Checking In

well, it's thursday night and my vacation is almost over with... work week wise anyways... that's ok though... the break was nice! i got a lot accomplished over the week though... not a huge project but lots of little things... i just did a little each day... and it was good!
christmas was great! r and i hung out with my parents, grandma, and uncle gary christmas eve... christmas day we went to grandma's and saw everyone, minus the brother, and then we went to r's dad's house, minus r's brother too... it was kinda sad that scott wasn't there but people and traditions change i suppose.... people grow up and go their own ways... i have accepted that but i'm still not 100% happy with it.... that's ok though, i have lots of time to learn to accept it...
this week i started trying to watch what i'm eating... i went to the mall (ok, really only old navy, those who know me know i am not a big shopper) earlier this week and it was depressing!! yuck!! so i figured since i'm trying to change mentally i should try to change physically too... i am going to start working out... i don't care what it is but i am going to start doing something! and watching what i eat! that's another key factor!! i know i can do this, now i just need too!! i will feel a lot better about myself! and lose weight, which i need to do!
it's been a pretty quiet week around here and i'm not complaining! i know work is going to be hectic when i get back, until we get caught up anyways! that's ok though, i'm prepared... and i'm going to get an hour and a half massage saturday morning! yes!! i will be all relaxed for the new year!
r and i have been talking to k and her husband, b, in iowa park and it seems that there may be an opportunity for us in "the village", keep your fingers crossed! i really don't want to say much else besides it would be a wonderful opportunity for us, especially r, and it's something that we've been talking about for a while, just kicking the idea around... and knowing what i know now, if this is supposed to happen it will... this whole thing just seems too perfect... though we're not very far into it yet... actually, we've just barely broken the surface... but i know that given the right circumstances, which will happen if it's meant too, we can (and will!) make this happen and be successful at it! i am confident that all is well in our lives though... that our lives will take the course that we designate and that everything that is supposed to happen will! and it's such a good time in our lives to take a chance, if we decide too... we don't have anyone else to support, i.e. "real" children (the kitties aren't too expensive, hehe!)... and now is the time if we're going to do something... the way i see it, this could be the opportunity of a lifetime... for us! i really feel in my heart that this will work, i know we can make it work, and i have such a good feeling that it will work and it will be the most amazing thing! it will be a lot of work but that's ok, it will give us something to do... it will be stressful too, but, that's ok... nothing we can't handle... it seems that the "master plan" that k and i talked about many years ago is coming true... it all seems to be falling into place... how wonderful! all i needed to do was believe! see what happens when you believe! everything happens for a reason! it's so incredible to sit here and think about everything that is manifesting itself in our lives... just in the near future... i am really excited about the opportunity that is presenting itself and am know that whatever happens is happening for a reason... i hope that all is well with you and yours...

