Checking In

it's wednesday and it is so amazing how fast the week seems to go by... with one exception... thursday seems to drag by (most of the time)... other than that, it's monday and the next thing i know it's friday! i'm not complaining though, i'm loving it!! r and i are doing really good! the past several weeks i have felt such strong feelings for him and the kitties (yes, i had to include the kitties, they are my children!) stronger than normal... yes, he has gotten on my nerves but it hasn't been as "bad" as it usually is... it's just like i feel so much love for them... they are so special to me... my shift in attitude is also teaching me to find beauty in everyone and everything... i feel it's working... i am learning to control my attitude and temper... which is good... before the slightest thing would just set me off... now i'm able to not get mad about it or just laugh it off.... r and i have been having such a good time just enjoying ourselves and laughing... when he makes fun of me it's hilarious! no more getting mad or upset... he knows what the "off limits" subjects are though... i am so glad that i am feeling happier and more positive as a person...
valentine's day was good! after work, k and i went and walked almost 2 miles... then r met us at b & k's house and we all went to eat... it was really nice because there was no wait at all at the restaurant... that's one of the reasons that we went there though, we knew it wouldn't be busy... everyone was in the "big city" eating... dinner was awesome... wow!! k convinced me that it is ok to cheat on my points occasionally... i cheated last night and will probably cheat again a little this weekend... (sunday is the daytona 500!! i will do my best though!) ok, back to dinner... i ate a salad with real ranch, not fat-free... had a loaded baked potato.. and when i say loaded i mean loaded!! k ate about half of hers because she said it was just too much... is there such a thing as too much? sour cream, cheese, and butter!! i think that was the best dang baked potato i've ever had!! then i had a ribeye... it was good... not the best steak i've ever had but that's ok... it was still good! i was so full after dinner!!
r asked me what i wanted for valentine's day and i told him a sonic brownie blast thing with the cherries in it... yeah, i don't know if i'm actually going to eat one or not... i looked up the points.. woah!! a regular blast has 15 points and a large blast has 20 points, unless it's reeces then it's 21 points!!
right now i get 26 points a day... (20 points is a lot of dang points to spend on a blast i tell you!!) it really made me think, is it worth it? probably not! (i just thought of something... maybe i should look at it as rewarding myself rather than cheating... the word cheating makes me feel guilty!!) back to food though, looking at the number of points that is in something really helps me make my mind up about whether or not i really want it... this morning at work we were out of diet coke and i don't know if i've even ever had a diet pepsi but i got a regular coke out of the fridge instead... came back to my desk... thinking, this is 4 points... for a 16oz. coke.... that's a yogurt whip and a piece of fruit, 2 snacks or a meal! after sitting here trying to convince myself it was ok to drink the regular coke i ended up putting it back and getting a diet pepsi... i must say though, i was surprised! it was good!! in fact, i like it better than diet coke! pretty good stuff!!
k and i are either going walking tonight and going to walmart tomorrow night or we'll go to walmart tonight and walk tomorrow... hey, you have to walk at walmart.. maybe not as far but you still have to walk! then when i get home i'm going to clean the house... i could wait and do it saturday but i'm seriously considering doing it tonight... maybe tomorrow night but i'd really like to get it done tonight... then it would be taken care of and i could forget about it for 2 weeks...
i need to remember to stretch before we walk... my legs are a tad bit sore... i'm not complaining, just kinda thinking out loud... considering i went from totally sedentary to active in a short period of time... i am feeling better though... they say that diet and exercise can and will make you feel better.. well, it's working on me... seeing my body change, getting smaller, is so exciting to me! i can't tell you how many years it's been since i've weighed what i weigh now... my guess, maybe about 10 years... and i'm not even done losing yet!! i don't know if you can actually see the changes taking place on your body but i think i can... i can really tell a difference in my waist/belly area and the way my clothes are fitting... it is so motivating!! i know i keep saying that but you have no idea how many times i've tried to lose weight and have not succeeded... (i went to weight watchers when i was little.. i say little, not very old.. mom had to drive me... i know i wasn't in high school...) it feels so good to lose weight... usually i quit trying to stay on whatever program i was on after maybe a month... i might be giving myself lots of credit on the month guestimate... i've tried everything! and finally realized that diet and exercise are the way to do it... i honestly thought there had to be some other way... and if there is i couldn't find it... but like i said way earlier, i feel much better... and feeling much better has lead to improved self-confidence and self-respect... i'm working on everything... just trying to improve myself.. emotionally, physically, mentally... anyway i can!
right now i'm trying to recognize when i have negative thoughts about anything to change them into something positive or to try to see the positive in every situation... like i said, working on it... i do find myself catching negative thoughts... at first i would get upset with myself when i would catch myself thinking negative thoughts but at least i am recognizing the negative thoughts and working on replacing them with positive thoughts! baby steps... that's what i keep telling myself... i never wanted to take baby steps before because the results were never fast enough for me... with losing weight when i would lose 2 or 3lbs i would just say forget it... that's nothing compared to what i need to lose total.... now, it's a start.... that's one reason i am so excited about weight watchers this time and my attitude towards it... i am sticking with it and staying positive!!
this was in one of my positive emails and i really like it...
We can satisfy our need for acknowledgment by rewarding ourselves for our actions. We can be our greatest and most generous supporter. By turning to ourselves for recognition, we give ourselves the benefit of relying on a limitless source of positive reinforcement. We can acknowledge ourselves and our actions whenever we wish. We are then motivated to continue to do things that fill us with pride and satisfaction because we know we will be rewarded for our efforts. Reward yourself and your efforts today, and you will fulfill your craving for recognition and acknowledgement.