Taking Time Out

i was busy this weekend.... i worked at km's office on saturday and got home about 5:30... r and i ate dinner.... my computer needed to be updated so before i started on payroll r decided to update and scan my computer for me... i appreciate that he did it but it took almost 3 hours!! by the time he was done it was almost 10:00 and i was tired.... i've been working really hard at my work and then i worked hard on saturday... my back has really been hurting me too so that makes a world of difference in how hard my "work day affects me"... i get so tired!! at least march is almost here, i'm only glad because of my dr.'s appt... my back hurting has been taking it all out of me.... then i think because i'm so tired and hurting so bad that everything that i feel i have to do is insurmountable.... like i can't do anymore... i can't go anymore.... i am so tired, my whole back and both legs are in constant pain, and it's just like, i'm out of steam.... at the same time, i can't be... there is so much to do and so much to get done!! km asked me on saturday if i'd be willing to work on wednesdays after work... that's ok though, i really enjoy working up there with km, her sister, and her mom... they're like my family... luckily, km is the one person who 99.99% of the time never irritates me even if everyone else is... it takes a lot for that to happen!! so that's been nice change of working environment... despite all of the griping that i've done i'm in a fairly good mood... don't get me wrong, i was irritated (ok, pissed) today at work at rrll (of course!).... but i got over that after work... r and i had a good weekend... sunday i ended up working on restaurant stuff all day long.... get this, i had the race on but didn't even pay attention to it.... i didn't even know where carl finished when the race was over!! woah!! i got a lot done though!! this "craziness" won't last forever though!! only 6ish more weeks!! :) i know that if my back wasn't hurting the rest of this wouldn't even be an issue... like i said though, my mood and attitude have been pretty good... r and i are just kinda rocking along right now... 2007 hasn't been a bad year so far but it's definitely had it's challenges!! :) i'm off to grate some cheese for my chicken and rice casserole... if it's good i'll share the recipe! i so didn't mean for this to blog to sound the way it sounded... like a total bitchfest and please pity me for my pain... that's not what i was trying to say.... i just finally took a few minutes to get my crazy thoughts off my chest...

Absolutely Nothing

there is absolutely nothing going on right now.... that is fine by me though... this morning at work i had a little bit of free time so i paid some bills and then re-worked a report for the restaurant... when i was using the old form to calculate food cost somehow the formula got a little messed up so our numbers were all crazy! i got that fixed though and it is one more thing i got to scratch off my to-do list!! YEAH!!! i love scratching things off lists that i've completed!!
i'm just waiting on my billing or for my idiot co-worker to give me my bills so i can pay them... no use in paying a few bills now and then paying more later, especially when they're going to the same company... i think he just likes to try to make my life more difficult.... evil man!!
last night i went and looked at a few cars that r and i had seen online at the dealership that his dad works at.... don't get me wrong, i'm glad that his dad works at a dealership because we always get great deals but for instance, this dealership doesn't sell VW's... and for me to even think of going somewhere else and buying something, that is a big no-no!! both r and his dad have been giving me the same "speech" about not talking to anyone else at any of the other car lots... (the dealership his dad works at has 3 different lots around town)... it's like a huge deal to them... which i do understand.... but like i said, he gets us great deals! there were a few accords and then a couple of jettas that i looked at but i don't like the jettas, they are too small and the accords... i feel like i'm driving a spaceship... i think it's the nose and dash on them... needless to say, i think car buying is going to be a long tedious process with me being so picky.... i did talk to momma and daddy last night about buying her old accord and she had some really good points... she told me that i was able to drive it as long as i needed and we'd just kinda see what played out as far as me buying a car... she wants me to buy something that i'm going to like and be really happy with and i agree with her... so i guess you can say that the car shopping has started.... i just wish there was something that i really liked.... right now i can't think of anything that i just really love (well, except for a bmw i saw on the lot yesterday but, that might be just a tad bit out of our price range, hehe!!).... i'm just not really liking the body styles of the newer cars so much... i've been looking at other people's cars to see what i think.... just checking them out, seeing if anything catches my eye...
i'm working tomorrow at km's office.... then when i get home i'll work on payroll and inventory... there's a race sunday on fox, 2pm cst... :) YES!!! i can't wait!!! i am so glad it's racing season again!!!
my back and legs are screaming in pain (it still feels like fire inside my lower back and running down my legs) and i can't get it to stop!!!.... march 8th can't get here quick enough!!!
i guess i'm off to lunch... until someone else up at work decides to be productive i have nothing to do.. i just love having to rely on others so that i can do my job... (i feel like this is all me, that i'm the hard one to get along with- but if they would just do their job there wouldn't be a problem... but that is another blog for another day)... i'm going to mcdonald's to get a salad... i've been craving a salad lately and theirs are so good (so is their tea!!!) so it's a double bonus!! :) anyways, like i said, there is nothing going on... sorry for the boring blog!!!

