frustrated

i am very frustrated right now and thought i'd trying blogging my frustrations and then let them go... it's so very difficult to do your job when you are not given all of the tools or information that you need.... for example, i am in charge of the workers comp claims and we have to submit a claim form to Odyssey within 24 hours of the accident.... either last friday or this weekend one of our drivers fell off his semi and hurt himself.... the hospital called today asking for information... the hospital calling was the first time i'd heard about it.... i asked my co-worker about it and he said, yeah, i knew about it... not much but he still knew about it... i have absolutely no info to fill out the form with so i'm pretty much just leaving the whole thing blank... i know Odyssey will not be happy with this but, what am i supposed to do? make something up? earlier today one of our other drivers called and asked to talk to my co-worker.... he was in the bathroom so i told him i would have him call him right back.... i told my co-worker to call him back, that he needed to talk to him and it was important.... what does my co-worker do? goes in there and gets on the phone with other people, not the truck driver.... about 5 minutes later the driver calls back and asked me, did you give him the message? yes, i did... but obviously my messages, either coming to or coming from, are not important... my co-worker rarely responds to the messages that i leave him, if someone really needs to talk to him or whatever... he just does his own thing and forgets everything else... i do not ever get any of my messages, thank you, i really do appreciate that. it's just so frustrating when i feel like i'm being shut out up here.... i can't do my job the way it needs to be done if there is no communication... if you don't want to talk to me, write me a note, send me an email.... you don't actually have to converse with me... he came over to my desk a minute ago and said he needed to go run some errands since he won't have time tomorrow... personal and church errands i might add.... if i need to go to the store i go on my lunch break.... then he proceeded to make a big deal out of having to go to the post office to get 2cent stamps.... i don't need them and i already gave you all of the ones that i had left...
also, i have had my . for 3 weeks now, sunday will "officially" make it a month long... i called the doctor yesterday and left a message... the nurse called me back at 4:50 yesterday and said she would call me back after she talked to the doctor.... still no word.... excellent! thank you so much!! i love having my . for weeks! i love not being able to do my job at work! i love not having information given to me! i love being left out of the loop! i don't care about the "loop" regarding personal lives or whatever, just what i need to do my job.... ok.... i got my frustrations out... i'm going to try to let them go now.... come on peace and love.... positive thinking!

Good!

much to my surprise i am still in a good mood this morning! today is r's 32nd birthday! he doesn't seem overly excited about it but, that's ok, i totally understand... it seems like his side of the family was never real big on birthdays, at least not in the recent past... we're going to go eat with his dad and girlfriend and then my parents this weekend.... that'll be good... i just need to watch my points! eating out twice!! last night r and i had a big talk... nothing bad just something i've been thinking about... it's a big decision to make but we'll just have to see what happens... i do know that whatever happens and when and how it happens is already taken care of and under control... not totally our control but it'll all work itself out! there's just so much to it! anywho, i hope that today goes by fast... i'm ready for friday!!

good

everything is so good right now... i am so happy and couldn't be happier... communciation has been really good between r and i lately.... don't get me wrong, i've had an attitude, so has he, but at least we're able to talk it out and let each other really know how we're feeling without the other one getting mad... that's really been good lately... sometimes i like to clam up about what's wrong and he has to pry it out of me which just makes me even more mad or irritated.... things have just been good lately... i've lost 30lbs!!!! i've been really tired lately but i think it's the exercise and the fact that i've been busy at work.... everytime i get on here (while i'm at work) to blog or to myspace account i get covered up again! this friday is the end of our fiscal year so it's to be expected... last week was hectic too but next week will slow down for me... my "big" part will be over and done with! well, i'm tired and off to bed!

30.5 and counting

i went and weighed in last night... didn't stay for the meeting because i wasn't feeling good but i'm glad i went and weighed in.... i lost 5lbs! my total weight loss is 30.5lbs now! i am so proud of myself and i feel so much better since i started losing weight!! i think i am doing a really good job!! also, in losing 5lbs this week i have met another one of my own personal goals!! that makes me feel even better!!
it was an ok weekend... i was pretty much not happy with r all weekend long but it's all ok now... long story short, he was trying to say that i was the one who hasn't been thinking lately but on sunday he realized.... it's no biggie, it's just one of those things! his 32nd birthday is thursday... he's closing so i know we won't be doing anything that night.... i have no idea what we're going to be doing this weekend either... his dad called yesterday to see what we had going on.... i just hope it's not a stressful birthday! besides that, there hasn't really been anything going on... just working.... waiting on this week to end so that our end of the year will be over with up here at work!

