Well, it’s Monday, opening day of The Cedar Tree…. Hopefully!! I’m still waiting on r to call and tell me that the health department cleared us and we are good to open!! He hasn’t called and it’s making me nervous but I know that it will all be ok… we got to talking last night about how good it was to see b& k and to get to spend time with them!! Even though we don’t get to see them as much as we would like too, it’s always really good to see them when we have a chance!! Then we started talking about the restaurant and how when he’s worked at other restaurants and it was opening day most of the time they didn’t even know what the menu was… usually the owner would come in and give it to them and have them go to town…. He said that he’s not stressing anything after the health dept… plus, he’s got all the “old” employees back who know what’s going on…. it may be a limited menu today since we weren’t allowed to get any food prep done but that’s ok…. That’s what the “soft” opening is for…. Give us a week to work the kinks out… then we can have our grand opening…. Sleep came last night but only after tossing and turning for a long time!! That’s ok though… hopefully things will calm down now that we’ll be open! So this morning when I woke up the stress instantly hit me…. then I got to work and had this email and it is so true!! They say that the universe gives you what you need when you need it and I’m really finding this to be the truth…. Everything that you need in this moment you have… there is no reason to worry about the future and all the what-if outcomes…. Just re-reading the email helps instill a sense of peace in me….
You may feel the effects of recent stress in your life today. This could be due to your worrying about life events, which could leave you feeling exhausted as a result. While it is important to realize that there is some value in thinking about your life, today might be a good time to work on learning how to relinquish your concerns about the future. You could do this by training your mind to stay in the present. During the day when you find that you are thinking about some future outcome, you can gently remind yourself that you are not in the present and that your thoughts are not part of your present reality. This should bring you back to where you are in the now. You might notice that your worries about the future dissipate as soon as you ground yourself in the moment.Letting ourselves see that the now holds everything we need frees us from our future concerns. It is easy to become preoccupied with things that haven’t yet happened. We have the tendency to play different scenarios over in our minds about what will occur if we take certain actions. Although, if we think about it, the results we spend so much time thinking about are seldom realized. The universe has its own way of leading us through life, and as a result, we can never really anticipate what will happen. By keeping your mind grounded in the present, your worries about the future will diminish today.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Stressing.....
it's funny the way that i don't notice things.... like for instance, the way that i've been stressing today.... our friends, b & k, who we haven't seen in a long time came in from dallas today... it was so good to see them!! k was an enormous help to me today, especially at kinko's.... whew, that could have been a disaster had she not been there... copiers can be intimidating!! i never would have thought that!! she helped me "stuff" menus too!! that would have been a long and tedious task by myself! r was pretty stressed today.... he does a good job "hiding" it though... to me it's pretty obvious that i take my stress out on him.... i know, it's not nice and i really am working on it.... to me though he doesn't really show his stress.... i mean, i can see it but it's hard for others to see sometimes.... anywho, b & k left to head back home and r left to go to lowe's and/or home depot... he had to get a few more things for the restaurant and i was finishing up stuffing my breakfast menus.... he left and i finished my menus and sat down on the couch to relax... relax, um, maybe not... (the menus were stressing me out but not after kinko's....) so, i sit down on the couch and realize, dang, i am stressing... i keep trying to joke about not worrying about the restaurant and not really having anything to do with it but i am stressing.... once again, way down deep, i know that there is nothing to stress about... everything is going to work out and will be great but i am nervous!! so nervous!! i know r is too.... and i feel really bad for him.... he's going into tomorrow not "knowing" how the day is going to go down.... i guess you could say it's like starting a new job and having no clue about anything... i am hoping that blogging this will help me let the stress go.... it is and isn't.... i don't know that at this point that much would really de-stress me except for tomorrow getting here and being over with asap.... r is home from the store now... i'm going to talk to him and figure out what we're having for dinner.... more later!!
p.s.... i am loving having a wireless laptop!! it is so amazing!!! thank you both so much!!
p.s.... i am loving having a wireless laptop!! it is so amazing!!! thank you both so much!!
Friday, July 28, 2006
Better!
things are much better today... maybe i should phrase it like this, my outlook is much better today.... i was just stressing yesterday and was looking to get upset with someone and r just happened to be the "chosen one".... it's all good though.... like i said yesterday, everything happens for a reason and though i may not be able to see what the reason is right now, there is one... there's no use trying to "force" everything/anything... everything will fall into place at the right time... i've learned that that's really how everything happens... for some reason though i think that everything should happen at my pace... i'm working on that though.... my stress level is still high but that's to be expected.... we've got a lot of work ahead of us this weekend but i'm ready for it... it will all be well worth it, it already is!! things are good though!! we're getting our "problem areas" taken care of and then all we really have left to do is paint the non-smoking section... there are "little" things that need to be done, filling salt & pepper shakers, sugar bottles (?) for the tables, things like that... but that's no problem!! no worries!!! more asap!!!
i really like this....
Lessons on Life
There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.
When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.
The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons t hat they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.
He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.
If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.
Moral lessons:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.
i really like this....
Lessons on Life
There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.
When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.
The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons t hat they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.
He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.
If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.
Moral lessons:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Stressing
It could be worse… it can always be worse…. Besides, this is the only setback that we’ve really had so far…. R said that the health department didn’t pass us because there were some spots that needed to be painted (in the dish area & our storage room… you can’t have any “raw” unpainted wood) and the inspector isn’t sure if we need a separate mop sink… he said something about a hand sink, but we have one of those… I’m going to call r back at lunch and talk to him… I didn’t get a chance to really talk to him earlier… he didn’t seem to be in too good of a mood though… I can only imagine…. We went out there last night for a little bit and worked but we weren’t really worried about anything because we thought that everything looked good…. What I don’t really understand, how did the previous owner pass her inspection?!? She had really goofy ideas about everything and was not a cleaner at all! Everything happens for a reason though… it’s going to be ok…. The restaurant looks so much better than it did before too!! (I’m taking this personally and I shouldn’t be!) It just kinda upsets me that we didn’t pass…. I’m pretty sure that it upsets r too…. we’ve been out there every night this week working and after Tuesday night I felt so much better… we got so much accomplished… now I’m thinking that maybe we weren’t working on the “right” things… needless to say, my stress level is back up…. I know I keep “saying” this but it will be ok and everything does happen for a reason…. I think I feel so bad because we have been telling everyone that we will be open on Monday and now I’m not sure if we will be…. I can’t let all of this get to me though…. we’ve worked really hard to get to where we’re at and I know we can do this… it’s just going to be a long weekend…. that was to be expected though…. maybe a longer than expected weekend…. I’m already so tired I feel like I need some toothpicks to keep my eyelids open!! I so did not want to get up this morning…. No biggie, sleep is over-rated anyhow… hehe….
