PMS

it's monday... for some reason this morning when i woke up i woke up sad... i think the majority of it is pms and the rest of it is well, i don't know, my insecurities or something like that... i checked my emails before blogging today to see if there was anything in there that applied to me or would maybe offer any words of wisdom.... right now i am doing my best to not break down in tears... ok, that didn't work so well... i just finished crying in the bathroom.... i guess right now i just feel unappreciated and alone... i read an article yesterday, is stress contagious? basically the answer is yes... especially for women and those that are close to them... women are so much more emotional than men and want to take everyone else's stress to make the other person feel better... they'll do more, way over and above, what they would normally do to try to help the stressed person out... right now i'm trying to be the strong one in r and i's relationship because i know that he is really stressed... because of this i feel like i can't vent to him or tell him how i'm feeling... i just have to keep everything inside and to myself... which is ok, i think it's something that i can get used too.... i'm trying to do more around the house so that he doesn't have to worry about doing anything before or after work... on average, he's been working about 14 hours a day since last monday, with the exception of yesterday... i guess all i would like is a "thank you" or some sort of acknowledgement for trying to do more... wednesday night i cleaned the house, took out the trash, and vacuumed... normally taking out the trash and vacuuming are not "my" jobs but i was trying so hard to be nice... thursday after work i went and got my hair done... i know he's been stressed and has had a lot on his mind but he didn't say anything about any of it until he asked me saturday if i had gotten my hair done... then he said, it looks good... i know, i'm probably being selfish but this past week i have learned that the only real person that you can always depend on is yourself... you are the only one that is going to be there for yourself 100% of the time... and i keep reading that you have everything that you need in this moment... i am working really hard on taking this to mean that no matter what situation arises in your life, in this moment, you have everything that you need to handle it... much easier said than done though.... i'm not trying to complain, only to vent and get out what i feel that i've been keeping inside for the past week or so... r calls me, thru the day, and i'm really not complaining, and tells me what's going on and how things are going... it seems that he only calls when things are not good or he is stressing or something has happened... i only wish that there was something that i could do to help him out... there isn't, not while i'm at work anyways... and to be perfectly honest, him calling me while he's stressing just makes me stress more... knowing that there is nothing that i can do at this point in time.... then i sit here all day long and stress about what's going on up there....
on a totally different note, i think the kitties were sad to see monday morning get here... i think they enjoyed having r and i around so much this weekend... poor kitties, it seemed like once they realized that we were getting ready to leave for work their happy attitude disappeared.... i've been trying to spend more time with them because we have both been gone a lot lately.... (maybe i'm totally wrong and just hope they're sad!).... anyways, they weren't the only ones sad to see monday here so soon...
oh yeah, i got summoned for jury duty this next monday... i've never been before and really don't want to go... especially seeing as how i have a dr. appt. tuesday afternoon at 1:45 that i've had scheduled for almost 3 months.... plus, missing work is going to put me behind... that's not so much of a big deal as my dr.'s appt. is... since it's my psychiatrist i really think i need to go too... considering everything that's been going on lately.... i'm not sure what to do about jury duty though... it scares me to no end!! and i am stressing about it instead of just letting everything work itself out...
i know that things will get better and my stress level will decrease, i can only hope that all of this happens soon!! i feel like one big ball of stress right now.... which i probably am... and most of the feelings that i'm having are just pms and stress related.... i know i'm not alone and there is no reason for me to feel like i am, i think it's just the way i'm taking everything right now... personally but not as personally as i was friday.... i'm working on becoming a stronger person that won't run all my friends and family off by griping and complaining so much.... there is a lot in my life that i have to be happy about, i just need to be thankful for everything that is positive and good!!