it's been a while since i've written so i decided i needed to do that.... i've been sick this week... found out yesterday that i have strep throat and a sinus infection... that explains why i haven't been feeling good... but i got started on some antibiotics so it should be good from here on.... the dr. also told me that my cholesterol was high so i am now trying to lower it with diet and exercise, apparently she doesn't know me very well... diet and exercise!! r and i talked last night though and he needs to work on his cholesterol too so that's good, we're going to do it together... blah! it'll be ok though! i've been looking recipes up online today... looks like it's going to be low-fat and low-cholesterol.... and i do need to exercise... i'm hoping that i'll start feeling better (at least like doing something) so that maybe i can get some exercise, i know it will make me feel better! and now i should be doing it... ok, i should have been doing it all along but we're going to start fresh now.... r and i decided that we'll start the low cholesterol on sunday (i think we're going out to eat saturday night and i am so excited!! i hardly ate all week because my throat hurt so bad so now i am going crazy!)... i think it will be ok though, it will be better for both of us! things aren't going too bad right now... i've about given up on trying to get ahead but that's ok... i'm just going to try to take it one day at a time and see how that works... just deal with stuff as it comes along and try really hard to not get worked up over things that i don't have any control over... i'm off to work now!!

i was really hoping that i could come in here today and write about what a good weekend we had and that things were looking up but i can't... saturday night was fun, we went out to our friend's house and watched the nascar race.... the rest of the weekend was just blah though... today has been a not so good day so far too.... i've basically been in tears since i got up this morning... i was trying so hard not to cry last night before i went to bed so i guess i just saved it up.... i'm just so stressed about so much right now... i've been getting sick, i.e. throwing up.... i guess i'm way stressed.... hopefully things will start looking up....

this week really sucked... bad.... next week has to be better... i don't know if i can survive another 5 days like the last 4 have been... it's friday night, 7:17 and i'm sitting here... drinking.. i know, ironic considering what i've been writing about... i must say that i do know what lies in my future should i consider taking the path that grandma has taken... i would hate to do that to my family though... i'm super pissed at her and i've been unhappy with her for a long time... it just feels like you're already at the bottom and then more stuff happens!! it just keeps piling on! and you wonder, where did all this come from? what happened? am i such a bad, horrible person that all this should keep happening to me? poor r, he should get out while he still can!! i'm just very frustrated right now... and sad... momma told me that grandmas c's doctor diagnosed her as manic depressive bipolar... and we all know that i'm seeing a psychiatrist... let me tell you, i feel SOO good about myself right now... the bills keep piling in and up.... my insurance at work isn't that great, but at least i have some!, so i owe money to the clinic for lab work for my physical and to the hospital for my "epidural cortizone shots" for my herniated disc... does it ever end?!?!? at this point i think not... r and i are trying so hard to "do the right thing" and pay off our debt... we both have good cars.... and we're buying a house... but it just seems that we're being punished for trying to "do the right thing"....
on a totally different note, how do i let people get in my head and affect me so bad... i.e. grandma c.. i've only been unhappy with her for years can i not just let her go? all i want is to not let it bother me... not just her, most things... i want to be able to just let it roll off my back... no sweat... maybe that's why grandma drinks so much, to block out all the bad... ok, not good.... i'm trying to rationalize her behavior?!?!?! now this bothers me... does this mean i'm going to be like her? i already have enough of her disorders i don't really want anymore, thank you.... maybe she just angers me because i see what she's doing to my daddy... i don't know... all i know is that i think one of my biggest fears is to end up like her... momma will tell me stuff and i'm like, man, that sounds like me... not good... what to do.... i don't know what else to say at this point...

i talked to momma while i was at lunch today.... daddy is on his way home! i know he's happy.. he said that grandma refuses to get help, she doesn't think she needs it so that's all there is too it.. and she wants to know why did everyone turn against her like they did... no one even calls anymore?!?! well, imagine that!!! momma also said that my aunt, yes daddy's sister, has a tumor on her back that's been bothering her for a while... she kept putting her appointment with the neurosurgeon off but finally had to give in and go because the pain got so bad... they told her they could either give her chemo or a shot to shrink it... that doesn't sound too good.... i hope that everything is ok... too bad grandma c can't even act right... hopefully everything will be ok with my aunt.... the fun just keeps coming!

