probably? either he will or he won't come inside and live with us... r told me this morning to take him to the vet one day after work.... to get his shots and make sure he's got a clean bill of health.... he just breaks my heart though... his little "bbrrrrtttt" noise and his meows!! and he's so cute, he's a runt!! his paws are tiny!! i would really like to find a good furr-ever home for him... someone that will just love him!!! if anyone is interested in a little precious golden colored tabby (with tangerine eyes!) that makes the cutest noise let me know!!
i'm about to get to work so that hopefully my mind will forget about my worries.... i've got a busy week ahead though- there's something going on every night this week except thursday.... that will probably be grocery store night since it's the only free night... i also have my back dr. visit thursday afternoon so hopefully we can get the ball rolling on getting my back "fixed".... friday night i get to go get a massage though!! i am way excited about that!!! i'm off to work for now... hopefully being productive will help me get my mind off things.... i'm hoping my emotions will level out a bit and i won't feel so torn....