Update

i called the dr. and made an appt. for 1:45 this afternoon to see if she can give me something for my sinuses and to look at the cyst... i'm not that worried about the cyst, i just want to get it checked out... last night i found out that my aunt's cancer is right next to her spine and that once it gets into the bone they can't treat it anymore so they're trying to be really aggressive in their treatments... mom had a tiny bit of skin cancer removed this summer... she said it was nothing big, just a little spot... knowing now that there is a history of cancer in my family (dad's dad had cancer, dad's sister is the one who has cancer on her back) and that just makes me want to be cautious... i'm sure the chances of it being something "bad" are slim to none but in my opinion, preventive maintenance is always the best!!
after talking to momma last night and finding out about my aunt, (know i now where my selective reality comes from!! it's genetic!!) i realized that life is so short... you never know what's going to happen... you can only try to prepare the best that you can... i've blogged before about my crazy, mean grandma (dad's mom) and last night i had a realization that me not forgiving her and holding a grudge against her is not hurting her, it's hurting me... i don't think she even knows she hurt my feelings, about 6 years ago... i just wouldn't let it go for some reason... i have now... that's just the way she is and i can't change that... i have a card that says: You cannot change other people. To try to change them to fit what you want them to be is like trying to change a dog into a cat, or a cat into a horse. They are what they are; you are what you are.
it's as "simple" as that... i just need to accept her the way she is... done deal.