Friends

today i haven't been in the best mood... well, yesterday and today... i was down and feeling like everything in my corner of the world was falling apart... i would say that 99% of the time k, my best friend for 15 years, and i talk on the phone on the way home from work... we clean house on the same night so that we can talk while we clean.... we are never at a loss for something to talk about... anyways, i'm off track... this saturday is our 10 year high school reunion... when we first started talking about it we were both really excited to go... now, not so much... there are only like 78 people out of over 300 going... i was so down that i had decided not to go because all it was going to be was people judging me by what i've done with my life, looks, etc... basically the same way i felt in high school... i'm trying to be more grown up now and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, whether i liked them in high school or not... anyways, back to my "story"... she called me after i had got home from the store and said she was sorry she didn't call me after work (we were supposed to go shopping for something to wear to the reunion) and i said that's ok, i didn't really need to go shopping anyways because i wasn't going... needless to say, just talking to her led me to break down in tears... this usually happens when we talk and i'm feeling this way... thankfully i have her... she has been the one constant i have always been able to count on in my life for the past 15 years and i know that since we've made it this far she will continue to be a constant in my life forever... so, we talk, well at first, she talks and i cry... then i talk and tell her what's going on and how i'm feeling... she is so good at picking out what's wrong, like, the real issue, not just what i think it is... like the reunion issue... i guess deep down i was scared that people were going to think i was a failure... and like k said, i have no reason for them to think that... everything that i have set my mind to do i have accomplished.... i should be proud of me for that but that is where my trouble comes in... for some reason, i have a hard time seeing myself as successful and not a failure... it's hard for me to be proud of myself especially when i'm always comparing myself to others... i know, i shouldn't and don't need to do that... long story short, k talked me thru my crisis and i feel much better now... we know each other so well that it's like, she's a lost part of me... the part of me that makes me feel good about myself... she picks me up when i'm down... i only hope she knows that she can never be replaced....