Snowballin'

where to start... r and i had a good weekend... we went and ate at the branding iron saturday night... sunday we just hung around the house and watched the race... carl, my guy, did awesome this weekend!! he is such a good driver! i was so impressed with him!
this morning when i was getting ready i kept having this reoccurring thought... and it scares me... she, my chiropractor, "warned" me about reading these books and changing the way i was thinking and seeing life... she said that once it starts to happen it will just snowball... the good and/or the bad... but as we all know the bad is just something that we can gain experience or a positive lesson from.... let me try to find an easy way to say this without giving up too much... i am so confused but i know that the universe will handle it and what is meant to happen will... i am trying, to the best of my ability, to give it up and let God handle it but i am really having trouble getting over the anxiety feeling.... what's happening, at least what i feel now and for the past several days, is that i feel that my demeanor towards some of my "friends" is changing... not in the respect that they are better than me or that i am better than them... i just see them looking at the negative side of things all the time and not ever trying to look at the positive side... to me though this is hypocritical because i was that way at one time (and to a certain extent, still am although i am working on that).... i am in no way, shape, or form saying that i'm perfect or even close to it... i guess it's just that i realize that i'm trying to change my way of thinking and they're not... it really bothers me, especially the people who are close to me... there are 2 imparticular... this hurts me... i feel like i am having an inner conflict with myself regarding what i should do, if anything, about these 2 people... then on the same hand, i am so inspired by this one nascar driver... wow, he always has a positive attitude about everything! he never has anything mean to say about anyone and is just about the best example i can find regarding someone connected to their intention... he is just amazing... i find myself comparing this driver to these 2 people and i don't think i can do that... that's not right is it? i don't know... this is a very confusing issue for me... this morning i was kinda a basketcase... i kept crying, over nothing, and just really couldn't get it together... it was my book that helped me get it together... remember no coincidences... my horoscope today said some very odd things... maybe i'm looking too hard...

You may feel hopeful or pleasantly surprised today. Perhaps new opportunities are arising for you in your work or personal life. It’s possible that there has been a change in your work schedule, domestic responsibilities, or social calendar. This change may prompt you to focus more time or attention on your priorities. If you are a professional, you may see a chance to move up in your existing field or step into something more desirable. It may serve you to stay open to the unexpected today. Try staying optimistic even if the normal flow of your life is suddenly disrupted. It’s possible that each perceived disruption is actually the creation of an opening in your life for new things to manifest. When we remain open to change we find that wonderful benefits result in the most likely ways. The world is in a constant state of flux, and any established patterns we may have for how we live are subject to inevitable change. If we can stay upbeat in the face of these changes, we will realize that we are creating doorways for new realities to come into being. We can watch with eager anticipation to see what life and the universe has in store for us. Keep your eyes open and be optimistic as changes occur around you today, and you will recognize each change as a blessing and a new opportunity for growth.

This makes me wonder, is this the beginning of a change for me... and if so, how big of a change... the way my feelings are now it could be a big change... it's scary but i am trying to make it all ok within me... find the peace within myself.... i know i'm supposed to imagine the outcome that i want and let it go and it will be taken care of... my outcomes right now are so skewed i have no idea what to think... and if i follow my feelings then i think i will be doing something that i feel is wrong, well, i feel it's wrong now, shoot, i feel it's even wrong to think this way... we'll see what happens...