Hurting and Healing

As I’ve blogged about recently there have been some things that I’ve been not well, dealing with but, maybe going thru?! I’m not sure how to say it… tonight was about hurting and healing for me… all thru r… the other day I was blogging about feeling unappreciated and un-needed… tonight r was like, what is wrong with you? He then tried to tell me that I was the one that had attitude… I was like, um, no… I think you’re confused… but, when I did tell him what I had been feeling I didn’t say, you are doing blah, blah… I said, you are making me feel blah, blah… you know, un-needed and unappreciated… like everything that I do is wrong or not good enough… like I said though, I know he’s been stressed and well, the first couple of days this week I was too… I know what the reason is behind that though… the blues… oh yes… how can something be so good and bad at the same time?!?! And remember this is all coming from my perception…
Anyways, let me explain the hurting tonight… r said that there was something that he had been debating to tell me about all day long… the girl who took sneakers (the kitten that lived up at the restaurant that I wanted to adopt and love) home told r that sneakers is dead… she’s not sure what happened… her husband found him, supposedly… they have a rotweiller (sp?) and her dad was in the restaurant today saying that the dog ate him up… the story her husband told her is that he just found him dead, just looking dead, not all chewed up… either way damn it, we could have taken sneakers and given him a damn good home… we would have given him the attention and love that he was looking for… not killed him… this news really upset me… it hurts me way down inside… bless his little heart… he lived under the shed for over 4 months we know for sure… 4 months!! She hadn’t even had him 1 week!!! Come on now!! Oh, the really crummy thing, r had taken pictures of sneakers on his phone but remember I washed his phone Saturday night, so we lost the pictures of sneakers too…. Ok, enough ranting and raving… I am upset but I need to remember something that I blogged sometime ago but I’m not sure where… I’m going to go back when I’m done here and look… something along the lines of, love and appreciate what it is in your life at the present moment, it may not be there forever, and when it is gone, you can grieve but you just need to accept the fact that it’s gone… it was the time and everything happens for a reason… yes, it sucks and makes me sad but there is nothing that I can do about it… only remember sneakers… like I just said though, everything happens for a reason… for some reason sneakers was not meant to come with us… as crappy as that is and as much as I don’t like it, I can accept that…
Back to r and the healing… so we talked about what I told him that I was feeling and he apologized, which, I wasn’t asking for… in fact, I feel selfish telling him all that because I know he’s been so stressed… he told me though that he had been stressed because things had been weird between us… it all comes together now… I’m really glad that he brought it up because at first I didn’t want to talk about it… everything is all good now… it’s times like these when I feel closer to him than before… it makes us stronger… we snuggled tonight until he fell asleep… it was really nice having him hold me… I’ve missed it…