Down but Not Out

it's been a long week... i would say a long month but i don't really think that december has been that bad... i just need to adjust my attitude, but like i said yesterday i just don't really care... and to be perfectly honest, i don't really care about anything right now... r has been stressed lately and that makes communication difficult... and if communication is difficult then everything else is going to be strained... so not only is work driving me nuts so is not being able to talk to r, really talk to him... he's been driving me nuts though lately too... but i think that's just because he's stressed and i'm stressed and we're both just really edgy, it's a vicious circle isn't it?
this is nuts, i just took a little break and turned on some tunes and i must say, i'm feeling a tad bit better... almost like i'm afraid to let myself feel better... obviously i missed the computer a little bit... and missed my tunes a little bit... that's kinda crazy (scary?) how something can change your attitude like that... i wonder if that's normal... no pills though! that is a good thing (i just realized that!!) maybe i got angry so that i would acknowledge that i am control of me! (and my thoughts, attitude, everything!!) (is this crazy?!?! i feel kinda nuts, especially writing about it... is it normal to have such "mood swings?")... maybe it was a combination of things, blogging, the tunes, just getting it all out at home (not at work)... whatever the reason, i feel much better now!! i am in an excellent mood!!
all of r's christmas presents are here except for two... and i hate to say that it was the two that i was most excited about... that's ok though, he'll just get a late christmas present... that's a positive! who knows, maybe they'll come in tomorrow... it wouldn't be such a problem except that i'm having them delivered to work and we're on vacation next week... it will all work out though!!
the computer desk came in yesterday... i'm glad that r took the day off so he was here to sign for it... the driver helped him move it into the garage, very nice, it was SO heavy!! we moved it in piece by piece and he put it together... i was "helping" for the first part but i think i might have been a little more stressful so i started playing kingdom hearts, helping out when he needed me too... it was an experience i can say for sure... hopefully i'll be smart enough to remember that the next time we're both stressed out it's probably not a good idea to try to assemble a huge L shaped computer desk... it had some crazy unreal number of pieces.. it is assembled though and i'm happy with it... i must say it looks really good in here! maybe one day we can get the new vertical blinds up! between the new carpet, the new computer desk, and the new vertical blinds it's looking really good in here! (i'm sure the massive cleaning job has something to do with it too!)
i got my hair done tonight and i really like it! it's getting long, for me anyways... my hairdresser's mom was in there when i first got there (and i've known her since we were in 3rd grade) and her mom was talking about this bookkeeper that they hired and how she's not doing a good job... my hairdresser, s, said well you should have hired me.. then we got to discussing salary and bonuses... man, it's crazy! and s's dad is running the company now... he's the big boss man... very tempting but at the same time i have to say that i've got it good... my job is very cushy... plus, my boss is awesome! i really like him.. the co-worker, well, he's just old, but the boss is excellent! i couldn't ask for a better boss!! speaking of work, i think i'm going to use my christmas bonus for a massage... i could put it towards bills but man, i'd really like to have a massage... plus, it's christmas and i haven't had a massage in a long time!! right after the holidays, that would be nice... i just realized why r is stressed, the holidays! duh! he always stresses during the holidays!! you'd think i'd remember that by now!!
going back and rereading this post... is it normal to have such random crazy thoughts and mood swings? my mind just seems to jump from one thing to another... i mean, i've been angry for a few days, it's been growing, but now i feel better... i don't know exactly what it was or what combination of things changed my attitude and thoughts in such a short period of time.. that's kinda scary to me, maybe?!? as mom says, i made an elephant out of a mosquito... but that's ok because my "angry spell" didn't last that long... and i realized that this was a lesson to me... i learned and realized (and now believe) that i can control my emotions and thoughts... i anticipate hard/bad times but that's to be expected... the challenges are there to teach us lessons... i need to find the positive in every situation! i can and will deal with the challenges as they come to me.. everything happens for a reason....
*somehow this ended up being a somewhat conscious stream of thought... sorry if it bored you to tears... i'm still somewhat indecisive about actually posting it.. we'll see if anyone else ever reads it...

Blah

as momma said this morning, only 3 working days left this year for me... i'm excited about that but i'm just blah today... nothing imparticular has happened (or not happened) i'm just funky for some reason... and i'm not sure why... pms could be a part of it.... i only have about a ton of things to get done at work before this week is over, and i'm not sure if we're working a full day friday or not, and i have no desire whatsoever to get any of it done... i just really don't care... i know that's not a good attitude to have but, well, right now it's what i've got... i should really be reading "i surrender" but to be honest, i don't even want to do that.... maybe it's the holidays finally sinking in.... maybe it's the fact that i've been racking my brain trying to think of some gift for mom and dad (either together or separate) to get them that would thank them for everything that they have done for us and i can't come up with anything!! it's very frustrating! i can't come up with one half decent idea.... i know that's frustrating me... and i know that they don't care about the gifts but for once i would really like to get them something that they could/would really use/enjoy... and i'm stumped... i wish i could just go to lunch and not come back until after the holidays... no can do though.... besides working there isn't much going on... just waiting for the end of the week.... well, the boss just called with more stuff for me to add to my list of things to do so i'd better get motivated and get a move on....

Tired!

it is monday and i am tired! i have no idea why, it's not like i stayed up late over the weekend or anything! we had a really good weekend though! friday night r and i worked on the backroom some more and got everything that's going back in the backroom back in there... we're just waiting on the new computer desk though! saturday k and i went christmas shopping and ran errands... we had a really good time and it wasn't the least bit stressful at all (even though there were a bizillion people out!).... she dropped me off while she ran home and then we all met up and had branding iron for dinner and then went to braums for ice cream! it was too good!! k and i did find an excellent special while we were out shopping though! we were in jcpenney's and were looking at rugs and decided to just pop into the vertical blinds... they were half price!! i got some brand new vertical blinds for $30!! that is way awesome, that was the find of the day! then we had to drive around with these huge blinds in her 4runner but that's ok! yesterday my mother-in-law and step-father-in-law were in town, and will be until tuesday, so they took r and i out to eat.... we went and visited with them for a little bit and then they dropped us off... it was just a nice, quiet, relaxing weekend! i hope this weekend is the same! and i am looking forward to my week off!! i am tired and don't want to do anything, well, not much anyways!! monday hasn't been bad, just tired.... ready for friday!! and i hope next week drags by! there's not much going on here... i was thinking that since this was the last week before we were on vacation i might be busy but not so far... that's ok though, i'll just save it up til the end so i'm busy until it's time to go! anyways, i'm going to sit and watch the squirrels play on top of the building across the street and try to teach myself to sleep with my eyes open!