I talked to r at lunch and he said that he’s not worried about us opening… worst case scenario, we won’t open until around 8am Monday morning (instead of 6am)… or we can pull an all-nighter tonight if we have too…. it’s all little “petty” stuff that we need to take care of… like the raw wood shelves in our dry storage area, we didn’t know those had to be painted… r knew the ones in the kitchen had to be painted but not those… the inspector explained that if a can or something was to burst then it would contaminate the wood… ok,I understand that… I just wish we would have known… but, we’ll get it taken care of…. Hopefully the inspector can come back out tomorrow though… I’m going crazy right now because I’m just sitting here at work… that’s actually all I’ve been doing all day long… just sitting here… I could be out there working but I can’t be because I’ve got to be here… I would ask my boss if I could leave early but he’s been in a foul mood this week about people not being at work… so I’m not even going to say anything to him about leaving early… I’m just not a procrastinator (and my husband is)… it bothers me to no end to wait until the last minute to get everything done but sometimes that’s just how it has to be… the health dept was one of those things where we could have had them come out to do a pre-inspection but he didn’t really think it was necessary… now, we’re down to the wire rushing around trying to get all this stuff done… I told him that I didn’t really want to be rushing around at the last minute but…. Nothing we can do about it now… we’ll just do what we have to do to get it done… The panic attacks are just a little overwhelming right now… I had to get that off my chest! I know I need to be grateful for what we’ve already got done and for all the help that we’ve had and I’m really trying!!
I talked to r at lunch and he said that he’s not worried about us opening… worst case scenario, we won’t open until around 8am Monday morning (instead of 6am)… or we can pull an all-nighter tonight if we have too…. it’s all little “petty” stuff that we need to take care of… like the raw wood shelves in our dry storage area, we didn’t know those had to be painted… r knew the ones in the kitchen had to be painted but not those… the inspector explained that if a can or something was to burst then it would contaminate the wood… ok,I understand that… I just wish we would have known… but, we’ll get it taken care of…. Hopefully the inspector can come back out tomorrow though… I’m going crazy right now because I’m just sitting here at work… that’s actually all I’ve been doing all day long… just sitting here… I could be out there working but I can’t be because I’ve got to be here… I would ask my boss if I could leave early but he’s been in a foul mood this week about people not being at work… so I’m not even going to say anything to him about leaving early… I’m just not a procrastinator (and my husband is)… it bothers me to no end to wait until the last minute to get everything done but sometimes that’s just how it has to be… the health dept was one of those things where we could have had them come out to do a pre-inspection but he didn’t really think it was necessary… now, we’re down to the wire rushing around trying to get all this stuff done… I told him that I didn’t really want to be rushing around at the last minute but…. Nothing we can do about it now… we’ll just do what we have to do to get it done… The panic attacks are just a little overwhelming right now… I had to get that off my chest! I know I need to be grateful for what we’ve already got done and for all the help that we’ve had and I’m really trying!!
Monday, July 24, 2006
Change
it's monday.... and i am stressing pretty good.... over what, change... i know that change is a good thing... all endings are also beginnings.... r's last day at work was friday.... this morning he got up at the same time i did to get ready to go out to the restaurant.... i think he was really nervous and it kinda hit both of us that we have one week until we open.... it seems that there is so much left to be done and it's kinda overwhelming.... when i talked to him earlier he had 2 employees up there helping him... he said that he didn't really know what to do... for me personally, i am not nervous regarding the success of the restaurant, i know it will succeed... i am sitting here trying to figure out exactly why i'm having a panic attack and my anxiety is flaring up.... i think it could just be general stress over everything.... r not getting a "regular" paycheck, starting our own business, all the stresses & responsibilities that come with owning your own business, and maybe actually opening up.... deep down i know that all will be ok and that we will succeed in our venture but change is scary... for me anyways... i need to change that thought though.... change should not scare me... (i've been looking thru all the postive thoughts that i keep and can't find one that i can kinda remember that i was looking for.... oh well, apparently it was not needed that bad...) i should accept and embrace change... i am working on that.... the unknown is what i fear... though i shouldn't... i have been shown that i can manifest my own destiny and knowing that i should have no fear for the future... i should be able to accept change and know that everything happens for a reason and that the universe will provide me with all that i need... and in this moment, i do have everything that i need.... if i start thinking about lacking and not having enough then that is what i will manifest... knowing that deep down i know without a doubt that all will be ok i am going to embrace this change... life was good before, r and i were pretty much able to go and do as we pleased but he had kinda hit the ceiling regarding pay at his old job... we were fine now and probably would stay fine as long as we didn't want too much more.... owning our own business will allow us greater financial sucess and there really is no "ceiling" to hit.... how hard we want to work at this will determine our financial reward.... this morning after r left for the restaurant i was having bad anxiety.... i feel so much better now though just getting all this off my chest... i just need to let the deep down knowing of success push out the anxiety and have peaceful thoughts and feelings.... i know this is easier said than done but it is what i'm going to work on.... out with the bad, in with the good...
on a different note though, we did have a productive weekend... mom and dad came out and helped us paint friday and saturday... we got a lot done.. we are so close to being done with the smoking section and the lobby area.... so close!!! once we got those 2 areas painted i will feel so much better!! we took the day off yesterday because i have a sneaky feeling that we'll probably be out there most every night this week and all this weekend... i'm fine with that though... opening day is coming soon!!! besides working on the restaurant there hasn't been much else going on... that's not a bad thing and i'm not complaining, i just don't think there is much else to blog about right now... until next time.....
on a different note though, we did have a productive weekend... mom and dad came out and helped us paint friday and saturday... we got a lot done.. we are so close to being done with the smoking section and the lobby area.... so close!!! once we got those 2 areas painted i will feel so much better!! we took the day off yesterday because i have a sneaky feeling that we'll probably be out there most every night this week and all this weekend... i'm fine with that though... opening day is coming soon!!! besides working on the restaurant there hasn't been much else going on... that's not a bad thing and i'm not complaining, i just don't think there is much else to blog about right now... until next time.....
Friday, July 21, 2006
Friday!!
