A month ago I gave R a letter that said I’m unhappy and here are the reasons why I’m unhappy. The letter wasn’t all, here’s what you’re doing wrong, it was here’s why I’m unhappy and what I’m feeling is happening to us. We talked and he is really making an effort to make things better. What I don’t understand is why isn’t this making me happy? Is it a little too late? Should I have said something sooner? What is my problem?
There are so many issues I feel are causing problems in our relationship. He brought up a good point the other day. We were married in June 2003 and my back problems started in August 2003. The problem was finally fixed in August 2007 but I’m still not back to 100%. I don’t know if part of the problem we are having is us trying to have a normal relationship after all the back problems, you know, like finding a “routine” that works for both of us.
About a month before I gave him this letter, he “cornered” me one day and we had a “talk”. We needed to communicate more because we don’t communicate well and all our talks end up in fights. Then a month later I gave him the letter because what we talked about wasn’t working, nothing had changed. We can’t talk about anything serious with arguing. My guess would be 99.9% of the conversations we have end up with one of us getting mad. It’s really hard to communicate and try to work on things when this is happening.
Another of my hang-ups is the fact that we never go anywhere or do anything. It took me a long time to remember and realize that I used to go and do all the time. I was never at home, now I’m always at home and it’s driving me nuts. I hate it. Unfortunately, R is not good with the public, he never wants to go anywhere or do anything but when we do it’s always hectic.
The last issue to tackle is the restaurant and I don’t even want to go there right now.
So, here it is, most of my “dirty laundry” for everyone to see. These are some of the bigger problems that I feel R and I are battling. The reason I’ve been thinking of seeing a therapist is to find out why I’m acting and responding the way I am. I can sit back and pin-point exactly what I’m doing. I realize what I’m doing but I don’t know why and I don’t know how to fix it or control it.
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
The truth is that we do not need pleasurable circumstances and events to evoke happiness with us. Happiness is within us at all times. Just as soon as we make the decision to be happy, regardless of our circumstances, it manifests.
No person, thing or circumstance controls our response to that person, thing or circumstance. We choose our own responses. We have complete control over our state of mind and happiness is a decision that we make between our ears.
“Knowing” that you are in complete and total control of your life, and that no one or no thing can have any control or influence over you without your permission puts you in the place of power.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
13 Affirmations
I will explain everything later and in somewhat more detail but I’m sure that by now you know that I’m not happy and haven’t been happy. I know I’ve been unhappy in my current situation for over a year but I’ve been trying to just “hide” it. I’ve learned that this only works for so long. Eventually everything seems to blow up in your face and then you have a complete shit-storm to deal with instead. I have been looking for a counselor/therapist to see. I have finally realized and accepted that the problems are within me, not anyone else. So on that note, here are 13 daily affirmations that I’m going to try to instill in myself.
1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life. I accept the responsibility.
2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious act must be to remove negativity from my life.
3. Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
5. I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
7. Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.
8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
9. The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past, I am a new person.
10. All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.
11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.
12. I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life. I accept the responsibility.
2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious act must be to remove negativity from my life.
3. Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
5. I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
7. Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.
8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
9. The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past, I am a new person.
10. All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.
11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.
12. I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Signs & Baby Steps
I was reading an article in a magazine today and this was a quote in there:
The only person who can ultimately change that opinion for you is you. If you don’t change your mind, your mind will not get changed.
The past few weeks my life has been filled with “signs”, things that appear because they are supposed to be there for me to see and they make me feel better and more at peace with everything that’s been going on… anything and everything from someone saying something “random”, a song that comes on the radio at the “right” time, an email… (for those who don’t believe in all these “coincidences”, I can only imagine how ridiculous this must sound… I’m fine with that though, trust me). In one way I feel like it’s so bizarre, almost like life is surreal, that my thoughts and decisions are being validated, but maybe they are, maybe the universe knows that I need these signs. Something has to change, and I know this now, but the hard part is figuring out what part to change. Which leads me to this….
The baby steps… dc and I were talking about life and I made the comment that I would like a “life redo”…
M: I would like a life redo
D: Why?
M: So that I could change my life
D: Can’t you do that now?
M: Huh? What?!? (with a look of utter confusion on my face)
D: Start over, now, today, tomorrow. Trim the fat but take baby steps. Think about one small tiny thing that makes you unhappy. What purpose does it serve? Can you change it to make you happy, is it worth it? Fix it or get rid of it. Each thing you conquer builds you up in so many different ways.
M: Phenomenal!!
This might be plainly obvious to some people but apparently it’s not (or wasn’t) to me. I mean, I guess I know that you can always change stuff but I’m not sure exactly how to say this or whatever… maybe it’s because of the magnitude of what’s going on, that I’m not “supposed” to be thinking about changing stuff like this because it’s just wrong. All I know is that it took him saying that to me to fully understand and realize that I can change my life if I’m unhappy. I have the power to do it, I can do it, and there’s nothing wrong with starting small. I know that being able to be happy in one area of my life will so help with all the other areas. So onward change, here I come!
The only person who can ultimately change that opinion for you is you. If you don’t change your mind, your mind will not get changed.
The past few weeks my life has been filled with “signs”, things that appear because they are supposed to be there for me to see and they make me feel better and more at peace with everything that’s been going on… anything and everything from someone saying something “random”, a song that comes on the radio at the “right” time, an email… (for those who don’t believe in all these “coincidences”, I can only imagine how ridiculous this must sound… I’m fine with that though, trust me). In one way I feel like it’s so bizarre, almost like life is surreal, that my thoughts and decisions are being validated, but maybe they are, maybe the universe knows that I need these signs. Something has to change, and I know this now, but the hard part is figuring out what part to change. Which leads me to this….
The baby steps… dc and I were talking about life and I made the comment that I would like a “life redo”…
M: I would like a life redo
D: Why?
M: So that I could change my life
D: Can’t you do that now?
M: Huh? What?!? (with a look of utter confusion on my face)
D: Start over, now, today, tomorrow. Trim the fat but take baby steps. Think about one small tiny thing that makes you unhappy. What purpose does it serve? Can you change it to make you happy, is it worth it? Fix it or get rid of it. Each thing you conquer builds you up in so many different ways.
M: Phenomenal!!
This might be plainly obvious to some people but apparently it’s not (or wasn’t) to me. I mean, I guess I know that you can always change stuff but I’m not sure exactly how to say this or whatever… maybe it’s because of the magnitude of what’s going on, that I’m not “supposed” to be thinking about changing stuff like this because it’s just wrong. All I know is that it took him saying that to me to fully understand and realize that I can change my life if I’m unhappy. I have the power to do it, I can do it, and there’s nothing wrong with starting small. I know that being able to be happy in one area of my life will so help with all the other areas. So onward change, here I come!
Monday, May 05, 2008
Happiness
I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and thinking… working on trying to figure out what makes me happy. This isn’t really a “coherent” post, more just like a collection of things I’ve found in random places that I think are appropriate and that fit here. Lessons I’m trying to learn, values to instill in myself, random things. I’m working on changing to be a better and happier person.
Follow your heart, and be courageous. Life will never ask more of you than you can handle, and great joy can be found right outside your comfort zone.
Christopher Robin said to Pooh: “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time, often just one baby-step at a time and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. Stop waiting..... There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
You can learn to accept change with equanimity, absorbing each phase in stride and learning from each new experience. Instead of running for the hills each time a change arises, deal with change in three distinct stages: Loosen your grip, separate your feelings, and tap into wisdom. Learning to make peace with life's calamities—lost jobs, romances, dreams—does not mean you have to be passive.
"No matter where the problem is, how acute it may be, or how difficult the person may be, there is in the final analysis no one to change but yourself." - - Joseph Murphy
I kept looking for ways to fix the outside world so that I would enjoy it more. The problem is - the outside world is very resistant to being "fixed", especially the people in it. They seem to resent it if you try. What I know now is that none of those problems were outside me at all. As Joseph Murphy says, there was never anyone to change but me. And when I finally got miserable enough, I became willing to start work on myself. Here's the interesting part - as soon as I stopped blaming God and everyone else for my problems and took full responsibility for what I had created, my life began to change. I didn't see it at first, but I can sure see it now as I look back to that point 15 years ago. It reminds me of a little saying that I saw years ago - "My, how you've changed, since I changed." All that stuff I fought about in the outside world seemed to take care of itself when I started taking care of myself. So why am I telling you this story? Well, if there's any person, place or thing in your life that you think needs to be changed, why not think of it as a sign that there is something in you that needs work? Then ask that guiding Spirit within you what needs to be done, in you.
That doesn't mean that there is never any action to be taken in the outside world. It just means that you accept full responsibility for the situation being in your life, and you take corrective action without blame. You act in love, for yourself and others.
Follow your heart, and be courageous. Life will never ask more of you than you can handle, and great joy can be found right outside your comfort zone.
Christopher Robin said to Pooh: “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time, often just one baby-step at a time and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. Stop waiting..... There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
You can learn to accept change with equanimity, absorbing each phase in stride and learning from each new experience. Instead of running for the hills each time a change arises, deal with change in three distinct stages: Loosen your grip, separate your feelings, and tap into wisdom. Learning to make peace with life's calamities—lost jobs, romances, dreams—does not mean you have to be passive.
"No matter where the problem is, how acute it may be, or how difficult the person may be, there is in the final analysis no one to change but yourself." - - Joseph Murphy
I kept looking for ways to fix the outside world so that I would enjoy it more. The problem is - the outside world is very resistant to being "fixed", especially the people in it. They seem to resent it if you try. What I know now is that none of those problems were outside me at all. As Joseph Murphy says, there was never anyone to change but me. And when I finally got miserable enough, I became willing to start work on myself. Here's the interesting part - as soon as I stopped blaming God and everyone else for my problems and took full responsibility for what I had created, my life began to change. I didn't see it at first, but I can sure see it now as I look back to that point 15 years ago. It reminds me of a little saying that I saw years ago - "My, how you've changed, since I changed." All that stuff I fought about in the outside world seemed to take care of itself when I started taking care of myself. So why am I telling you this story? Well, if there's any person, place or thing in your life that you think needs to be changed, why not think of it as a sign that there is something in you that needs work? Then ask that guiding Spirit within you what needs to be done, in you.
That doesn't mean that there is never any action to be taken in the outside world. It just means that you accept full responsibility for the situation being in your life, and you take corrective action without blame. You act in love, for yourself and others.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
My Motto
So recently I decided that I was going to start working on myself… making myself a better person (working on my self-esteem issues along with other things) and start taking better care of myself…
I’ve been walking after work several times a week and I am really enjoying it so far… of course summer isn’t here yet so we’ll see how much I enjoy it when it’s a million degrees outside… hopefully by then I will be in a routine so it won’t be so “horrible”… I need to start eating better but I have to go to the store before I can do that and I am so not wanting to go to the store…
Anyways let’s get to the point… I have about a ton of music downloaded at home… last night I was trying to get out of my sad funk so I started randomly picking some tunes to listen to… I came across this song and realized I had never listened to the whole thing before so I cranked it up because I knew I really liked the chorus… thanks to Ja Rule and his song “New York New York” I am inspired… this has become my new motto:
I’ve been walking after work several times a week and I am really enjoying it so far… of course summer isn’t here yet so we’ll see how much I enjoy it when it’s a million degrees outside… hopefully by then I will be in a routine so it won’t be so “horrible”… I need to start eating better but I have to go to the store before I can do that and I am so not wanting to go to the store…
Anyways let’s get to the point… I have about a ton of music downloaded at home… last night I was trying to get out of my sad funk so I started randomly picking some tunes to listen to… I came across this song and realized I had never listened to the whole thing before so I cranked it up because I knew I really liked the chorus… thanks to Ja Rule and his song “New York New York” I am inspired… this has become my new motto:
“You can't take shit for granted, life is too short...
