Getting Older

every morning when i get to work i usually spend the first half an hour or so reading the newspaper.... trying to stay on top of current events and just checking out what's going on.... i always scan the obits and the letters to the editor too.... today i was scanning the obits and i saw a name i recognized.... i grew up with her grandson.... and for the longest time thought that he would be the one i would marry.... we were so close for so long.... his grandma dying just snapped me into reality... a reality that i would have preferred to stay out of.... i know that death is inevitable but when you're younger it isn't something that you really have to deal with (for me anyways).... this past year i have seen my mom's best friend bury her mother and her mother-in-law.... all within about a months time.... i can't imagine how hard that must have been for mom's best friend and for mom... both of those deaths impacted me and now so has nora's...
just yesterday i was sitting here at work thinking about halloween years ago when k's dad took several of us to haunted houses one year... we weren't old enough to drive yet so k's dad took us... we had such a good time... and thinking back to how we wish we were old enough to drive so that we could drive ourselves... and then how we wished we were old enough to buy our smokes (legally)... and then how we wished we were old enough to buy beer legally.... it's funny, time just flies but you don't really notice it until you get older... and once you're older you wish you could slow it down... today is november 1st, 2005 and i can hardly believe it... life is just flying by, just like i wanted it too years ago.... and like momma said it would.... i made the comment to momma one time that i didn't like funerals because they were sad... she said something along the lines of, the funeral is for those who stayed behind, letting them know that you are there and that you care.... that's a good way to think about it even though it doesn't take the sadness away....