YEAH!!! it's friday!!! i am so glad!!! we've got a lot of things that we need to get done between now and monday, the 31st.... that is the day that the cedar tree officially opens... i know we'll get it all done but the next week is going to be a tad bit stressful.... that's ok though... it'll be so worth it... the end result will be great!!! r was telling me that his store (at his "old" job even though today is his last day) got a plaque from corporate.... his store was #2, in the whole chain of stores, for the highest sales increase in 2005!! that makes me really proud and happy!!! (especially since we've bought the restaurant!!) not that i had any doubt about it being successful, it's just more of a reassurance... i am proud of him though and not just for the sales increase thing either.... he has been kicking butt and taking names lately... and i know it's just going to keep going (which is fine by me!)... he told me that he's in "do the damn deal" mode.... that phrase came from some movie or something but as of the past week he "informed" me that that is the mode that he has been in.... i'm really excited about the restaurant and i know that he is too... it is stressful but it hasn't been that bad... the only thing that i feel we've really been battling is the paint... who knew that paint could be as hectic as it's been... no biggie though, if things keep going like they have i can deal with the paint!! i would gladly take that as the biggest stress that we have/had.... i talked to mom and dad last night and they have volunteered (and have been volunteering) to come out and help us... r and i wanted to wait and see how much we could get done and then get a final push going this weekend, week, and next weekend.... it makes me feel good because we've had so much support...
besides the restaurant stuff there hasn't been too much going on, not that the restaurant isn't enough!! i took the "night off" from the restaurant last night and cleaned the house... well, r had to close so i didn't have/get to paint... i need to get to working on a list of all the things that i need to do before we open and what we need to buy... i've got to go to the grocery store before i go home from work today because the precious little kitties ran out of their favorite fancy feast.... and they just pretty much won't eat what i do happen to have... if it's not the grilled flaked tuna in gravy i don't think they want to have anything to do with it... that's ok though... i helped make them the way they are today... i can't blame anyone but myself!! r did try to tell me... and for some goofy reason i thought i knew what i was doing... let's see, he's had cats his whole life; me, my only pet was a hamster... shoulda listened to him... that's ok though... i have figured out that sometimes he is right... i'm thinking really hard to see if there is anything else that i've been thinking about blogging... i've been thinking about it all week long but always got busy or something else came up... well, i'll blog as much as possible this next week!!!
besides the restaurant stuff there hasn't been too much going on, not that the restaurant isn't enough!! i took the "night off" from the restaurant last night and cleaned the house... well, r had to close so i didn't have/get to paint... i need to get to working on a list of all the things that i need to do before we open and what we need to buy... i've got to go to the grocery store before i go home from work today because the precious little kitties ran out of their favorite fancy feast.... and they just pretty much won't eat what i do happen to have... if it's not the grilled flaked tuna in gravy i don't think they want to have anything to do with it... that's ok though... i helped make them the way they are today... i can't blame anyone but myself!! r did try to tell me... and for some goofy reason i thought i knew what i was doing... let's see, he's had cats his whole life; me, my only pet was a hamster... shoulda listened to him... that's ok though... i have figured out that sometimes he is right... i'm thinking really hard to see if there is anything else that i've been thinking about blogging... i've been thinking about it all week long but always got busy or something else came up... well, i'll blog as much as possible this next week!!!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
No Way!!!
now really, this can't be happening... it is too exciting and cute!!! so yesterday I was “tailing” (HAHAHA) you about the first time cat owner blog… ok, get this!! now, the kitty has a blog about the kitty owner!!!! it is amazing and awesome!!! i can't even begin to tell you how excited i am about this!!! just in case you're interested....
http://bogblogs.spaces.msn.com/
http://bogblogs.spaces.msn.com/
Food for Thought
i have been reading The Te of Piglet and i really liked this so i thought i would share it...
The next time a What If starts badgering you, look it straight in the eyes and ask it, “All right, what’s the very worst that could possibly happen?” And when it answers, ask yourself, “What could I do about it?” You’ll find that there always will be something. Then you’ll see that you can have power in any situation. And when you realize that, the fears will go away and we won’t be intimidated by fears- neither fear of failure nor fear of success.
Matsuo Basho: Every bend in the road brings me new ideas; every dawn gives me fresh feelings.
The next time a What If starts badgering you, look it straight in the eyes and ask it, “All right, what’s the very worst that could possibly happen?” And when it answers, ask yourself, “What could I do about it?” You’ll find that there always will be something. Then you’ll see that you can have power in any situation. And when you realize that, the fears will go away and we won’t be intimidated by fears- neither fear of failure nor fear of success.
Matsuo Basho: Every bend in the road brings me new ideas; every dawn gives me fresh feelings.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Best Blog Ever!!
i was looking around the internet today and discovered the best blog ever!!! i so wish i would have thought about blogging about my kitties!!! if you are a kitty lover you must check this blog out!!!
http://manohmanny.spaces.msn.com/
http://manohmanny.spaces.msn.com/
Monday, July 17, 2006
....
well, once again, it is monday.... things have been good lately, just really busy... i was busy at work before we went on vacation, busy over vacation, and since vacation i've been busy at work and home.... work isn't that big of a deal... just basic work stuff.... busy trying to play catch up from being on vacation and because i seem to be the only one in the office working... nice!! it really wouldn't bother me if i didn't feel so disrespected.... that's another story for another time though....
r and i had a good productive weekend.... saturday we got up and went and painted at the cedar tree... sunday morning i got up and went to the grocery store and planned on having a nice, quiet, uneventful day.... it wasn't too bad.... we got to replace our hot water heater at the house though.... that was a nice chunk of change that i was planning on saving but that's why we save, for rainy days....
i would have to say that even though we've had a few setbacks they've all been nothing major... i tried for 3 days straight last week to get the paint for the restaurant and didn't do so well... that's ok though, we now know what we have to do in order to get the paint... since that's the only real issue we've had with the restaurant so far i can deal with that.... i've been trying to call all the gov't agencies that you have to contact to find out what posters you have to have displayed and what regulations we need to comply with... that is a pain in the rear though!! i suppose that's to be expected since we're dealing with the gov't...
this is r's last week at his "old" job... i think that may be why i'm starting to stress so much.... his "regular" weekly paycheck that we can count on is about to end... that is nerve racking in itself... i know we'll be fine and everything will work out but it's really scary.... i still feel like i have an ass ton of stuff to do though... calling, getting the utilities changed over into our name, put an ad in the local paper... the stress hit r the sunday before our vacation, it's just now hitting me.... in 2 mondays we are supposed to be opening.... whew... it'll all work out and i have faith in that... it's just a little stressing though....
i know i haven't really blogged in a while... we've just been working on the restaurant and then our "usual" stuff.... the restaurant has been keeping us busy though... all the "red tape" and stuff you get to go thru.... i'll just be so glad when it's open and running... my mood has been, well, ok lately... not good but it has gotten bad... the bad usually occurs up here at work when i get mad because of the whole no-respect thing... it'll all be ok though... i just have to take one day at a time... i know i can do this!! there is no challenge that i can't overcome!!! i just received an email that i think fits nicely in here... until later!!