GOOD NEWS!!! the insurance adjustor called and we're meeting him at the house at 1:00 tomorrow to get our claim closed out and the check cut! maybe we can get an oven now! i kinda miss having an oven!!! hopefully this is a sign that things are looking up!!

before the "letter to grandma" i'm going to have to vent.... i've already been to tree time this morning... tree time is a way to try to calm down and relieve some stress... if i could take myself out of the stressful situation it would probably help more but i can't very well just leave work whenever it suits me.... even though my co-worker does... i am already all sorts of pissed off today because of him... i love my job! he just makes it so difficult for me.... it's like he tries his hardest to make my job as hard as possible... and it's not a hard job, it's just him.... he is so concerned with what everyone else is doing instead of being concerned with his job... if he would take care of himself and his duties we wouldn't have half of the messes that we run into.... but i guess that would be too simple.... i understand that he's old and angry but that's not my fault... i didn't make his life choices for him, he made them for himself... so he needs to quit acting like an ass to me because he's unhappy... and he proclaims to be such a "good christian man"... my ass!! he is such a hypocrite! it just kills me... he really reminds me of grandma c, which is why i think he bothers me so much.... i don't know if it was the era that they grew up in or what but man alive! he is wearing me out... most of the time now i can just laugh him off but lately he's really been getting under my skin.... maybe because of all this going on with grandma too... i don't know... all i know is that my boss wants me to basically double check him and keep him in line (as much as possible) and that makes him SO mad... i can't help it if the boss told me to make sure he's getting everything done.... that's between him and the boss... but me "checking up on him" makes him resent me even more... and i've already been "taking his duties"... well, maybe if he could handle them they wouldn't get passed along.... i need to pay bills but noticed when i got here this morning that he's STILL trying to get the bills in here so i can pay them.... i mean, he only had all day yesterday.... but he was busy doing nothing... he just angers me! i am really working on trying to keep my anger in check but it's so hard... for instance, i've had a check written for petty cash since tuesday morning... we now have $17 left in petty cash and i told him that this morning and he laughed and said, yeah, i guess i need to get down there.... no hurry though! if the boss comes in and we're out of petty cash it's my ass, not his... only this time, it's his.... he's the one who has had the check on his desk since tuesday morning.... i would be more than happy to go to the bank but that's "his job"... not mine... and heaven forbid i "steal another job from him".... everyone knows i'm not trustworthy enough to go to the bank.... but i do feel better knowing that i'm not the only person he's like this with.... he is like that with everyone! even our accountants... and the business has only been using the same accountant(s) since it opened.... a while back the newspaper printed a letter to the editor that i cut out and have been carrying around with me for about a month... it is too funny! and i wish there was a way i could put it on his desk without him knowing it was me... but he would since i read the paper every morning at work.... he just irritates me and like i said, i have been trying to keep my anger in check and under control but he just pushes my limits.... i'm going to go back to tree time for a little bit to try to cool off some more....