We Are Carpenters

ok, so maybe not really carpenters but mom and i did some awesome work on the baseboards last night at the house!!! mom and i went to the lumber yard when i got off work and picked up the baseboards... we decided to go ahead and give the baseboards a try, besides, we bought extra material so it was ok if we goofed up a few... amazingly, the baseboards went very well!! we finished the whole backroom except for 3 little pieces that needed to be cut out with a hand saw, which we didn't happen to have.... we could have finished the whole room if the corner moulding wouldn't have been short in the corners, but that's ok! i just sat back there on the couch last night, waiting for r to get home, looking at the baseboards and admiring our work! i think we did an excellent job! i am so pleased! and now r can get to moving the stuff back in the backroom! i need to get some new vertical blinds now because the ones that are up are just a tiny bit on the filthy side, oops! i am so happy about the baseboards though! i can't believe that mom and i got so much accomplished last night! we just rocked on!! i just had to share that! it was too much fun!!

Moody (and Venting)

it's thursday and i'm so glad! only 6 more working days after today and then i'm on vacation! needless to say, i'm really looking forward to it! we got our new carpet in the backroom yesterday and it looks SO good! i absolutely love it! (now i just can't wait until we can get both bedrooms recarpeted!!) it's amazing what a difference new carpet makes! and it's so clean and nice! i could go on and on!! it looks so great! now i can't wait to get the baseboards replaced, get my new computer desk in there, and get the room loaded back up!! it's going to look awesome!! and i'm getting new vertical blinds for the sliding glass door too!! yes!!! all new and clean!! i am so excited!!!
i've been moody the past week or so and i think it might be because i've been filling my mind with true crime books instead of positive thoughts like i should be! but i really do plan on re-reading "i surrender"!! i need to get out of this funk!! yuck!! and it seems like everyone and everything is getting on my last nerve (there are a few exceptions!)!! i could just yank my hair out! but i won't... i'll stay calm, cool, and relaxed! not a problem at all!! (yes, i am trying to convince myself of that too!!)...
there hasn't been too much going on besides the "backroom project"... don't get me wrong, that's enough project for me right now! it's been pretty quiet and peaceful, which is fine by me!!
i can't believe there's only 9 days left until christmas! that is so crazy!! tonight after work i need to go get the baseboards (and anything else that we might need to put them down), run some errands, and go to petco... i am trying to convince myself to just go to petco instead of just ordering online but the shipping is free! and well, i'm not a big shopper... so i might just order the kitties stuff online... and to be honest i would rather shop online!! all i want to do after work is just go home and stay there... i think it's partly the hermit in me coming out and my irritation lately... everyone is just getting on my nerves and the last thing i really want to do is go shopping with a ton of people! no thanks! but, there are some things that i can't buy online... and that's probably a good thing!
i really need to work on controlling my irritation... or get in a better mood or something... my co-worker is about to drive me up the wall!! i feel like he does everything intentionally (he might or might not, this is just how i feel) to make my job harder and more stressful.. this shouldn't (and doesn't need) to be a stressful job, i just feel that he makes it that way! it's like he doesn't even consider me (or my feelings) when he makes these stupid decisions... he acted like he got irritated with me the other day because he was asking me questions about medicare part d and i didn't know... ok, you're the only one up here who is requesting medicare, you find out... and then he was asking me questions about our insurance and his diabetic supplies, once again, i had no idea... i could call and ask but he reminds me of my father-in-law... if they ask a question i can give them an answer but they act like they don't believe me... so why should i waste my time calling and finding answers for him when he's not going to listen to me anyways... 2 cases- 1) father-in-law asked if he could write a check at this restaurant, yes i said, so he keeps asking other people.. then he wants to know if he can leave the tip in the check, yes i said again, so he keeps asking other people... then he's worried that because he left the tip in the check that the server isn't going to get it... he will i said... but no, so we wait for change from the check and then he hands the tip to the server because he didn't want someone else to steal it... case 2) co-worker askes me about a disc that he has for his old laptop, mind you it has windows 95 on it... this was right after we got our new computers up here... i told him, the formats aren't going to be the same, we can download those forms when the internet is hooked up... not good enough, he keeps trying to put that old disc in his new laptop... he finally ends up breaking the new laptop... well, the floppy disc drive anyways... then he comes in here and is like, i think i broke the laptop.. yeah, he stuck his pocketknife in it to get the old disc out... i'm not saying i'm right all the time but i don't feel that i should waste my time or breath when the answer i give isn't going to satisfy them anyways... that's my whole point... so, old man, don't get an attitude with me because you're older than dirt and you're angry because your life didn't turn out the way you wanted it too.... don't blame me... and i know it's nothing that i personally did, but it just irritates me that, i feel like, he's taking it out on me! that's crap!! i know that i'm not perfect, not even close. and i know that i take stuff out on other people that i shouldn't... and i know that's wrong... but at the same time, it's usually r or k who catches the brunt of my anger... and they know the anger is not directed at them but at someone/something else.... i suppose you could say that i know that too in the situation of my co-worker but to me it doesn't feel the same... my co-worker and i are not even close to having any kind of relationship like r or k and i do... i mean, there is no comparison there at all... i guess i just needed to vent!
i know it's ok to get angry because it means that you feel something and feeling is good but it's what you do with your anger (or project your anger at) that you need to watch... and that's my problem now, i've managed to control my anger, for the most part, now i just need to learn to let it go... get angry and then get over it... so that's my goal now...
one more thing before i go work, daddy told me that my brother isn't coming home for christmas... this is a first... thanksgiving isn't so bad because i know that he's coming home in a month but not this year... i read in the paper today, sharon randall's column- i love it!, that as the years go by the traditions change and that there is nothing wrong with that but i have a hard time with change... i do and i can admit it, i can even laugh about it unless it's actually time to change, no more laughing then... quite scary i must say! but unless i want to end up like my co-worker i need to learn to adapt to change! so the brother isn't coming to texas for christmas this year, that's a bummer! i hope he has a merry christmas where ever he is though! on that note i'm going to pay bills and type up payroll sheets for 2006!!