I'm not cocky, I'm confident
if you tell me I'm the best it's a compliment”
Oh yeah, I spent the majority of last night trying to figure out how to add tunes to my blog… no luck so far but I’m still working on it… I’m hoping to figure out how I can add a playlist…
Oh yeah, I spent the majority of last night trying to figure out how to add tunes to my blog… no luck so far but I’m still working on it… I’m hoping to figure out how I can add a playlist…
Monday, April 28, 2008
Changes
I don’t deal with things very well… I’m pretty sure it’s the approach I use… just don’t deal with it… just push it to the side until it gets to be so big and such an issue that I am forced to deal with it… over and over I’ve been shown that this technique for dealing with things isn’t effective but I still continue to use it because well, it’s the easiest… avoidance is my policy… like I said, not the best way to go but right now it’s how I roll…
Like usual, I’ve had all sorts of craziness going on in my head… normally I try to force something to happen instead of just letting life take its course… dc made a comment to me one night about me and my “self esteem issues”… something along the lines of, I have no idea where these come from… so I’ve been thinking on that… you know, I mean, I know where they come from but at the same time I need to respect and love myself more… if I don’t love me how can I expect anyone else to love me? so, in this confusing time of my life I have decided that I am going to work on me… km and I walked last week and I have decided that I am going to start walking… I have too plus I think it will make me feel better. I need to work on me… I need to figure out what will make me happy… what do I need? I’m doing a good job of figuring out what I don’t want and what doesn’t make me happy… so what will?
Some people think that believing in “signs” is silly… when I say signs I mean things that appear or come to you that you weren’t expecting… an email, something someone says to you, the weather, having your cards read… stuff like that… “signs that the universe sends you”… because as I’ve learned, everything happens for a reason… there are not really any coincidences… since Monday I have been getting sign after sign… one almost every day… and these are helping me to believe that I am heading in the right direction… that what I’m feeling is “right”…
I’m sorry for being so vague right now… there is a lot going on right now and I’m just not sure where everything is going to go… as of now I know what I need to do and I’m preparing myself for that…
Here is the first part of my weekly horoscope: There is a lot going on beneath the surface this week, courtney, the kind of thing that you can't quite get a handle on. You sense that there is a shift happening, but know that you have no control over what is about to take place. It is as though fate has the upper hand, but you are still master of your destiny. What is needed is to understand yourself from a deeper perspective than just your personality.
Like usual, I’ve had all sorts of craziness going on in my head… normally I try to force something to happen instead of just letting life take its course… dc made a comment to me one night about me and my “self esteem issues”… something along the lines of, I have no idea where these come from… so I’ve been thinking on that… you know, I mean, I know where they come from but at the same time I need to respect and love myself more… if I don’t love me how can I expect anyone else to love me? so, in this confusing time of my life I have decided that I am going to work on me… km and I walked last week and I have decided that I am going to start walking… I have too plus I think it will make me feel better. I need to work on me… I need to figure out what will make me happy… what do I need? I’m doing a good job of figuring out what I don’t want and what doesn’t make me happy… so what will?
Some people think that believing in “signs” is silly… when I say signs I mean things that appear or come to you that you weren’t expecting… an email, something someone says to you, the weather, having your cards read… stuff like that… “signs that the universe sends you”… because as I’ve learned, everything happens for a reason… there are not really any coincidences… since Monday I have been getting sign after sign… one almost every day… and these are helping me to believe that I am heading in the right direction… that what I’m feeling is “right”…
I’m sorry for being so vague right now… there is a lot going on right now and I’m just not sure where everything is going to go… as of now I know what I need to do and I’m preparing myself for that…
Here is the first part of my weekly horoscope: There is a lot going on beneath the surface this week, courtney, the kind of thing that you can't quite get a handle on. You sense that there is a shift happening, but know that you have no control over what is about to take place. It is as though fate has the upper hand, but you are still master of your destiny. What is needed is to understand yourself from a deeper perspective than just your personality.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Weekend Wrap-Up
It was so nice to actually have a weekend and not constantly be working… I didn’t do much of anything Saturday afternoon… we did go to Atwood’s… it was good, not quite as exciting as I had myself hoping it would be, but it was still good!! They did have little baby ducks, rabbits, chicks, & geese you could buy though…. they were cute!! I bought a little 4 pack of gardening tools and yesterday I cleaned out one of our flower beds… I didn’t buy any flowers and it’s a good thing, that one little flowerbed worked me over! Next weekend we’re going to try to trim the bushes and then I want to clean all the weeds out of it… it was so nice to be able to rest and relax and not feel so rushed, like I have a million things to do and no time to do them…
Ok, dc… he called Saturday night… R and I had just started Michael Clayton and my cell rings… it’s dc… so after I almost have a coronary and recover we start talking… he wasn’t an ass although it would have been easier if he had of been… he was very apologetic about some misconceptions that I had- like the reason we quit talking… and I also get some “issues” cleared up that had been on my mind forever… don’t get me wrong, I have more questions for him but Saturday night was kinda catch up night… we were on the phone for over 2.5 hours when his landline phone was going dead so he called me from his cell… we talked for about 45 more minutes and joked about how we used to talk like this all the time… I felt so much better after we talked… I’m not sure where to go with this now… I know, these pickles I usually get myself into are usually my fault…
On the bright side, today is a short day for me… I get to go to the dentist at 3:00… and I love going to the dentist… I love how clean my teeth feel afterwards… plus, momma cleans my teeth… bonus!!! And after this week we only have 8 more weeks until vacation!!!
Ok, dc… he called Saturday night… R and I had just started Michael Clayton and my cell rings… it’s dc… so after I almost have a coronary and recover we start talking… he wasn’t an ass although it would have been easier if he had of been… he was very apologetic about some misconceptions that I had- like the reason we quit talking… and I also get some “issues” cleared up that had been on my mind forever… don’t get me wrong, I have more questions for him but Saturday night was kinda catch up night… we were on the phone for over 2.5 hours when his landline phone was going dead so he called me from his cell… we talked for about 45 more minutes and joked about how we used to talk like this all the time… I felt so much better after we talked… I’m not sure where to go with this now… I know, these pickles I usually get myself into are usually my fault…
On the bright side, today is a short day for me… I get to go to the dentist at 3:00… and I love going to the dentist… I love how clean my teeth feel afterwards… plus, momma cleans my teeth… bonus!!! And after this week we only have 8 more weeks until vacation!!!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Something Different
Like always, as I recently discovered, my thoughts are crazy and all over the place… so last night on the way home from my massage I decided that I was just going to call dc and get it over with… do you remember that super sick rolling nauseous feeling you got the first time a boy called you or you called a boy… like, I would rather be doing anything in the world besides this right now… I start feeling that and I’m like, omg, what is my problem?!? I’ve known dc since we were like little…I can call him to say hi… I don’t know if it’s wrong or not… I feel like it is and that’s why I’m justifying it… I just really want to talk to him- you know, you can’t have it so you want it thing… honestly, now that he’s been on my mind for about 4 days straight, I really think if he does call me back, he’ll be an ass… which is fine… closure. Oh yeah, I had to leave a message… it was apparently his “business” line… the house next door to his parent’s… I think him and his dad (maybe) went into business?!?! And most embarrassing, I called three times… the first time my ear bud died (on my way home right after I decided I had to call him), called him from home, the 1st time, got the answering machine and could barely hear the message so I hung up… it took me a little but I managed to put two and two together and realized that must be the business line… what the hell, I called again, yes, again, I know, how desperate is that, I only hope they don’t have caller id, by this time I had worked myself up into a crazy frenzy and have no idea what I said on the message… I remember some of it but not all of it… but, it’s out of my hands now, his move… Now every time the phone rings I get nervous… why does this boy intimidate me like this?!?!
Anyways, today I think (hope) that R and I are going to go to Atwood’s, technically it’s called a “ranch and home” store but they have so much more than just that… I want to maybe get some flowers for this little flower bed in the front of the house… R wants a new weed eater… plus, I’ve never been and I really want to go, R said I would love it… so I’m super excited about this and really hope he’ll feel like going when he gets home from work… he’s been hectic already today! And bonus, I have no work to do this weekend other than CT payroll… very nice!!!
I’ll let you know how Atwood’s is… I can only imagine your excitement- a farm and ranch store!
Anyways, today I think (hope) that R and I are going to go to Atwood’s, technically it’s called a “ranch and home” store but they have so much more than just that… I want to maybe get some flowers for this little flower bed in the front of the house… R wants a new weed eater… plus, I’ve never been and I really want to go, R said I would love it… so I’m super excited about this and really hope he’ll feel like going when he gets home from work… he’s been hectic already today! And bonus, I have no work to do this weekend other than CT payroll… very nice!!!
I’ll let you know how Atwood’s is… I can only imagine your excitement- a farm and ranch store!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Always on the Crazy Train
I was looking thru my blog searching for what I wrote about dc a long time ago and came across a common theme… most of my blogs contain something along the lines of: I feel crazy, I don’t know why I’m acting this way, why do I feel this way?, I’m so depressed…
I don’t think I understood what an emotional rollercoaster I was before now… don’t get me wrong, I know I’m a basket case, but I suppose I had no idea it was as all consuming as it is… I do know that I hate feeling this way and I hate acting the way I act sometimes… like suddenly getting mad over something stupid and insignificant or having a crazy ass mood change in front of people (very obvious, to me anyways)… I don’t know what to do about it though… I’m on all kinds of meds now and apparently they’re not working… or maybe they are and this is just life… I don’t know but I wish I did… surprise, this realization makes me sad...
I don’t think I understood what an emotional rollercoaster I was before now… don’t get me wrong, I know I’m a basket case, but I suppose I had no idea it was as all consuming as it is… I do know that I hate feeling this way and I hate acting the way I act sometimes… like suddenly getting mad over something stupid and insignificant or having a crazy ass mood change in front of people (very obvious, to me anyways)… I don’t know what to do about it though… I’m on all kinds of meds now and apparently they’re not working… or maybe they are and this is just life… I don’t know but I wish I did… surprise, this realization makes me sad...
Thursday, April 17, 2008
All Aboard the Crazy Train
I don’t really know where to start… it’s been so long since I’ve actually blogged... and be warned, this is kinda crazy... like way outta left field...
Ok, I’m going to flat out ask because I have no idea what to do... has anyone ever felt this way or do you know anyone that has… what do you do? It goes back to the boy I blogged about so long ago… Thinking … anyways, it doesn’t really matter… to summarize the long lost blog about dc I would say:
Known each other from church since we were little
Friends especially as we got older and it was the whole boys are new and they maybe don’t have cooties anymore stage…
Still friends all the way thru our sophomore year in college… something happens and we hardly ever speak again… the last few times I saw him he was kinda an ass to me…
For some reason I can’t let this go… it bugged me for a while then went away… it’s back now… I had a dream about him several months ago and now he pops into my head at the most random times (and lately more and more)…
Yesterday I was talking to my hairdresser (the one I commented about) and she had been telling me how she had run into all these guys from her past in a really short time span… we started joking about me and she brought dc up… I said, I have been thinking about him lately and I am dying to see/talk to him… I leave to head home but decide to call her to see if she maybe wants to get a beer or a drink if she doesn’t have any plans… she was going to dinner with a friend and said I could join them, nah, I’ll just head home, thanks though… she calls me and says, you’re not going to believe this but we walked into the restaurant and she said dc was sitting right there!!!! OMG!!!! WHAT?!?!? I so should have gone… so anyways, she’s like, oh hey, Courtney and I were just talking about you… he’s like, tell her hi… if I only would have gone…
This whole situation is driving me absolutely insane… me with the way I’m acting and then the fact that I can get N-O information about him… I have half a mind to call him but that makes my tummy turn… so, I ask, what is wrong with me?!?!? This situation has me thinking crazy thoughts… what am I thinking though?!?! Anyone?? Anyone??