Our lives are an exercise in facing challenges. We dream the grandest of dreams as youngsters only to discover that we must cultivate copious inner strength and determination in order to meet our goals. Our hard work does not always yield the results we expect. And it is when we find ourselves frustrated by the trials we face or unable to meet our own expectations that we are most apt to take notice of those individuals who appear to accomplish great feats effortlessly. Some people's lives seem to magically fall into place. We can see the blessings they have received, the ease with which they have attained their desires, their unwavering confidence, and their wealth. But, because we can never see the story of their lives as a whole, it is important that we refrain from passing judgment or becoming envious. Throughout our lives, we glimpse only the outer hull of others' life experiences, so it's tempting to presuppose that the abundance they enjoy is the result of luck rather than diligent effort. In a small number of cases, our assumptions may mirror reality. But very few people "have it easy." Everyone must overcome difficulties and everyone has been granted a distinctive set of talents with which to do so. An individual who is highly gifted may nonetheless have to practice industriously and correct themselves repeatedly in order to cultivate their talents. Their myriad accomplishments are more likely than not the result of ongoing hard work and sacrifice. You, no doubt, have natural abilities that you have nurtured and your gifts may be the very reason you strive as tirelessly as you do. Yet others see only the outcome of your efforts and not the efforts themselves. Our intellects, our hearts, and our souls are constantly being tested by the universe. Life will create new challenges for you to face each time you prove yourself capable of overcoming the challenges of the past. What you deem difficult will always differ from that which others deem difficult. The tests you will be given will be as unique as you are. If you focus on doing the best you can and making use of the blessings you have been granted, the outcome of your efforts will be a joyous reflection of your dedication.
r and i had a good productive weekend.... saturday we got up and went and painted at the cedar tree... sunday morning i got up and went to the grocery store and planned on having a nice, quiet, uneventful day.... it wasn't too bad.... we got to replace our hot water heater at the house though.... that was a nice chunk of change that i was planning on saving but that's why we save, for rainy days....
i would have to say that even though we've had a few setbacks they've all been nothing major... i tried for 3 days straight last week to get the paint for the restaurant and didn't do so well... that's ok though, we now know what we have to do in order to get the paint... since that's the only real issue we've had with the restaurant so far i can deal with that.... i've been trying to call all the gov't agencies that you have to contact to find out what posters you have to have displayed and what regulations we need to comply with... that is a pain in the rear though!! i suppose that's to be expected since we're dealing with the gov't...
this is r's last week at his "old" job... i think that may be why i'm starting to stress so much.... his "regular" weekly paycheck that we can count on is about to end... that is nerve racking in itself... i know we'll be fine and everything will work out but it's really scary.... i still feel like i have an ass ton of stuff to do though... calling, getting the utilities changed over into our name, put an ad in the local paper... the stress hit r the sunday before our vacation, it's just now hitting me.... in 2 mondays we are supposed to be opening.... whew... it'll all work out and i have faith in that... it's just a little stressing though....
i know i haven't really blogged in a while... we've just been working on the restaurant and then our "usual" stuff.... the restaurant has been keeping us busy though... all the "red tape" and stuff you get to go thru.... i'll just be so glad when it's open and running... my mood has been, well, ok lately... not good but it has gotten bad... the bad usually occurs up here at work when i get mad because of the whole no-respect thing... it'll all be ok though... i just have to take one day at a time... i know i can do this!! there is no challenge that i can't overcome!!! i just received an email that i think fits nicely in here... until later!!
Our lives are an exercise in facing challenges. We dream the grandest of dreams as youngsters only to discover that we must cultivate copious inner strength and determination in order to meet our goals. Our hard work does not always yield the results we expect. And it is when we find ourselves frustrated by the trials we face or unable to meet our own expectations that we are most apt to take notice of those individuals who appear to accomplish great feats effortlessly. Some people's lives seem to magically fall into place. We can see the blessings they have received, the ease with which they have attained their desires, their unwavering confidence, and their wealth. But, because we can never see the story of their lives as a whole, it is important that we refrain from passing judgment or becoming envious. Throughout our lives, we glimpse only the outer hull of others' life experiences, so it's tempting to presuppose that the abundance they enjoy is the result of luck rather than diligent effort. In a small number of cases, our assumptions may mirror reality. But very few people "have it easy." Everyone must overcome difficulties and everyone has been granted a distinctive set of talents with which to do so. An individual who is highly gifted may nonetheless have to practice industriously and correct themselves repeatedly in order to cultivate their talents. Their myriad accomplishments are more likely than not the result of ongoing hard work and sacrifice. You, no doubt, have natural abilities that you have nurtured and your gifts may be the very reason you strive as tirelessly as you do. Yet others see only the outcome of your efforts and not the efforts themselves. Our intellects, our hearts, and our souls are constantly being tested by the universe. Life will create new challenges for you to face each time you prove yourself capable of overcoming the challenges of the past. What you deem difficult will always differ from that which others deem difficult. The tests you will be given will be as unique as you are. If you focus on doing the best you can and making use of the blessings you have been granted, the outcome of your efforts will be a joyous reflection of your dedication.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
The Cedar Tree
this is going to be short because i am covered up at work but r and i are now the official owners of The Cedar Tree!! i'm so excited and can't wait to get it open and running!! more later, i've got to get caught up!!!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Checking In
it's 2:54am and i've been awake for a couple of hours so i decided to get out of bed to see if i could make myself tired again... the fact that i was in bed and asleep shortly after 8 last night probably has something to do with the fact that i'm awake... i was so tired though... i couldn't keep my eyes open and thought i'll just go to bed...
i guess you could say that my vacation is officially over considering i leave for work in about 5 hours... yuck!! not yuck to going back to work just to my co-worker... i am going in with a positive attitude though... seeing as how i had a week off from him maybe that will make things better!
r and i had a good but busy vacation... we got a lot of stuff done that we needed to get done for the restaurant... we were up there saturday morning painting and the head waitress that worked there before stopped by... she is really nice and i am so excited that she's coming back... so are the 2 cooks and the other waitress.... most of our "staffing needs" have been taken care of and that's a huge sigh of relief.... i think we may need to find a dishwasher and maybe one more waitress.... the last 2 are kinda optional though... the head waitress, which is what's she will be again, is so excited... she said that she's talked to the others that are coming back and everyone is really looking forward to it... we plan on keeping everything the same... the only thing that will be different are the paint colors... they even volunteered to help paint! we ran around last week and worked on getting our "red tape" new business stuff taken care of... the only thing we have left to do is to get our change of ownership application back to the health dept... that's kinda a hectic process but that's ok... we're working on it and we'll get it taken care of... soon!! i have a few more calls to make but after that it's pretty much just working on getting the restaurant ready to open... our tentative date, july 31st... it'll be here soon! it seems like everything is just falling into place... i hope it keeps working this way, it's amazing!!
well, i think i'm getting tired, i'm yawning... i'm off to try to get some more sleep... if i can't sleep i'm sure i'll be back!!