today has been a not so good day... but (and this is going to sound really bad) i know that daddy's day is probably going a whole hell of a lot worse than mine is.... actually i know his whole week, up until thursday, is going to be crummy.... and that makes me so sad for him.... the reason he's having such a bad week... he's on "vacation"... i say vacation like that because he is on vacation from work but he had to go see "the evil one"... aka grandma c.... in my opinion there are 2 kinds of "old" people in this world... the ones who are so super nice and act like a grandma to anyone and then the others... the mean ones, even to family and friends... and i'm not talking about being ugly i'm talking about down right evil (ok, more about grandma c)... yes, she is evil.... i know it's not nice to talk about people like that but that is the only word i can think of to describe her.... well, selfish would work too... alcoholic.... hateful.... maybe i can think of other words to describe her.... i don't know if i'll ever see her alive again, which doesn't make me sad.... i've been unhappy with her for about 5 years now.... i discovered that i was not happy with her and it's just gone downhill from there.... about 5 years ago around christmas time i wrote her a letter because i hadn't talked to her in a long time and things were going good in my life and i wanted to share the good things with her.... she told mom and dad that she really enjoyed hearing from me and to keep writing but she wasn't going to write back because she didn't want to "waste a stamp"... they were like $0.27 then.... or something crazy like that... so that made me feel good... not wanting to waste $0.27 on one of your grandchildren... thank you. i could feel the love... before my wedding she called (yes, she was drunk at the time but i didn't know about all this then, she calls when she's drinking (not me anymore), i guess she doesn't realize it's her money she's spending).... she was telling me that she had bought the most beautiful expensive dress and it was going to be the prettiest dress at my wedding... ok, well, that really hurt my feelings but i let it go, once again.... she ended up not showing up at my wedding and causing my aunt to not be able to come.... i wasn't mad that she wasn't able to come but i was so pissed about her making my aunt unable to come.... my aunt was driving down here with her... and my cousin and her two daughters had already left so auntie couldn't catch a ride with them... i think it was grandma's plan all along... she needs so much attention... she ended up breaking her shoulder around the time of my wedding but didn't realize it for about two weeks because she was so drunk all the time... when she talks about it though it was when she was "so sick"... it's hilarious, mom calls her out on it, no, you weren't sick, you were drunk.... grandma is so in denial it's not even funny... needless to say i see where all my "problems" come from... addictive personality.... mental disorders.... basically all the craziness.... and let me say this, i LOVE pills!!! and i know that is not such a good thing to say especially with the subject that i'm discussing now but it's the truth... if it wouldn't have been for the pills the past couple of weeks i don't know that i would still be halfway sane... or not have run away somewhere.... grandma is making daddy and his sister's life hell... along with momma's and some other family members... grandma is so drunk all the time that she is hallucinating.... everything from people watching her and breaking in to everyone conspiring against her.... she stays drunk 24/7... calls mom and dad at all hours of the night... starting calling grandma k the other day (mom quit answering the phone) telling her she needed to find mom or dad because it was an emergency... and then she never remembers calling... daddy said she had bruises all over her where she keeps falling in the house... her eye is scratched and black from where she fell and hit her head and broke her glasses.... daddy took her to the doctor yesterday, which he basically had to take her kicking and screaming, and went back to talk to the doctor with her.... the doctor determined that she is still legally able to make her own decisions and if she refuses treatment for anything the doctors cannot treat her... my aunt and daddy were trying to get a court order so they could put her in treatment... she was lucid and clearly responded to all the questions the doctor asked so she is still under her own judgement... what can you do though? the doctor diagnosed her with manic depressive bipolar disorder.... my psychiatrist has brought both of those up to me regarding me and my mental state.... but since she's been drinking as long and as heavily as she has her body composition has changed and is bringing out the worst of her... that's been scary! i thought i had already heard the worst i could hear... nope, it just keeps getting better and better.... she told the doctor that she was going to drink and smoke until she took her last breath and no one was going to change that.... the doctor also thinks she might have some brain damage due to the heavy drinking.... she is causing my aunt and daddy so much heartache and grief it's not even funny.... and she thinks that everything is just fine and can't understand why everyone is so mad... in her mind she's in the right and everyone is just being mean to her when she's "so sick"... about four (that i know of) family members have quit talking to her because of her drinking and the way she's acting... and these are people that thought she was the world's greatest grandma who could never do any wrong.... i personally think she's a selfish bitch who deserves whatever comes her way... i know that sounds bad but i am trying really hard to forgive her and just let it go but this hatred (?) towards her has become such a part of me that it is so hard to just let it go... she is just a sick twisted individual.... i almost want to feel sorry for her but then i think about my aunt and daddy and get mad at her.... her actions are tearing my daddy up and i hate that.... what i dislike even more is that daddy hasn't been honest with me about her.... he says she's just acting crazy for some reason... momma has been filling me in on all this... daddy doesn't want us to think bad about her... shoot, i've thought bad about her for a long time... i don't think daddy knows that i know the truth... i just hate to see what she's doing to daddy... it's even worse for my aunt though, she lives on the same land as grandma... grandma has no idea what she's doing to my aunt or to daddy... and even if she did know she wouldn't recognize her as being the problem... there is way much more to the story, i'm just giving some of the highlights... well, that i can remember right now... today has been a long stressful day.... tomorrow though there will be more... and i'm going to "blog" her a letter... i'm not mailing it, i talked to mom about that and she said she doesn't think that grandma is any state to even try to comprehend what the letter would say... she would be all, why is she mad? what did i do? so, instead of "wasting" $0.37 on her plus paper and pen costs i'm just going to blog it.... i am hoping and praying that blogging it will help me just let her go.... and forgive her... even though i don't want too.... but i know that not forgiving her is hurting me more than her... she probably doesn't even know (or care) that i'm mad at her.... so i do realize that i need to let her go and forgive her.... and i do realize that pills are a problem but lately man they have been lifesavers.... i have no doubt in my mind that when the time comes (for real!) i can and will kick them.... right now though, don't even think about it... the pills are my survival tool... today is almost over so i'm about to shut it down for now.... but i am blogging my letter to grandma c tomorrow... that makes me nervous and makes my tummy hurt but it shouldn't... it's not like she's ever going to see it... and even if she did it's not like she would probably understand it... until tomorrow....