I’m officially a passenger of the Crazy Train now.
I have more to say on this… well, him others, they’re all connected/related… later though, it's almost time to do the daily sheet... (and my wine glass is empty)
Ok, I’m going to flat out ask because I have no idea what to do... has anyone ever felt this way or do you know anyone that has… what do you do? It goes back to the boy I blogged about so long ago… Thinking … anyways, it doesn’t really matter… to summarize the long lost blog about dc I would say:
Known each other from church since we were little
Friends especially as we got older and it was the whole boys are new and they maybe don’t have cooties anymore stage…
Still friends all the way thru our sophomore year in college… something happens and we hardly ever speak again… the last few times I saw him he was kinda an ass to me…
For some reason I can’t let this go… it bugged me for a while then went away… it’s back now… I had a dream about him several months ago and now he pops into my head at the most random times (and lately more and more)…
Yesterday I was talking to my hairdresser (the one I commented about) and she had been telling me how she had run into all these guys from her past in a really short time span… we started joking about me and she brought dc up… I said, I have been thinking about him lately and I am dying to see/talk to him… I leave to head home but decide to call her to see if she maybe wants to get a beer or a drink if she doesn’t have any plans… she was going to dinner with a friend and said I could join them, nah, I’ll just head home, thanks though… she calls me and says, you’re not going to believe this but we walked into the restaurant and she said dc was sitting right there!!!! OMG!!!! WHAT?!?!? I so should have gone… so anyways, she’s like, oh hey, Courtney and I were just talking about you… he’s like, tell her hi… if I only would have gone…
This whole situation is driving me absolutely insane… me with the way I’m acting and then the fact that I can get N-O information about him… I have half a mind to call him but that makes my tummy turn… so, I ask, what is wrong with me?!?!? This situation has me thinking crazy thoughts… what am I thinking though?!?! Anyone?? Anyone??
I’m officially a passenger of the Crazy Train now.
I have more to say on this… well, him others, they’re all connected/related… later though, it's almost time to do the daily sheet... (and my wine glass is empty)
Monday, April 14, 2008
One More Day
this is me today... dead tired... only one more day til tax season round 1 is over with... no more 80+ hour weeks... i'll actually have and be able to enjoy my weekends... i can't wait!!!
Monday, April 07, 2008
Shout Out!
I have to send a "Shout Out" to Carl!!! He won Texas this weekend!!! YAY!!! His 3rd win so far this year!!! So here are a few pictures for you to enjoy celebrating his win!!! NASCARL!!!
Monday, March 24, 2008
R and I
here is a pic of R and I at his dad's wedding last weekend... I'm working on getting something posted I just haven't had any time... hopefully soon though!!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Better!
Today is a good day… yesterday wasn’t a bad day either but I think that was mainly because I left work early… R had a stress test and an echocardiogram scheduled for 3:00 and 4:00 yesterday… good news though, his stress test came back good and instead of us having to make an appt to come in and get the results of his echo we can just call in about 2 weeks for the results… woohoo!! It’s amazing how much less stressed things are at the house now… a very noticeable difference…
I’m so excited because I voted in our primary yesterday… (it’s only the 2nd time I’ve ever voted)… I’m getting into the election this year, well, more than ever before- I usually never even pay attention…
I am feeling better emotionally… I really don’t know if it’s the med changes or my mind… I’m not sure if the med changes would be noticeable this quick but all we did was increase two meds by 1 pill each… I think that they are curbing my appetite though… thankfully!!!
R’s dad called him at lunch today (mind you he knows lunch is a busy time for him but it never fails, he always picks the “best” times to call)… his dad is getting re-married on the 22nd… so he calls to see if R will be his best man… he said, I was going to ask your brother to do it but I thought I should ask you since you’re the oldest… R calls to tell me and I start asking him questions like, where, when, what type of dress (casual, dressy, etc), and other questions that you would think his dad would have the answers too… nope, his dad can’t answer any of the questions except for the date of the wedding… he said, let me find out and I’ll get back to you on everything… he says to R, just wear the tux you wore at your wedding… um, ok, we had this conversation before our wedding- we rented it… then he brings up the rehearsal dinner and that R will need to be there for it but it’s on Friday night… R says, um, I’ll have to see what I can do about that, Friday is a really busy day for us and we don’t have any people that could really “be” R that night… so poor R, he calls me and the first thing out of his mouth is “well, the stress is back”. On the bright side, at least it’s only a temporary stress and there’s nothing we can really do about it… but… I’m slightly stressed now too because I don’t even own a dress… I have no idea what to wear… no idea where it’s going to be… that’s awesome!!! (don’t get me wrong, I’ll figure something out- I’m going to email his sister and see if she knows anymore than we do- I’m not that stressed about it though, to me it’s nothing to get too worked up about- plus, his dad is just stressful in general!!) Oh yeah, they haven’t even sent out the invitations yet- they’re still working on them…
Ok, enough about stress… onto something better… I’ve been thinking about this and really wanted to send a "shout out" to thank you, my friends, for being there for me… thank you for the emails & conversation, comments (that helped immensely), for just “being there”, and for listening to me rant and rave… to my blogger sisters, it still amazes me how people that you’ve never met before (in person) can become such an significant part of your life… I am so glad that Kelly introduced me to blogging… I would have never made such good friends had she not…
Today I’m grateful for: friends- both far and near- I hope you know how appreciated and special you are to me!
I’m so excited because I voted in our primary yesterday… (it’s only the 2nd time I’ve ever voted)… I’m getting into the election this year, well, more than ever before- I usually never even pay attention…
I am feeling better emotionally… I really don’t know if it’s the med changes or my mind… I’m not sure if the med changes would be noticeable this quick but all we did was increase two meds by 1 pill each… I think that they are curbing my appetite though… thankfully!!!
R’s dad called him at lunch today (mind you he knows lunch is a busy time for him but it never fails, he always picks the “best” times to call)… his dad is getting re-married on the 22nd… so he calls to see if R will be his best man… he said, I was going to ask your brother to do it but I thought I should ask you since you’re the oldest… R calls to tell me and I start asking him questions like, where, when, what type of dress (casual, dressy, etc), and other questions that you would think his dad would have the answers too… nope, his dad can’t answer any of the questions except for the date of the wedding… he said, let me find out and I’ll get back to you on everything… he says to R, just wear the tux you wore at your wedding… um, ok, we had this conversation before our wedding- we rented it… then he brings up the rehearsal dinner and that R will need to be there for it but it’s on Friday night… R says, um, I’ll have to see what I can do about that, Friday is a really busy day for us and we don’t have any people that could really “be” R that night… so poor R, he calls me and the first thing out of his mouth is “well, the stress is back”. On the bright side, at least it’s only a temporary stress and there’s nothing we can really do about it… but… I’m slightly stressed now too because I don’t even own a dress… I have no idea what to wear… no idea where it’s going to be… that’s awesome!!! (don’t get me wrong, I’ll figure something out- I’m going to email his sister and see if she knows anymore than we do- I’m not that stressed about it though, to me it’s nothing to get too worked up about- plus, his dad is just stressful in general!!) Oh yeah, they haven’t even sent out the invitations yet- they’re still working on them…
Ok, enough about stress… onto something better… I’ve been thinking about this and really wanted to send a "shout out" to thank you, my friends, for being there for me… thank you for the emails & conversation, comments (that helped immensely), for just “being there”, and for listening to me rant and rave… to my blogger sisters, it still amazes me how people that you’ve never met before (in person) can become such an significant part of your life… I am so glad that Kelly introduced me to blogging… I would have never made such good friends had she not…
Today I’m grateful for: friends- both far and near- I hope you know how appreciated and special you are to me!
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Monday, March 03, 2008
The Craziness Continues...
This is going to be another random post… jumping from here to there… ranting, raving, crying… who knows what all it will encompass…
Lately I spend all of my time working… I have four jobs… yes, some of them are “seasonal” but right now I’m working 4 jobs… my job at WMP, taking care of the Cedar Tree stuff, bookkeeping for km and co-workers, and tax time… I do miss having free time but I know that I won’t be working this hard for too much longer… tax season round 1 is over in a month and a half… speaking of taxes, I really need to finish getting our stuff together so we can file… I’m so close to being done but there is so much to get together this year I’m a little overwhelmed… I’ll get it taken care of though… hopefully this week…
GOOD NEWS: Carl won the race in Las Vegas yesterday… Race 3 of the year and he’s won the last 2!!!! I worked while we watched the race yesterday… it was a really good race too!!! he had an issue during post-race inspection so we’ll have to wait and see what the outcome of that is… but he did win!!! So far it’s looking like a good season for Carl and the #99 team!!!
“Real” Life:
This morning I had an appt with my psychiatrist… this was one of those times I didn’t want to go because I knew he was going to upset me… (I think if I phrase it like this it makes me feel better- I was already upset I just knew he was going to ask questions and then I’d have to talk about everything and get even more upset but that’s just part of it)… I do love my head shrinker dr though… he is really awesome… so we’re changing my meds up… increasing the dosage on two of the billion I take…
I’ve been super emotional lately… some of the blurbs I mentioned two blogs ago are really appropriate… being angry, waking up depressed, thinking my life is shitty, and so on… I feel I have been trying to do everything in my power to stay positive and to keep an upbeat attitude but I feel like it’s not working… I’m tired, worn out, and have no motivation… trying to get myself to do anything is a battle… I’ve been taking everything super personally…. Needless to say I’ve been an emotional wreck lately… so this morning at the dr I didn’t even bring up the fact that I’ve been thinking about babies… if I can’t even keep myself in check and in control how am I going to take care of someone else?!? I go back in two weeks though to see how the med adjustment is doing…
I've also been eating like crazy... like there's no tomorrow... besides trying to shut everyone out, I think this is my way of trying to deal with everything, to just eat... I bought a pair of jeans maybe three weeks ago and they are already getting way too tight!!! I hate this and I have to do something about it but it seems that all I can think about is food...
The weather here has been absolutely nuts for several weeks… yesterday it was 82, today we have a chance of snow- up to 3” (with a high of 40- that was this morning when I woke up)… and tomorrow it’s supposed to be in the 60’s… maybe that’s why everyone is still sick and can’t get over this crap that’s going around… I’ve been battling the flu/sinus nastiness for the 2nd time… R has it for the first time, still, and can’t shake it… he’s been thru one round of antibiotics and he’s still sick… it seems that almost everyone is sick with this stuff and it lingers… once you get it you can’t get rid of it…
One final rant before I go… I try so hard to be a nice person and to help anyone out when I can… it seems that the more and more you try to help certain people the more and more they take advantage of your niceness… then they expect you to do everything for them all the time… like I don’t have enough of my own stuff to do and take care of… I’m not saying I mind helping people out or mind doing stuff for people it just frustrates me to no end that people take advantage of your niceness…
Today I’m grateful for my psychiatrist and my wonderful understanding willing-to-put-up-with me and all my craziness husband…
Lately I spend all of my time working… I have four jobs… yes, some of them are “seasonal” but right now I’m working 4 jobs… my job at WMP, taking care of the Cedar Tree stuff, bookkeeping for km and co-workers, and tax time… I do miss having free time but I know that I won’t be working this hard for too much longer… tax season round 1 is over in a month and a half… speaking of taxes, I really need to finish getting our stuff together so we can file… I’m so close to being done but there is so much to get together this year I’m a little overwhelmed… I’ll get it taken care of though… hopefully this week…
GOOD NEWS: Carl won the race in Las Vegas yesterday… Race 3 of the year and he’s won the last 2!!!! I worked while we watched the race yesterday… it was a really good race too!!! he had an issue during post-race inspection so we’ll have to wait and see what the outcome of that is… but he did win!!! So far it’s looking like a good season for Carl and the #99 team!!!