Finally!!

i can't believe it's been over a week since i was able to blog last!!! i haven't even blogged since the daytona 500!! i tried my hardest to keep my good attitude last week and it worked- somewhat...
friday night i went and got a massage... woah, mary is a miracle worker!! i can't wait to see her again... she made me feel so much better... worked on and worked out the knots in my back, neck, and shoulders.... she also worked on my lower back and my glutes (ok, fine, my butt) because my back has been hurting so bad.... i felt like a million bucks when i left there!! saturday i worked til a little after 5 over at km's office... got home and started on payroll and then inventory... we watched school for scoundrels (spelling?!?!)- it was hilarious!!! finally sunday rolled around and i got to watch some racing!!! carl did good... much better than last year anyways! there were several chances towards the end when i thought he had an excellent chance of winning... a few cautions and a huge wreck on turn 4 of the last lap and he finished 22nd... that's ok though, other good drivers finished worse than he did... but it was a dang good race!!! a really good race!!
i've been covered up at work... it's really nice when you're working your butt off and your co-worker is not doing anything.... i think that's what really irritates me most.... he has pretty much decided to be even more worthless than he was and now does absolutely nothing... only the bare minimum when the boss is here.... i haven't even been able to talk to rrll until today... i went off on him on friday.... he pissed me off so i let him know it.... i wasn't rude, well, no more rude than he is to others.... (some of the things he says to people i'm just like, i can't believe you actually said that!!)....
besides being busy at work i've been busy at home too... i haven't had time to work on my restaurant stuff at work so i've been working on it at home, as well as the normal everyday things that i have to do.... my to-do list for home is getting shorter though!!!
i am starting to car shop.... i talked to momma and daddy to see if they would be interested in selling the accord but i haven't heard anything... i don't want them to sell the accord if they don't want too.... i'm just ready to get settled into something and to know that it's mine.... i just don't want to spend our down payment on paying off some debt and then not have a down payment or trade-in....
my attitude and temper have been a challenge lately... i know why... well, most of the reasons... my pain pills and then my pain... as i've said before my pain pills really affect my attitude... i get really short and impatient... with everyone... and everything pisses me off... poor r will have just gotten out of bed in the morning and i'm already chewing him out for something... it's not fair to him or to anyone else who has to deal with me... i don't know what to do though.... my back pain is getting worse and my knee and head/neck are really bothering me too.... i am always in pain... and it sucks!! but, hopefully march 8th will get here fast!!! then i can go see the dr...
besides working and trying to keep my temper and attitude in check lately there hasn't been much going on... just staying busy... i can't believe february is almost over!! that is so crazy!! i'm just trying to get caught up and then stay caught up....

Terrific Tuesday

monday turned out to be not so bad after all.... i did get over being upset with the lady i talked too at the dr.'s office yesterday.... momma and i went out to eat at the restaurant last night after work.... with the exception of scheduling my dr.'s appt, monday was pretty uneventful....
even though things haven't been "ideal" lately i'm learning (and finally understand how to) just make the best of all situtations... (i know my blog yesterday probably didn't demonstrate that too well but we all have challenges).... right now i feel like things are going good... r and i are just kinda rocking along taking things as they come... he's working tomorrow night so we won't do anything for valentine's day but that's ok.... i think i said this (or something like this) last year, it shouldn't take a "holiday" for you to show someone that you care.... that is something that you should do everyday... r and i may try to do something saturday night but i'm not sure if we will or not... we might just make watching the daytona 500 with km and her husband our valentine's day.... the reason i'm not sure if we'll be able to do anything saturday night is because sometime between when r gets off work saturday and sunday evening i have to do payroll (and laundry)... i like to try to get the inventory and weekly expense/income report done too because i haven't had time to do it at work like i was hoping i would have... so that will probably take me most of saturday afternoon/evening and then sunday we'll be with km and her husband watching the daytona 500!! (i need to figure out what i'm taking for dessert!) it'll all work out though and whatever we end up doing will be great!! i'm going to really work on keeping the positive attitude for the rest of the day (and week)!!!