it's a good thing today started out so good... if my whole day had gone this good i probably would have gone home for lunch and not come back... let me say, i HATE a typewriter... not hate but HATE... and i don't feel bad hating a typewriter because it's an inanimate object and doesn't have feelings anyways.... work would be so much less stressful if i didn't have to deal with a typewriter... but unless we can get rid of the carbon copies i don't see that happening.... a dot matrix printer would work but i'm not going to ask.... the typewriter place is bringing me another loaner.... this will be my 3rd loaner while my typewriter has been in the shop.... oh please let my typewriter come back fixed and soon!! this is my wish!!! i'm wondering now if i should be a little bit worried about the typewriter that they're bringing me... they had to go look to see if they had another loaner.... and the one i have, well, it's a late 80's model... i think all typewriters should be burned!!!

it is tuesday after labor day and i sure am tired but did enjoy the long weekend... i got a lot of stuff done and even relaxed a bit.... it was nice to have a long weekend with nothing pressing to do.... i thought that i would be covered up at work this week but so far things seem to be going really well.... i think i'm actually already caught up!
i would like to say that yesterday was my best friend k's birthday... she finally turned the big 27!! i know she'll be excited to see that in here!! i just want to take a minute to tell her how awesome she is.... she is such a wonderful person.... every year she helps out at the MDA telethon... there aren't very many people i know that would take their day off from work to volunteer at a telethon... especially the hours she puts in!! she is such a giving person and would do anything for anyone... there aren't very many people like that anymore... (at least that don't expect something in return!) k has to be the most wonderful person that i know.... she gives, volunteers, and donates like there is nothing to it... she has inspired me to try to be a better person and i am seriously considering volunteering at the telethon next year.... i know it would be a very rewarding and enlightning experience...

well, sometimes it seems that everything happens for a reason... maybe there was a reason i wasn't supposed to get another loaner typewriter.... this one is SO old... i know, all typewriters are old, for the most part, but man, this one doesn't even have a memory... i know, spoiled brat! but as many invoices and delivery tickets as i type up, whew, well, i probably don't have to worry about getting bored.... i should have plenty of typing to do!! nuts! i guess i should remember this the next time that i want to complain.... mom just sent me an email asking if i was ok... she said that her and daddy are worried about me... is it that obvious that something is wrong? i talked to momma for about 10 minutes monday night and that was the first time i've talked to them since last tuesday..... apparently i'm very good at concealing my true feelings.... whatever!

so i was going back and re-reading my blog and what i've posted recently... i wonder, do you think i have an anger problem? um, yeah, slightly... but i think that recognizing that you do have a problem is the first step toward solving it... the way i feel, at least i'm not in denial.... yeah, so i have an anger problem.... and things haven't been going to good lately but that's ok, they have to get better.... work is better, i'm going to exchange my loaner typewriter for another loaner... hopefully this one will work... otherwise i may just lose it.... after i'm done with payroll today i don't have much else to do... hopefully i can find something to do or else it will be a long afternoon.... my mood is improving, slowly, but it is improving.... that's a start... more later i suppose...

life is still sucking and so is work now... i was in a fine mood until i got here and started using my broke ass loaner typewriter... the pills really help me get in a good mood, until someone really pisses me off... i guess courtney out of control would be a much more appropriate title for my blog... for about the past two weeks i've had a loaner typewriter for my typewriter.... about a week and a half ago the loaner started messing up... it's been messing up way worse than my original one... yes, i still have to use a typewriter.... i know, dinosaur ages... anyways, i keep asking my co-worker if he has called about my typewriter since my loaner is messing up... he has called once and is now sitting in there with his head down on his desk doing nothing... all i'm saying is that i'm not in the mood for this... using this typewriter slows me down considerably and is a very big inconvenience... it's almost easier to just do everything by hand, but he prefers it typed.... he better watch out or this loaner typewriter may be going thru something... like, the door, the window of his car, whatever i chose.... don't funk with me right now, i am not in a good mood, haven't been and am in no mood to deal with crap from anyone, especially my co-worker... it's like he tries to make my life as difficult as possible... bullsh*t!!! of course it doesn't matter to him, all of his crap is working fine... but if it was his he would be freaking out and on the repair people everyday!!! screw you!!!