Friends

i received this email today and it made me think about my relationships with my friends.... i decided to post it on my blog because i really like what it says (and it's true!)...

People come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. When you know which one it is for a person, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFE TIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Purging & Productive

i must say that this was an excellent weekend! friday night our friends from dallas came in and we visited with them (i received an excellent gift that i absolutely love and already have on my desk!! it is such a special gift because of who it's from but to make it even more special, it has history behind it! i couldn't be more excited!!) it's so nice to be able to get together with b & k to hang out and catch up...
saturday night we went to see the lights in chickasha at the festival of lights... i don't know how to exactly describe it, it's in a park up in oklahoma and they have all these "things" made out of lights... like the grinch and his dog max, crosses, different names for Jesus, a gingerbread house, frogs, butterflies, santa waterskating, getting his hair cut, and things like that... and everything is made out of lights... they have a bridge and gazebo covered in lights and they are absolutely beautiful... it has 2.5 million lights! it is so amazing! here is the website link if you are interested... http://www.fol.net/ ... next year we decided we are going to walk the park, the past couple of years we've just driven thru... i don't know how long the line was but it took us about an hour to get up to the gate the first time and then we decided to go thru again but it took maybe 10 minutes to get back to the gate... needless to say, the line was super long the first time through but it does move pretty quickly... it's well worth the wait though! this is the most beautiful and awesome thing i have ever seen! it's absolutely incredible to me that they can do this all with lights!! that was amazing!
yesterday r and i were busy all day long! i think we worked for about 8 hours or so on the the house... we started cleaning out the second bedroom so that we would have a place to put the stuff from the back room... we got the second bedroom cleaned out and started unloading the backroom.... the backroom is totally clear except for the blue couch and the computer desk with the basic computer on it... i couldn't bear to tear the computer down yet! so tuesday night should be relatively simple, move the computer, the computer desk, and the couch, and then the backroom is clear and ready for carpet... the backroom looks so huge with nothing in it... it's nuts! the rest of the house is a disaster though... it was my weekend to clean but since the carpet was coming on wednesday i decided to put it off until the new carpet is here... the house would just get dirty again anyways... we're going to do a little rearranging in the backroom too! (i got to buy my christmas present from r last night... it's a computer desk, and i love it! it's awesome! i can't wait for it to get here!!) the backroom is going to look excellent!! after we finished clearing out the backroom we cooked dinner and then watched saw... we hadn't seen it before and it was ok... it was supposed to be a horror movie but it wasn't really that scary... i kinda lost interest in it, it was kinda boring to me... we had a really good weekend though! it started off excellent and ended excellent!!
9 more working days after today and then i'm on vacation for a week!! i am really looking forward to that! r's going to take off the end of the week.... there are some things that we have talked about doing to the house and i'm hoping that we can get some of those done either before or while we're off... it'll be nice though!! things are good in my world... serene... and i'm trying to stay that way even though my patience are being tested! but that's ok... i am going to stay serene today! i have no reason to stress and so i shouldn't be stressing!! i have decided that i do need to keep rereading "i surrender"... it seems that when it starts to slip from my mind that's when my attitude changes too.... i'm glad that i am conscious of that though!!
happy monday to everyone!!

