so today has taken a turn for the better.... ever since i quit taking my meds my moods have been so unpredictable.... and can change at the drop of a hat... but, that is something that i can work on... and maybe incorporating better coping skills into my life will help that.... but dealing with life with no meds sucks.... they say hindsight is 20/20 and they are right! if i had known then what i know now i probably wouldn't have ever started taking xanax.... the pain pills probably so because my back was hurting me so bad but the xanax, knowing how difficult it would be to get off of them, no way!!! they're always in the back of my mind, just take a xanax, you'll calm down... all day every day.... i haven't been sleeping good at night and when i do finally get to sleep i have nightmares... i'm not sure if this is because my body is not filled with pills and it has no idea still how to react... and admitting that i have a problem with pills is not easy.... i thought people judged me before when i was on them now only a few people really know what's going on.... this absolutely sucks... i had no idea that mentally and emotionally withdrawals could (and would be) so difficult... i read that most people are just mentally addicted to xanax but for me it's not just mental, it's physical as well... the throwing up, feeling like you're getting the flu, and just basically feeling like crap all the time... and you KNOW that if you could just take one little pill all the bad nasty feelings would go away.... that is the hardest part, knowing that you can make it go away but at the same time you can't.... just one little pill would take care of it but that one little pill is what got me here in the first place... so, to all of you who know me, bear with me... this is and has been a difficult 3 weeks.... it will get better, i do have faith in that! and it can't last forever!! (i hope!!)
so, my friend that inspired me to start a blog is still dieting and i am super proud of her... she is doing the "jessica simpson" diet, i don't know what else to call it.. and i am thinking that i would like to do that... besides, i need to replace taking a pill with something and it might as well be something healthy like eating better and getting exercise..... i think i'm going to give it a shot! it can't hurt anything!! and i'm worried about my health... i have a dr.'s appt. next thursday with my new doctor and i am going to see if she will give me a complete physical... i have been so unhappy with my old family doctor for so long.... and he made me feel like everything was in my head and that there was nothing wrong with me.... and i've learned that you need to be able to trust your doctor... my awesome chiropractor told me that... and she is very knowledgeable.... i have learned a lot of things over the past 3 weeks.... i know the areas that i need to work on and i am going to do that... i know i can do this! i just have to keep a positive attitude about it!! and yes, there will be bad days but that's ok, i can overcome them! i have an excellent group of friends and family that i know i can count on!