life has been sucking lately... so as of now i'm back on the pills... funk it... does it really matter anyways? right now, nope. i just wish i wasn't such a freaking headcase!

so far today i have absolutely nothing to do and i am dead tired... what i would give to be able to take a nap right now... but that's ok, it's almost lunch and that means the day is half over... hopefully the afternoon will fly by... my mission today is to buy the book the Celestine Prophecy... my chiropractor recommended it to me and i am very excited about it... it is a self help book to help you figure out what makes you happy.... i realized yesterday that i am not going to be able to go to school this semester... i went by to talk to the graduate coordinator yesterday before work and one class out of the five that i could take in the fall was open... and there were only 2 spots left open in it... i tried to register but the website told me that the class was full... oh well, we didn't have the money for me to go anyways, not after the fire disaster... and i'm still paying on my back... but that's ok, my back hasn't been bothering me so i'm not going to complain... hopefully this last set of shots and the chiropractor have done the trick.. that would be nice... so i am sitting here with 5 1/2 hours left before it's time to go... i'm glad i don't have this much free time every day or i would be so bored! but every once in a while is good! it's nice to have a break! our dryer was delivered on tuesday so that has been taken care of... we're waiting now to see what the insurance is going to do but we really need to get an oven.... i didn't realize how much i actually used the oven.. and i don't even cook much! more later...

i don't really know where to start.... this hasn't been a bad week at all... monday was good and well, today has been good.... nothing exciting has been going on but with all the "excitement" last week with the house i don't know how much more i could handle.... things are just moving along though... our new dryer was delivered today.... we still need to go oven shopping but we're waiting to see how much money we're going to get from the insurance company... i had no idea appliances were so expensive! anyways, more later, off to work some!!

i must say that today has turned out to be a good day!! r and i are going dryer shopping tonight, hopefully! our insurance agent told us to save all our receipts and they would reimburse us... that makes me feel better.... but today got good! i don't know why or whatever but i don't really care! it got good and that's what matters!! hopefully we will be able to make a little progress on the house this weekend... we need to get our list made for the insurance adjustor so that he can reimburse us for our loss....

this has been a very LONG week.... monday started out ok, not great but ok.... tuesday morning early our tree and/or driveway were struck by lightning.... i woke up about 5:00 in the morning because murphy decided it was play time.... got up, went to the restroom and was about to go back to bed when i thought i heard water dripping in the house... for those of you who know the house, we've had some problems with a leaky ceiling... i went into the kitchen and there was water dripping out of the vent but the oven was also on fire... i screamed for r, he came running in there after i shouted fire, and he used the fire extinguisher on the oven.... the extinguisher ran out and the oven was still on fire but luckily it burned out... that was so scary! in my mind i was already formulating a plan to get the kitties out of the house and it was pouring sheets of rain outside.... it turns out that the lightning hit the tree, followed the roots to the driveway, ran up the driveway because of the rebar, broke concrete off the side of the driveway and up by the garage, into the house, pictures fell off the walls, and caught the oven on fire... initially we thought that it was just the oven and microwave that were damaged but that turned out not to be the case.... the oven, microwave, garbage disposal, light above the sink, dishwasher, tv, dvr player, and dryer are not working... or are not working as they were... i think that's everything.... needless to say this has been a most stressful week for me... tuesday morning on the way to work i took a xanax.... i guess the reality of what had happened had set in and i was bawling.... the electrician came yesterday and fixed the plugs that had burt up and checked out the breaker box... turns out the breaker box wasn't grounded and if it would have been none of this would have happened.... warning- before you buy a house make sure the breaker box is grounded! the inspectors are supposed to check this out (but sometimes they don't....)... i also made fun of the fire extinguisher when we moved in, i kept saying, let's get rid of this, we don't need it... now, i was so glad we had it and will buy another one! the stress of the lightning, maybe (?) going back to school, and being behind at work has caught up to me... i am way stressed... i thought that i might not be able to go back to school because of finances well, now it's really looking that way.... insurance will pay for everything but they won't pay for the full replacement value of it... i guess you could say they pay fair market value.... so now, i'm back on the xanax.... i'm not sure if it was a wise move or not but i absolutely could not take anymore.... r is right, i should rename my blog to courtney out of control.... that is much more appropriate... especially now... i just feel like everything is surreal right now.... is this really happening? it could have been worse and i just have to keep telling myself that... at least the r and kitties weren't hurt! i'm really glad that i decided to get up that night to go to the bathroom, otherwise i don't know what would have happened.... but like i keep trying to tell myself, everything happens for a reason... maybe this happened so that we would know the breaker box wasn't grounded so that the house wouldn't burn down.... i'm trying to stay positive and off the meds but man, this has been a killer week.... way too much stress!!! the pictures that i posted show what the lightning did to the grass, to the cement by the garage (that hole wasn't there!), and to the oven....