Checking In

i just thought i'd blog for a minute before i start working... i've been pretty busy this past week... next friday is our end of the year and i've got some stuff i need to take care of... next week should be back to normal for me though, hopefully!! being busy does make the days go by fast though! there hasn't been much going on... i've been walking and tonight i'm going to the store and then cleaning the house, i know, everyone is so jealous because i'm having all the fun... sorry guys, not everyone is as lucky as i am... hehe!! r's birthday is next thursday, he'll be 32! anywho, i guess i am out for now, off to work... if anything exciting happens i'll be sure to blog it!

25.5

i went and weighed in last night... i didn't stay for the meeting but i did weigh... i lost 3.5lbs!!! now i have lost a total of 25.5lbs!!! i am really proud of myself!! the walking did pay off... and it really wasn't that bad, as long as i had my ipod on... it kept me from getting really irritated! one of my friends is doing the metabolic diet... she has lost 48lbs and looks SO good!! i am so proud of her!! metabolic is expensive and it doesn't teach you how to eat better... from my understanding she basically lives off of chicken breasts and salad.... i don't know if i could do that... i like weight watchers though because i am learning to make healthier choices.... anyways, she looks really good though!
r and i watched jarhead last week... i heard it wasn't that good but i really liked it! i thought it was a good movie... it's only the second war movie i've ever seen though... i recommend seeing it for yourself though!
besides that not much has been going on... i think yesterday might have been national "take your frustrations out on me day" but that's ok, it's over and done with! today has been an excellent day so far!! i guess i'd better get to work on my end-of-the-year stuff... more later!!

Amazing!

wow... this is amazing!!! i so want to teach the kitties to do this!!
Moscow Cats Theatre

Compliment

i was working on payroll today and one of our "men" (that's what the boss calls all the guys up here) walked in... he is a really nice guy... anyways, he came in and asked for roscoe and then immediately said, are you losing weight? (i was sitting down too!!) i said yeah, i've lost 23lbs so far... he said, wow! you look really good!!! i was so impressed that he could tell... while i was sitting down! YEAH!!! i forgot how good an unexpected compliment can make you feel!! i told steven, you should come over here more often!! that was so nice and it made me feel so good!! now i'm really walking tonight!! thank you!!

whew!

it's been a little since i really blogged.... where to start... i guess with my weigh in monday night... so i didn't lose this week... i gained half a lb. though... for some reason i was really ok with it though... it didn't upset me, i didn't get mad or angry... that kinda bothers me... am i ok with gaining weight? no, but i know it is just half a lb. so there is no reason to get upset! if i had gained more than that though i really think it would have bothered me... i only have 2lbs to lose now to get another 5lb. star though! that is my goal for this week... lose 2lbs! i only walked once last week and didn't really feel like doing much else... i was planning on walking last night but that didn't pan out... tonight though, 2 miles! for sure!! come hell or high water!! um, what else... work is going good... i'm not talking to my co-worker unless it is work related... that might be mean but that's working for me right now... i really don't have anything to say to him that isn't work related... and i really don't care to hear his stories either... so unless it's about work i just turn the ipod back on or go back to whatever it was that i was doing... i've just had enough of him... i have been really tired lately, i could sleep and sleep (maybe!).... r and i are talking about getting a new bed... i think that may be the reason that i haven't been sleeping very well lately... i could be tired because i didn't work out last week but... maybe it's the bed... tomorrow after work i'm going to get a facial and a massage! i can't wait... i'm hoping the massage will help destress my neck and maybe my headaches will go away... i don't know if it's stress or my neck being crazy that's causing the headaches, or a little of both.. my chiropractor is out of town until next week though... hopefully the massage will help!! actually, i know it will help!!! things seem to be good here! just working and waiting on the weekend!!!

Monday (Again!)

well, it's monday again.... r and i had a very productive weekend... sunday anyways... saturday night we went out to eat and then yesterday we were productive! i got the house cleaned (good too!!) and he got the couch and oven off of the back porch... the porch looks so much better now!! i am so glad that both of those things are gone now!!! i am really tired for some reason today.... we went to bed early last night, i am just worn out though... that's how i was last week though, i was tired all week long! my goal this week is to exercise... i only walked once last week and that's not very good! i just didn't feel very good after we walked tuesday night... everything is good here though.... i go weigh in tonight and am kinda scared about that but, we'll just have to see what happens! more later if i don't fall asleep!!