“Real” Life:
This morning I had an appt with my psychiatrist… this was one of those times I didn’t want to go because I knew he was going to upset me… (I think if I phrase it like this it makes me feel better- I was already upset I just knew he was going to ask questions and then I’d have to talk about everything and get even more upset but that’s just part of it)… I do love my head shrinker dr though… he is really awesome… so we’re changing my meds up… increasing the dosage on two of the billion I take…
I’ve been super emotional lately… some of the blurbs I mentioned two blogs ago are really appropriate… being angry, waking up depressed, thinking my life is shitty, and so on… I feel I have been trying to do everything in my power to stay positive and to keep an upbeat attitude but I feel like it’s not working… I’m tired, worn out, and have no motivation… trying to get myself to do anything is a battle… I’ve been taking everything super personally…. Needless to say I’ve been an emotional wreck lately… so this morning at the dr I didn’t even bring up the fact that I’ve been thinking about babies… if I can’t even keep myself in check and in control how am I going to take care of someone else?!? I go back in two weeks though to see how the med adjustment is doing…
I've also been eating like crazy... like there's no tomorrow... besides trying to shut everyone out, I think this is my way of trying to deal with everything, to just eat... I bought a pair of jeans maybe three weeks ago and they are already getting way too tight!!! I hate this and I have to do something about it but it seems that all I can think about is food...
The weather here has been absolutely nuts for several weeks… yesterday it was 82, today we have a chance of snow- up to 3” (with a high of 40- that was this morning when I woke up)… and tomorrow it’s supposed to be in the 60’s… maybe that’s why everyone is still sick and can’t get over this crap that’s going around… I’ve been battling the flu/sinus nastiness for the 2nd time… R has it for the first time, still, and can’t shake it… he’s been thru one round of antibiotics and he’s still sick… it seems that almost everyone is sick with this stuff and it lingers… once you get it you can’t get rid of it…
One final rant before I go… I try so hard to be a nice person and to help anyone out when I can… it seems that the more and more you try to help certain people the more and more they take advantage of your niceness… then they expect you to do everything for them all the time… like I don’t have enough of my own stuff to do and take care of… I’m not saying I mind helping people out or mind doing stuff for people it just frustrates me to no end that people take advantage of your niceness…
Today I’m grateful for my psychiatrist and my wonderful understanding willing-to-put-up-with me and all my craziness husband…
Monday, February 25, 2008
Carl (NASCAR)
I wore my Carl Edwards shirt to work today to support him since the race was rained out yesterday... the only gripe I have is not being able to see him so his flip since I was working... he won though!!! way to start the season off!!!!
Go Carl Go!!!!
Edwards outduels reigning Cup champ in Calif.
Go Carl Go!!!!
Edwards outduels reigning Cup champ in Calif.
Random
I wish I had the guts to do what I wanted to do for a living… first I need to find out what it is I want to do…
Change your mind ... and EVERYTHING changes.
You know it is bad when you wake up depressed!
I notice more and more days where I'm filled with a nearly uncontrollable rage.
Sometimes I think my life is so shitty, but I know on the outside, to others it looks pretty good. I don't know which one I should believe.
Right when I think you could not be more of an asshole you kick it up a notch.
Beloved one, may you always know that "the force is with you."
May you experience moment after moment of grace, presence, and awareness of the good in yourself and in the world around you.
You are precious, valuable, worthy, capable, and loved.
These are just some of the thoughts (and bits and pieces I've borrowed from all the True Confession websites) that have been running thru my head for several weeks now… my emotions have been a roller coaster… up and down… I thought it was just pms now I’m not sure what it is… I’ve been taking my meds, even though I was thinking about quitting them before my emotions took over and started on the roller coaster… I do have a dr. appt with my psychiatrist Monday… this morning when I was leaving for work the kitties looked so sad to see me go (probably because I’m never home anymore- I’m always working- and when I am home I’m still working)… I was ok until I got to work and then I just wanted to cry…
R and I have been busy… work, work, and more work… I’ve been working at my “regular” 8- 5 job then working after work either over at the office on tax returns or at the house on bookkeeping… yesterday I worked from the time I got up until 8:30… R and I were in bed and asleep by 9… (on the good side, I am almost thru gathering up all the information for our taxes)…
I have a dr. appt at the back institute tomorrow that I am really looking forward too (a day off from work)…
Last Tuesday km found out that she’s having a baby… her first dr. appt is tomorrow… hopefully she’ll find out how far along she is… I am so excited for her but yet I have mixed feelings inside me… and I know where these feelings are coming from… I just don’t know what to do about them…
Back in December I blogged about something that I’d been doing some heavy thinking about but never published it… I just saved it as a draft because I was scared to publish it… R has been bringing up babies for several months now… I have a suspicion that he’s ready to have one… I mentioned it to a co-worker’s wife and her friend that were up here on day but never said anything to anyone else… I suppose I was scared… scared of what people might say or think… I know that sounds stupid but it’s the truth…
I was waiting until my dr. appt tomorrow but the back dr. to talk to him about having a baby and see what he said… do I need to wait a certain amount of time? I’m not about to do something that might mess up my back… then I have an appt with my psychiatrist Monday and then on the 11th I go to the ob/gyn… I had planned to talk to them all and see what their thoughts were on me having a baby… now I feel that if I do that everyone will think R and I are just copying whatever km and her husband do… you know what I mean, like, oh, km and hubby are having a baby so we should too… and that’s so not it… I realize that my feeling like this is really silly but I’m not sure what to do… I have been debating on whether or not to blog about this… I send her a link to my blog when I first started it but I don’t know if she reads it or not… I’m not sure if she even has time right now… I just needed to get it out though… to vent…I suppose we’ll just see where we go from here…
I’m working really hard on staying positive (even though some times it is so much more challenging than other times)… I have finished making my manifestation board… I want to post some pictures of it but I have to find time to do that… I also need to put some pictures up on my manifestation board… I don’t think my manifestation board will work too well if there’s nothing on it for me to manifest…
I’m grateful that I finished creating my manifestation board…
Change your mind ... and EVERYTHING changes.
You know it is bad when you wake up depressed!
I notice more and more days where I'm filled with a nearly uncontrollable rage.
Sometimes I think my life is so shitty, but I know on the outside, to others it looks pretty good. I don't know which one I should believe.
Right when I think you could not be more of an asshole you kick it up a notch.
Beloved one, may you always know that "the force is with you."
May you experience moment after moment of grace, presence, and awareness of the good in yourself and in the world around you.
You are precious, valuable, worthy, capable, and loved.
These are just some of the thoughts (and bits and pieces I've borrowed from all the True Confession websites) that have been running thru my head for several weeks now… my emotions have been a roller coaster… up and down… I thought it was just pms now I’m not sure what it is… I’ve been taking my meds, even though I was thinking about quitting them before my emotions took over and started on the roller coaster… I do have a dr. appt with my psychiatrist Monday… this morning when I was leaving for work the kitties looked so sad to see me go (probably because I’m never home anymore- I’m always working- and when I am home I’m still working)… I was ok until I got to work and then I just wanted to cry…
R and I have been busy… work, work, and more work… I’ve been working at my “regular” 8- 5 job then working after work either over at the office on tax returns or at the house on bookkeeping… yesterday I worked from the time I got up until 8:30… R and I were in bed and asleep by 9… (on the good side, I am almost thru gathering up all the information for our taxes)…
I have a dr. appt at the back institute tomorrow that I am really looking forward too (a day off from work)…
Last Tuesday km found out that she’s having a baby… her first dr. appt is tomorrow… hopefully she’ll find out how far along she is… I am so excited for her but yet I have mixed feelings inside me… and I know where these feelings are coming from… I just don’t know what to do about them…
Back in December I blogged about something that I’d been doing some heavy thinking about but never published it… I just saved it as a draft because I was scared to publish it… R has been bringing up babies for several months now… I have a suspicion that he’s ready to have one… I mentioned it to a co-worker’s wife and her friend that were up here on day but never said anything to anyone else… I suppose I was scared… scared of what people might say or think… I know that sounds stupid but it’s the truth…
I was waiting until my dr. appt tomorrow but the back dr. to talk to him about having a baby and see what he said… do I need to wait a certain amount of time? I’m not about to do something that might mess up my back… then I have an appt with my psychiatrist Monday and then on the 11th I go to the ob/gyn… I had planned to talk to them all and see what their thoughts were on me having a baby… now I feel that if I do that everyone will think R and I are just copying whatever km and her husband do… you know what I mean, like, oh, km and hubby are having a baby so we should too… and that’s so not it… I realize that my feeling like this is really silly but I’m not sure what to do… I have been debating on whether or not to blog about this… I send her a link to my blog when I first started it but I don’t know if she reads it or not… I’m not sure if she even has time right now… I just needed to get it out though… to vent…I suppose we’ll just see where we go from here…
I’m working really hard on staying positive (even though some times it is so much more challenging than other times)… I have finished making my manifestation board… I want to post some pictures of it but I have to find time to do that… I also need to put some pictures up on my manifestation board… I don’t think my manifestation board will work too well if there’s nothing on it for me to manifest…
I’m grateful that I finished creating my manifestation board…
Friday, February 15, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
4 Things
Four things about me that you may or may not have known in no particular order.
4 jobs I have had in my life
1. McDonald's
2. Quantum Mortgage
3. Wells Fargo
4. Comet Cleaners
4 movies I've watched more than once:
1. Steel Magnolias
2. Grease
3. Casino
4. Pretty Woman
4 places where I have lived:
1. Sleepy Hollow (W.F.)
2. Fillmore (W.F.)
3. Featherston (W.F.)
4. Douglas (I.P.)
4 TV Shows that I watch:
1. Intervention
2. Miami/LA Ink
3. Rescue Me
4. Rob & Big
4 places I have been:
1. Cancun, Mexico
2. Negril, Jamaica
3. Zuni, New Mexico
4. Corpus Christi, Texas
4 people who e-mail me regularly:
1. Momma
2. Keli
3. Jennifer
4. Kelly (Girl!!)
4 of my favorite foods:
1. Cheeseburger
2. Frisco Burger
3. Hot Fudge Sundae
4. Pancakes
4 places I'd rather be right now:
1. With R
2. On vacation somewhere
3. In bed asleep
4. On Mary's table (getting a massage)
4 things I am looking forward to this year:
1. My 5th Wedding Anniversary
2. Working on our "new" house
3. Vacation
4. April 16th
4 jobs I have had in my life
1. McDonald's
2. Quantum Mortgage
3. Wells Fargo
4. Comet Cleaners
4 movies I've watched more than once:
1. Steel Magnolias
2. Grease
3. Casino
4. Pretty Woman
4 places where I have lived:
1. Sleepy Hollow (W.F.)
2. Fillmore (W.F.)
3. Featherston (W.F.)
4. Douglas (I.P.)
4 TV Shows that I watch:
1. Intervention
2. Miami/LA Ink
3. Rescue Me
4. Rob & Big
4 places I have been:
1. Cancun, Mexico
2. Negril, Jamaica
3. Zuni, New Mexico
4. Corpus Christi, Texas
4 people who e-mail me regularly:
1. Momma
2. Keli
3. Jennifer
4. Kelly (Girl!!)
4 of my favorite foods:
1. Cheeseburger
2. Frisco Burger
3. Hot Fudge Sundae
4. Pancakes
4 places I'd rather be right now:
1. With R
2. On vacation somewhere
3. In bed asleep
4. On Mary's table (getting a massage)
4 things I am looking forward to this year:
1. My 5th Wedding Anniversary
2. Working on our "new" house
3. Vacation
4. April 16th
Monday, February 11, 2008
Really??
