Moody (and Venting)

it's thursday and i'm so glad! only 6 more working days after today and then i'm on vacation! needless to say, i'm really looking forward to it! we got our new carpet in the backroom yesterday and it looks SO good! i absolutely love it! (now i just can't wait until we can get both bedrooms recarpeted!!) it's amazing what a difference new carpet makes! and it's so clean and nice! i could go on and on!! it looks so great! now i can't wait to get the baseboards replaced, get my new computer desk in there, and get the room loaded back up!! it's going to look awesome!! and i'm getting new vertical blinds for the sliding glass door too!! yes!!! all new and clean!! i am so excited!!!
i've been moody the past week or so and i think it might be because i've been filling my mind with true crime books instead of positive thoughts like i should be! but i really do plan on re-reading "i surrender"!! i need to get out of this funk!! yuck!! and it seems like everyone and everything is getting on my last nerve (there are a few exceptions!)!! i could just yank my hair out! but i won't... i'll stay calm, cool, and relaxed! not a problem at all!! (yes, i am trying to convince myself of that too!!)...
there hasn't been too much going on besides the "backroom project"... don't get me wrong, that's enough project for me right now! it's been pretty quiet and peaceful, which is fine by me!!
i can't believe there's only 9 days left until christmas! that is so crazy!! tonight after work i need to go get the baseboards (and anything else that we might need to put them down), run some errands, and go to petco... i am trying to convince myself to just go to petco instead of just ordering online but the shipping is free! and well, i'm not a big shopper... so i might just order the kitties stuff online... and to be honest i would rather shop online!! all i want to do after work is just go home and stay there... i think it's partly the hermit in me coming out and my irritation lately... everyone is just getting on my nerves and the last thing i really want to do is go shopping with a ton of people! no thanks! but, there are some things that i can't buy online... and that's probably a good thing!
i really need to work on controlling my irritation... or get in a better mood or something... my co-worker is about to drive me up the wall!! i feel like he does everything intentionally (he might or might not, this is just how i feel) to make my job harder and more stressful.. this shouldn't (and doesn't need) to be a stressful job, i just feel that he makes it that way! it's like he doesn't even consider me (or my feelings) when he makes these stupid decisions... he acted like he got irritated with me the other day because he was asking me questions about medicare part d and i didn't know... ok, you're the only one up here who is requesting medicare, you find out... and then he was asking me questions about our insurance and his diabetic supplies, once again, i had no idea... i could call and ask but he reminds me of my father-in-law... if they ask a question i can give them an answer but they act like they don't believe me... so why should i waste my time calling and finding answers for him when he's not going to listen to me anyways... 2 cases- 1) father-in-law asked if he could write a check at this restaurant, yes i said, so he keeps asking other people.. then he wants to know if he can leave the tip in the check, yes i said again, so he keeps asking other people... then he's worried that because he left the tip in the check that the server isn't going to get it... he will i said... but no, so we wait for change from the check and then he hands the tip to the server because he didn't want someone else to steal it... case 2) co-worker askes me about a disc that he has for his old laptop, mind you it has windows 95 on it... this was right after we got our new computers up here... i told him, the formats aren't going to be the same, we can download those forms when the internet is hooked up... not good enough, he keeps trying to put that old disc in his new laptop... he finally ends up breaking the new laptop... well, the floppy disc drive anyways... then he comes in here and is like, i think i broke the laptop.. yeah, he stuck his pocketknife in it to get the old disc out... i'm not saying i'm right all the time but i don't feel that i should waste my time or breath when the answer i give isn't going to satisfy them anyways... that's my whole point... so, old man, don't get an attitude with me because you're older than dirt and you're angry because your life didn't turn out the way you wanted it too.... don't blame me... and i know it's nothing that i personally did, but it just irritates me that, i feel like, he's taking it out on me! that's crap!! i know that i'm not perfect, not even close. and i know that i take stuff out on other people that i shouldn't... and i know that's wrong... but at the same time, it's usually r or k who catches the brunt of my anger... and they know the anger is not directed at them but at someone/something else.... i suppose you could say that i know that too in the situation of my co-worker but to me it doesn't feel the same... my co-worker and i are not even close to having any kind of relationship like r or k and i do... i mean, there is no comparison there at all... i guess i just needed to vent!
i know it's ok to get angry because it means that you feel something and feeling is good but it's what you do with your anger (or project your anger at) that you need to watch... and that's my problem now, i've managed to control my anger, for the most part, now i just need to learn to let it go... get angry and then get over it... so that's my goal now...
one more thing before i go work, daddy told me that my brother isn't coming home for christmas... this is a first... thanksgiving isn't so bad because i know that he's coming home in a month but not this year... i read in the paper today, sharon randall's column- i love it!, that as the years go by the traditions change and that there is nothing wrong with that but i have a hard time with change... i do and i can admit it, i can even laugh about it unless it's actually time to change, no more laughing then... quite scary i must say! but unless i want to end up like my co-worker i need to learn to adapt to change! so the brother isn't coming to texas for christmas this year, that's a bummer! i hope he has a merry christmas where ever he is though! on that note i'm going to pay bills and type up payroll sheets for 2006!!