From Blogging to Ranting

the weekend was really good, although too short, like always! saturday i worked at km's office and then that night, r and i went out to km's house... km and her husband were there... so was km's sister and her husband... we watched the bud shootout... carl didn't get to race but that's ok! he'll get to race on sunday at the daytona 500!!! and as long as we don't finish last we'll have started the season off better than last year!! sunday i worked on restaurant stuff... payroll and inventory... did laundry.... then last night r and i watched hollywoodland... it was a really good movie!! this morning i woke up in a good mood... not dreading monday or work... actually looking forward to getting the week started! everything was going great until i called my back dr. to see if i could come in today or tomorrow because of the pain... the lady who answered the phone was a complete bitch!! she made me so mad... so now i'm blogging to get the anger out and let it go... i'm going to call back and ask to talk to a nurse in a little bit, i just can't right now... i am so mad!
in my personal opinion, you would think that working at a dr.'s office would maybe make the receptionist a bit more friendly since most people who call aren't going to be feeling well.... she kept cutting me off everytime i tried to say anything! like i was bothering her by calling and trying to make an appt.... she was absolutely no help and didn't even seem to care if she could help me or not.... she acted like my pain was no big deal and it was actually an inconvenience for her.... um, hello?!?! i'm the one with the herniated disc with shooting pains that start in my back and run down both legs!!! she really royally pissed me off...
i want to explain my pain.... it is unimaginable... i had no idea that someone could physically be in this much pain... don't get me wrong, it's been worse before, i'm trying to prevent it from getting that bad again! first, i am out of pain pills... i have been (and can't get them filled until wednesday).... the pain had been creeping back since the end of last year but was kinda off and on again... when i talk about my back pain this is what i feel: it starts right above (sorry- i don't know any other way to say this) my butt crack and runs/shoots down both legs... the pain runs/shoots down the back of both of my legs and on my left side down into my foot... the right side only goes down about mid-calf... it's a shooting/burning sensation; the closest i can seem to really describe it would be feeling like your sciatic nerve is on fire, like a line of fire replaced your sciatic nerve... it freaking hurts like hell!!! i can pinpoint exactly where "in" my back the pain starts and can trace it down my legs... my neck and head also hurt.... i had head/neck problems before my wreck, but since, the pain has become worse... new pains since the wreck- my right knee and foot.... i have no idea what is going on with these... all i know is that they hurt and they didn't before the wreck...
stupid freaking lady that answered the phone, she scheduled me an appt for march 8th!!! (and had to make the smart ass remark, i'll put you on the cancellation list but there are already like 10 people in front of you so don't hold your breath)... you stupid stupid ignorant woman... if you have never had chronic pain before well, i wouldn't wish what i feel on my worst enemy, but i hope that someone diminishes her and her pain (or whatever she is feeling) like she has mine and makes her feel like complete shit because that's exactly what she did to me... normally when i call my back dr., everyone is super nice, kinda like when i call my psychiatrist... she's not just having a bad day either... that's how her attitude is... i've seen it when i've been in the office... ok, deep breaths.... i'll call the nurse and see if they can fill my meds 2 days early.... the meds help with the pain but don't take it away, they just make the pain more bearable... to be honest, the only thing that really seems to help my back are the cortizone shots... sorry for the rant, she really made me mad and hurt my feelings... now i'm going to work on moving past that.... just letting it go....
other than that, monday has been good so far... it's 50 outside and rainy.... the high today is supposed to be in the 60's (this weekend it was in the low 40's) and then on wednesday we have a chance of snow... lovely.... that's ok though, on the positive side, i get to go see mary for an hour on friday night!!! YEAH!!! mary always helps to make me feel better!!! i think i'm only going to have her do my neck, back, and shoulders.... work out my stress knots... think positive, today is almost half over!!

p.s... my brother got married on saturday morning (still waiting for pics)- it was a really small wedding, there were 5 people there- the lady who married them, scott (brother), kristen (now my sister-in-law), and their two witnesses... they were supposed to leave florida today to start driving to texas... they got an apartment in dallas! that is good news!! dallas is so much closer than florida!!!