i guess you could say that my vacation is officially over considering i leave for work in about 5 hours... yuck!! not yuck to going back to work just to my co-worker... i am going in with a positive attitude though... seeing as how i had a week off from him maybe that will make things better!
r and i had a good but busy vacation... we got a lot of stuff done that we needed to get done for the restaurant... we were up there saturday morning painting and the head waitress that worked there before stopped by... she is really nice and i am so excited that she's coming back... so are the 2 cooks and the other waitress.... most of our "staffing needs" have been taken care of and that's a huge sigh of relief.... i think we may need to find a dishwasher and maybe one more waitress.... the last 2 are kinda optional though... the head waitress, which is what's she will be again, is so excited... she said that she's talked to the others that are coming back and everyone is really looking forward to it... we plan on keeping everything the same... the only thing that will be different are the paint colors... they even volunteered to help paint! we ran around last week and worked on getting our "red tape" new business stuff taken care of... the only thing we have left to do is to get our change of ownership application back to the health dept... that's kinda a hectic process but that's ok... we're working on it and we'll get it taken care of... soon!! i have a few more calls to make but after that it's pretty much just working on getting the restaurant ready to open... our tentative date, july 31st... it'll be here soon! it seems like everything is just falling into place... i hope it keeps working this way, it's amazing!!
well, i think i'm getting tired, i'm yawning... i'm off to try to get some more sleep... if i can't sleep i'm sure i'll be back!!
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Approved
i just went on the wells fargo website and checked to see if they had approved our personal loan or not... it was approved.... we now have the money to cover our start up costs and our down payment.... now i'm nervous!!!
Feeling Better
this morning i have a whole attitude... i am going to call the small business development center so that r and i can go talk to them about buying the cedar tree... the sbdc helps people start up businesses, buy existing business, offers free training for business owners.... stuff like that... so we're going to go talk to them and get them to help us put together a loan proposal so that we can get financing... i think i got so upset yesterday because talking to the banker was just the straw that broke the camel's back... i am still so excited about the cedar tree though!!! i know it's going to happen and it's going to be awesome!!! even if r only makes the same amount of money that he's making now, we're not losing anything... he has no benefits or anything like that thru his current job... i am so not worried about it though... we're going to give it our best shot (and prove all the haters wrong!!)
i didn't go weigh in last night.... after a long talk with k i realized that lately i feel that i have been doing ww for the wrong reasons... for everyone else but me.... i'm so proud of myself for losing44.5lbs!! i'm not quitting weight watchers but i'm just not taking it as seriously... i've proven to myself that i can lose weight and if i want to not take it as seriously i don't have too.... i'm not going to gain it back, i just want to keep losing if not just maintain... maintaining to me would be excellent!! there are 2 parts to losing weight... losing the weight and keeping it off... for some reason, right now i just want to try maintaining... see how that goes... but, like k and i talked about... i'm doing what i want to do and i'm doing it for me! i'm not going to let everyone else's "number dependency" affect me... if they want to decide their happines with numbers, so be it... happiness is not about the amount of money that you make, how much you do or don't weigh, the number of kids you do or don't have... it's about what you make out of life... it's if you decide that you want to be happy and i am so incredibly happy right now... i am so excited about the cedar tree opportunity and everything that the future holds... i am chosing to be happy!!
i didn't go weigh in last night.... after a long talk with k i realized that lately i feel that i have been doing ww for the wrong reasons... for everyone else but me.... i'm so proud of myself for losing44.5lbs!! i'm not quitting weight watchers but i'm just not taking it as seriously... i've proven to myself that i can lose weight and if i want to not take it as seriously i don't have too.... i'm not going to gain it back, i just want to keep losing if not just maintain... maintaining to me would be excellent!! there are 2 parts to losing weight... losing the weight and keeping it off... for some reason, right now i just want to try maintaining... see how that goes... but, like k and i talked about... i'm doing what i want to do and i'm doing it for me! i'm not going to let everyone else's "number dependency" affect me... if they want to decide their happines with numbers, so be it... happiness is not about the amount of money that you make, how much you do or don't weigh, the number of kids you do or don't have... it's about what you make out of life... it's if you decide that you want to be happy and i am so incredibly happy right now... i am so excited about the cedar tree opportunity and everything that the future holds... i am chosing to be happy!!
Monday, June 26, 2006
Honesty
i've been thinking all morning long.... thinking about where r and i are in life and how to allow life to manifest itself.... meaning, how can we make our thoughts our reality? i don't know...
i started this blog to allow myself a neutral place to vent, let my thoughts and emotions out, and just basically try to get everything out of my head... here i am now... sitting here and thinking about my blog earlier.... i was working and kept thinking, i wish i was busy today so my mind would quit thinking.... then i thought that it probably didn't matter how busy i was today, my mind would be on r and our current situation...
i guess i should start at the beginning.... r and i have been talking to two guys about buying a restaurant in a small town about 10 minutes away from where we live now... i would never even listen to an idea about a restaurant here... even some of the big name chain restaurants don't make it here.... our town is just too restaurant-infested.... up until this past tuesday we had no other details about the restaurant... we know that it's been there forever and everyone in town wants it to open again.... it's been closed for about 2 months... the previous "owner" ran it into the ground... r went and talked to them tuesday and then we both went out there saturday morning and talked to them.... everything that they said was excellent! the asking price, the montly payment... everything... the men that own the restaurant are so nice and kept saying that they are willing to work with us... they only want $20,000 down... that's really not bad at all... as far as businesses are concerned anyways... then we'll need some cash for start-up costs.... r and i have been super excited because he has always talked about owning his own restaurant.... i was so nervous this morning to call the banker... he's a friend of the family and we've known him forever... he said that without financials it's going to almost be impossible to get a business loan because no one is going to want to loan us the money not knowing that we will/or how we will be able to pay it back.... we don't have any financials though... we can't use the lady who they just repo'd it from... those are no good... there basically aren't any financials.... we would have to apply for a loan like a new business.... this crushes me though and i do not want to tell r this... i have absolutely no doubt that r and i could make this work... this is the one thing in my life i have been 110% sure of... we both know that it's going to be a lot of work at the beginning but we both know that together we can do it and it will be successful.... the problem, i don't know where to get the start-up cash or the down payment... if we had the money just laying around i'd be more than happy to use it but we don't.... i know i'm not supposed to but i'm taking this very personally... i feel like, if someone would just give us a chance, we could and would prove everyone wrong... i talked to mom about this on saturday to feel her out and see what she thought... i got the feeling that she doesn't think it's such a good idea and was more worried about me quitting weight watchers (if we did buy the restaurant) than she was about us buying the restaurant... it seems that people are so hung up on numbers and weight.... how much you weigh, how much you should weigh... not how happy you are or aren't... this bothers me because my happiness isn't dependent on my weight... it's dependent on my life and my life with r... it's not dependent on a number... any number for that matter.... several people have commented that it should be really easy to get a business loan for such a small amount of money.... after talking to the banker this morning i felt like a failure.... and i had only talked to one banker... he didn't even deny us... he just told us that most banks were going to be against us.... only because of the financials... it has nothing to do with how good our credit is... or how hard we've worked to get where we are today.... it's because we don't have any financials... (sorry, i'm getting pissed now... i think that's why i didn't really say much about it earlier... my feelings were already hurt and i didn't really want to discuss it.... too late now, it's out in the open and my emotions are on the surface....) my question is, how do people with no money start up their own businesses? we don't have anything to put up as collateral and i'm getting the feeling, from more than one person, that we shouldn't do this, it won't be successful... does no one care how r and i feel? does no one care that we know we can make it work? yes it will take time to build up our customer base but damn, that's all we have is time!!! and experience!! between the both of us i am 110% confident that we could make the cedar tree a successful business!! he has the know how to run a restaurant and i have the know how to keep the books... he's always worked in the food service industry and always will... why, personal reasons that are none of anyones business.... he doesn't feel appreciated at the job he's in now and i can't say that i blame him for wanting to better himself and his family... yes, there is a chance we could lose our asses but that's a chance we're both willing to take... if it wasn't going to work we both wouldn't be willing to chance it.... something would be telling one of us no... if it's meant to be it will all work out... how, i don't know at this point... all i can do is have faith....