So R and I went to the cardiologist today... that was about the biggest waste of time... when we got there we couldn’t find a seat… luckily a couple got called back right as we were done checking in… so we sat there for almost 2 hours and then we finally get called back... the nurse comes in and does her thing and then the dr comes in.... he listens to R's chest in the front and the back, says, there's nothing wrong with your heart, but we'll do some tests to make sure... but we can't do the tests today so we'll have to schedule another appt to come back and do the damn tests!!! so he goes back on march 4th for another ekg and a stress test… after the tests we can make another appt to come back and discuss the results... huh?!?! Did I miss something??? Did we really just sit out there for almost 2 hours?!?! For this?!?! and of course all of this is really helping R's stress level out... (sarcasm noted) one more thing, R is now sick... he has the stuff that everyone else has... it's the flu, stomach virus, mess that i had recently....
AND...
Update on momma… this morning she called her orthopedic surgeon (o.s.) and family dr to see if they could get her in… the o.s. was booked but she finally got some cooperation from her family dr… they told her to come in at 3 and they’d work her in… meanwhile, the dr she saw on Friday night called to let her know that a radiologist had looked at her x-rays and said she broke her elbow and needs to be in a “long cast”… she told the dr about her “appt” this afternoon and the dr said she’d call her right back… they told momma to come get her x-rays and take them by a different o.s. and not to worry about going to see her family dr… she couldn’t put a cast on anyways… it has to be an o.s… her x-rays have been sitting on the surgeon's desk since before lunch today... she kept calling today and they finally said, “he’s been really busy, hopefully he'll get a chance to review them tomorrow"...her family dr said that if she still hasn't heard from the o.s. tomorrow afternoon to call her back... hello, this happened on Friday and no one has done anything (or can do anything) about it...
So my question is this… what kind of healthcare is this? We pay damn good money for our insurance and this is the best we get?!?! These are the best Doctors? Hospitals? Clinics? I jacked around with my old back dr for 4 years before I finally gave up and went down to the Plano… personally I think this is a sad sad situation… (Canada is looking better all the time!!!)
Ironically, Saturday night before the Bud Shoot Out several of us were having a discussion about tax deductions (I know, exciting!!! I know you wanna come hang with us!!!) and how screwed up it is that our government allows you to deduct 100% of your mortgage interest but only 2% of your medical expenses… hhhmmm… there is the possibility that even though I had back surgery this year and will probably be paying these damn people the rest of my life (even though I have insurance), our mortgage interest deduction amount will probably be larger than our medical deduction amount… and in my opinion this is completely backwards!!! Ok, let me step down off my soapbox… here’s hoping that the rest of the week gets better than today!!! I mean, it has too doesn’t it???
grateful for... health insurance
AND...
Update on momma… this morning she called her orthopedic surgeon (o.s.) and family dr to see if they could get her in… the o.s. was booked but she finally got some cooperation from her family dr… they told her to come in at 3 and they’d work her in… meanwhile, the dr she saw on Friday night called to let her know that a radiologist had looked at her x-rays and said she broke her elbow and needs to be in a “long cast”… she told the dr about her “appt” this afternoon and the dr said she’d call her right back… they told momma to come get her x-rays and take them by a different o.s. and not to worry about going to see her family dr… she couldn’t put a cast on anyways… it has to be an o.s… her x-rays have been sitting on the surgeon's desk since before lunch today... she kept calling today and they finally said, “he’s been really busy, hopefully he'll get a chance to review them tomorrow"...her family dr said that if she still hasn't heard from the o.s. tomorrow afternoon to call her back... hello, this happened on Friday and no one has done anything (or can do anything) about it...
So my question is this… what kind of healthcare is this? We pay damn good money for our insurance and this is the best we get?!?! These are the best Doctors? Hospitals? Clinics? I jacked around with my old back dr for 4 years before I finally gave up and went down to the Plano… personally I think this is a sad sad situation… (Canada is looking better all the time!!!)
Ironically, Saturday night before the Bud Shoot Out several of us were having a discussion about tax deductions (I know, exciting!!! I know you wanna come hang with us!!!) and how screwed up it is that our government allows you to deduct 100% of your mortgage interest but only 2% of your medical expenses… hhhmmm… there is the possibility that even though I had back surgery this year and will probably be paying these damn people the rest of my life (even though I have insurance), our mortgage interest deduction amount will probably be larger than our medical deduction amount… and in my opinion this is completely backwards!!! Ok, let me step down off my soapbox… here’s hoping that the rest of the week gets better than today!!! I mean, it has too doesn’t it???
grateful for... health insurance
Random
It’s been forever and a day since I’ve had a chance to blog… tax season is here and I’m helping km and her sister and mom out (all 3 are cpa’s)… plus bookkeeping for them as well as my “regular” 8 – 5 job and the restaurant stuff… then, to top if off I have all my “household duties”…
R had a dr. appt on 1/30 and she referred him to a cardiologist… we have an appt today at 3:45… he had been having chest pains the week before and wanted to go in for a check up… he has high blood pressure and cholesterol and his family history of heart problems and stuff is horrible…the ekg they did in the office came back “abnormal”… not sure what that means and she didn’t really get into it… hopefully today the cardiologist can tell us more… I know R is really stressed and worried about this and I am too but I’m really trying not to show it because I know that will only stress him out more…
The 1st Saturday in February was our last Saturday off until tax season is over… luckily Kelly had planned Boo’s 30th birthday party for that weekend and we were able to make the trip down there for that!! It was so nice to get away and go visit them!! We had a good time and I’m so glad we were able to make it for Boo’s 30th birthday!!!
Wednesday night I went to a class at the HACC. I’ll get more into that later… I’m really excited about what I learned and about my manifestation board I’m going to make… the things I learned fell right into place with everything else I’ve been learning… I love it when that happens!!!
Friday momma was walking and fell… long story short, she landed face first on the concrete… cut her eyebrow, her nose where her glasses sit, and her upper lip under her nose was all cut… she fell on her right arm… she ended up going out to the clinic that night (I met her and grandma out there after my massage- I tried to tell her I’d take her & cancel with Mary but she wasn’t having it!!!) they wanted to put stitches in her eyebrow but she wasn’t having it… she just wanted her arm checked… the dr. out at the clinic just called and said it looks like she broke her elbow and needs a long cast… poor momma… we don’t know why she fell (that scares me) and I was so scared just seeing her like that… the situation has always been reversed… she has been taking care of me… I’m not saying I mind taking care of her, it’s just scary when it first happens because I’ve never been in that situation before…
Saturday our new windows were installed!!! YAY!!! They look so good!!! It is unbelievable the difference that they make too!!! you have to listen for the highway noise now… it’s not drafty anymore… and the windows don’t rattle anymore!!!
BUD SHOOT OUT!!!! The Bud Shoot out was Saturday night… I consider this the “pre-race” before the Daytona 500!!! Racing season is back!!!! WooHoo!!! I am so excited!!!!
I’m going to actually try to do some real work for a little bit… at least until I have to leave to go with R to the dr… I’ll be back asap to get into more details on some things and update on other things… until then, peace, not pieces…
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Cat Facts
Very interesting cat facts (found here)…
Albert Schweitzer’s cat, Sizi, would often fall asleep on his right arm. Rather than disturb her, Schweitzer would write his prescriptions with his left arm and so became ambidextrous.
Almost half the cats on the estate of the late Ernest Hemmingway have six toes. Hemmingway, who shared his Key West home with more than 30 cats, once said, “A cat has absolute emotional honesty; human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.” *I love this quote!!!
The giraffe, the camel and the cat are the only animals to move forward by moving both their right feet, then both their left feet, when walking. This approach lets them move with grace and agility in perfect silence.
Winston Churchill commissioned a painting of his adored orange tabby, Jock, who slept in his bed every night, went to all of Churchill’s wartime cabinet meetings, ate at the same table and was with him when he died.
Cats with bells on their collars are often better hunters than those without. This is because they learn to move without the bell making a sound and become even more stealth-like than other cats.
Turkish Vans, unlike other cat breeds, adore water and have a waterproof coat.
Under the rubble of the World Trade Center, rescuers found three newborn kittens and their mom in a carton of napkins. The queen was named “Hope” and her babies “Freedom,” “Amber” and “Flag.”
Albert Schweitzer’s cat, Sizi, would often fall asleep on his right arm. Rather than disturb her, Schweitzer would write his prescriptions with his left arm and so became ambidextrous.
Almost half the cats on the estate of the late Ernest Hemmingway have six toes. Hemmingway, who shared his Key West home with more than 30 cats, once said, “A cat has absolute emotional honesty; human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.” *I love this quote!!!
The giraffe, the camel and the cat are the only animals to move forward by moving both their right feet, then both their left feet, when walking. This approach lets them move with grace and agility in perfect silence.
Winston Churchill commissioned a painting of his adored orange tabby, Jock, who slept in his bed every night, went to all of Churchill’s wartime cabinet meetings, ate at the same table and was with him when he died.
Cats with bells on their collars are often better hunters than those without. This is because they learn to move without the bell making a sound and become even more stealth-like than other cats.
Turkish Vans, unlike other cat breeds, adore water and have a waterproof coat.
Under the rubble of the World Trade Center, rescuers found three newborn kittens and their mom in a carton of napkins. The queen was named “Hope” and her babies “Freedom,” “Amber” and “Flag.”
Responsible
So instead of working on payroll like I should be doing I decided to blog… I guess I should mention that today is the first day this week I’ve actually had some work to do… Monday and Tuesday were spent wishing for 5:00, reading True Office Confessions, and being extremely bored… and I suppose I didn’t blog because I had all the time in the world… today seems like it’s going to be a crazy day though… it’s payroll day and inevitably if the day is going to fall apart it’s going to either be Wednesday or Friday… R has a dr. appt today at 2:15… he called me last Thursday and said that he thinks he needs to go to the dr. for a physical… his dad had a heart attack at like 50 and in the back of R’s mind whenever something happens I think he’s imagining himself having a heart attack… of course though as soon as I made his dr. appt he’s been feeling fine… he’s still going though!!
Our windows for the house aren’t in yet but that’s ok… unless the installer wants to do it on Saturday I’m going to have to take off work to be there when they install the windows… then momma had a good question… can they get them all done in one day? I didn’t even think about that!!!