Catch Up

i am still playing catch up... at work and at home... both to-do lists still have stuff on them that has been on there since before christmas... oh well, it's obviously nothing that is time sensitive... whew... i'll just be glad when i get all caught up and then can stay caught up... i'll get there though!!! i'm off to catch up on my daily reads.... then to actually work.... :)

(saturday night is the bud shoot out!!! YEAH!!! even though carl won't be racing this race, i am so excited i can hardly stand it!!! that just means that daytona is one weekend closer!!! racing season is back!!!)

Ready for the Weekend

ah, i am so ready for the weekend, already!! i am already tired of everything this week and it's only monday.... everyone and everything, especially my co-worker and my boss, are getting on my nerves....
the insurance adjustor called today and told me that they are going to total my car.... this is both good and bad... good because i don't have to worry about them fixing it back the way it was and bad because i'm going to miss patrick... i love arnold and i love driving him, there's just a few small things that i miss about patrick.... the door handles, sunroof/moonroof, and the "info center" (by the gauges that showed the temperature and fuel info).... i know these are little things but that's what i miss... i'm not sure what r and i are going to do about my car situation yet.... we have (had?) gap insurance on patrick... i need to call the insurance company and see exactly what it is, i know there was a really good reason we bought it, there had to be right?! (hehe).... that will probably give us a good idea of what direction we're going to go in...
it's ironic how just last weekend i was blogging about how good things were... things really aren't that bad right now.... i'm just feeling overwhelmed and a bit stressed.... i went to see mary for an hour and a half friday night.... she did a good job working the soreness and knots out... i was hoping it would be a deep tissue massage but she didn't want to do that because of the wreck... she didn't want to hurt my muscles anymore than they already were... i'm not mad at her, i was just really looking forward to a good hard hour and a half massage... like a hurts so good hurt... i feel horrible blogging about this because she called me at work today to see how i was doing.... she wanted to check on me... that sounds horrible and i really don't mean it that way.... i'm just venting.... see, there is positive but i am trying to see the negative.... why is it that i always want to see the negative?!?! ok, that realization ended my venting...
i do need to go to see my back dr. though... ah, the pain.... is bad.... shooting and burning pains down my legs to my feet... that is also a factor in the moodiness.... the pain had started before my wreck but now it's worse... that's ok though... we have "fixed" it before....
on the positive side, saturday, i think it's saturday, is the bud pole shootout (nascar is back!!) it's not the first "official" race but it's a race!!! YEAH!!!! next saturday is the daytona 500!!! ok, now i am excited!!!!

So True

"The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back."

Before and After

2007 has been a crazy year for us in texas, weather-wise anyways... i don't remember ever having a chance (or seeing) as much snow, ice, and sleet as we've seen this year (and even this "season")... wednesday morning when i went out to start r's truck and my car it was snowing... it wasn't like a blizzard or anything, it was just snowing... you could see that the sidewalks were damp from where it had been percipitating sometime recently.... on the way to work i hit a slick spot on an overpass and lost control of my car.... losing control on the overpass and not knowing what was going to happen was the scariest thing!! i will never take concrete barriers or guardrails for granted!! i'm not real sure what happened.... i know that two concrete barriers and a guardrail was involved.... here are before and after pictures of patrick.... volkswagon does make one hell of a safe car!! i was going about 50 when i first hit....

luckily though, momma and daddy have an extra car that they let me borrow.... when momma got her pilot they decided to keep arnold (her accord).... ever since she got arnold, 94 or 95, i have loved him, he is awesome!! so now i get to cruise around in arnold until we find out what's going on with my car.... i am so lucky to have momma and daddy- they are the best parents!!