i started this blog to allow myself a neutral place to vent, let my thoughts and emotions out, and just basically try to get everything out of my head... here i am now... sitting here and thinking about my blog earlier.... i was working and kept thinking, i wish i was busy today so my mind would quit thinking.... then i thought that it probably didn't matter how busy i was today, my mind would be on r and our current situation...
i guess i should start at the beginning.... r and i have been talking to two guys about buying a restaurant in a small town about 10 minutes away from where we live now... i would never even listen to an idea about a restaurant here... even some of the big name chain restaurants don't make it here.... our town is just too restaurant-infested.... up until this past tuesday we had no other details about the restaurant... we know that it's been there forever and everyone in town wants it to open again.... it's been closed for about 2 months... the previous "owner" ran it into the ground... r went and talked to them tuesday and then we both went out there saturday morning and talked to them.... everything that they said was excellent! the asking price, the montly payment... everything... the men that own the restaurant are so nice and kept saying that they are willing to work with us... they only want $20,000 down... that's really not bad at all... as far as businesses are concerned anyways... then we'll need some cash for start-up costs.... r and i have been super excited because he has always talked about owning his own restaurant.... i was so nervous this morning to call the banker... he's a friend of the family and we've known him forever... he said that without financials it's going to almost be impossible to get a business loan because no one is going to want to loan us the money not knowing that we will/or how we will be able to pay it back.... we don't have any financials though... we can't use the lady who they just repo'd it from... those are no good... there basically aren't any financials.... we would have to apply for a loan like a new business.... this crushes me though and i do not want to tell r this... i have absolutely no doubt that r and i could make this work... this is the one thing in my life i have been 110% sure of... we both know that it's going to be a lot of work at the beginning but we both know that together we can do it and it will be successful.... the problem, i don't know where to get the start-up cash or the down payment... if we had the money just laying around i'd be more than happy to use it but we don't.... i know i'm not supposed to but i'm taking this very personally... i feel like, if someone would just give us a chance, we could and would prove everyone wrong... i talked to mom about this on saturday to feel her out and see what she thought... i got the feeling that she doesn't think it's such a good idea and was more worried about me quitting weight watchers (if we did buy the restaurant) than she was about us buying the restaurant... it seems that people are so hung up on numbers and weight.... how much you weigh, how much you should weigh... not how happy you are or aren't... this bothers me because my happiness isn't dependent on my weight... it's dependent on my life and my life with r... it's not dependent on a number... any number for that matter.... several people have commented that it should be really easy to get a business loan for such a small amount of money.... after talking to the banker this morning i felt like a failure.... and i had only talked to one banker... he didn't even deny us... he just told us that most banks were going to be against us.... only because of the financials... it has nothing to do with how good our credit is... or how hard we've worked to get where we are today.... it's because we don't have any financials... (sorry, i'm getting pissed now... i think that's why i didn't really say much about it earlier... my feelings were already hurt and i didn't really want to discuss it.... too late now, it's out in the open and my emotions are on the surface....) my question is, how do people with no money start up their own businesses? we don't have anything to put up as collateral and i'm getting the feeling, from more than one person, that we shouldn't do this, it won't be successful... does no one care how r and i feel? does no one care that we know we can make it work? yes it will take time to build up our customer base but damn, that's all we have is time!!! and experience!! between the both of us i am 110% confident that we could make the cedar tree a successful business!! he has the know how to run a restaurant and i have the know how to keep the books... he's always worked in the food service industry and always will... why, personal reasons that are none of anyones business.... he doesn't feel appreciated at the job he's in now and i can't say that i blame him for wanting to better himself and his family... yes, there is a chance we could lose our asses but that's a chance we're both willing to take... if it wasn't going to work we both wouldn't be willing to chance it.... something would be telling one of us no... if it's meant to be it will all work out... how, i don't know at this point... all i can do is have faith....
Mixed Up
This morning I was driving to work, looked at my hand, and realized that i was gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles were white…. We only have 4 more days, after today, until vacation… I can’t wait!! Saturday morning r and I went and talked to 2 guys about an incredible business opportunity… I was so not even nervous or worried until I was on my way to meet them…. Up until this morning everything seemed so do-able… like it was right there for us to take…. Now, I’m not so sure… I know that everything happens for a reason but how do you know when you’re trying too hard to make it happen? Where is the line? I’m not sure how you determine that… right now I really don’t feel too sure of much of anything…. 3 hours ago I had a totally different point of view… this morning I was so excited to blog… I just couldn’t wait to get to work because I had so much to say… that balloon has been deflated and now I don’t really know what to say….
R and I had a really good weekend… we didn’t do much of anything but it was still good!! My meeting is tonight…. last week I said I was going to go and stay for the meeting… i don’t really want too now… I would just like to go home and go to bed… I’m so dang tired… I haven’t slept well the past 2 nights… I’ve been having crazy stressful dreams! Anyways, I guess I’m off to work….
R and I had a really good weekend… we didn’t do much of anything but it was still good!! My meeting is tonight…. last week I said I was going to go and stay for the meeting… i don’t really want too now… I would just like to go home and go to bed… I’m so dang tired… I haven’t slept well the past 2 nights… I’ve been having crazy stressful dreams! Anyways, I guess I’m off to work….