As for the living room furniture and the sliding glass door that is on hold for now… (R and I have been working on getting new living room furniture for about 2 years now)… the transmission in R’s truck is slipping really bad, it’s a very good thing work is only about 2 minutes away for him… he kept saying, I feel so bad that we’re buying a new motor and transmission for my truck… my response was, you can’t drive living room furniture to work… it was either fix the transmission or get him a “new” truck… he chose to fix his truck and I’m just glad we have the money to get it fixed…
For a little over the past month or so I thought my car had been running funny but I was having a really hard time telling because of the weather… nope, as of this morning it’s official… there is something wrong with it… the malfunction indicator light came on twice this morning on my way to work… it really scares me when lights come on and stay on… apparently the light is to let you know that there is something wrong with the emissions part of your car or something… I don’t know… I got the book out and was reading it… it was pretty much greek to me but I tried… I called R to tell him the “good” news… he was still asleep (at 8:45- must be nice!) and he said he’d call his dad and see what he says… we have a warranty on my car but I’m not sure if whatever is wrong with it will be covered… now another challenge, when and how am I going to get my car to the dealership…
So today I am grateful that we do have the money to get our cars fixed… (being “responsible” sucks!) :o)
Our windows for the house aren’t in yet but that’s ok… unless the installer wants to do it on Saturday I’m going to have to take off work to be there when they install the windows… then momma had a good question… can they get them all done in one day? I didn’t even think about that!!!
As for the living room furniture and the sliding glass door that is on hold for now… (R and I have been working on getting new living room furniture for about 2 years now)… the transmission in R’s truck is slipping really bad, it’s a very good thing work is only about 2 minutes away for him… he kept saying, I feel so bad that we’re buying a new motor and transmission for my truck… my response was, you can’t drive living room furniture to work… it was either fix the transmission or get him a “new” truck… he chose to fix his truck and I’m just glad we have the money to get it fixed…
For a little over the past month or so I thought my car had been running funny but I was having a really hard time telling because of the weather… nope, as of this morning it’s official… there is something wrong with it… the malfunction indicator light came on twice this morning on my way to work… it really scares me when lights come on and stay on… apparently the light is to let you know that there is something wrong with the emissions part of your car or something… I don’t know… I got the book out and was reading it… it was pretty much greek to me but I tried… I called R to tell him the “good” news… he was still asleep (at 8:45- must be nice!) and he said he’d call his dad and see what he says… we have a warranty on my car but I’m not sure if whatever is wrong with it will be covered… now another challenge, when and how am I going to get my car to the dealership…
So today I am grateful that we do have the money to get our cars fixed… (being “responsible” sucks!) :o)
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Challenges
When Kelly and her husband were down a few weekends ago we were talking about work and how easy it is to become distracted and disgruntled… up until this conversation I thought there was something wrong with me... at my previous job, at a call center, I loved it when I first started… when I got bored I would transfer to another team and learn a different job… at this job I don’t have that option… I’ve pretty much learned everything that I can learn without stepping on toes… I have no idea if rrll ever plans to retire (he was old enough to retire two years ago but still hasn’t- I would have so already been out of here!!)… I could learn his job but that’s a very sticky situation… and I’m not going there until I’m “told” too…I really love working here and I really don’t want to look for another job so I’m not sure what to do… I’ve been trying to think of ways to challenge myself… I bring a book or magazine to work everyday to read during lunch but don’t have the balls to just bust it out at my desk… I’m not sure that would go over too well… I get so bored with the internet… there’s only so much looking at it I can do… I’m working on updating my resume just in case I decide to look for something else… any ideas?
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Icky
i haven't been feeling good for a while now and yesterday i was feeling really bad so i left work early, went to the dr, and then came home and slept... at the clinic the dr. told me i had an upper respiratory infection, an inner ear infection, and a stomach virus... they gave me a shot and some antibiotics... i've pretty much been asleep since yesterday... except for the time i've spent dealing with the stomach virus... i am feeling better though... and that's a good thing... so here's to napping and catching up on all my shows i have dvr'd in hopes that tomorrow will be a much better day!!
since i've been home yesterday Mazzy & Murphy have both been sleeping with me and following me around (even to the bathroom)... they haven't even been being "bad" either... very impressive kitties, very impressive!!!
oh yeah, grateful... what am i grateful for today? i am grateful that i was sick today so that i didn't have to get out this morning and drive in the icy weather... it's only 26 here right now!!!
since i've been home yesterday Mazzy & Murphy have both been sleeping with me and following me around (even to the bathroom)... they haven't even been being "bad" either... very impressive kitties, very impressive!!!
oh yeah, grateful... what am i grateful for today? i am grateful that i was sick today so that i didn't have to get out this morning and drive in the icy weather... it's only 26 here right now!!!
Friday, January 18, 2008
Pandas & Kitties
i love this place.
they have the cutest pictures with the most hilarious captions... have i ever mentioned (probably only about a hundred times) that i L-O-V-E kitties and pandas!! L-O-V-E them!!!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Ranting & Raving
Today I’m not so calm… at least I haven’t been for the past hour or so… I am pissed… oh so pissed… at rrll and my boss… rrll for not doing anything except working on his church (volunteer) work… he’s so damn concerned with getting his church work done that he puts his work that he does up here (that he gets paid to do!!!) last… um, I think it should be the other way around… anyways, my boss calls me to ask why his youngest son’s youngest daughter isn’t on his insurance… um, well, your lazy ass son and his lazy ass wife didn’t get their paperwork in on time to get her added on… and she wasn’t added on at open enrollment because we didn’t check open enrollment we checked family addition… now my boss is 10 shades of pissed because of all the “technicalities”… well, you know, if you have one kid or one hundred kids insured under our policy it all costs the same and they’re not going to add another kid on there if they can get around it… it’s as simple as that… but what really burns me up is that a year and a half ago when they had their first daughter we went thru the exact same thing!!! The exact same thing!!! Once again it rolls around to your son being lazy and used to having everything handed to him on a silver platter so he just expects for everyone to do everything for him… and hello, I gave his wife the insurance papers right after their daughter was born but it took them forever to sign them (3 weeks!!!! And she comes in every Friday to pick up his paycheck!!!) I even filled them out for them!!! All they had to do was sign them… so while I’m on the phone explaining this over and over to my boss a man walks in… I kinda motion for him to sit down because I’m on the phone and can’t help him right then… my boss keeps me on the phone forever (very unlike him) and finally I holler at dumbass, I mean rrll, to come help them… hello, rrll has a mirror on his door so he can see when someone walks in… I know he can see the guy sitting there… but once again, laziness and church work prevails… and it’s not “his job”… he’s very big on not doing anything that could not be considered “his job”… I just want to scream right now… my head and my ears are killing me… my head hurts so bad and my ears feel like they’re leaking some kind of fluid… I feel like poo and just want to go home and crawl into bed… if the day keeps going like it is I just might do that… I don’t know if I could have fit all this into TOC’s confession box so I thought I’d just get it out here… stupid freaking idiot… doh!!! (it’s a good thing I’ve been working on staying positive and feeling gratitude! Please note the sarcasm…)
What am I grateful for today… ok, today I am grateful for a job to bitch about…
What am I grateful for today… ok, today I am grateful for a job to bitch about…
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Intervention
I love Intervention… it is such a good show… the episode with brooke, the girl with rheumatoid arthritis, brought up a whole plethora of emotions that I haven’t felt in a long time… chronic pain sucks and it can change a person in so many different ways… it can change everything about them… it did for me… when my back problems first started and we couldn’t get my pain under control my dr. referred me to a pain management dr… the first dr. I saw immediately put me on oxycontin (and laughed when he told me he was going to put me on them, making some sort of reference to Rush Limbaugh) along with several other meds… talk about being messed up… the dr. told me how to take me meds and what my options were when the pain wouldn’t subside… family, friends, & co-workers saw me taking meds… like the girl on Intervention sometimes I would pass out from the meds… that was the sweetest relief… not being in pain… I wasn’t abusing the meds… I was taking them like they were prescribed… my family and some friends didn’t agree… they saw what they saw and thought I was abusing them… how can you tell me that I’m abusing them when you have no idea how I feel… I would do anything for no pain… and if that meant staying doped up and pilled out all the time (and the dr. said it was ok) then that’s how it was going to be… the dr. finally listened to me when I told him that the oxycontin weren’t working… he pulled me off of them (no gradual decrease in the meds) and put me on morphine patches… I had already given R my last two oxy’s and told him that no matter what happened do not let me have them… the withdrawals I went thru were so bad… to this day I have never experienced anything like that before… and I hope I never have too again… my body had become physically addicted to the meds and getting off them was a living hell… before this whole thing happened I could never understand how someone would chose to stay on the meds (or keep using)… after the withdrawals though, my whole perspective has changed… I can totally understand how it would be easier to just keep getting pilled out than to have to deal with the withdrawals and everything else that your body goes thru… I was reading this article about a lady dealing with her addiction and she said, “The withdrawal was horrific, I’d sleep 24 to 48 hours at a time. The worst would pass in a few days. But then I’d look at my life and feel bad. That’s the real pain when you’re an addict: Using hurts, but reality hurts worse.” So true, so very true.
Lucky for me, after getting off the oxycontin and my head cleared up a bit I realized that I did not want to live this way. Something needed to change… so I changed doctors… we worked to get me off all the “hard” medicine and then I was just taking pain pills… breaking the pain pill addiction isn’t as bad as the oxy addiction… I’ve broken the pain pill addiction several times and it doesn’t get any easier but at least I know I can do it… I know I have an addictive personality and I know I need to watch what I do… but dealing with chronic pain is a whole different ballgame altogether and it made me sad to watch Intervention and feel her pain, to understand and know what she’s going thru… my whole back ordeal has really opened up my perspective to a lot of things… and the one thing I keep trying to remember is not to judge someone else by their actions alone, you don’t know what they’re feeling or what they’re going thru…
Ok, now if you’ll excuse me I’ll step down off my soapbox.
I am so grateful that my back problem is no more... it has been taken care of and now I just need to take care of myself.
Lucky for me, after getting off the oxycontin and my head cleared up a bit I realized that I did not want to live this way. Something needed to change… so I changed doctors… we worked to get me off all the “hard” medicine and then I was just taking pain pills… breaking the pain pill addiction isn’t as bad as the oxy addiction… I’ve broken the pain pill addiction several times and it doesn’t get any easier but at least I know I can do it… I know I have an addictive personality and I know I need to watch what I do… but dealing with chronic pain is a whole different ballgame altogether and it made me sad to watch Intervention and feel her pain, to understand and know what she’s going thru… my whole back ordeal has really opened up my perspective to a lot of things… and the one thing I keep trying to remember is not to judge someone else by their actions alone, you don’t know what they’re feeling or what they’re going thru…
Ok, now if you’ll excuse me I’ll step down off my soapbox.
I am so grateful that my back problem is no more... it has been taken care of and now I just need to take care of myself.
Monday, January 14, 2008
What?!?!
YAY!!! so i was yakking the other day about windows on the house... we asked for gift cards/money for christmas so that we could replace our windows... ... r and i had decided to only do the front three and then wait until we had the rest of the money to do the rest of the windows...
we've been wanting to get new living room furniture for a while too... and we were kinda looking at a new sliding glass door until we saw how much labor was on the windows (and the door)... anyways, r and i got a check in the mail from our escrow account at our old house... this didn't even occur to me but when we closed on our old house our insurance and taxes were paid and so the money we had in our escrow account was refunded to us!!! Fo' Sure!!! so that was a totally unexpected (and very awesome) surprise!!! so r and i start to discuss different options... maybe do all the windows? front three windows and either furniture or a door??
kb and her hubby were in town this weekend (YAY- we had such a good time!! it was a good way to welcome the new house to the group!!!)... kb and i had to run to town saturday afternoon and when we got home r said that lowe's had called on the windows... did we know what we were going to do? i told him i'd call them sunday... i completely forgot about windows though (hhhmmm, wonder how that happened?!?!) until momma called sunday night... r and i were watching the hearbreak kid when she called... when r and i bought our first house six years ago we borrowed our closing costs from them and paid them back monthy... sneaky sneaky parents (but this time in such a good way)!!!! momma and daddy decided way back then that they were going to put that money into a savings account for us and give it to us sometime... when momma called sunday night she told me about the money and that her and daddy had been talking about giving it to us so we could put it towards a project for the house, like to do all the windows!! (they're not saying that's what we have to do- just an option)... OMG!!! pinch me, tell me i'm not dreaming!!! really?!?!? another excellent and awesome surprise!!!!
so, as of now, the new, improved, and revised plan of action:
i went at lunch yesterday and paid for all the windows!!!! they are ordered and will be here in 2 to 3 weeks... the installer will call as soon as the windows are in and he'll come hang them!!! oh yeah!!! this will help out incredibly on our heat and a/c bill!!! as well as highway noise!!! i am so excited (about some damn windows- of all things, but i am !!!)
new living room furniture!!! YAY!!!! now we just have to go look!!!