well, it's monday again.... so far it's been a monday.... i've been very down and sad lately and i don't know why... i thought that on friday it was just because of my doctor's appointment but i am still down and sad... i don't know what the problem is, only that it's frustrating me to no end... and stressing me out because i am always worrying why i'm sad.... i don't know if it's being off the meds or what....
i got my acceptance letter to school to finish my master's degree and i don't know if i'm going to be able to go financially... i keep on getting more and more bills for the last set of epidural cortizone shots that i had done... i only have to pay 20% but right now that's overwhelming... on top of my chiropractor bill.... once again, all i want to do is go home, get in bed, and cry... hopefully the day will get better though.... and if the day doesn't get better maybe the week will.... i keep telling myself to just think positive!! so that's what i'm doing.... and i've added some positive thoughts that i really like and am going to try to instill in myself!! no more being sad!! (we'll see how it goes!)

Positive Thoughts:
What you think about is what you get. My thoughts are powerful and therefore I choose them carefully.

Whatever you say, if you believe it, will come to pass in your life. Choose your words and beliefs carefully. I say and believe only those things I wish to create in my life.

Being conscious of your thoughts is the first step in transforming your reality. I AM conscious of my thoughts and I easily replace them with thoughts that create the life I desire.

well, it's friday... thankfully! so far today hasn't been as good as i had hoped it would be... right now i just want to go hide under the covers and cry... i don't know why, it may have something to do with going to see the psychiatrist this morning, he usually makes me sad.. i don't know if that's supposed to happen or not but it does... not every time, just most of the time.... anyways, hopefully today will get better, after all, it's friday and we have a fun weekend planned...

so today has taken a turn for the better.... ever since i quit taking my meds my moods have been so unpredictable.... and can change at the drop of a hat... but, that is something that i can work on... and maybe incorporating better coping skills into my life will help that.... but dealing with life with no meds sucks.... they say hindsight is 20/20 and they are right! if i had known then what i know now i probably wouldn't have ever started taking xanax.... the pain pills probably so because my back was hurting me so bad but the xanax, knowing how difficult it would be to get off of them, no way!!! they're always in the back of my mind, just take a xanax, you'll calm down... all day every day.... i haven't been sleeping good at night and when i do finally get to sleep i have nightmares... i'm not sure if this is because my body is not filled with pills and it has no idea still how to react... and admitting that i have a problem with pills is not easy.... i thought people judged me before when i was on them now only a few people really know what's going on.... this absolutely sucks... i had no idea that mentally and emotionally withdrawals could (and would be) so difficult... i read that most people are just mentally addicted to xanax but for me it's not just mental, it's physical as well... the throwing up, feeling like you're getting the flu, and just basically feeling like crap all the time... and you KNOW that if you could just take one little pill all the bad nasty feelings would go away.... that is the hardest part, knowing that you can make it go away but at the same time you can't.... just one little pill would take care of it but that one little pill is what got me here in the first place... so, to all of you who know me, bear with me... this is and has been a difficult 3 weeks.... it will get better, i do have faith in that! and it can't last forever!! (i hope!!)
so, my friend that inspired me to start a blog is still dieting and i am super proud of her... she is doing the "jessica simpson" diet, i don't know what else to call it.. and i am thinking that i would like to do that... besides, i need to replace taking a pill with something and it might as well be something healthy like eating better and getting exercise..... i think i'm going to give it a shot! it can't hurt anything!! and i'm worried about my health... i have a dr.'s appt. next thursday with my new doctor and i am going to see if she will give me a complete physical... i have been so unhappy with my old family doctor for so long.... and he made me feel like everything was in my head and that there was nothing wrong with me.... and i've learned that you need to be able to trust your doctor... my awesome chiropractor told me that... and she is very knowledgeable.... i have learned a lot of things over the past 3 weeks.... i know the areas that i need to work on and i am going to do that... i know i can do this! i just have to keep a positive attitude about it!! and yes, there will be bad days but that's ok, i can overcome them! i have an excellent group of friends and family that i know i can count on!