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Life
Ah, where to begin… I went and got my hair done yesterday, cut and colored… I really like it, she cut the back of it off and it feels so much better… not that it was really long in the first place, but I’m not a hair kind of person… she also pierced my right ear 2 more times for me! I love getting my ears pierced!!! That makes for a total of 10, 6 in the right, 4 in the left… next time I go in I think we’re going to work on the left side… maybe… my right ear is pretty sore and I didn’t realize how much I used my left ear for until yesterday… we’ll just have to see how long the soreness lasts! If it’s not that bad then we’ll go ahead and do it…
R called me at work yesterday and told me that a little tiny kitten ran across the street yesterday and almost got hit by a car… last night we were watching tv and we kept hearing this little meowing…. There are 2 baby kittens outside our house! They’re white with a little brown and black… and oh so fluffy and furry!! They are so adorable!! I know we can’t keep them… two inside is enough…. They’re just so little and adorable though, they break my heart!! we haven’t seen any other babies around though…. they’re so wild… the neighbors from across the street came over last night, they were sitting outside and heard them meowing, and we asking if they were ours… they said they weren’t theirs and weren’t sure where they came from…. One lady kept saying to call animal control… I don’t think I can do that, our animal shelter is not a no-kill shelter… the one in a neighboring county is but not ours… she said they were little enough to be adopted but I feel so bad… I don’t know what to do… all over 2 baby kittens…
This morning when I got to work one of our foremen came over to the office and said, hey, come see what I’ve got in the back of my truck… he had a raccoon in a cage!! He said that it was in their backyard last night and so he put a trap out… he trapped it and said he couldn’t bring himself to shoot it… my reply, good!! It was so cute too!!! he’s going to let it go over by our main shop….
These poor little furry animals… I feel so bad for them… I realize that this is the way life is and that these things are going to happen but for some reason the cute, furry animals just get to me!!! talk about tearing at my heart strings!!! Up until we got mazzy I could take an animal or leave it… now, man my feelings have changed!! I would save all the little furry animals if I could… On a different note though, last night one of my friends called… we got to talking about life and how it seems that everything is just falling into place right now… things are so good, not just for r and I but for everyone… life is just rolling right along and it’s like I couldn’t ask for anything more!! The plans that we’ve talked about and the future that we hoped we would have just seems to be unfolding! I could not be happier!!! (with the exception of the little furry animals! J) but seriously, the skies are so blue!! It kinda makes me nervous because in the past when life has started to go good I started looking for the bottom to fall out… not this time though! life is good and it is going to continue to stay and be good!!! There will be little bumps along the way but that’s to be expected… knowing that I have r, my friends, and family by my side I know that together we can overcome anything!! There is nothing that we can’t handle!!
R called me at work yesterday and told me that a little tiny kitten ran across the street yesterday and almost got hit by a car… last night we were watching tv and we kept hearing this little meowing…. There are 2 baby kittens outside our house! They’re white with a little brown and black… and oh so fluffy and furry!! They are so adorable!! I know we can’t keep them… two inside is enough…. They’re just so little and adorable though, they break my heart!! we haven’t seen any other babies around though…. they’re so wild… the neighbors from across the street came over last night, they were sitting outside and heard them meowing, and we asking if they were ours… they said they weren’t theirs and weren’t sure where they came from…. One lady kept saying to call animal control… I don’t think I can do that, our animal shelter is not a no-kill shelter… the one in a neighboring county is but not ours… she said they were little enough to be adopted but I feel so bad… I don’t know what to do… all over 2 baby kittens…
This morning when I got to work one of our foremen came over to the office and said, hey, come see what I’ve got in the back of my truck… he had a raccoon in a cage!! He said that it was in their backyard last night and so he put a trap out… he trapped it and said he couldn’t bring himself to shoot it… my reply, good!! It was so cute too!!! he’s going to let it go over by our main shop….
These poor little furry animals… I feel so bad for them… I realize that this is the way life is and that these things are going to happen but for some reason the cute, furry animals just get to me!!! talk about tearing at my heart strings!!! Up until we got mazzy I could take an animal or leave it… now, man my feelings have changed!! I would save all the little furry animals if I could… On a different note though, last night one of my friends called… we got to talking about life and how it seems that everything is just falling into place right now… things are so good, not just for r and I but for everyone… life is just rolling right along and it’s like I couldn’t ask for anything more!! The plans that we’ve talked about and the future that we hoped we would have just seems to be unfolding! I could not be happier!!! (with the exception of the little furry animals! J) but seriously, the skies are so blue!! It kinda makes me nervous because in the past when life has started to go good I started looking for the bottom to fall out… not this time though! life is good and it is going to continue to stay and be good!!! There will be little bumps along the way but that’s to be expected… knowing that I have r, my friends, and family by my side I know that together we can overcome anything!! There is nothing that we can’t handle!!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Grand!
Life is grand!! No matter how sarcastic it may sound I am being honest!! I would like to say, right now life is grand but looking at the big picture, life is grand!! There are some bumps along the way but for the most part, it’s awesome!! Things are just going so good!! Everything seems to be turning out the way we hoped it would! R and I have been planning… well, planning as much as you can really plan life… talking about our future I should say… I am so excited for us and what the future holds!! Years ago when we would talk about the future or I would think about it I would have never imagined that we are actually in the process of manifesting what we want out of life!!! It is truly incredible!! R and I are meeting with two guys Saturday morning regarding a future business opportunity!! That is so exciting!!! I am so happy!! last night when I was laying in bed before going to sleep I was thinking, I’ll probably be in a bad mood tomorrow because the Mavericks lost… but no, I wasn’t! in fact, this is probably the best mood I’ve been in all week, so far! Regarding the Mavericks…. I can’t believe they lost… and to the heat! If you would have asked me when the finals started who would win, I would have said, without a doubt, the Mavericks!! But then the heat turn around and win 4 games in a row!?!?! What is that about?!?! It sure is a good thing I’m not a gambling kind of woman!! But, in the big picture, it’s no big deal and it doesn’t affect me in the least… I just enjoy watching the nba finals….
Life is just rocking right along though… I’m reading The Tao of Pooh and it is so good!! It’s so truthful!! I have read it before but it didn’t really make much sense… I’m not sure if the other books that I’ve been reading have helped me understand it or if I’m just at that point in life where it is now making sense to me… either way, I’ll take it… I just need to learn to roll with the punches…. Take things as they come… life is always changing and contrary to what I used to believe, change isn’t always bad! I’m still a very “routine” kind of person but like I said, change can be good!!! I’m off to get my hair “did”…. More later~
Life is just rocking right along though… I’m reading The Tao of Pooh and it is so good!! It’s so truthful!! I have read it before but it didn’t really make much sense… I’m not sure if the other books that I’ve been reading have helped me understand it or if I’m just at that point in life where it is now making sense to me… either way, I’ll take it… I just need to learn to roll with the punches…. Take things as they come… life is always changing and contrary to what I used to believe, change isn’t always bad! I’m still a very “routine” kind of person but like I said, change can be good!!! I’m off to get my hair “did”…. More later~
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
-5lbs. = -44.5lbs
I went and weighed last night… I lost 5lbs for a total loss of 44.5lbs!! I am very excited!! And surprised since I had no motivation and didn’t track anything at all last week!! I bought the magazine while I was there though…. there was an article in it about motivation and the meetings… I know the meetings motivate me I just need to plan better so that I can and will stay for one! I need to snack on something light at work around 4 so that I’m not starving and will stay!! That’s the main reason I don’t stay, I’m so dang hungry!! Anywho, 44.5lbs!! that’s amazing!!