AND we're looking at possibly/probably a new sliding glass door too...
the rest will go into savings....
really?!?!? i am so excited!!!!
i'm not sure if it's the watching the thought thing, good luck, my meds are finally all good, or what but i'm really happy... i feel really happy... things are going really good... i think this is maybe how things are "supposed to be"...
i am grateful for all the opportunities that r and i have had (and will have) to better ourselves and our life together...
we've been wanting to get new living room furniture for a while too... and we were kinda looking at a new sliding glass door until we saw how much labor was on the windows (and the door)... anyways, r and i got a check in the mail from our escrow account at our old house... this didn't even occur to me but when we closed on our old house our insurance and taxes were paid and so the money we had in our escrow account was refunded to us!!! Fo' Sure!!! so that was a totally unexpected (and very awesome) surprise!!! so r and i start to discuss different options... maybe do all the windows? front three windows and either furniture or a door??
kb and her hubby were in town this weekend (YAY- we had such a good time!! it was a good way to welcome the new house to the group!!!)... kb and i had to run to town saturday afternoon and when we got home r said that lowe's had called on the windows... did we know what we were going to do? i told him i'd call them sunday... i completely forgot about windows though (hhhmmm, wonder how that happened?!?!) until momma called sunday night... r and i were watching the hearbreak kid when she called... when r and i bought our first house six years ago we borrowed our closing costs from them and paid them back monthy... sneaky sneaky parents (but this time in such a good way)!!!! momma and daddy decided way back then that they were going to put that money into a savings account for us and give it to us sometime... when momma called sunday night she told me about the money and that her and daddy had been talking about giving it to us so we could put it towards a project for the house, like to do all the windows!! (they're not saying that's what we have to do- just an option)... OMG!!! pinch me, tell me i'm not dreaming!!! really?!?!? another excellent and awesome surprise!!!!
so, as of now, the new, improved, and revised plan of action:
i went at lunch yesterday and paid for all the windows!!!! they are ordered and will be here in 2 to 3 weeks... the installer will call as soon as the windows are in and he'll come hang them!!! oh yeah!!! this will help out incredibly on our heat and a/c bill!!! as well as highway noise!!! i am so excited (about some damn windows- of all things, but i am !!!)
new living room furniture!!! YAY!!!! now we just have to go look!!!
AND we're looking at possibly/probably a new sliding glass door too...
the rest will go into savings....
really?!?!? i am so excited!!!!
i'm not sure if it's the watching the thought thing, good luck, my meds are finally all good, or what but i'm really happy... i feel really happy... things are going really good... i think this is maybe how things are "supposed to be"...
i am grateful for all the opportunities that r and i have had (and will have) to better ourselves and our life together...
Gratitude
lately i have consciously been making an effort to "watch my thoughts"... i have been trying to think positive thoughts as well as thoughts of gratitude instead of being negative and griping all the time... i've also been reading several books too... it seems that the underlying message i'm getting (right now) from everywhere is gratitude... gratitude towards everything... being thankful for everything (that i have, have had, and will have)... i wish i could explain how i'm feeling but i am having a very hard time putting it into words... it seems that when i think how lucky i am to have such great family that thought leads to how lucky i am to have such great friends and then onto how lucky i am to have such great kitties and on and on... when i'm in a bad mood or i can tell that's where i'm heading i've been trying to think positive thoughts or thoughts of gratitude... for the most part it has been working... don't get me wrong, it's not 100% foolproof but i've been very impressed with the "results"... for instance, instead of getting raving mad at rrll when he does something completely stupid i am trying to think to myself, i do things he may consider stupid too i'm sure and none of us are perfect... and i usually i find myself pitying him... not in a bad way though, more like an understanding... another example, road rage... that is a big one for me... if you're not driving the way i think you should be (according to how i'm driving at the time because my driving will vary) then you're driving the wrong way... um, ok, really, what sense does that make?!?! so i've been working on that... just driving... staying calm...
so i am going to challenge myself... each day i will find something to be grateful for... something to give thanks for...
so today i am grateful for this blog (and for the person who introduced me to blogging- GIRL!!!) this blog has done many things for me... the top two (in no particular order): it has allowed me to say whatever i want and it introduced me to my blogger sisters!!!
so i am going to challenge myself... each day i will find something to be grateful for... something to give thanks for...
so today i am grateful for this blog (and for the person who introduced me to blogging- GIRL!!!) this blog has done many things for me... the top two (in no particular order): it has allowed me to say whatever i want and it introduced me to my blogger sisters!!!
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
The House
here are some pics of the house... please don't judge based on my horrible photos... i
guest bathroom
the study (a disaster area right now- it's acting as the "catch all" room)
the guest bedroom (right now there's nothing in it but home "decor" i have out trying to figure out if i'm going to use or not; oh yeah, this is not my paint job!)
apologize in advance... i am in dire need of a new camera!!
the front of the house (realtor pic)
standing in the entryway (the kitchen "window" and Mazzy with her lazer eyes on! she loves having her picture taken- she was in the ones the realtor took of our old house!!)
the living room (the view from the kitchen "window")
the kitchen
the dining room
the kitchen (standing in the study)
guest bathroom
green room (aka R's room- we didn't get it painted before we moved in so there is probably a snowballs chance in hell we'll ever get it painted!!)
our bedroom (more maroon than red- bad pics!!!)
the study (a disaster area right now- it's acting as the "catch all" room)
the guest bedroom (right now there's nothing in it but home "decor" i have out trying to figure out if i'm going to use or not; oh yeah, this is not my paint job!)
for the house having such hideous colors the only 2 rooms i'm really wanting to paint are the green room and the purple room... the color of the master bedroom and the guest bath somehow managed to work out pretty good... i love our bedroom!!!
Monday, January 07, 2008
Portionpals
momma "recycles" all her old magazines to me... reading one of the magazines this weekend i came across these new things called portionpals... i'm not sure if this would work for me or not... i found this very interesting though... any ideas or thoughts? do you think it would work??
portionpals
portionpals
2008
I feel like I have been so busy… but then when I think back about what I’ve been busy with I draw a blank…. So anyways I feel like I’ve been busy…
I have decided that going back to work after vacation sucks… but at least I get a vacation so that I can complain about having to go back… the first “week” back (ok, really only 3 days) weren’t too bad… I’m all caught up now from vacation…I think it was a good thing that vacation was over though… the kitties and I seem to do a little better with some sort of structured routine… (although I do believe that we could find a routine if I was lucky enough to get to quit work- one day!)
R and I decided before the holidays that we were going to ask for gift cards to either Lowe’s or Home Depot, one or the other, so we picked Lowe’s… and after listening to our single pane windows rattle from the wind and the highway noise we decided that we would buy new windows for the house… and surprisingly we are excited about the windows… Saturday night we went to Lowe’s and picked up our quotes… we asked them to quote the front windows and then the rest of the windows… we only have a total of 8 windows to replace but to replace all 8 of them would be right around $4,000… having the front 3 (that all face the street) replaced will be around $1,700… (when R and I were pricing windows we discovered that most of the windows we need actually cost less than the labor to have them installed)… labor is $160 a window… and like the living room and our bedroom have “one” window but they’re actually two windows put together to make one window (does that make any sense??)… so it’s really $320 to have those “two” windows installed… quite tricky the Lowe’s people are… anyways, we have several options… we could just have the front windows done or go ahead and have them all done… we could have them all done by financing them thru Lowe’s for a year interest free or from our savings account… both of those options make me a little nervous right now though considering we haven’t even made our first house payment yet… I’d kinda like to see how everything is going to fall money and bill-wise with our new house payment…. anyways, new windows are coming soon and I’m so excited!!!!
I decided this year not to really make any new year resolutions… why set myself up for disappointment and failure so early in the year… but I do need to do something about my weight… I got on the scale this morning for the first time in I don’t know how long and was shocked but not too shocked… I’ve been avoiding the scale because I can tell that I’ve been gaining weight just by the way my clothes are fitting… it’s a good thing I didn’t get rid of my “fat” clothes after I lost all that weight 2 years ago… otherwise I would have no jeans to wear… so right now I’m debating on joining weight watchers again or just trying to go it alone… alone doesn’t seem to work for me though… I do miss my skinnier self and my self confidence that went along with it… that’s the great debate right now…
R and I were productive over the weekend… we got a lot of stuff done around the house… and today the cleaning lady is coming to clean so hopefully when I get home tonight I can take pics of the house and post them… I’m really excited… the house is looking so good… I just hope that the kitties are ok with the cleaning lady though… Murphy will be but it’s Mazzy I’m worried about… when the doorbell rings she runs and hides under the bed… I can only imagine what she’s thinking with some stranger in the house cleaning… and then when she runs the vacuum… poor Mazzy… hopefully she’ll get used to her though…
So far 2008 has been a really good year and I’m hoping this trend continues!!! I just keep reminding myself of all the good things in my life… and of all the good things to come!!!
I have decided that going back to work after vacation sucks… but at least I get a vacation so that I can complain about having to go back… the first “week” back (ok, really only 3 days) weren’t too bad… I’m all caught up now from vacation…I think it was a good thing that vacation was over though… the kitties and I seem to do a little better with some sort of structured routine… (although I do believe that we could find a routine if I was lucky enough to get to quit work- one day!)
R and I decided before the holidays that we were going to ask for gift cards to either Lowe’s or Home Depot, one or the other, so we picked Lowe’s… and after listening to our single pane windows rattle from the wind and the highway noise we decided that we would buy new windows for the house… and surprisingly we are excited about the windows… Saturday night we went to Lowe’s and picked up our quotes… we asked them to quote the front windows and then the rest of the windows… we only have a total of 8 windows to replace but to replace all 8 of them would be right around $4,000… having the front 3 (that all face the street) replaced will be around $1,700… (when R and I were pricing windows we discovered that most of the windows we need actually cost less than the labor to have them installed)… labor is $160 a window… and like the living room and our bedroom have “one” window but they’re actually two windows put together to make one window (does that make any sense??)… so it’s really $320 to have those “two” windows installed… quite tricky the Lowe’s people are… anyways, we have several options… we could just have the front windows done or go ahead and have them all done… we could have them all done by financing them thru Lowe’s for a year interest free or from our savings account… both of those options make me a little nervous right now though considering we haven’t even made our first house payment yet… I’d kinda like to see how everything is going to fall money and bill-wise with our new house payment…. anyways, new windows are coming soon and I’m so excited!!!!
