Carl's Quotes

"I learned through trial and a lot of error that you can't make things happen faster than they're going to happen, you can only do the best job you can," he said.

"...That's the key is keep moving forward, not falling behind and digging yourself in a deeper hole, and that's been a good deal."

Edwards has learned to do the best that he can — and to let that be enough.

it sounds like i need to take some lessons from carl... (he was a teacher while he was looking for a ride.. hehe)

I LOVE NASCARL!!!

How Could I Forget This?!?!

in the midst of all my negativity and feeling sorry for myself, i completely forgot that carl edwards, my nascar driver, won last sunday's race (father's day sunday).... i was looking for a new pic to put on my desktop and what better than to put a pic of my smoking hot race car driver... and he's having such a good year this year!! anyways, if you're interested there is a very good article you can find here about carl... (i found it touching, but i've also been very emotional lately)...
Carl Edwards ends 52-race losing streak on Father's Day

Um....

the week was ok... better than last week i think... i don't know, it seems like it's been hard for me to keep up everything lately... life and time just kinda seem to be running together (and flying by!!)...
tuesday momma and i had to go back to plano to the back institute to get the results of my neurology tests... almost a 2.5 hour drive for a 25 minute visit... not that i should really be surprised though... on july 10th i go back down for a discogram but the good news is that i get the results of the test later that day... they told me to schedule it so that we only had to make one trip down... here is what webmd says about a discogram:
a medical procedure that involves injecting a dye into the jellylike center of a spinal disc to help diagnose back problems. During discography, a health professional evaluates the amount of pressure needed to inject the dye into the disc, whether it causes pain that is the same as your regular pain, how much dye is used, and how the dye appears on X-ray once it is inside the disc.

my friend, jw, had a discogram done and she said it was horrible... it will only be bad if my disc is causing my pain... (hers was a disc and she said that it lit her up!!)... i'm not looking forward to this but at least we will know if it is a disc that's acting up...
it seems like it's been raining here forever... i think it's been raining for the better part of the last 2 weeks... (read: very unusual here in tx)... tuesday night we had a really bad storm (let me interject here- r slept thru all of it! i have no idea how!)... 90+ mph winds, rain, thunder, & lightening... i was awake most of the night thanks to the back, the kitties, and the storm... r's phone rang about 4:30 wednesday morning... it was our morning cook calling to say we had no power... most of i.p.'s power went out around 2am... the restaurant's did too... ah, the joys of being self-employed... i called txu and they said they were working on it but didn't have an estimated time of restoration... that's always a good sign! r and i both got up and went to work... i was sent home to work on payroll because yup, we had no power... needless to say, as soon as i got home, rrll called and said the power was back on so i packed up and went back to work... no power up at the restaurant though... we weren't the only ones without power though... my boss let us borrow a generator... r came and got it about 1:30 or so... otherwise we would have throw out all of the food... so r was on generator duty wednesday... we finally got power back around 6:15 wednesday evening... luckily our losses were minimal, especially compared to what they could have been...
friday night jw and i went and got a pedicure... friday morning my last pain patch fell off... ok, fine, i have 1 left which i'm saving for an "emergency"... i think a lot of what i'm feeling is in my head... maybe, maybe not? r told me that morphine is really addictive... no choice but to ride it out...
this is my last week of work before vacation!! YEAH!!! i am so excited that we are on vacation... (every year the week of the 4th of july and then between christmas eve and new years day, t shuts everything down and everyone is on vacation... plus, we're closed all the other holidays...) i just have to survive 5 more working days! then friday night i get an hour and a half massage from mary! right before vacation, i am really looking forward to that!!
anyways, i suppose i've done enough rambling for now...

Sick Day

i didn't work today... i felt really bad about it but there was no way i could have... i was sick... my tummy was upset and i couldn't quit throwing up... nice, i know but man, my tummy was killing me... cold chills & sweats... nausea, vomiting... it was rough... i hate getting tummy sick... that is the worst to me... anyways, i have only worked 2.5 days this week and i feel so bad about that... tomorrow i am going to bust my butt so hopefully i can get a major chunk of work done... i figure more than likely i'll have to stay late but that's ok but tomorrow night at 7:15 i get an hour massage from mary!! YEAH!!! also, there are only 2 more working weeks (read: 10 days- you can count the days on 2 hands!!) left until vacation!! being closed the week of the week of the 4th of july and then from the day before christmas eve to the day after new years day is awesome!! anyways, i have to get it in gear and play some major catch up at work... i just hope that the tummy is better now...

All Right....

we seem to be moving in the right direction, slowly, but at least we are moving... i left work at 1 today and met the plumbers at the house... they finished about 6 and told me to go ahead and call the gas company so they can head this way to turn the gas on... i call and the lady is like, nope, no city inspection was done, no gas... i am not a confrontational person and with everything else that's been going on lately i was in no mood to even try to argue with her... so i called r since he was the one who talked to them last night.... r calls them and not five minutes later the phone is ringing, it's r... the gas people will be over in a little bit to turn the gas on.... YES!!! so i'm waiting on the gas guy to get here... then when he does i'm sweating the pressure test since that's what failed us last time... we passed... so guess what, now we have our gas back on!!! who knew that getting your gas turned back on would be so exciting?!?! i must give it to r though... he is really the one who got it accomplished... all i did was stay here with the plumbers....

i must say though, as much as i hate to admit it, even with all the "problems" and "issues" i have, my life is not near as bad as it could be... thank you to everyone for sending kind thoughts and prayers my way...