Pandas

it is already wednesday! i can't believe it, last night i was thinking today was tuesday! that's always a nice suprise!! the past couple of days up here at work i've been checking out panda bears! i love them!! they are too cute!!! i have no idea if anyone is interested in pandas or not but i think they're precious!!! did you know that pandas can swim? i didn't, until today anyways! anyways, i just wanted to share my love of the pandas.... (the chinese named the panda the great bear-cat! maybe that has something to do with why i love them so much!!)

10%

so last night was my weigh in... i lost 3lbs!! i have reached my 10% goal and have surpassed it!!!! i have now lost a total of 23.5lbs!! i am so excited!!!! i only have 1.5lbs to lose now until i get another 5lb. star!! i am too pumped up about this!! i am really proud of myself!!

Jawbreaker

i have found my new favorite addiction... jawbreaker... it's a game on my pda... yes!!! i am so glad that k explained to me how to play, i love it!!!! jawbreaker=addiction!!! yes!!!!!

Foul

last week i think it was safe to say i was pretty much in a foul mood all week long... it seems that maybe my mood has carried over into this week... at least today anyways... i received a few emails this morning that should have helped get me out of the foulness, i know it is a choice and i have the power to chose to stay in a foul mood or get out of it...

IT IS MY PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY TO INVITE ONLY POSITIVE EMOTIONS INTO MY LIFE.... NOW AND ALWAYS.....

right now, well, i don't know... i go weigh in tonight and don't really care about that... all i need is to lose 1.5lbs to get my 10% pin and up until yesterday i knew i had that taken care of... i didn't really care last week when i found out i had lost 3.5lbs either... it didn't make me in a better mood or anything... i got a lot accomplished yesterday, kinda got drunk, by myself.... yesterday i finished off my broccoli beef from hunan's... then i told r that i wanted to go to sonic and get a hamburger, ok, cheeseburger with bacon, AND a blast.... so you know what, we went and i ate my sonic bacon cheeseburger and my blast! 15 points for the blast and 18 for the burger... guess what, i don't really care... i know, bad attitude... but, once again, um, don't really care... r told me this morning to just get out of my funk and to just let it go... i said, what if you don't know what it is... his reply, just let it go... am i working on that? i don't know... i just kinda seem to be content where i'm at now... even though i'm not happy.... and pretty much angry all the time... does it make sense? no... do i really care? not at this time, no.... so the foulness continues....

(this kinda bothers me because this is how my mind-set was at cingular... i didn't care about anything.... then it got to the point where i didn't care about even going to work.... whatever though...)

Odd...

this morning started out a little hectic... i woke up 30 minutes late for work... no biggie, i was still here on time but i hate waking up late... i feel rushed all day long! plus, i am leaving at 2:15 for a doctor's appointment and probably won't be back today... not if the appointment goes how they normally go when i go to the female doctor... yuck! but at least it will be over with for another year!! that's the good side of it!! besides that there isn't really anything going on today... i say that but i mean there is always something going on...
so i get to work this morning and start checking my email... nothing unusual until i read something in one of my emails about a labyrinth.... labyrinths and mazes have always intrigued me so i went to the website listed in the email.... i found some pretty interesting info... the first thing i read on the webpage was, You have been led to this place. My hope is that you will discover something here that will surprise and truly delight you. ... very profound! that certainly caught my attention... i really had no idea what labryinths were all about until today... they're very fascinating....

The Labyrinth, like the goddess, are archetypical of the Sacred "Mother Earth" and her cycles of life/death/rebirth. Symbolically it represents the journey into the other world and the return - a death of one state and rebirth into another. Metaphorically speaking, we are all spiritual seekers, on the path together, looking for meaning and purpose for our lives. The Labyrinth provides a symbol that is also quite literal as it presents us with a real path upon which to walk together. It is meant to be viewed or walked as a form of centering or meditation, and in the process, the spirit finds healing and wholeness in its sacred space. "Walking to the center of the labyrinth someway helps us find the center of our own being. "A labyrinth...speaks to a long forgotten part of us. They offer a chance to take "time out" from our busy lives... It is "a gift we give to ourselves, leading to discovery, insight, peacefulness, happiness, connectedness, and well-being.