I decided this year not to really make any new year resolutions… why set myself up for disappointment and failure so early in the year… but I do need to do something about my weight… I got on the scale this morning for the first time in I don’t know how long and was shocked but not too shocked… I’ve been avoiding the scale because I can tell that I’ve been gaining weight just by the way my clothes are fitting… it’s a good thing I didn’t get rid of my “fat” clothes after I lost all that weight 2 years ago… otherwise I would have no jeans to wear… so right now I’m debating on joining weight watchers again or just trying to go it alone… alone doesn’t seem to work for me though… I do miss my skinnier self and my self confidence that went along with it… that’s the great debate right now…
R and I were productive over the weekend… we got a lot of stuff done around the house… and today the cleaning lady is coming to clean so hopefully when I get home tonight I can take pics of the house and post them… I’m really excited… the house is looking so good… I just hope that the kitties are ok with the cleaning lady though… Murphy will be but it’s Mazzy I’m worried about… when the doorbell rings she runs and hides under the bed… I can only imagine what she’s thinking with some stranger in the house cleaning… and then when she runs the vacuum… poor Mazzy… hopefully she’ll get used to her though…
So far 2008 has been a really good year and I’m hoping this trend continues!!! I just keep reminding myself of all the good things in my life… and of all the good things to come!!!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Nipped Out
i never cease to amaze myself... i think, man, i'm on vacation, i have all this time to blog, and never do!! oh well, what can you do... anyways, Christmas was good although i am always glad when it's over...
an interesting note, Murphy has figured out how to open doors... i always thought he was kinda a slow kitty, now i know better... he just acts slow... but yes, he can open doors!!! and bless his heart, he's been on weight control food (and i've been feeding him the amount to lose weight) and he's still gaining... poor guy!!! i have decided i'm going to get him a leash and harness and take him out back for walks... i bought him a harness but it doesn't fit... he's a happy cat though!!!
the kitties got a catnip bouquet from Dirt... Dirt is my brother and his wife's cat... (he is so cute, he looks cross-eyed)... here are some pics of the kitties and their bouquet... (more like nipped out of their minds!!)
from our furry family to yours, Mazzy, Murphy, R, and I wish everyone a Happy New Years!!!
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Dirty
when r and i bought our house we discovered that the ice maker wasn't working... r read thru the manual to see what the problem was... the fridge won't let the ice maker work if the water filter is clogged... long story short, we decided to order a new filter... i was looking online (at work of course so the manual was at home) and was kinda having a hard time figuring out which one to buy... there wasn't a black one... there was a white one that looked like the black one but it was white... so this was the dilemma i found myself in... so i chanced it and bought two!! they arrived in the mail today and guess what!!! it is the right one AND i think at some time ours was white too!!! but here's my thought... the fridge is less than one year old, so it's only had tap water running thru it for less than one year... i have been drinking tap water my whole life... up until the last year or two... this is just dirty!!! (i apologize for the crappy photos... i'm blaming it on the camera until we get a new camera!)
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Kitty Condo
i'm always talking about getting a kitty condo for the kitties... while our house was on the market and we were packing, we always had a ton of boxes at the house... (well, we still do, just at another house now).... one night R built a kitty condo for Mazzy and Murphy... it was a ghetto kitty condo but still a condo at least... the good thing is that it could be easily expanded, remodeled, or changed in just a minute...
(this is the scaled down version of the kitty condo, it didn't even occur to me to take a picture of it before!)... it was so cute though, the kitties loved it!!!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Puzzled
I am puzzled… and have been for several days now… especially after a conversation that R and I had last night… yesterday T, my boss, asked if he gave me a raise if I would still get the mail in the morning on the way to work… I was going to get it until I heard otherwise but I said sure, no problem!! The move has decreased R’s driving time and his stress significantly… my drive time and stress has increased though… I’m pretty sure that the stress increase is just from the move, still not having everything unpacked & in it’s place, and lastly from being so unorganized!!! I am so ocd, obsessive compulsive, and anal that it’s not even funny… having the house in such a crazy state is taking its toll on me… yesterday I left for work without my purse… and didn’t even realize it until I went to get some chapstick and my purse wasn’t there… so I had to turn around (almost halfway back to town) to go get my purse… it might not have been so much of a problem had my wallet, drivers license, and the post office box key not been in there… anyways, needless to say, my mind has been very distracted lately… back to my confusion though… when R and I were first talking about moving I knew that my commute (I use the term loosely because it only takes me about 20 minutes to get to town) would get longer… no biggie… I’m not sure if this even crossed R’s mind or not… now that we’ve moved I have the privilege of getting up earlier and leaving the house earlier so that I can get the mail and still be at work by 8:30… not a problem… back to the beginning of the story, last night I told R that T gave me a raise and he was like, excellent, that’s great!! I agreed… then he said, so, do you get to be at work at 9:00 now since we’ve moved? I said, no… it’s still 8:30… his reply was, well, you still have to stop and get the mail… um, yeah, I do… but he gave me a raise to supplement the extra driving I do… I don’t/didn’t expect T to tell me that just because R and I chose to move I could come into work later… going into the move I knew this would be a “sacrifice” on my part… it’s not a big deal though… now R is all, I’m sorry that you’re having to drive more and get up earlier… my reply was, I knew that was going to happen… so now he keeps apologizing for me having to get up earlier and drive more… it’s really no big deal… I had been wanting to move for several years… now was a logical time (for the most part) because of the restaurant… if he’s less stressed because he’s closer to the restaurant then that works for me… my work stress is pretty much just at work stress… sometimes I’ll bring my stress home with me (usually always due to a co-worker, think rrll, not because of my job) but it’s not like I own WMP… I don’t have “that” stress of owning the business…
So the reason I think I’m so puzzled is because R and I are business owners… my perspective on a lot of things has changed since we opened the restaurant… and for him to not really understand why I still have to be at work at the same time even though we moved is beyond me…
On a completely different note though, the kitties were looking outside this morning and they spotted a fluffy black and white kitty walking across the street… I think they thought we had moved them into a kitty-free town!! They went buck wild!!! They are so adorable!! I’m so happy that they are adjusting well!!!
So the reason I think I’m so puzzled is because R and I are business owners… my perspective on a lot of things has changed since we opened the restaurant… and for him to not really understand why I still have to be at work at the same time even though we moved is beyond me…
On a completely different note though, the kitties were looking outside this morning and they spotted a fluffy black and white kitty walking across the street… I think they thought we had moved them into a kitty-free town!! They went buck wild!!! They are so adorable!! I’m so happy that they are adjusting well!!!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The Move
It seems like it’s been about forever since I really had a chance to do anything besides pack, move, and unpack… and of course, all of the oh-so-fun stuff that comes with moving… the move wasn’t actually all that bad… we closed on both houses on Thursday… that went smooth… the movers got all our stuff moved with no problems… the only “odd” thing was when we got to the new house they were asking me where I wanted everything… um… I had no idea… so we just started randomly putting stuff in various rooms… the double garage was packed full to the brim… so anyways, the movers get all our stuff moved in (now the house looks like a tornado hit) and R and I are kinda like, where do we start… I decided that I was going to wash the sheets that came off the bed (they were in the dirty clothes basket) so that we could make the bed… I started the washer and the next thing I know I hear momma holler SH!T!!! and if you know momma you know that she never cusses (unless something pretty “major” is happening)… she had good reason to holler though… water was flooding the dining room floor and the garage was in the process of flooding… (and like I mentioned earlier, the garage was packed full- mostly of cardboard boxes)… we stopped the washer and realized that the washer drain pipe was clogged up… good thing km just lives around the corner… she saved me!!! she came by, picked up my totally water soaked sheets along with a new set of sheets, took them home, and washed and dried them for me… Friday I discovered that the garbage disposal and the light above the sink didn’t work… and Saturday I discovered that the ice maker wasn’t working… but, never fear, the plumber came on Saturday and fixed the washer drain… R figured out that the water filter in the fridge was all clogged up and that was what was wrong with the ice maker… here’s what’s been on my mind since then though… the ice maker automatically shuts itself off when the filter gets so dirty… the water line running to the fridge is just regular ‘ol tap water… R went to try to clean the filter and it was black… when he was holding it under the faucet to try to clean it out the water running out of it was black… it was so disgusting… that’s what we drink?!?!?! The filter needs to be replaced every six to nine months and I’m not sure how long that one had been in there but yuck!!! if the water is doing that to the filter is it really safe to drink? Up until a year or two ago, I’d always drank tap water but then I started buying bottled water…
The poor kitties… I felt so bad for them when we started moving… they’ve known that something’s been going on for a while now since we rearranged the furniture and had been packing… strange people coming in and out all the time when we were showing the house… then the movers came and they got crazy!!! Luckily we put them out on the screened in back porch while the movers were there… momma said Mazzy kept trying to open the door… she kept butting her head against it trying inside and finally gave up and hid under the steps… R took them to Iowa Park and when he got to the new house we put them in one of the spare bedrooms… Mazzy & Murphy both hid in the closet until I finally picked Mazzy up later that night and started carrying her around… she was purring but she had her claws imbedded in my shoulder… she proceeded to hide under the bed for the most part of Friday… she started coming out a bit on Saturday, until the Dish guy got there… then it was back under the bed… Murphy is a bit more social and not quite such a scaredy-cat… they are settling in and getting more comfortable with the new house though… (even though we had the house and carpets cleaned you can still kinda smell dog in there and I think that might have been part of the problem too…) poor kids!!
Anyways, we are working on getting everything put back together and trying to find a place for everything else… it’s starting to look more and more like a home… it’s coming along nice though… only nine more working days and then I’ll be on vacation so hopefully I can get a lot done then…
Things have been really crazy at home and at work… at home because of the move and all… and at work because like I said, we only have 9 days left until vacation!! I’m ready for things to slow down a bit… soon enough though, soon enough! Bonus- I just looked at my calendar and I have a massage on Friday night!!! YAY!!! An hour of me time to relax and de-stress!!!!
The poor kitties… I felt so bad for them when we started moving… they’ve known that something’s been going on for a while now since we rearranged the furniture and had been packing… strange people coming in and out all the time when we were showing the house… then the movers came and they got crazy!!! Luckily we put them out on the screened in back porch while the movers were there… momma said Mazzy kept trying to open the door… she kept butting her head against it trying inside and finally gave up and hid under the steps… R took them to Iowa Park and when he got to the new house we put them in one of the spare bedrooms… Mazzy & Murphy both hid in the closet until I finally picked Mazzy up later that night and started carrying her around… she was purring but she had her claws imbedded in my shoulder… she proceeded to hide under the bed for the most part of Friday… she started coming out a bit on Saturday, until the Dish guy got there… then it was back under the bed… Murphy is a bit more social and not quite such a scaredy-cat… they are settling in and getting more comfortable with the new house though… (even though we had the house and carpets cleaned you can still kinda smell dog in there and I think that might have been part of the problem too…) poor kids!!
Anyways, we are working on getting everything put back together and trying to find a place for everything else… it’s starting to look more and more like a home… it’s coming along nice though… only nine more working days and then I’ll be on vacation so hopefully I can get a lot done then…
Things have been really crazy at home and at work… at home because of the move and all… and at work because like I said, we only have 9 days left until vacation!! I’m ready for things to slow down a bit… soon enough though, soon enough! Bonus- I just looked at my calendar and I have a massage on Friday night!!! YAY!!! An hour of me time to relax and de-stress!!!!
Sunday, December 02, 2007
23 Hours
23 hours... that's how long i spent working on the house this weekend... momma, daddy, and i painted the study, kitchen, living room, and hall... we got almost everything finished... we need to paint the molding in the living room and then one small bottom part of a wall... not too bad... r got for the most part everything moved that the movers weren't going to move and then some... now i need to pack the rest of it up... yuck, packing sucks... the carpet cleaners are coming at 9 in the morning... r is going to meet them there too, even better!! i plan on finishing up the molding tuesday night... wednesday afternoon the lady is coming to clean the house... then thursday the movers come and we close on both houses... moving is not one of my most favorite things to do... it'll be over before we know it though...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