In Addition...

and to continue the crappy weekend that has rolled over into the week when i got home from work today our gas company (well, there's really only one in town) was digging up the part of "our" yard between the sidewalk and the street... so they had turned our gas off... the guy is out here now to turn it back on but apparently has run into some problems... he's willing to overlook the copper pipes that are hooked up to our hot water heater but can't get something to hold pressure... so now, thanks to the stupid gas company we're going to have to call a plumber have him change out the copper lines, put shut off valves on all our gas appliances, and/after he gets a city permit... then we'll have to call the gas company back out to turn the gas back on...but, if they wouldn't have had to come out and turn our gas off none of this would have ever happened... and what really pisses me off, it's not like it was for non-payment... it was because they had a leak in their line... um, not my fault at all!!!! so why am i being punished?!?!?!
momma and i drove a total of about 5 hours today for a 25 minute dr. appt... now i have to call the back institute to schedule an appt to go and get the results from the neurologist and hopefully we'll know what's causing all the pain... i was stuck with needles and shocked... he said little shocks... um, not so much little... both legs were jumping off the table... it hurt like hell... i'm sure tomorrow will be nothing but fun recovering from the car ride and the needles and shocks (after taking a cold shower!)...
what in the hell have i done to "deserve" all this fun stuff?? i wish someone would please tell me so that i can be sure not to ever do it again!! i mean... just a little break please?!?!

Can I Catch a Break Please?

Do you ever have a weekend when absolutely nothing seems to go right and then it carries over into Monday… that was the kind of weekend I had and so far Monday morning has been the pits… I was in tears all weekend long because my back hurt so bad since I quit wearing the patch… last night I couldn’t take the pain anymore so I put another one on… plus, I was thinking about the 5 hour car ride I’m going to make down to Plano and back to see the neurologist… they called Friday to see if I could come in Monday… I’m looking forward to going hopefully so they can find out what’s wrong with me and what’s causing all the pain in my back and legs… at the same time, I’m dreading the car ride… my back hurt really bad Wednesday after km and I went down to the Texas Back Institute… and the dr. told me that when I saw the neurologist I was going to have “a battery of tests done”…. Oh yeah, to make things even better, I opened some mail this morning from Allstate and they denied every single one of my claims that I submitted for my car wreck… ok, I have paid Allstate on time, every single month, for 6 years now… plus, when I called my dr.’s office to get them to fill out some paperwork I was informed that “we don’t handle accident claims so he isn’t going to fill that out for you”… um, ok, thanks… mind you, this is the dr. who was working on the herniated disc in my back for almost 4 years now and the dr. down at the back institute thinks this isn’t even what’s causing my pain… so now I just called the dr.’s office to see if I could get a copy of my medical records to send to Allstate and the turn around is only 15 days but you have to mail your request in…. even though I’m only working 1.5 hours today it is 1.5 hours too much… I walked in to a disaster and when I leave it’s going to be a disaster… things between R and I have been really tense and not so good lately but that’s a whole blog for another time… I am really trying hard not to freak out… I am just so tired of everything…

Texas Back Institute

today was my visit with my new back dr.... he is co-founder of the Texas Back Institute and is a spine surgeon... km drove me down to plano for my appt (we had fun.. it was a good road trip... the first one we've had in many years!!)... i was so nervous and knew without a doubt that he was going to tell me that i had to have surgery and that was pretty much my only option... the dr. that we met with was really nice... he did several tests, different things, having me walk on my toes then heels, pushing and resisting his arms with my hands, arms, legs, feet, testing my balance, testing my reflexes... he said i had brisk reflexes... i have no idea what this means only that "at your age, you shouldn't have brisk reflexes"... i'm going to try to do some research on this... he was also amazed, but not in a good way, of the medicine i was on... "fentanyl?? why?!?" fentanyl is basically a morphine patch... 5mcg's of morphine released into your body thru your skin for 3 days... i asked his opinion and he said, i would quit using the patches... i've only been on the patches for 2 months, maybe 3, so hopefully the comedown won't be too bad... hopefully... (i already feel like i don't want to do anything and that is certainly not going to help matters!!) anyways, back to the visit... we went and looked at my mri and x-rays... (he was showing us where and what everything was on the films and it was so neat!!!) he said based on the size of the herniated disc (the part that's bulging out) he doesn't really think that's what is causing my pain... he also said that my balance wasn't good... so, he wants me to go see a neurologist and have some tests done... to make sure that there's nothing really bad wrong... then i go back and see him and find out what the problem is and (hopefully) find out what our plan of action is... after he mentioned that he didn't think my lower back was causing the pain i told him about the headaches i used to have... i still do have them but not near as often (or because my back pain is so bad i'm not noticing the headaches)... my dr. thought they were sinus headaches for almost a year... obviously not... i'm having mixed emotions about this though... i just need to keep remembering, everything happens for a reason... i'm so glad that i finally have a competent dr. who knows what is going on but then i'm like, this has been going on for almost 4 years, i've wasted 4 years and who knows how much money, just thrown down the drain... so, that's pretty much the lowdown of my dr.'s appointment... good and maybe not really what i was wanting to hear but sometimes that just the way the ball bounces huh? it'll be ok though, i'm already becoming "more positive" with everything...

Suggestions Please?

i have been in dire need of 2 things lately that i cannot seem to find... any ideas or suggestions of where i can find these 2 things?!?! online preferably...
1- sheets.... last year r and i bought a king size bed with an over-sized mattress... i cannot for the life of me find any sheets that fit and that are good and comfy... no stiff sheets.... sheets are one thing i don't mind spending money on... i love good sheets!!!
2- capris... i need a good basic pair of denim capris... just like jeans but capris... and for some reason every where i look, i cannot find any capris... they're all like super low waist (can't do- i have a "muffin top"), skinny (another can't do), or crazy looking.... old navy used to be the place to get the capris i'm talking about and for two years no such luck...
i would appreciate any help at all!!! i seem to be lost!