Perception

it's funny how many times you can hear the same thing over and over again and then one day it just clicks and you finally understand... or how something can be rephrased and then it makes perfect sense.... things have been really good the past couple of days and i think it has a lot to do with my perception of things which have been influenced by emails, conversations, and thoughts... r and i have had 2 very good days... this is only surprising to me because of my attitude the past week or so.... my conscience was making me feel super guilty for being so mean to him lately... maybe i should explain.... i've been angry the past week or so.... i know it's "bad" and i shouldn't do it but i take my anger out on r.. he's my "emotional sponge" or as he put it recently, very pliable... hehe... anyways, instead of getting mad or upset with whomever upset me i just bottle it up and then blow up at him... he knows i do this and he always asks, are you mad at me or just taking it out on me? it's his way of telling me to calm it down without him actually having to say that.... that usually works... anyways, my conscience was making me feel guilty for being so mean so i had the attitude that i'm going to go home (yesterday) and be in a really good mood and be really nice... i went home and was really nice.... we got along really well, cutting up, laughing, watching tv, and just talking... last night we went out to eat (at an all you can eat chinese buffet- with sushi!!) and then we went to target.... dinner was excellent though i ate way too much... that's a subject for a little bit later though.... target was fun!! normally when we go somewhere one of us usually gets stressed out.... not last night though... we went to target and had a blast! we got him a ton of new shirts, sunglasses, and 2 hats..... i got a couple of shirts and some new bath sheets.... (i decided we needed new bath sheets, ours just weren't very fluffy anymore....) .... we ended up spending a little less than $300... that's ok though, it was worth it!! when we got home he was trying on all his new shirts, it was too cute!! he was excited i think!! so things have been really good between us lately.... if i can remember to keep my attitude in check i think things can and will stay good!!
the eating though... monday night i went and weighed in, i lost 2lbs for a total loss of 39.5lbs!! that is really motivating but i feel that i'm getting off track!! i need to start staying for the meetings again though... i haven't been doing so good this week tracking my points and writing down everything i've been eating... this started last weekend.... i really need to get back to tracking everything... and i need to get back on track watching what i'm eating... i'm still losing even though i'm cheating more... this is both a good and bad thing for me.... plus, i need to keep exercising.... i only exercised one day last week and then one day this week so far! i ate so much last night at the all you can eat buffet though... maybe half a plate of chinese food but a lot of sushi, which isn't as bad as regular chinese, but it's still not great! my tummy hurt all night though... it was so full... i really need to quit eating until i feel like that.. that's something else i need to work on... stop eating when i'm full... my mind was saying, you never get to eat here, better eat all you can while we're here now!! and the chinese donuts!!! man!!! they beat everything all to heck!! yeah, it was the sushi and the chinese donuts that got me!! i just really need to "control" my eating though...
perception though, it's a funny thing... r and i had a big conversation about "seeing the big picture" the other night... sometimes it's really hard for me to see the big picture... and change, i complain about my co-worker never changing and not being open to change at all and in some ways, i'm the same... i need to be more open to change and doing things differently... listening to others people's positions before i fly off the handle and get mad... try to see things from a different perspective.... change my attitude of, if it's not done my way it's not the right way... when it comes to getting mad, i need to ask myself, is this really going to have any "big" effect on my life? if not, then it doesn't really matter... there's no reason to get mad over the small stuff... that's part of my problem, i get mad over the small stuff.... yes, some of the big stuff too but... for instance, i'll get fuming mad if r does something "his" way instead of "my" way.... but i can go in and rip up all the carpet in the hall without a second thought... meanwhile, he's stressing the carpet (big thing) and i'm stressing the small thing... at least i'm conscious now of the way i act... this was in one of my emails today and it made sense.... this is what i need to remember!
What was learned over a course of a life cannot be changed overnight-remember, one day at a time.