As for my mood.. I’m not in a good mood or a bad mood, as I told r last night, I’m just kinda existing right now… I’m here… I don’t have much of anything to say.… that’s about it…. I know staying for the meeting last night would have really helped me out but…. That’s ok though… r had me talking and laughing last night…. That helped my mood today, it is better than yesterday… besides that, well, I don’t guess I know anything…
As for my mood.. I’m not in a good mood or a bad mood, as I told r last night, I’m just kinda existing right now… I’m here… I don’t have much of anything to say.… that’s about it…. I know staying for the meeting last night would have really helped me out but…. That’s ok though… r had me talking and laughing last night…. That helped my mood today, it is better than yesterday… besides that, well, I don’t guess I know anything…
Monday, June 19, 2006
Monday (Again!)
It’s Monday, once again… not that it being Monday is a bad thing, I just wish it was about 2 Mondays from now…. Or at least one… vacation is coming up, the last day I’ll work will be june 30th… and then we’ll come back on july 10th…. I am so ready and looking forward to it… r is taking off that whole week too so we can just hang out and do whatever… I’m so excited that he’s going to be off too… the only downfall, I know that when Monday the 10th rolls around and it’s time to come back to work it’s going to be really hard… it was hard to come to work today… we had another exceptional weekend and I am just really missing him… and the kitties, even though they acted crazy all weekend long!! I know I’ve said it before but I don’t know how I could feel anymore love for him or how I could feel any closer to him but it keeps happening… I am so absolutely in love with him…. We just keep having these amazing times and talks… it’s amazing because I feel so comfortable with him and can tell him and talk to him about anything…. This is unconditional love and I am so lucky to feel this and to have someone feel this way about me…
This past week I didn’t write down/track anything I ate all week long…. In a way I feel guilty but then I keep asking myself, why should I feel guilty? I don’t know if it’s because my parents instilled in me a drive to never quit or because of what other people think…. Or maybe a combination of both… this past week I told myself, and r, repeatedly that I was going to weigh in and stay for the meeting tonight…. this morning I found myself not wanting to do anything… not wanting to go to work, to go weigh in tonight, or go to the meeting… I know that I will feel better after the meeting, I always do, it’s just the getting there that is a problem…. Maybe I should say, it’s making myself go that’s the problem!! This morning the scale said I lost, I’m not too worried about that though… if I can maintain and not gain I’ll be really happy!! i’m going to try to go tonight… I know people say that there is no such thing as trying… you either do or don’t…
Work called 3 times Friday night after I left… man, I feel guilty about that too… very guilty…. The first 2 times were because of my mistake…. Well, the 3rd one could be classified as my mistake too but…. I don’t know… that might have been one reason I was so dreading work this morning…. I didn’t notice that one of our guys didn’t get paid… well, he got a check, it just went to our other location, which is over 4 hours away… if I would have been paying attention I would have noticed that he didn’t get a check but I wasn’t… it’s really not that big of a deal, I just feel so bad…. Messing up people’s money really bothers me… I know that a lot of our guys live from paycheck to paycheck and they need what they are counting on…. my boss loaned him some money so like I said, it’s not really that big of a deal, but it’s still his money that I didn’t get here…
I didn’t realize until yesterday how many pills I’ve been taking lately… the pain pills I’m on because my body is physically addicted to them so I’m just going to wait until vacation and then get off of them… the other pills I take because of the pain pills… they help calm me down… yesterday though I was looking and realized that I need to cut back on the pill usage… I was going so good until my back started hurting me again…. my back is still hurting but to avoid being classified as a hypochondriac, I’ll blog it but not speak of it… I know, excuses excuses… I’m feeling super guilty today, like I have done something horribly wrong and I can’t think of anything that I have done to make me feel this way… I think pms is playing a big part in the way I feel today…. It’s either that or depression creeping back in…. I think I’m going to go with pms…. Well, the boss is here, more later…
This past week I didn’t write down/track anything I ate all week long…. In a way I feel guilty but then I keep asking myself, why should I feel guilty? I don’t know if it’s because my parents instilled in me a drive to never quit or because of what other people think…. Or maybe a combination of both… this past week I told myself, and r, repeatedly that I was going to weigh in and stay for the meeting tonight…. this morning I found myself not wanting to do anything… not wanting to go to work, to go weigh in tonight, or go to the meeting… I know that I will feel better after the meeting, I always do, it’s just the getting there that is a problem…. Maybe I should say, it’s making myself go that’s the problem!! This morning the scale said I lost, I’m not too worried about that though… if I can maintain and not gain I’ll be really happy!! i’m going to try to go tonight… I know people say that there is no such thing as trying… you either do or don’t…
Work called 3 times Friday night after I left… man, I feel guilty about that too… very guilty…. The first 2 times were because of my mistake…. Well, the 3rd one could be classified as my mistake too but…. I don’t know… that might have been one reason I was so dreading work this morning…. I didn’t notice that one of our guys didn’t get paid… well, he got a check, it just went to our other location, which is over 4 hours away… if I would have been paying attention I would have noticed that he didn’t get a check but I wasn’t… it’s really not that big of a deal, I just feel so bad…. Messing up people’s money really bothers me… I know that a lot of our guys live from paycheck to paycheck and they need what they are counting on…. my boss loaned him some money so like I said, it’s not really that big of a deal, but it’s still his money that I didn’t get here…
I didn’t realize until yesterday how many pills I’ve been taking lately… the pain pills I’m on because my body is physically addicted to them so I’m just going to wait until vacation and then get off of them… the other pills I take because of the pain pills… they help calm me down… yesterday though I was looking and realized that I need to cut back on the pill usage… I was going so good until my back started hurting me again…. my back is still hurting but to avoid being classified as a hypochondriac, I’ll blog it but not speak of it… I know, excuses excuses… I’m feeling super guilty today, like I have done something horribly wrong and I can’t think of anything that I have done to make me feel this way… I think pms is playing a big part in the way I feel today…. It’s either that or depression creeping back in…. I think I’m going to go with pms…. Well, the boss is here, more later…
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