Irritable

i have no idea why but i am so irritable today... i just want to scream! my co-worker is driving me up the wall... every little thing that he does is making me crazy!! man alive!! i'm trying so hard to control my irritation but it is very difficult... i feel like i am going out of my mind and it's been a while since i've felt like this... i really honestly think that he's losing his mind, on top of just getting old and more gripey everyday! and to be such a "good christian man" he sure isn't very thankful (for anything!)... he just expects certain things and if they don't happen or don't happen in his time frame he's not happy! i realize that everyone is like that to a certain degree, i am i know, but (and this is just my personal opinion) his is over stupid things that shouldn't be expected, like our bonuses... and he gripes about our boss so much it's not even funny! but then when the boss gets here it's all about him working... which, yeah, whatever... i'm not even going to touch that right now... talk about getting fired up! i have tried to calm myself down, well, calm the irritation down and it's not working very well... but that's ok... i'm not having a bad day per say but it's not an excellent one either... my intentions worked though... i was hoping to feel better after blogging this and getting it off my chest and i do! good stuff!!

Grateful cont'd...

i just wanted to add that i am grateful to have a house (to live in with my wonderful husband and my two kitties) for the heater to quit working in... i'm not saying i'm grateful that the heater broke, i'm just glad that i have a home, and if the heater is going to break, so be it... we can get it fixed... that's what i was thinking about during lunch, that i should be grateful to have a house so that the heater can break... some don't have that... i'm grateful for everything and everyone that i do have in my life... i'm grateful that i have the ability to see (or to try to see!) the positive in everything... i'm grateful to have such wonderful friends and family that are there for me!!

Grateful

it's monday and i just wanted to blog for a few minutes... momma and daddy got r and i new carpet for the backroom for christmas and we are so excited about it! we got a really good deal on it and the backroom is going to look so much better! i can't wait to get it installed now!! i am so super excited!!! awesome!!!
we had a good weekend... until last night... our heater quit working and it was in the 20's this morning.. at least that's what the weather last night said it was going to be... i didn't ever actually check the temperature, all i know is that it was cold!! so our heater decided to quit working last night and r and i only have one blanket, mental note- get more blankets! and a space heater!, so needless to say it was a long night.... murph slept under the covers right next to me all night long, poor guy, i think he was cold! james lane came out this morning and fixed the heater.. i was so worried that it was going to be something terribly expensive or that they were not going to be able to fix it today but luckily it wasn't... it only took about 45 minutes for them to fix it and cost less than $100.... not cheap but not near as expensive as it could have been! they say that there is something positive in every situation... i am looking and thinking to find the positive in this situation and maybe i have already recognized it but just don't realize it yet.... the repair could have been much more costly or they might not have been able to fix it today... on the other hand, maybe we had the repair done so that something worse didn't happen.... i'm just grateful that the heater is working! don't get me wrong, the heater got to me this morning... i was in tears... and was very worried... until i talked to the repairman... things are better now! i'm still not as cheery as i was yesterday (or hoped to be today!) but that's ok... small baby steps! now i'm just tired... i didn't sleep very well last night because it was so cold but that's ok... i can sleep tonight!

Happy Days Are Here Again

welcome to the life of a crazy person, you never know when you're going to have a good day or a bad day... today is a good day! i started working on these exercises that came out of the "i surrender ebook" yesterday and it was absolutely amazing how much better these exercises can make you feel! i cleared out my negative thoughts! (for now anyways!) but as the author said, it's not easy at first but it will get easier with time! so, that's what i'm shooting for! i really did feel better yesterday after working on those exercises... and i'm still feeling good today! positive thoughts have helped! knowing that others have struggled reassures me that i'm not the only one who is struggling (that sounds horrible i know!!) i just wanted to blog my happiness! the past few blogs haven't been all that cheerful so i thought i'd let everyone know that i'm feeling and doing much better! (and i think what was wrong with me yesterday was too much sinus medicine... i had a horrible headache and took some excedrin sinus before i left for work and then at work took some alka seltzer plus medicine and i think that's what was behind the omnious panick attacky feeling.. i kinda forgot that i had already taken some sinus medicine.... i say forgot, i might have not even thought that i took it because my head was hurting so bad!! the head is better though!!) things are looking up! there is a positive in every situation, sometimes you just have to look for it!